its not as if i'm trying too hard. maybe thats the problem. its just that i'm 19 and while i have an amazing family, and a couple of great friends, there's just one thing thats missing that i want, no i need, a boyfriend. someone to love and who will love me. and be my strength when i need it. i'm tired of being alone. i'm not even asking to find my soul mate although if he turns out to be my soul mate, thats even better. i don't wanna sound desperate because its not like i'm gonna automatically be with any man that wants to be with me. i have preferences but its not too long of a list, just the basic stuff good looking charming funny smart, you know. when everywhere you look you see people "in love" and happy, it really shows you how much you need that for yourself. people say be patient but for how long. i don't want to be alone the next 5 years still waiting for that one special guy to come into my life. i want to experience young love, the kind of care free love that comes with with being young. one reason i'm so impatient is because i feel i'm missing out on that and before i know it it will be too late to have it. i see my friends have it and i get so, not jealous, but sad thinking why can't i have that. i know i'm attractive and i'm a caring loving person so whats the problem? i am working on my weight which has slipped over the past few years. i now weight 210 . i can remember getting more attention 3-5 years ago when i was smaller. i'll admit i don't get out as much as i used to but still what can i do. any tips on what to do or what i'm doing wrong.
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Why Can't I Get A Man?
- Thread starter OTHFan
- Start date
G-Lexington
Lex. Icon. Devil.
Two things stand out in your post that I think are worth mentioning.
>>>there's just one thing thats missing that i want, no i need, a boyfriend.
>>>when everywhere you look you see people "in love" and happy, it really shows you how much you need that for yourself.
Judging from your post, the actual guy doesn't seem of interest to you so long as "you gotta boyfriend".
I knew this woman who had been planning her wedding for years and years. She knew just what it would look like, and just how it would go, right down to the precise shade of blue the flowers would be next to the aisles. The only thing missing was a groom. And when she found a guy, that's all that seemed to matter to her - that he'd fit into this fairytale wedding of hers. I figured the day after, he could probably just pack up and split because he'd fulfilled his purpose.
I don't see you precisely in the same spot, but there's still that vague idea. Like you're walking around with your arm out, and a sign saying "Insert boyfriend here". And that's not how relationships work. Yes, being in a good relationship is fantastic. But being in a bad one is a nightmare. And a lot of people end up in bad ones because they think they just gotta be in one.
Good relationships are built from the ground up. You meet a guy, you hit it off with him, you learn more about him, and you start building a relationship together. Ten years ago, if I had to picture me in a great relationship, I wouldn't have drawn the one I'm in now, and I doubt my partner would've, either. But we built it together, and I think it's a great one. Like all relationships, there are problems, but we try to work on them.
And yes, being in a good relationship is wonderful, but you don't "need that for yourself". It's not like a nice car, where you see someone driving one and say, "Hm, I'm gonna get me one of those." You can aspire to have one, but it's not like you can swing by the dealership and pick one up.
So what to do? Just remain open. Keep meeting people. Don't go out looking for the "perfect guy", 'cause he ain't out there. Just meet folks, get to know them, and don't cast folks aside just because they're not "boyfriend material". Some might just be good for casual acquaintences - someone you can BS about football with, or whatever. Fine. You can always use more of those. Some might be good friend-material. Cool. Develop a friendship with them. And a few you might click with - you'll find you're "on the same page", and your personalities seem to mesh really well. That's what you're looking for.
Lex
>>>there's just one thing thats missing that i want, no i need, a boyfriend.
>>>when everywhere you look you see people "in love" and happy, it really shows you how much you need that for yourself.
Judging from your post, the actual guy doesn't seem of interest to you so long as "you gotta boyfriend".
I knew this woman who had been planning her wedding for years and years. She knew just what it would look like, and just how it would go, right down to the precise shade of blue the flowers would be next to the aisles. The only thing missing was a groom. And when she found a guy, that's all that seemed to matter to her - that he'd fit into this fairytale wedding of hers. I figured the day after, he could probably just pack up and split because he'd fulfilled his purpose.
I don't see you precisely in the same spot, but there's still that vague idea. Like you're walking around with your arm out, and a sign saying "Insert boyfriend here". And that's not how relationships work. Yes, being in a good relationship is fantastic. But being in a bad one is a nightmare. And a lot of people end up in bad ones because they think they just gotta be in one.
Good relationships are built from the ground up. You meet a guy, you hit it off with him, you learn more about him, and you start building a relationship together. Ten years ago, if I had to picture me in a great relationship, I wouldn't have drawn the one I'm in now, and I doubt my partner would've, either. But we built it together, and I think it's a great one. Like all relationships, there are problems, but we try to work on them.
And yes, being in a good relationship is wonderful, but you don't "need that for yourself". It's not like a nice car, where you see someone driving one and say, "Hm, I'm gonna get me one of those." You can aspire to have one, but it's not like you can swing by the dealership and pick one up.
So what to do? Just remain open. Keep meeting people. Don't go out looking for the "perfect guy", 'cause he ain't out there. Just meet folks, get to know them, and don't cast folks aside just because they're not "boyfriend material". Some might just be good for casual acquaintences - someone you can BS about football with, or whatever. Fine. You can always use more of those. Some might be good friend-material. Cool. Develop a friendship with them. And a few you might click with - you'll find you're "on the same page", and your personalities seem to mesh really well. That's what you're looking for.
Lex
another thing i need to work on is letting my guard down. i've been hurt before so i'm apprehensive about who i meet because i don't know how they will treat me. i think i let a lot of great opportunities with great guys go by but then again, it seems as if every single man here is 100% straight. even the guy i was talking about in the "reaccy cute guy" thread, i found him today hand in hand with this pretty girl so thats yet another possibility axed now. its kinda hard to start a relationship with someone when you know it will never go past a friendship. this is what worries me. of course i care about who he is thats whats most important but i'm afraid there's no one here for me to even have a boyfriend relationship with, no one i could even try to start something with. so many guys i get interested in and then see them with their girlfriends or hear them talk about girls they like and i'm just crushed. i always was too nervous about trying online dating but maybe i should check it out. i've been hesitant because people can lie on the internet, pretend to be someone else entirely so i would have to make sure thie person was who they say they were and were being honest.
Alive and Free
Sex God
I feel your pain !
OTH, its like ur in my brain, saying my thoughts! 
spreadeagle
JUB Addict
If 'everywhere you look you see people "in love" and happy' then you're coming from a position of lack. Other people's togetherness is triggering your own sense of isolation and aloneness.
Because the subconscious does not distinguish between thought supported by strong feeling and reality it believes the thought' I am alone' to be the truth and continues to manifest it in your life.
The solution lies in experiencing gratitude for all the positive things that are happening in your life. When you think 'I'm incomplete - I can't get what I want' your subconscious says, 'That's right' and provides more evidence. When you think 'I have a full and wonderful life with so much to be grateful for' then your subconscious says 'That's right' and provides more evidence.
Because the subconscious does not distinguish between thought supported by strong feeling and reality it believes the thought' I am alone' to be the truth and continues to manifest it in your life.
The solution lies in experiencing gratitude for all the positive things that are happening in your life. When you think 'I'm incomplete - I can't get what I want' your subconscious says, 'That's right' and provides more evidence. When you think 'I have a full and wonderful life with so much to be grateful for' then your subconscious says 'That's right' and provides more evidence.
TechPepsi
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I totally feel your pain, I am at the age of 29. Soon to be 30, in 2 months, and still single.. I have tried the classifieds on craigslist, myspace. I do not want to try paid personals, if I did I am sure I would get the same results. For those who seen a pic of me.. I am not good looking, to some says I am. Well to the ones I talked with, doesn't believe I sent an actual picture of me. They think I am joking! To know what I look like go to either myspace profile or look up my pics in JUB I think I have some, if not then email me and I will do that.
To get down to it, I have a rare syndrome, it effects my appearance My looks, since I can not do what most people likes to do is smile...or wink or blink. Try living with something that prevents from you doing that expression... BUT if anyone has seen my artwork, I mentioned I was an artist. With the most horrible vision ever, i am ONE hell of an artist <link>. Besides the disability that I have, I am well known to be the most nicest guy around, I am kind, sweet. handsome (from my family and some friends), adoring and very caring
Looking for someone that is kind, sweet. handsome. Adoring and very caring! Then your the one for me... I like to find someone that would go past what I look like and see what my heart is about... That is what it means to me... is the heart...
Being lonely is not fun, I should know I lived my whole entire life being one. First of all, everyone knows that I am out. And yes I live with my parents and I know that is an anvil to the ankle.. being the only gay son, I know.. its hard. Nothing i can do about it, just sit and wait... for my prince...
ABBA has it right, the song gimme gimme gimme (a man after midnight) "chasing the shadows away..." Not that I have any following me.. but never the less...
i too feel lonely but I try to make the best of things...
-TechPepsi©-
To get down to it, I have a rare syndrome, it effects my appearance My looks, since I can not do what most people likes to do is smile...or wink or blink. Try living with something that prevents from you doing that expression... BUT if anyone has seen my artwork, I mentioned I was an artist. With the most horrible vision ever, i am ONE hell of an artist <link>. Besides the disability that I have, I am well known to be the most nicest guy around, I am kind, sweet. handsome (from my family and some friends), adoring and very caring
Looking for someone that is kind, sweet. handsome. Adoring and very caring! Then your the one for me... I like to find someone that would go past what I look like and see what my heart is about... That is what it means to me... is the heart...
Being lonely is not fun, I should know I lived my whole entire life being one. First of all, everyone knows that I am out. And yes I live with my parents and I know that is an anvil to the ankle.. being the only gay son, I know.. its hard. Nothing i can do about it, just sit and wait... for my prince...
ABBA has it right, the song gimme gimme gimme (a man after midnight) "chasing the shadows away..." Not that I have any following me.. but never the less...
i too feel lonely but I try to make the best of things...
-TechPepsi©-
BabiGayPimp
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OTHFan I hear you. I know it's difficult to sit in these dark movie theaters by yourself while couples around you cuddle and giggle.
But remember this: If you can BE a man, you've got a man. That man is YOU!
Start from there and I'm confident you'll find someone, perhaps MANY someones who will value that strength.
You're very young and have lovelights shining ahead of you. "When the student is ready, the master will appear!"
"Wait patiently for love. One day it will surely come."
But remember this: If you can BE a man, you've got a man. That man is YOU!
Start from there and I'm confident you'll find someone, perhaps MANY someones who will value that strength.
You're very young and have lovelights shining ahead of you. "When the student is ready, the master will appear!"
"Wait patiently for love. One day it will surely come."
gameboy 11
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Dude. We are the same exact person, aren't we?
I have no social life, but I'm caring. I am also giving and good looking. But I'm also heavier than I've ever been and people only glance every once in a while.
As far as advice goes, I guess just continue to be yourself. Next time you go shopping in Wal-Mart or something like that, if you feel you can't be single any longer (I'm with you, trust me), be a bit bold, strike up a convo with a cute or mildly cute stranger, and see what happens. If it seems that he's gay/bi, or a bit feminine, don't be afraid to flirt.
Now all I need to do is take my own adventure!
<------------- If that's not the cutest little emoticon, I don't know what the heck is!!!!!! =D
P.S. These days I hate when people say, "Oh, it'll happen when it's time." That shit is for suckers. We need to make moves! Dunno bout you but I like to check guys out at Wal-Mart!!
I have no social life, but I'm caring. I am also giving and good looking. But I'm also heavier than I've ever been and people only glance every once in a while.
As far as advice goes, I guess just continue to be yourself. Next time you go shopping in Wal-Mart or something like that, if you feel you can't be single any longer (I'm with you, trust me), be a bit bold, strike up a convo with a cute or mildly cute stranger, and see what happens. If it seems that he's gay/bi, or a bit feminine, don't be afraid to flirt.
Now all I need to do is take my own adventure!
<------------- If that's not the cutest little emoticon, I don't know what the heck is!!!!!! =DP.S. These days I hate when people say, "Oh, it'll happen when it's time." That shit is for suckers. We need to make moves! Dunno bout you but I like to check guys out at Wal-Mart!!