Why is it that being Bisexual is such a curse?

[Nomenclature]

Bisexuals go against the binary that society has taught us; you're either straight or you're gay. As corny as it is, people tend to hate what they don't understand. It seems like people in their teens and 20s today are more likely to accept the theory of the Kinsey Scale; that sexuality isn't always black-or-white.

 

[NSX577]

From a serious dating perspective, I always want to avoid bisexuals because it would seem to me they have twice the risk of cheating on you. They simply have potentially more temptations than a strictly gay or straight person. For anyone looking for a fling this does not matter, but it is likely a big challenge to find a bisexual that is willing to have a monogamous sexual relationship. Asking them to commit to just one sex is probably asking more than they are really capable of, speaking longterm of course.

I can understand where you are coming from but not all bisexuals will cheat of course but there are the group that would. See for myself it is very difficult because I agree with the last part of your statement, it is very hard for me to commit to someone because I feel like, because I am truly bisexual, that I might be making a mistake but I am hoping one day that the love for someone will be enough. Even though I say this, I would never cheat because that is just morally wrong. I believe that the only saying holds true, what goes aroud comes around.

 

[evanrick]

you cant expect anyone but other bisexuals to truly understand, but i think bi guys are more comfortable with using other men in a way gay men wouldn't.

 

[rareboy]

Because you are shifting sand and it is hard for people to find their footing.

Can the partners in your life even expect to be able to compete with one another when your sexual appetites are so fluid.

You need to find the understanding partners who can accept that you not only enjoy, but actually may need to drift back and forth between men and women.

And try to understand how confusing it is for those who are never sure what it is that you may want to be happy.

 

[Willie Boy]

Honestly?

Gay men dismiss you. Straight men think you're a freak. I'm wondering why I spent so many years arguing for the rights of gays to marry and delivering meals to aids sufferers if I wasn't a part of the community?

And yet the gay community, by and large, dismisses us? Politely, it's disheartening. Impolitely, it's a disgrace.

I wonder why it is that gay is genetic, but Bi isn't? Do you think we just choose it? We just have loose morals? We want to play both sides and leave a mess in our wake? REALLY ?

Please hear me and what I'm saying.Not how I present it.

Coming out for me has meant that I have to justify my sexuality to every gay AND hetero. ENDLESSLY.

There's your problem. Coming out is not about justifying yourself to anyone. It is an acknowledgement of who you are. If others can't accept that, it is their problem, not yours.

I'm not trying to start an argument. I'd just like to know why bisexuals are treated so differently.

Because there are so many people out there who fear anything they don't understand. And because bisexuality is a concept they don't have the wisdom to understand...... Well, you get the picture. This cowardice is not gender specific, nor is it orientation specific. Therefore you have straights that hate gays and bis, gays that hate straights and bis, and yes.... even bis that hate gays and straights.

It really is disheartening. If i don't belong with them, and I don't belong with you, where do I fit?

You fit here, just like the rest of us. again, stop trying to justify your existence to those who have no authority to question it. Be who you are without apology.

 

[Willie Boy]

Because you are shifting sand and it is hard for people to find their footing.

Can the partners in your life even expect to be able to compete with one another when your sexual appetites are so fluid.

You need to find the understanding partners who can accept that you not only enjoy, but actually may need to drift back and forth between men and women.

And try to understand how confusing it is for those who are never sure what it is that you may want to be happy.

It is obvious you do not understand the first thing about bisexuals..... It isn't about "drifting back and forth between men and women". Bisexuality is simply about being able to find someone from either sex. Just like there are many gays who can't find what they are looking for in one single sex buddy there are also some bisexuals like that. I am a bisexual and have been with my partner for 6 years now. I expect we will be together til death.

It really is exactly that simple.

 

[Rolyo85]

Actually, bisexuality is different in different individuals. There are those who really do shift between genders. I have a friend who in different periods of his life is either extremely gay or extremely straight.

 

[MoltenRock III]

Actually, bisexuality is different in different individuals. There are those who really do shift between genders. I have a friend who in different periods of his life is either extremely gay or extremely straight.

I have 3 bisexuals I know that fit this perfectly.

 

[Telstra]

Actually, bisexuality is different in different individuals. There are those who really do shift between genders. I have a friend who in different periods of his life is either extremely gay or extremely straight.

wow, that would be exciting.
Shifting to males one year, then shift to females the next, then back to males, and so on.

 

[slnattak]

Coming out is not about justifying yourself to anyone. It is an acknowledgement of who you are. If others can't accept that, it is their problem, not yours.

I think that's bullshit. If out gay men weren't trying to justify themselves to anybody, then they'd just keep their homosexuality a secret. The very fact that there is such a strong political movement about gays now is because they are trying to justify themselves, to society, so they won't get discriminated against.

If you're really secure about your sexuality, I don't think you'd have to tell anybody but you and your romantic partner. The only reason why gay men have 'come out' is because a lot of people have treated them unfairly based on who they are. Without the discrimination coming out is sorta pointless. Since straight people don't 'come out' they're just straight.

My point is that gay men need to be loved for who they really are (even if they are more darker or evil than most ppl), and a lot of coming out is in fact trying to justify to other people that they 'deserve equal rights' by acting politically correct. The entire thing just makes me vomit actually. I don't think this is about insecurity or security or a lack of self-confidence like the mainstream gay community always shouts about. I think this is about who we really are vs. the image we want to project to others.

 

[Rolyo85]

No, it's not bullshit. I don't feel the need to justify myself to anyone. I demand being accepted. That's why I am open and out - because I deserve acceptance by default, and I refuse to hide who I am, just so the bigoted ignorant will feel safe from my evil gay advances. By being out, I challenge them to have a problem with me. I don't want to keep it secret, and I shouldn't have to. It's not shameful, it's who I am. And it's beautiful.

Honestly, how can someone be gay and have the whole thing as wrong as you do?


...self-loathing is so unattractive...

 

[Telstra]

I think that's bullshit. If out gay men weren't trying to justify themselves to anybody, then they'd just keep their homosexuality a secret. The very fact that there is such a strong political movement about gays now is because they are trying to justify themselves, to society, so they won't get discriminated against.

If you're really secure about your sexuality, I don't think you'd have to tell anybody but you and your romantic partner. The only reason why gay men have 'come out' is because a lot of people have treated them unfairly based on who they are. Without the discrimination coming out is sorta pointless. Since straight people don't 'come out' they're just straight.

My point is that gay men need to be loved for who they really are (even if they are more darker or evil than most ppl), and a lot of coming out is in fact trying to justify to other people that they 'deserve equal rights' by acting politically correct. The entire thing just makes me vomit actually. I don't think this is about insecurity or security or a lack of self-confidence like the mainstream gay community always shouts about. I think this is about who we really are vs. the image we want to project to others.

Straight people tell people that they are straight ALL the time by holding hands in public, engagement parties in public, wedding celebrations ... etc.

 

[DragOneON]

Sorry, been off for a few days - this will be a long series of quotes

on the gay side, I think there's often a tiny voice in the back of a guy's mind wondering when his bisexual boyfriend is going to leave him for a woman so they can get married and pop out babies and not have to deal with any of the social stigmas about being a gay couple.

on the straight side, I think there's often a tiny voice in the back of a girl's mind wondering if her bisexual boyfriend is really just gay and afraid to admit it.

While I admit you have a point. I don't think that just because you are of the same orientation that the "little voice" stops. Read any of 200 posts on here about doubts with a partner (as we all do). Just because i like both doesn't mean I'm any less committed to who I'm with.

I've always accepted you.

the problem is that bisexual men would always 'one up' me on how better, faster, cooler, smarter and stronger than they were, because they were more straighter. They always were smug about it "Come on man don't you like pussy too"

A little but not really enough to call myself bisexual...

And almost always, without exception, they felt kick-ass and cool about their straight side, and they felt ashamed and pathetic about their gay side. And in the end would always choose her over me.

That's why gay men don't like bisexual men a lot. Can you really blame us? We have feelings and hearts too!!!

Lot's of people do that, it's narcissim coupled with an inferiority complex. Everyone has had to deal with somone who always has to one-up everyone. That isn't a bisexual trait, it's a human one.

I pretty much agree with everything Rolyo said. Additionally, in every case Ive come across the bi guy is already in a LTR relationship / marriage with a woman, so a guy on the side will always and only be just that; a side interest. Never have I met a bi guy in a LTR / marriage with a guy looking for a girl on the side.

This perfectly illustrates my cursed comment. I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't. Everyone wants to make it a question of sexuality, but it's a question of relationships. I was with a guy long term. That a woman (or man) might turn my eye means nothing. If my partner and I agree to a monogamous relationship, that's it. Period. If I may be so bold, in my eperience a lot of gay men act more like hetero women in how they approach sex. It isn't a physical act without the emotional connection.
There's a reason most straight women don't find man on man sex to be a turn on, while hetero men find woman on woman sex to be the greatest thing ever. Most women aren't into sex for the purely physical aspect. Ever seen a lesbian bathhouse?

Also, when you say you don't scream it from the rooftops, maybe you should. That's what it took for us gays to start to gain acceptance. Once coworkers, casual friends, and family know a bisexual openly the faster your cause will be met.

I'm not militant in any aspect of my life. I'm out and open. I don't make my starter conversation " I'm bisexual, deal with it." My sexual orientation is no secret, it's also not your business unless you choose to make it so. I don't hide my orientation to be considered straight. On an internet forum I can tell you I like facials. Doesn't mean that should be the first thing out of my mouth when meeting a new person

you cant expect anyone but other bisexuals to truly understand, but i think bi guys are more comfortable with using other men in a way gay men wouldn't.

I think that's incredibly simplifying. I'm not attacking you, but that's no better than the people or politicians who say gay men are more promiscuous and more liable to engage in risky sex. It simply isn't true. I could say "as a rule" "in general" "for the most part". Again, I'll use the gay bathhouse here. Gay men are just as capable in that aspect. For that matter, so are hetero's.


Pat two to follow.

 

[Willie Boy]

I think that's bullshit. If out gay men weren't trying to justify themselves to anybody, then they'd just keep their homosexuality a secret. The very fact that there is such a strong political movement about gays now is because they are trying to justify themselves, to society, so they won't get discriminated against.

We'll come back to this....

If you're really secure about your sexuality, I don't think you'd have to tell anybody but you and your romantic partner. The only reason why gay men have 'come out' is because a lot of people have treated them unfairly based on who they are. Without the discrimination coming out is sorta pointless. Since straight people don't 'come out' they're just straight.

So people treat them unfairly for being gay.... when those people don't even know they are gay? Cart before the horse much?

My point is that gay men need to be loved for who they really are (even if they are more darker or evil than most ppl), and a lot of coming out is in fact trying to justify to other people that they 'deserve equal rights' by acting politically correct. The entire thing just makes me vomit actually. I don't think this is about insecurity or security or a lack of self-confidence like the mainstream gay community always shouts about. I think this is about who we really are vs. the image we want to project to others.

All people deserve equal rights, being gay doesn't make you any more (or less) equal than being human. That is the issue. Your human rights should be based on your humanity, not on your sexual preferences. Coming out is not about gaining any rights. It used to be "coming out" was all about being a queen, shoving homosexuality in everyone's face as an insult. Later its started meaning everyone who openly acknowledges his homosexuality. The former was a detriment to the gay community, as it led the average person to mistakenly believe that is what homosexuality is all about. The latter is just the way it should be. Gays should be able to openly acknowledge themselves, but there is fear and hatred on both sides, mostly from misconceptions of what the other side believes. Us bisexuals get caught in the middle of that and are often treated like traitors by both sides. And that is a sad kind of funny..... Because if both sides would stop, and treat us with basic human courtesy we could probably bring y'alls together by helping you realize that when you take away the minor issue of sexual preference your still the same as each other, both sides are still human (even though neither acts like it anymore).

Now, back to the issue of out gay men justifying themselves. A guy comes out as gay, this is more for himself than for anyone else simply because it doesn't matter what anybody else has to say about it. The moment that gay man tries to justify himself he instead justifies the arguments of the others. By acknowledging the suggestion that he is less than human simply because his sexual desires lead him to same sex ass opposed to opposite sex he acknowledges the validity in such ideas, even when there is no validity in such ideas. Instead of justifying himself he simply justifies his opponent.

 

[DragOneON]

Because you are shifting sand and it is hard for people to find their footing.

Can the partners in your life even expect to be able to compete with one another when your sexual appetites are so fluid.

You need to find the understanding partners who can accept that you not only enjoy, but actually may need to drift back and forth between men and women.

And try to understand how confusing it is for those who are never sure what it is that you may want to be happy.

I do get what you're saying. All I can tell a partner is the truth. It is up to THEM to accept.

Again, my sexual orientation has nothing to do with my commitment to you. That speaks volumes about yourself rather than me. I don't like to keep using it, but I will. My wife knows this. She's a special person. She has no hangups about my orientation. Ultimately, that is about her ability to accept me as a person.

I'm struggling to understand all the advice on here about coming out to parents who are hostile. It's been said a million times on here, it isn't about YOU, it's about THEM. Do you see my dillemma?

It is obvious you do not understand the first thing about bisexuals..... It isn't about "drifting back and forth between men and women". Bisexuality is simply about being able to find someone from either sex. Just like there are many gays who can't find what they are looking for in one single sex buddy there are also some bisexuals like that. I am a bisexual and have been with my partner for 6 years now. I expect we will be together til death.

It really is exactly that simple.

HUG HUG HUG HUG.

Actually, bisexuality is different in different individuals. There are those who really do shift between genders. I have a friend who in different periods of his life is either extremely gay or extremely straight.

While not me, thanks for pointing out that we aren't all just random hard on's waiting for a hole. Luv yah.

No, it's not bullshit. I don't feel the need to justify myself to anyone. I demand being accepted. That's why I am open and out - because I deserve acceptance by default, and I refuse to hide who I am, just so the bigoted ignorant will feel safe from my evil gay advances. By being out, I challenge them to have a problem with me. I don't want to keep it secret, and I shouldn't have to. It's not shameful, it's who I am. And it's beautiful.

Honestly, how can someone be gay and have the whole thing as wrong as you do?


...self-loathing is so unattractive...

Gonna quote and answer here Roly -
No, it's not bullshit. I don't feel the need to justify myself to anyone. I demand being accepted. I don't demand anything. I give and receive respect and acceptance.

That's why I am open and out - because I deserve acceptance by default, and I refuse to hide who I am, just so the bigoted ignorant will feel safe from my evil gay advances. I am open and out as well. I've said this numerous times. Anyone with a genetic trait should be able to EXPECT acceptance. I don't expect you to hide being gay, any more than i would expect someone with cerebal palsy to hide it. (before you jump, I am not equating the two other than genetics)By being out, I challenge them to have a problem with me. I don't want to keep it secret, and I shouldn't have to. It's not shameful, it's who I am. And it's beautiful. QFT. And thus my sadness, that the group who's had the fortitude to fight this way, has been so unlikely to extend me the same gratitude

I don't loathe myself. I like who I am. I'm loyal and kind. I'm generous. I have both self respect, and respect for others. I'm no saint. I'm arrogant, argumentative and exremely ugly when pushed.

Honestly, how can someone be gay and have the whole thing as wrong as you do?

Honestly, how can someone be gay and have the whole thing as wrong as some of you do about bisexuals?

 

[Rolyo85]

I am just explaining though. I have never had an issue with that sexuality. Personally, I think that gays need to come down off the high horse a lot of the times, and remember how it felt being persecuted, hated and frowned upon for what you are. I think we owe everyone a free pass when it comes to who they like...

This is my first post in the topic And honestly, it might be a matter of the people you met, because I am studying in a very gay-friendly university, and I am yet to meet a gay person who has issues with bisexuality.

That said, I'm more likely to date a gay guy than a bi one, but that's just because real bisexuals are fewer than gays so I'm less likely to meet one And also because if you're not a real bisexual, but a gay dude trying not to feel "abnormal", I'd rather wait for you to grow up and come to terms with yourself.