Why doesn't he want to talk about it?

[saymyname]

This is a continuation of my thread about the "fuck buddy or something more".

Everything was going fine. I spent the night at his apartment for the first time last week. It was totally nice.

But then on Thursday night I found out that the night before, someone I know fucked him. The guy that fucked him is good friends with my ex, so it started some drama - my ex's friend told The Guy that he didn't want to see him anymore, since it's too weird that he's having sex with both of us. The Guy was okay with that.

So then I texted him Friday and all he said was "wow same friends! too bad for you maybe next time try to find things out for yourself." I explained how we found out TOTALLY randomly, that I wasn't mad because it's not like we had any rules or even discussed what we were, and that I still want to see him. He kept saying "We'll talk about it later, I'm busy with work right now" which was probably true. But then Saturday basically the same shit, same conversation, happened again.

Then finally today I asked him if he'd like to just hang out sometime during the week and he said "not at the moment" so I got kind of pissed and was just like, why the hell are you treating me differently because of this? You said we'd talk about it, how are we gonna talk about it if we don't hang out. I basically told him that I'll stop getting at him because he won't say anything. So he said "It's just that I don't really want to talk about it, that's all." To which I replied "I don't really care to talk about it either, I told you I wasn't mad, I just want to hang out like we were. We don't have to talk about it." And he said "Okay" and we agreed that that was cool.

Now the reason I agreed that we don't have to talk about him fucking someone else is because we've only known each other for a month and I think it's too soon to discuss exclusivity and he obviously isn't ready for a relationship. I found out from the other guy that fucked him that apparently The Guy's ex bf broke up with him 6 months ago and he says things like he "lost the love of his life". I've been there so I know how that feels and I know how it's hard to get close to people when you're fucked up like that. And even though I do want to talk about it because I want to know where I stand with him, I'd rather keep seeing him and not discuss it than just stop seeing him altogether. The other guy that fucked him was just some nasty twink and it was like a 2 AM booty call and that's it. He never texts me just for sex. But the only reason I'd want to talk about it is because I just want to know two things: am I any different to him than that kind of situation (booty call)? And, knowing that you're obviously damaged over your ex, is it that you're not ready to get close to someone and you need to take it really slow or is it that, even if you weren't fucked up over your ex, do you just not think that you'd ever have more serious feelings for me? That's all I want to know, like if we'd have potential ever. I think I have a right to know that after a month.

I don't feel like I'm just a boy toy to him but I need to ask, but that's "bringing it up." He had NUMEROUS opportunities to tell me to fuck off over the last 2 days and to be honest I was being quite pushy and annoying with all of my texts, and yet he still just wanted to say "let's talk about it later" until finally admitting he doesn't want to discuss it but still wants to see me. I don't get why he would say to me "find things out for yourself next time" if he doesn't want to talk about it, how am I supposed to find things out (like if he's fucking a lot of people, etc).

I think I'm just going to keep trying to see him like we were and gradually bring things up. But is there any logical, rational reason as to why he'd want to avoid this conversation so badly? He seems like a nice guy and I like him for some reason, but I don't just want to be used for affection - I need to know if at some point he thinks we could be more than whatever it is we are.

Also, this dude is 30. I wanted to start dating older guys cause I thought they'd be more mature.
I should also mention that he is totally one of those very "masculine" guys that does not do drama or get very emotional, although he is affectionate with me (always messing up my hair, smiling at me, poking me, tickling me, holding hands while cuddling). But he's not much of a talker, he has that sexy reserved thing going on. It turns me on because I'm very communicative and open, so the contrast is interesting. The third time we hung out or so, I was starting to ask him personal questions about his past ("Did you ever fuck girls? etc.) and he said it was too soon to talk about that stuff but that we'd talk about it eventually. Maybe it's a generational thing? Younger guys usually just let you know everything because usually it's fun and exciting. But I could tell the one time he did talk about his ex (why they broke up) he sounded very sad so I didn't push it. Part of the reason I like him so much is because he's 8 years older than me and it's a completely different world. It fucking turns me on. But I know from experience that when a guy is busted in his heart, it's very difficult - guys tried to date me when I was hung up over my ex and I literally could not handle someone liking me...

 

[HunterM]

He had NUMEROUS opportunities to tell me to fuck off over the last 2 days and to be honest I was being quite pushy and annoying with all of my texts, and yet he still just wanted to say "let's talk about it later" until finally admitting he doesn't want to discuss it but still wants to see me.

Some people do not like confrontations. Other people don't mind facing them. He does not like confrontations. It's his nature, his personality. You cannot change him. He's passive agressive. He would say things to be nice to you (to avoid confrontations/conflicts), but his actions tell a different story. Actions speak louder than words.

If you were "being quite pushy and annoying" to me. I would have told you to "fuck off". But that's my personality. This is part of dating...finding out what works between you two and what does not. From what you have described, I don't think he's into you.

You should cool it and leave him alone for a week or two. Stop being possessive when you two don't have exclusive commitment. Otherwise, you will push him further away. He is free to see anyone he pleases without your approval...just as you are free to see other people without his approval. Keep some distance from him. Contact him again a week or two later to see if he wants to hang out with you. Then see how it goes.

 

[saymyname]

Some people do not like confrontations. Other people don't mind facing them. He does not like confrontations. It's his nature, his personality. You cannot change him. He's passive agressive. He would say things to be nice to you (to avoid confrontations/conflicts), but his actions tell a different story. Actions speak louder than words.

If you were "being quite pushy and annoying" to me. I would have told you to "fuck off". But that's my personality. This is part of dating...finding out what works between you two and what does not. From what you have described, I don't think he's into you.

You should cool it and leave him alone for a week or two. Stop being possessive when you two don't have exclusive commitment. Otherwise, you will push him further away. He is free to see anyone he pleases without your approval...just as you are free to see other people without his approval. Keep some distance from him. Contact him again a week or two later to see if he wants to hang out with you. Then see how it goes.

Ugh, I seriously feel like you did not read my post. By being pushy and annoying I meant that I'd keep explaining stuff in text and he'd not reply or say let's talk about it later. But then never saying when later is. And then just eventually admitting he doesn't wanna discuss it but still wants to hang out. The fact that I was sticking up for myself and offering to leave him alone if that's what he wanted, and yet he still replied trying to be civil but just not wanting to discuss it. If he wasn't "into me" (this is not the issue) he would have told me to fuck off and that not only does he not want to discuss it but that he doesn't want to hang out - this isn't the case. Although I guess it kind of depends on how you define being "into someone" - clearly there is an issue here in that he's into me on a certain level but is blocking us from talking about anything beyond that, likely due to his issues with his ex.

I know that he's free to see anyone he wants and vice versa, that's why I wasn't upset. If anything, it seems like he was upset that I happened to find out (he got "caught"). We've already agreed we're gonna hang out again, but just not get into all of this - my main concern and purpose for starting this thread is more to find out why some people want to avoid talking about all of that stuff, what logic there is in that, not if we're gonna hang out again or not. I already know that much. But yeah, for sure I'm going to let him make the next plan to hang out. I think he wants to give it a few days to blow over the fact that he was seeing someone else. My question is - why? Why can't we just discuss that, and what it means, and what implication it has for us?

 

[swerve]

I suspect that he has found himself in an awkward situation and just wants to clear himself of it...

What self respecting 30 year old would want THAT MUCH drama in his life...

It seems he has found himself in the middle of a soap opera of which he probably wants NO part...

The GOOD NEWS is that he has seen in you what ALL OF US other Jubbers ALREADY KNOW -- you're a GREAT GUY -- so he hasn't cut ties DIRECTLY with you...

YET...

Chill out -- and give him a little time to wrap his head around his reality...

Best of luck!!!

 

[saymyname]

I suspect that he has found himself in an awkward situation and just wants to clear himself of it...

What self respecting 30 year old would want THAT MUCH drama in his life...

It seems he has found himself in the middle of a soap opera of which he probably wants NO part...

The GOOD NEWS is that he has seen in you what ALL OF US other Jubbers ALREADY KNOW -- you're a GREAT GUY -- so he hasn't cut ties DIRECTLY with you...

YET...

Chill out -- and give him a little time to wrap his head around his reality...

Best of luck!!!

Aw, thanks. You're sweet - I guess you've followed some of my threads here? Yeah, I agree, time to chill out is a good idea. I wish I would have never found out.

 

[altlover85]

But he's not much of a talker, he has that sexy reserved thing going on. It turns me on because I'm very communicative and open, so the contrast is interesting.

It might turn you on now, but it will probably get more annoying as time goes on, as you are learning now with this issue.[/QUOTE]

My question is - why? Why can't we just discuss that, and what it means, and what implication it has for us?

Some guys just aren't very communicative. I think it generally has to do with being conflict avoidant.

 

[saymyname]

So should I just wait and bring up the implications of it later (if the thing has any lasting power, seriouesness, etc.), in a way that's not related to the incident?

 

[altlover85]

So should I just wait and bring up the implications of it later (if the thing has any lasting power, seriouesness, etc.), in a way that's not related to the incident?

I'm a bit torn, so I probably am not going to be very helpful with this response.

I think if he doesn't want to talk about the issue, wait for him to bring it up or wait a few weeks or a month and then bring it up in a roundabout way.

That said, if you can't communicate with him directly about your concerns that doesn't bode well for the relationship.

 

[Cardenio]

Clearly there are two issues at play here and you would do well to separate them in your mind.

There first is the incident you describe in the first post.

The second, and more important, issue is whether your relationship can, in due time, evolve into the committed relationship that you seem to want.

You say that you are not at all upset about what happened. If so, then what would you get out of discussing the situation? It seems to me that what you want is not an apology or even an explanation, but, rather, some sort of indication that he can get serious with you at some point in the future, which really has nothing to do with the first issue, the incident. I do think that you should bring the commitment issue up without discussing the incident. If you continue bringing up the incident even after you said that you wouldn’t, it would probably just piss him off since he made it clear he has nothing more to say about the matter. Yes, he should have just communicated clearly with you from the beginning and told you he didn’t want to talk about it instead of putting it off. By the same token, if what you really want to know is whether your relationship, as you put it, has any lasting power, then you also shouldn’t go about it in a roundabout way by focusing so much on the incident.

 

[saymyname]

Clearly there are two issues at play here and you would do well to separate them in your mind.

There first is the incident you describe in the first post.

The second, and more important, issue is whether your relationship can, in due time, evolve into the committed relationship that you seem to want.

You say that you are not at all upset about what happened. If so, then what would you get out of discussing the situation? It seems to me that what you want is not an apology or even an explanation, but, rather, some sort of indication that he can get serious with you at some point in the future, which really has nothing to do with the first issue, the incident. I do think that you should bring the commitment issue up without discussing the incident. If you continue bringing up the incident even after you said that you wouldn’t, it would probably just piss him off since he made it clear he has nothing more to say about the matter. Yes, he should have just communicated clearly with you from the beginning and told you he didn’t want to talk about it instead of putting it off. By the same token, if what you really want to know is whether your relationship, as you put it, has any lasting power, then you also shouldn’t go about it in a roundabout way by focusing so much on the incident.

Wow. You're right. Thanks. I never thought of it that way - the incident is really only important as it is a correlation or segway into the larger issue. I don't care about the incident, but rather, the questions that it raises. So yeah, I should just forget about it and focus on the other thing. I would have brought up those things (lasting power, if he takes me seriously or if I'm just a guy with nice conversation and sex, if he is only holding me at arm's length because he's damaged or because he just doesn't care, and lastly, actually getting to know him deeper in terms of his past) eventually but I wanted to wait. It puts me in an awkward position because he told me "maybe you should find those things out for yourself next time" which suggests I need to get to know him better, or that he thought I was digging around for dirt, which I wasn't, but how am I supposed to "find things out" about him if he won't let me get to know him more and what his intentions are, you know? So should I just keep it casual still and then bring up these things later on? Or when do I bring them up? It's no secret now how much I like him, considering how understanding I've been and I told him straight up that I want to get to know him better and that I like hanging out with him. He knows this full well and has still agreed to hang out under the condition that we don't talk about his 2 AM booty call. If he knows I like him this much, but doesn't feel similarly - or think he could eventually feel similarly - then I think it would be really cruel and selfish to keep me hanging on to something that is just fun and games to him. Anyways, thanks for your advice, that has helped a lot - when do you think I should go about bringing it up, and in what fashion?

 

[Cardenio]

Not knowing him or you or the context of the relationship apart from what you’ve written here, it’s hard to make any definitive statements about what you should do, or how.

What I would ask myself were I in your shoes, though, is how invested you are in the relationship. If things ended right now, regardless of the reason, would you be emotionally devastated? If not, then perhaps it’s ok to keep things casual for the time being and not try to rush things. If you are too emotionally involved already, then perhaps you should have the relationship talk with him sooner rather than later. You are absolutely right that it would be cruel on his part to string you along if you’ve fallen for him and he is fully aware of your feelings. The question then becomes, have you fallen for him? And if so, have you clearly let him know the extent of your feelings? If someone told me that he wants to hang out with me and get to know me better, I would think that he is open to the possibility of developing feelings for me, not necessarily that the feelings are already present.

Regardless of what you do decide to do about the commitment issue, it seems that there are some things about your current arrangement that are bothering you. What is it that you want and need out of this relationship, even before it begins to get serious? You should seriously ponder this question and let him know what you come up with. After all, like you said, it’s not like you can really get to know him well enough (or vice-versa) to determine whether you want to take the next step if he keeps you at arm’s length.

Now, regarding what he said when you asked about the incident, I would not worry too much about it. I suppose that you could spend hours trying to figure out what he meant, but if you have any questions about the current or future state of your relationship, the only way to be certain is to ask and to clearly articulate your concerns. He doesn’t seem like a great communicator, and he most likely wrote that text without giving it much thought one way or the other. It just doesn’t make sense to spend much longer analyzing and dissecting to death what he wrote than what it even took him to write it, especially since the comment won’t provide the answers you’re seeking; only he can.

I'm glad to have helped, even in a small way.

 

[saymyname]

Not knowing him or you or the context of the relationship apart from what you’ve written here, it’s hard to make any definitive statements about what you should do, or how.

What I would ask myself were I in your shoes, though, is how invested you are in the relationship. If things ended right now, regardless of the reason, would you be emotionally devastated?

I wouldn't be devastated, just disappointed that things fucked up again. He's special to me because he's the first guy I've met in a year that I really like. He's also the FIRST older guy I've EVER liked... so the idea of him is so exciting and fresh to me. I wouldn't be devastated, just disappointed.

If not, then perhaps it’s ok to keep things casual for the time being and not try to rush things. If you are too emotionally involved already, then perhaps you should have the relationship talk with him sooner rather than later. You are absolutely right that it would be cruel on his part to string you along if you’ve fallen for him and he is fully aware of your feelings. The question then becomes, have you fallen for him? And if so, have you clearly let him know the extent of your feelings? If someone told me that he wants to hang out with me and get to know me better, I would think that he is open to the possibility of developing feelings for me, not necessarily that the feelings are already present.

I feel like I was in the process of falling for him but this has seriously set us back. I know that he knows that I like him a whole lot because it's so obvious. For one thing, no guy that didn't like him a lot would put up with that shit. Second, when we're around each other, I'm all starry-eyed and we flirt like crazy. I kiss the back of his neck, pause the sex because it's "too sexy" etc. He knows I'm into him, if he doesn't, he must inept. The feelings are present and in limbo if they want to develop, I think... and I would hope that he's aware of that, that I like him so if he was just trying for sex, then it's not good for me... a 30 year old would be aware of this, I think.

We've sort of made jokes about exclusivity before too, so he knows it's on my mind. For example, I was showing him pictures of a guy from London (that lives in London) that I find very sexy, was thinking of getting a hairdo similar, so we're looking at pics of this guy and he's like, "Oh wow. He's very beautiful. Maybe I'll have to go on a vacation to London." so I took my phone back and said "Okay buddy, calm down huh," punching him in the arm, all coy. Or like one time we were talking about who massaged who first, and he said he gave me a back rub the first time we met, and I said "no, you must be confusing me with some other boy," and he said "yeah maybe" with this sheepish grin and I was like "Oh is that how it is, eh!" and we just kind of raz each other for it. The point is, he can tell I care about if he's seeing other guys, I think.

Regardless of what you do decide to do about the commitment issue, it seems that there are some things about your current arrangement that are bothering you. What is it that you want and need out of this relationship, even before it begins to get serious? You should seriously ponder this question and let him know what you come up with. After all, like you said, it’s not like you can really get to know him well enough (or vice-versa) to determine whether you want to take the next step if he keeps you at arm’s length.

Honestly I would just like to keep things how they are with knowing that there is a possibility that maybe in the future (when he's not hung up on his ex) we could evolve into something more serious. I just wanna know there's that chance, otherwise I'm just a boy toy and I'm not into that. I'd also want to know that, in between that time, if he's fucking other guys, he keeps it to a minimum and makes it clear to me that I'm on a different level than that. If he's single and horny for the first time since his break up and wants to have some fun, I can understand that I guess, but I just want to know if I'm special to him or if I'm just part of that fun. I guess I'll just have to ask him eventually.

Now, regarding what he said when you asked about the incident, I would not worry too much about it. I suppose that you could spend hours trying to figure out what he meant, but if you have any questions about the current or future state of your relationship, the only way to be certain is to ask and to clearly articulate your concerns. He doesn’t seem like a great communicator, and he most likely wrote that text without giving it much thought one way or the other. It just doesn’t make sense to spend much longer analyzing and dissecting to death what he wrote than what it even took him to write it, especially since the comment won’t provide the answers you’re seeking; only he can.

I'm glad to have helped, even in a small way.

Yeah, I'm over that text. I think maybe his initial bitchy reaction is because he thought I was looking around for dirt on him then I found it, when it didn't go down like that at all, and once I explained that he kind of looked like a jackass and didn't have much to say. You're right, he's not a very good communicator, but that's okay because I'm kind of over-communicative probably, I mean I'm a writer and a Lit/Philo/Writing major. All I do is think and talk for fuck's sake. I like it when people balance that side of me out. But we're gonna have to communicate about it eventually.

It seems like he has all this power, but in the month we've been seeing each other, the only time the power goes towards me is when I suggest that I'm gonna vote with my feet and walk. Then he always caves. Otherwise, he has all the power. And I don't wanna play power games. He's older than me and bigger than me which is fucking hot, he's like this total fantasy of the hot high school gym teacher I never had and I'm like the senior in gym class, but I also kind of feel like that power dynamic is overlapping into this stuff. He gets to call the shots on what we can/can't discuss. He calls the shots on when we hang out. Until I threaten to quit. I'm not sure what I'm getting at with mentioning this, but it seems relevant. I just want things to be natural and not have to play games.

 

[saymyname]

So I've been thinking about what I'm gonna do the next time I hang out with him and I have some ideas and I wanna know what you guys think.

My first idea is that when we end up having sex, there's something I want to say, but I'm not sure if I can get away with it. We tend to have pretty playful sex - lots of chemistry. We're not afraid to talk a bit. I've done the dirty talk thing with him a bit and the more light playful stuff. So I was thinking, the next time he lets me fuck him, I have this idea to say something like, "Yeah? You want my dick huh? You want me to be inside of you huh?" and he'll be like "Yeah, yeah, do it" and then I'll turn him around and say "You can let be inside there but eventually you're gonna have to let me inside there and there too" and point at his head and chest, then flip him back over and fuck him (assuming he doesn't have a bad reaction).

My other idea is to maybe treat him like a sex object and see how he reacts to feeling confused as shit like I do. I could just go over there, give him a really cold fuck, and then leave. But that's not how we do it and that'd be super mean. But it could be a nice way of me saying "that's all you want, right?" I dunno. Maybe if things are the same in a month I'd do that.

My other idea is to let him fuck me. He's never fucked me. He's more of a top but he knows I told him I only like to get fucked if I really trust and like the guy, that it takes me some time. I was thinking maybe if I let him fuck me it'd show him that he can give some affection too instead of always just taking it from me.

This is all sort of unrelated to the original issue since we do hang out and not just fuck. But I always think sex is kind of a metaphor for the dynamic of a relationship. Another idea a friend gave me is that I need to get him out of the apartment. We've hung out a handful of times but never end up doing anything besides staying in at his apt together. Seeing how he acts around me in public or at a club or something would be very telling. My same friend had the idea that maybe since he doesn't want to open up about himself in a very personal way, I could ask him if there's things he wants to know about me, and see if he's curious, and then I could just open up to him about how I've been heartbroken and broken up with too. And if he doesn't wanna know anything about me deeply like that then it's kind of telling. But my friend thinks if I open up first, then he will.

 

[altlover85]

I'd go for the public option. I think the first idea could turn out awful and the sex object idea will probably just send mixed signals. Letting him fuck you might be a good idea, but it's still a bit indirect.

 

[saymyname]

I'd go for the public option. I think the first idea could turn out awful and the sex object idea will probably just send mixed signals. Letting him fuck you might be a good idea, but it's still a bit indirect.

Yeah, I think I agree, I'm worried if I say that little quip he'll just get freaked out and it'll ruin the mood. It's really hard to tell. Part of me thinks it could be okay - we have had some random conversations during sex - "don't fall" / "i won't fall... of the bed, at least," and him randomly saying "No." me: "What?" "No. No. No." and then laughing, clearly not meaning anything, and one time me telling him he's the best top I've ever met 'cause he's almost always on his stomach. So we joke around a bit, but I dunno how he'd take that thing... I think it sounds kinda hot, though! But maybe he'd disagree.

Yeah, I actually kind of want him to fuck me pretty badly, but how he's acting towards me is the entire reason I don't let just anyone fuck me. If he fucks me and this all turns out to be nothing, then I'll probably regret it. Getting fucked is very intimate and personal to me. And yeah, I should try to get him out in public, which is hard, 'cause he works like at least 50 hours a week (he owns his own company) and is usually too tired to go out and party. I joked about this once and called him an old man and he was like "hey!". It was cute.

 

[Cardenio]

I think that the best approach would probably be a direct one, one without room for ambiguity or misunderstandings. From what you've written, he doesn't seem like the kind of person that would respond positively to being sent indirect messages about the relationship through sex. Even in the best-case scenario, he'd probably just think that it was a failed attempt to be sexy on your part, and it certainly wouldn't fix the power imbalance that you're concerned about.

Your friend's idea to hang out with him outside of his apartment, however, seems like a really good idea. If he refuses to make time for you in his life outside of the sexual realm, then that would be pretty telling. I understand that he's a busy guy, but if he has time to hang out with you inside of his apartment and in his bed, then he should certainly have the time to hang out with you outside.

 

[saymyname]

I think that the best approach would probably be a direct one, one without room for ambiguity or misunderstandings. From what you've written, he doesn't seem like the kind of person that would respond positively to being sent indirect messages about the relationship through sex. Even in the best-case scenario, he'd probably just think that it was a failed attempt to be sexy on your part, and it certainly wouldn't fix the power imbalance that you're concerned about.

Your friend's idea to hang out with him outside of his apartment, however, seems like a really good idea. If he refuses to make time for you in his life outside of the sexual realm, then that would be pretty telling. I understand that he's a busy guy, but if he has time to hang out with you inside of his apartment and in his bed, then he should certainly have the time to hang out with you outside.

Have you ever considered being an advice columnist? Thanks a ton.

 

[saymyname]

Ugh, I haven't heard from him since Sunday night when all the drama ended and we agreed that we'd hang out sometime and just not talk about the incident. He used to text me like every other day. I'm wondering how long I can go in my head with trust that he's just giving the situation time to cool off before I realize that maybe I just fucked this up and it's over.

I mean, on one hand, the specific things he said during this incident were: we'll talk about it later, not for the moment (when asked on sunday if he wanted to hang out this week), and "I don't want to talk about it, that's all." He'd still reply on Sunday on the gay chat website we met on if I just sent a quick "hey, how's it going" kind of message. When I asked him if he'd be cool with still hanging out and simply not discussing the incident he said "Yes". I feel like if he was just trying to be nice he would have said maybe.

I had a good feeling about this guy and I'm gonna be so mad at myself if I messed it up just because I came on too strong since it's been so long since I've liked someone, I got really excited and really worried when that drama happened. I know I shouldn't message him or anything until he gets at me, but I'm worried I won't hear from him, and two weeks will go by or something, and that'll just be it.

 

[altlover85]

Ugh, I haven't heard from him since Sunday night when all the drama ended and we agreed that we'd hang out sometime and just not talk about the incident. He used to text me like every other day. I'm wondering how long I can go in my head with trust that he's just giving the situation time to cool off before I realize that maybe I just fucked this up and it's over.

I mean, on one hand, the specific things he said during this incident were: we'll talk about it later, not for the moment (when asked on sunday if he wanted to hang out this week), and "I don't want to talk about it, that's all." He'd still reply on Sunday on the gay chat website we met on if I just sent a quick "hey, how's it going" kind of message. When I asked him if he'd be cool with still hanging out and simply not discussing the incident he said "Yes". I feel like if he was just trying to be nice he would have said maybe.

I had a good feeling about this guy and I'm gonna be so mad at myself if I messed it up just because I came on too strong since it's been so long since I've liked someone, I got really excited and really worried when that drama happened. I know I shouldn't message him or anything until he gets at me, but I'm worried I won't hear from him, and two weeks will go by or something, and that'll just be it.

All I can say is try and keep busy. I hope he contacts you soon!

 

[Cardenio]

I wouldn't wait by the phone/computer because that'll just make you more frustrated about the whole situation. You've made it clear that you want to keep seeing him, so the ball is entirely in his court at this point.

Are you dating anyone else at the moment? If not, then perhaps you should, just to take the pressure off of this relationship.