Why are straight men so afraid of us?

[Petallways]

I have definitely seen some hatred towards me because I’m gay. I don’t understand why they even care about my orientation or who I actually am. It’s their problem, not mine!

 

[Petallways]

I love who I am no matter what others think. The ones that are hateful are probably the ones that think about cock.

 

[BiBtm64]

I've grown up surrounded by a lot of homophobia in a small rural town and I think there are several reasons. Maybe not all apply to all men.

Group identity and social pressure to push back against perceived threats to traditional views of masculinity. Some straight men equate being a "real man" with heterosexuality, toughness emotional distance and dominance. Gay men provoke a sense of anxiety to that idea and become an easy target for hate. Male peer groups (particularly reinforced during adolescence) reinforce open hostility toward gays and a means to strengthen their perceived identity with their peer group.

Fear of being an object of desire: let's face it - you wouldn't let most straight men fuck you, would you? You have standards. But as soon as they know or suspect you're gay, they think you're eyeing them off and thinking sexual things about them. It's pretty hypocritical, to be honest, as they openly leer at women, irrespective of how they feel about it. I know for a fact some women enjoy the attention, others feel threatened, depending on the situation. So if a guy thinks you find him attractive and finds that uncomfortable, the problem is in his head, not yours.

Cultural or religious beliefs.

Latent homosexuality or feeling of insecurity about their own identity, like you suggest: they might have feelings deep down, which they've suppressed or are confused about, especially when surrounded by male group peer pressure. Hatred can be a psychological defense mechanism: "I'm not like that, so I'm against it and him".

Visibility of outdoor/public sex and cruising culture: when straight men go to the toilet to take a leak, they generally don't want to find holes drilled in the wall or, worse, see two guys going at it. Or in parks or forests where people go for a run, walk their dog, even with their kids. Guys say (and I've heard it said) "some things can't be unseen". We have a responsibility to be discreet about our outdoor activity and not give the wider community reasons to hate us or react and lash out in these settings. In my local areas there are trails in the forests where people don't go - maybe they know or suspect what happens and stay away. Don't get me wrong - outdoor sex with a random stranger is wild, exciting, and I love it. We need to be going where we know we won't be seen.

I definitely think it's changed over time and is changing for the better, at least in my country, I can't talk for how it is in conservative parts of the US. When men are emotionally mature, secure and comfortable in their own skin, they tend not to care about what other consenting adults do with each other in private. Like in Australia when we voted in favour of same sex marriage in 2017.

So yes, love who you are, and good on you for it. You should have nothing to fear or be ashamed of, but for your own safety and wellbeing it's worth understanding some of the reasons why we are hated by a few.

 

[Petallways]

I've grown up surrounded by a lot of homophobia in a small rural town and I think there are several reasons. Maybe not all apply to all men.

Group identity and social pressure to push back against perceived threats to traditional views of masculinity. Some straight men equate being a "real man" with heterosexuality, toughness emotional distance and dominance. Gay men provoke a sense of anxiety to that idea and become an easy target for hate. Male peer groups (particularly reinforced during adolescence) reinforce open hostility toward gays and a means to strengthen their perceived identity with their peer group.

Fear of being an object of desire: let's face it - you wouldn't let most straight men fuck you, would you? You have standards. But as soon as they know or suspect you're gay, they think you're eyeing them off and thinking sexual things about them. It's pretty hypocritical, to be honest, as they openly leer at women, irrespective of how they feel about it. I know for a fact some women enjoy the attention, others feel threatened, depending on the situation. So if a guy thinks you find him attractive and finds that uncomfortable, the problem is in his head, not yours.

Cultural or religious beliefs.

Latent homosexuality or feeling of insecurity about their own identity, like you suggest: they might have feelings deep down, which they've suppressed or are confused about, especially when surrounded by male group peer pressure. Hatred can be a psychological defense mechanism: "I'm not like that, so I'm against it and him".

Visibility of outdoor/public sex and cruising culture: when straight men go to the toilet to take a leak, they generally don't want to find holes drilled in the wall or, worse, see two guys going at it. Or in parks or forests where people go for a run, walk their dog, even with their kids. Guys say (and I've heard it said) "some things can't be unseen". We have a responsibility to be discreet about our outdoor activity and not give the wider community reasons to hate us or react and lash out in these settings. In my local areas there are trails in the forests where people don't go - maybe they know or suspect what happens and stay away. Don't get me wrong - outdoor sex with a random stranger is wild, exciting, and I love it. We need to be going where we know we won't be seen.

I definitely think it's changed over time and is changing for the better, at least in my country, I can't talk for how it is in conservative parts of the US. When men are emotionally mature, secure and comfortable in their own skin, they tend not to care about what other consenting adults do with each other in private. Like in Australia when we voted in favour of same sex marriage in 2017.

So yes, love who you are, and good on you for it. You should have nothing to fear or be ashamed of, but for your own safety and wellbeing it's worth understanding some of the reasons why we are hated by a few.

This is a thoughtful response that deserves a bigger audience than just my post. I am thankful for people like you and appreciate what you’re saying in your post.

 

[AuldFart]

I have definitely seen some hatred towards me because I’m gay. I don’t understand why they even care about my orientation or who I actually am. It’s their problem, not mine!

They are afraid that we will treat them the way that they treat women.