Why do some gay men refer to themselves and other men as if they were women?

[Latimer]

I don't know, nor have I ever personally known any gay men who refer to themselves and other men by female nouns and pronouns. I don't understand what purpose is served, and why doing so would appeal to anyone.

 

[cityboy-stl]

I never have personally as a serious reference to myself. I used to hear that more when I was younger, or maybe I'm just more out of the gay community now. But even then, it was more lingo or slang rather than a serious reference. However, I'll still do it sometimes when I want to make a point, or just for fun. Like calling Lindsey Graham "Miss Lindsey", or calling a good friend "girlfriend".

 

[m1thousand]

I dont understand the whole female thing. Youre gay. Why are you calling yourself 'girl', or dressing up like a female? Lesbians arent dressing up like males (except for a few)

 

[cabinfever]

I used to hear a specific type of gay man do this 24/7 but I never hung around them because they are also the type to rip other people apart for their looks or clothes and it sickens me to listen to that kind of crap and that bothered me more than them referring to the guys they were talking about and themselves as "she".

 

[Charon]

Not into that either.

Lesbians arent dressing up like males (except for a few)

More like a lot, lmao. Wonder how many of them call each other "dude" or "bro."

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

t's an expression, a colloquialism, a joke. Any other mysteries of the universe I can solve for you? Gimme a hard one.

 

[HoodedRat]

I've often wondered why they do it.

Immaturity; perhaps? It seems very childish.

Or maybe they think it is witty and entertaining; it's not.

Much like drag, and other types of 'womanface', it seems like another form of insulting misogyny.

It's like a throwback to the pre-60s; we've moved on since then.


Note: There are loads of long-winded, pretentious articles online with explanations for why some gay men still do this.

 

[ShadowCat]

I'll do this to be silly, mainly around my ma & pa (course they just think im being quirky and i'm not actually gay (*Gomer Pyles voice here Suprise suprise suprise!) i'll say shit like if they are impressed by something il'll say "well sure this bitch knows what she's doing" or refer to myself as a dainty little lady (usually right after a loud n lengthy fart) kind of like just opposite shit to break the monotony! Do I occasionally wear nail polish yes, do I like watching acrylic nails be applied and airbrushed sure (kind of fun n kooky) do i wear makeup NO, want to wear womens clothes NO want to be a woman NOOOO! Do I do it for fun sure Like i'll occasionally call my dad ma'am or my ma sir, I do it to be fun and kind of a pain in the ass!

 

[Dominus]

To be silly in a friendly way. I assure you. I'm 100% male totally into 100% maleness.

 

[m1thousand]

(*Gomer Pyles voice here Suprise suprise suprise!

lol

 

[Vannie]

I've often wondered why they do it.

Immaturity; perhaps? It seems very childish.

Or maybe they think it is witty and entertaining; it's not.

Hey Sis

I've often wondered why they do it.

Immaturity; perhaps? It seems very childish.

Or maybe they think it is witty and entertaining; it's not.

Much like drag, and other types of 'womanface', it seems like another form of insulting misogyny.

It's like a throwback to the pre-60s; we've moved on since then.


Note: There are loads of long-winded, pretentious articles online with explanations for why some gay men still do this.

Hey Sis!

I've often wondered why they do it.

Immaturity; perhaps? It seems very childish.

Or maybe they think it is witty and entertaining; it's not.

Hey Sis!

*flees thread*

 

[Vannie]

Sheesh! 3 times...

 

[NotHardUp1]

I've never wondered why. It always seemed an overtly intentional flag, much like virtue signaling, of a sort.

A man doesn't accept the hypermasculine paradigms that were forced on them in a patriarchal and warrior society, so he flames in language to exaggerate the point.

Another man feels inadequate in a male dominated society so he consciously chooses to embrace the antithesis of it, going out of his way to broadcast an effenimate fey persona.

Many others could not tell you why they do it, but they mimic some drag queen or other icon they admired and adopted as a role model for coming out and being proud.

In almost every gay group I've joined, some in the group have this affect, and I just accepted it as I do those who adore drag queens. It's not for me, but we are all different. I do enjoy a character as well created as Dame Edna, but more because the wit was so well developed and combined with a parody of a matron. True comedic genius there.

 

[peeonme]

I think for some it's a turn on.

 

[ChristianGianni]

Beats me, ... I'm not a violent person BUT they'd only call me it once

 

[Harke the Boeotarch]

In almost every gay group I've joined, some in the group have this affect, and I just accepted it as I do those who adore drag queens. It's not for me, but we are all different. I do enjoy a character as well created as Dame Edna, but more because the wit was so well developed and combined with a parody of a matron. True comedic genius there.

Shockingly, many men who cross-dress do not have homosexual or transgender leanings.

 

[PipRosi]

I like when they do that! Most men are allergic to female anything so it's refreshing. Like giving patriarchy a cheeky kick in the jibblies. And not getting all tiresome and pretentious about it like this non-binary claptrap.

 

[PipRosi]

this non-binary claptrap.

Don't get me wrong, it's very delicious to picture all the uptight conservative families facing their non-binary children.

 

[NotHardUp1]

Shockingly, many men who cross-dress do not have homosexual or transgender leanings.

I don't remember, as an adult, confusing cross-dressing with homosexuality. My first exposures to in included a couple of documentaries, and I remember getting that some guys who were older, power-play executives, did it, and that it seemed to be a rejection of the pressure and gender expectations put upon them by society. In other words, it was a sort of exhaust valve, that had zip to do with wanting their cock sucked or finding a man appealing, and everything to do with wanting to escape from the need to be in charge, in control, and responsible for everything.

The problem with talking about cross dressing in the LBGTQ world, is the same as transgender discussions, as there is no politically "safe" way to begin talking about it without talking about a psychosis or mental illness, and that "plays into" the social conservatism forces that would and has branded all same-sex orientation as mental illness and/or depravity.

In fact, that same aversion leads some in the LGBTQ subpopulation to take the plainly extreme position that there is nothing depraved short of being a serial killer.

As a footnote, BDSM used to be a hot topic on JUB, but isn't really much any more, or not in Hot Topics. I'm not sure if that is the mod acting as bouncer and seeing the threads off into a kink forum, or if HT has just become too dead and stale and vanilla and elderly, or if the issue simply isn't as popular or practiced. That said, I'd hate to beat a dead horse, if it were not really dead and possibly enjoying it.

 

[Latimer]

For a time while I was in grad school in Berkeley, I lived in a large house from the early twentieth century with a varied group of people that included a high school couple. I remember once that the girl--amazingly, I remember her name, Bonnie, and that of her boyfriend, Les, perhaps because they were quite beautiful--related that she grew up with a straight father who cross-dressed. She said that when he returned home from work in the evening he would put on a dress and the whole family would sit down to dinner with mother and father both dressed as women. She added that for a time when she was very young, she thought that this was perfectly normal and that other fathers did the same.

I had a professor at the time time--a handsome Brit named Tony--who told me of a couple of evenings when he and his girlfriend cross-dressed and then went out on the town, and how much fun they had. I had the sense they did this as a lark and adventure, and that there wasn't anything "sexual" about it.

I also knew a gay couple where one of them was quite masculine, and the other less so, while not being effeminate. I remember hearing that on occasion the less masculine of the two would cross-dress and they'd go out dancing in straight clubs.

Re BDSM, I have the impression I'm the only guy who posts here who has ever been involved in BDSM--which I enjoy, and, frankly, don't get enough of. This surprises me. I don't frequent S & M circles, but I've known any number of guys who do, or guys who are occasionally involved, and I thought this was commonplace. But not here. Likewise escorting.