Why Do We Always Fall In Love With Our Straight Friends?

[yuty]

Seriously. All across JUB, it's the same story "I'm in love with my straight best friend/co-worker/roommate/classmate/guy who passes me every once and while and sometimes smiles at me?

Why do we obsess over our straight men knowing full well that the odds of anything remotely romantic happening is slim to none.

I'm not on high horse by the way. I've committed this atrocious sin a dozen times in my lifetime and I keep myself in the ass after the crush wears off every damn time.

 

[luminum]

Beats me. I my heart still palpitates when I'm with my best friend sometimes. Sometimes, much to my embarassment, I'll dream about him. But I can't tell him, because I'm sure it makes him uncomfortable knowing that I'm pining for him.

 

[dr_beat]

It's part of the human code:

The least attainable is the most desirable

That's my short unphilosphical answer. The alternate longer answer is available upon request.

Thank you.

 

[eddielee]

I don't think it has as anything to do with the fact that he's straight. You get comfortable with a friend and share a lot with him. Over time, the friendship, at least for a gay man, can turn into love. I think it's just a natural progression of things. I've falling in love with a straight friend before. You have to be realistic and realize that nothing will happen. I wouldn't spend any time daydreaming about having a romantic relationship with a straight friend. You'll get hurt and jealous when you see him with a girl. I had to discipline myself and accept the fact that he is a friend only, and nothing else. Again, I don't think the friends sexuality has much to do with the "falling in love." The sexuality of the gay person becomes a problem if he persues a doomed relationship.

 

[spooger]

I first fell in love with my straight friends because it happened when I was five, and I didn't even know girls existed yet.

By the time I was of "dating age" I had been in love for 8 or 9 years with boys. I didn't know how to date a girl or fall in love with one.

But I didn't know anyone else who was homosexual and would say it out loud, so only straight friends were available.

Damn! WTF! I don't want a girl, and none of my guy friends is gay!

Yep. I've been there, too. And I have no answer.

We just do.

 

[Paws]

Why Do We Always Fall In Love With Our Straight Friends?

Always? Get a reality check.

 

[D-Base]

Hmm, it is normal I think, you don't really fall in love with his strightness I guess, you fall for the guy...

 

[evil_danger]

Well i just woke up this morning after having a dream about a friend of mine, although were not very close friends and i wouldn't say i loved him this dream was so real it actually hurts at the moment cos i feel like i've lost him. I think i could love him if i knew him better.

 

[NameTaken]

and most dudes said they have never once fallen for a hetero friend.

I don't know what dudes you're talking about. I fell in love with my best friend. :/ I think it's that you fall in love with them the same way you would anybody else, it's just that there are so many straight people out there that your chances of falling for a straight guy are MUCH higher than they are of falling for a gay guy.

 

[GL]

I was thinking about this before, and what I think part of it could be is, that sometimes we don't surround ourselves with other gay men, or we don't interact with enough gay men in our lives, that we focus on the next close thing. If that makes sense?

When I lusted over my best friend for about a year and a half, I didn't know any gay men at all (in person). So, it was the next best thing, which was my best friend. I'm sure if some of us that 'fall' for straight men, surrounded ourselves with more men amongst our own sexuality, that there would be less of 'falling' for straight men.

I thought I loved my straight best friend, but I came to find out that I really didn't. I mixed lust with the feelings of friendship, and I got it all screwed up. That 'love' never ever could amount to the love I have for Tony right now, there is such a big difference.

And a lot of other people will realise the difference of the 'love' they have for straight men, when they actually fall in love with a gay men who has something that can give 'you' more then any straight man could.

Well said! I must admit your post reminds me of the one time I fell in love with my straight friend. The circumstances were very much the same. I was in the closet and had no gay friends or other gay men to associate with. I saw my friend every day as we were roommates.

 

[Soilwork]

Well.. I have a few opinions on the subject.

Ain't THAT a surprise?

OK..

1) I think a lot of gay men fall in love with straight men becuase they don't surround themselves with gay men enough. They hide from the gay community and out of some kind of fear of being alone, they cling to a staight friend. I did it, many people do it. Once you get more comfortable in your gay skin, you find attractions to gay men, you forget all about the straight men and move on.

2) Some gay guys are so homophobic that they dont' feel that gay men are worthy of them. I've heard it from so many gay men that gay men aren't good enough for them. They want a "real man" who's "Straight acting". The sad truth is that even if the straight guy they desire does have sex with him.. suddenly, he also becomes a "big fag" and the cycle continues.

3) mistaking friendship for love. I dont' think it's possible to love someone who doesn't love you back. Love has to grow over a time and I don't think it can be one-sided. It might feel like love, but what it is is something different.. it's a very close friendhip and a close bond. It's admiration and it's respect. But it's not love.

4) Some gay men are so hell-bent on self-destruction that they go out of their way to only go for the worst people they can.

5) being young. falling in love is really only a wise thing for people who are old enough to understand what love IS. I think many of us made the mistake of falling in love with someone who wasn't available for whatever reason. Hey, some gay guys fall in love with women and then try to carry on marriages with them, regardless of how doomed those marriages are. It's immaturity at it's more obvious..

Ok flamers.. start your engines.

 

[joer]

Ok flamers.. start your engines.

What's to flame, you made some very valid points. Some that are too close to home, but oh so true.

 

[dynk]

I can't flame you Justin, you are at least partially right

Most of my friends are str8, and yes I am in love with one of them. But that is because he is so nice and we have know each other since he was born. I hung with his dad. He is 38 now and a few times I did have a chance to go to bed with him but did not. I do not want to ruin our close friendship

I am not however homophobic, I just don't like haniging witht the dishy queens that live around here. I do see them here and there and everything is civil. But I just don't fit in with them. Even they can see that. I do guy things they do girl things. They would never go on a motorcycle, or tear apart an engine, like ai do. They can't see getting dirty gardening and taking care of my lawn. They say hire someone honey. But I like doing those things I tell them, sushhh they say look at you so fucking durteeeee.

 

[CGHJ]

Well.. I have a few opinions on the subject.

Ain't THAT a surprise?

OK..

1) I think a lot of gay men fall in love with straight men becuase they don't surround themselves with gay men enough.

2) Some gay guys are so homophobic that they dont' feel that gay men are worthy of them.

3) mistaking friendship for love.

4) Some gay men are so hell-bent on self-destruction that they go out of their way to only go for the worst people they can.

5) being young.

Ok flamers.. start your engines.

Actually I'll agree with all of those. If we're talking about "falling in love" with the best str8 m8 (I'm picking up lil_c-boys abbreviations it seems). I still get sexually attracted to str8 guys for vartious reasons (hey, it's hard not to get hot for Marines). But for 95% of the guys on these boards that really do fall head over heels and are like "I'll go crazee without him", I believe it's one of the above. Usually.

There's a 6 however which is...

6) Birds of a feather flock together. Often the str8 m8s that get fallen for are also cloested guys who have fallen for their 'str8' m8. The dude feels some love coming from his str8 buddy and this stirs love feelings, however because he thinks his bud's str8 he gets all messed up about it. That's why a lot of these threads end with "It turned out my friend was gay too and we made out."

Look at Dorkchain for instance. He feel in love with his 'str8' mechanic because it seemed like his 'str8' mechanic was checking him out, but when he finally got up the balls to ask it turned out his mechanic wasn't str8. Same thing happened to Jordan...only his buddy can't handle it, but that's a secondary consideration--his str8 m8 was not so str8.

 

[GayBoiJared]

Maybe we fall for our best friends for the same reason str8 dudes fall for their best (girl) friends?

It's not only gay boys who fall for their best friends.

 

[RenaissanceMan]

3) mistaking friendship for love. I dont' think it's possible to love someone who doesn't love you back. Love has to grow over a time and I don't think it can be one-sided. It might feel like love, but what it is is something different.. it's a very close friendhip and a close bond. It's admiration and it's respect. But it's not love.

So I'm going to talk from the point of view of the person you're also mentionning in number 5 (being young)...although I'm not quite some much older people know what love is either.

We talk about "falling in love"...and it's not the same as "loving" it seems. You can love a friend...as a friend...and you can love a romantic partner as a romantic partner. What is the difference? sex? (one would hope it's deeper than that). Is it love to the point where you'd give up your life for them? (but that's also sometimes the case in a friendship-type love).

I'm confused. lol....perhaps I "define" love differently even though I don't seem to know what it is...(btw, I'm not someone who goes around showering everyone with "love" all the time just because I claim you can love friends)..lol).

As for straight guys...well, guys are people...we fall in love with people (or I guess guys if you're "strictly" gay) and straight guys are just like any other guys...many are sexually attractive to some gay guy and then on top of that they're perhaps great people and great people to be with. For me it has never been anything to do with masculinity (perhaps only a bit almost only in the sense that they're guys...lol)...and finding out they're gay would only make them more attractive.

 

[CGHJ]

Maybe we fall for our best friends for the same reason str8 dudes fall for their best (girl) friends?

It's not only gay boys who fall for their best friends.

And to the same effect. Like Harry Met Sally, but without the Nora Ephrom ending.

 

[dr_beat]

So I'm going to talk from the point of view of the person you're also mentionning in number 5 (being young)...although I'm not quite some much older people know what love is either.

We talk about "falling in love"...and it's not the same as "loving" it seems. You can love a friend...as a friend...and you can love a romantic partner as a romantic partner. What is the difference? sex? (one would hope it's deeper than that). Is it love to the point where you'd give up your life for them? (but that's also sometimes the case in a friendship-type love).

I'm confused. lol....perhaps I "define" love differently even though I don't seem to know what it is...(btw, I'm not someone who goes around showering everyone with "love" all the time just because I claim you can love friends)..lol).

As for straight guys...well, guys are people...we fall in love with people (or I guess guys if you're "strictly" gay) and straight guys are just like any other guys...many are sexually attractive to some gay guy and then on top of that they're perhaps great people and great people to be with. For me it has never been anything to do with masculinity (perhaps only a bit almost only in the sense that they're guys...lol)...and finding out they're gay would only make them more attractive.

This is part of my longer answer mentioned above...

 

[dalton41]

I don't think it has as anything to do with the fact that he's straight. You get comfortable with a friend and share a lot with him. Over time, the friendship, at least for a gay man, can turn into love. I think it's just a natural progression of things. I've falling in love with a straight friend before. You have to be realistic and realize that nothing will happen. I wouldn't spend any time daydreaming about having a romantic relationship with a straight friend. You'll get hurt and jealous when you see him with a girl. I had to discipline myself and accept the fact that he is a friend only, and nothing else. Again, I don't think the friends sexuality has much to do with the "falling in love." The sexuality of the gay person becomes a problem if he persues a doomed relationship.

I've been going through this too with a co worker and it's working out to be very positive. The guy is 40 years old and I know that he is not naive or stupid but I had several incidents where I hugged him and said I loved him and last weekend, I kissed him on the forehead. I still don't know if he is bi or gay. He knows I think very much of him.
In April, we went to New York with my friend. Sexually, nothing happened even though we shared the same bed. But we absolutely had a great time. I hugged him and told him I loved him every morning before we headed out. And we did some serious talking as well.

I told him that I didn't think that he was naive or stupid and that he didn't know what was going on and I explained to him that when I said "I love you", I meant every word of it. I was emotional. He told me he wasn't ready for a relationship yet and I told him that I understood because I want everything to be right for the two of us.

Is he gay, bi or straight? Now that is a good question since he really didn't specify one way or the other. Odds are great that he is bi. I believe he loves me as much as I love him and I know that now.

In June, I’ve noticed that a student (we work at a college) had been getting close with him and it brought out the jealousy in me that I didn’t know I had. According to the policies of the college, relationships between staff and students are discouraged. Meaning, yes you can have a relationship, but be careful. Relationships of this kind have serious consequences that I’m sure, she will take advantage of. Some of our co-workers warned him of it and wondered why since she is a dog (yuk). Nothing to brag about. But I believe she is a gold digger and the only reason why she is even with him is to get special treatment from our department that she works for.

The times I had been out with him during the Summer, everytime I hugged him and told him I loved him, he responded you too. Everyone knows how close we are to each other and they like him a lot and I do have a feeling that a few knows that it’s more than friendship between us. Let’s face it, two guys do not wear the same shirt they purchase at the fair nor do they wear the only two jackets alike.

I do know that she has had problems with the law and still does and she has gone to these online dating services, about 13, each using various screen names and having relationships with these guys. Don’t ask me how I know, I done research on her.

I did have the opportunity to tell him, I told him why and how and told him I felt towards him and the way I felt towards that student which was resentment. I believe he is just using the info I gave him in case she should cross him in anyway. She have told a friend of hers that no man is going to tell her what to do. The night I told him, we hugged and I kissed him on his chest.

This weekend, him and I are going to Florida for the week. I blew it in New York, if this is the second chance, I want to make it with him. I believe he is bi and the only reason why the slut moved in on him is the fact that he is friendly as well as naive.

 

[HarryPotterHimself]

I've gotten the strongest, most crippling crushes on some of my friends. Like to this day, even though the crush is mostly gone, I'll go out of my way to see them and act differently towards them then I do my other straight friends. Knowing you cant have them just makes it worse.