Why the hypocrisy.....

[kinkikiki]

How is it a 'secret' when both partners consent to an open physical relationship? I'm sure every guy out there who's had a meaningless drunk hook up in his college years really feels that he "communicated" with that drunk girl or guy in such a significant way...

Maybe people here got pissed because he referred to other gay couples as "Stepford Gays," but what matters in the end is emotional fidelity, and so long as these couples want to spend their lives with one another, I don't see the problem with the two of them consenting to partake in sex where they wish to with whom they wish apart from one another. Couples both gay, bi, and straight all over the world have practiced sexual acts that compose of more than just the two of them. Couples seeking a third party to join them in a sexual escapade, couples who are exhibitionists, couples who enjoy a particular scene, all of them recognize that int he end, they are with someone, but the pleasure and intrigue of being with someone else not romantically, not emotionally, but purely physically is okay for them both to explore.

I don't see how that is worthy of disdain or if it's "fucked up" or any other of the terms thrown at this guy. Maybe he pissed you all off with his derogatory term, but he's also probably speaking out of frustration at sexually monogamous gay couples who feel as though they have the right to judge them.

Thank You.

You get where I'm coming from....the term "Stepford Gays" was probably a bit much....

but the thing is this Ryan and I went to this homewarming the other day, and I saw this hot young thing, so I did some flirting and this guy said to me "Your partner is just over there you know".....I said "Its ok....he's cool", he was like "Oh....your one of THOSE gays" and if looks could kill....Mark you, this isnt the 1st time both Ry and I have come across this.....

A simple "oh....ok..." but the eyes of judgement......

 

[bayern20]

I can imagine that two men could love each other so much that they would want the other to enjoy sex with other men on a mutal basis

LOL..sorry, I find that hilarious.

I dont know about other people, but for me, sex is very emotional. Even when it may be a hook-up, which I dont do much of, it is pretty emotional.

Now think about this. We as gays, to gain acceptance, tell people that its not just physical attraction that makes us gay, its also that we have an emotional attachment to men. You cant tell me that sex is not emotional. IMO, no relationship has started before the pair have had sex. That is kind of where you have to confirm things. If the sex is no good, the relationship is no good.

So, if you have sex with other men, you are always playing with fire that that person will get you emotionally and you will have to leave your partner. You just never know.

 

[idunoo]

are you sure that is a relationship and you really love him? becuase that sound alot liek fuck buddy and nothign else.

 

[luminum]

I don't every girl or guy who had an easy screw ran the serious risk of falling head over heals in love. Let's be real, here. Yes, and to gain acceptance, we explain that we also emotionally love men beyond just being physically attracted to them. So what's the point there? That we can't have meaningless sex?

Straight people have no-strings sex all the time. Why do you feel that gays have to have meaningful sex only in order to prove that our relationships and sexual dynamics are equal?

 

[Soilwork]

..and, curiously, the last place one would expect to find closed-minded people would be on a gay message board.

Actullay... from what I've seen, the more insecure and closeted the gay guy, the more finger pointing they do. This forum has a rather unfortunate amount of people saying that they can't come out because of someone else.

I'm all about people defining their own relationships. If gay guys want to have three-way relationships, open relationships or a series of meaningless hookups, I'm all about it.

I spent WAY too long letting other people in this world try to bully me into conforming to their parameters of acceptability and I won't take that shit anymore.

To some people, sex is a sacred, extremely emotional and bonding thing to only do with your partner... To some, sex is just a fun recreational thing and the love they feel is expressed in many other ways.

I know that my BF and I hold hands a lot.. hug a lot.. kiss a lot.. cuddle a lot.

I dont' do those things with other guys.

but sure... jacking off with my buds? That's not a super intimate thing to me.

 

[SuperQueer]

LOL..sorry, I find that hilarious.

I dont know about other people, but for me, sex is very emotional. Even when it may be a hook-up, which I dont do much of, it is pretty emotional.

Now think about this. We as gays, to gain acceptance, tell people that its not just physical attraction that makes us gay, its also that we have an emotional attachment to men. You cant tell me that sex is not emotional. IMO, no relationship has started before the pair have had sex. That is kind of where you have to confirm things. If the sex is no good, the relationship is no good.

So, if you have sex with other men, you are always playing with fire that that person will get you emotionally and you will have to leave your partner. You just never know.

I can understand your way of thinking from the perspective of it being what pretains/how it applies to your relationships. However, I have to deny your derivation/accusation that I would consider sex is not being an emotional activity - I completely agree with you there. I never designated sex as so and never made inclination as such. However, I know that I could have sex with any number of guys and not become emotionally attached to them. I reserve that honor [sarcastically] for my boyfriend, favorite sex buddies, friends, pets and family. After nearly 20 years - I still have great sex with my boyfriend and good sex with other guys. I must admit that sex with my boyfriend is usually more fulfilling. But I have had some incredibly hot and memorable sex with other men - all without the emotional thought of leaving my partner and never feeling like I was playing with fire. - I truely love my boyfriend and I am sure his feelings for me are mutual. We respect each other desires and wishes - and are both fully aware of when, where, how and even why they are exacted.

Yes, I had a boyfriend 21 years ago that fucked around behind my back. When I discovered what was going on - we decided to part ways. Bigger issues came into play here - TRUST and HONESTY. Two issues that my current boyfriend and I have included some hefty provisions in our healthy relationship.

My thought: When considering whether or not a committed couple can have emotionally charged sexual encounters with other men and still have a genuine relationship with their long time companion, I believe this is entirely possible. This is a judgement that can only be made between the two men involved. Disqaulifications from outside parties carry no credit here in my opinion.

More specifically, to Bayern20, you can judge my relationship and advise against it as much as you like - but it will not have an effect on my relationship or make me feel like my relationship is any less substantial or worthy of being admired. I did say I understood your way of thinking - but you have to understand that can only apply to you and your relationship - everything else to me is seen as your disagreeing/unapproving about they way another couple could chose to live their lives together.

I hope you don't consider this as a big toe stomping. I've said about all I want to say on this matter. I am now finding it taxing to defend my way of thinking.

 

[kinkikiki]

Actullay... from what I've seen, the more insecure and closeted the gay guy, the more finger pointing they do. This forum has a rather unfortunate amount of people saying that they can't come out because of someone else.

I'm all about people defining their own relationships. If gay guys want to have three-way relationships, open relationships or a series of meaningless hookups, I'm all about it.

I spent WAY too long letting other people in this world try to bully me into conforming to their parameters of acceptability and I won't take that shit anymore.

To some people, sex is a sacred, extremely emotional and bonding thing to only do with your partner... To some, sex is just a fun recreational thing and the love they feel is expressed in many other ways.

I know that my BF and I hold hands a lot.. hug a lot.. kiss a lot.. cuddle a lot.

I dont' do those things with other guys.

but sure... jacking off with my buds? That's not a super intimate thing to me.

So do we. We do all those things, even when we're just sittin in a cab together, we hold hands....

I can understand your way of thinking from the perspective of it being what pretains/how it applies to your relationships. However, I have to deny your derivation/accusation that I would consider sex is not being an emotional activity - I completely agree with you there. I never designated sex as so and never made inclination as such. However, I know that I could have sex with any number of guys and not become emotionally attached to them. I reserve that honor [sarcastically] for my boyfriend, favorite sex buddies, friends, pets and family. After nearly 20 years - I still have great sex with my boyfriend and good sex with other guys. I must admit that sex with my boyfriend is usually more fulfilling. But I have had some incredibly hot and memorable sex with other men - all without the emotional thought of leaving my partner and never feeling like I was playing with fire. - I truely love my boyfriend and I am sure his feelings for me are mutual. We respect each other desires and wishes - and are both fully aware of when, where, how and even why they are exacted.

Yes, I had a boyfriend 21 years ago that fucked around behind my back. When I discovered what was going on - we decided to part ways. Bigger issues came into play here - TRUST and HONESTY. Two issues that my current boyfriend and I have included some hefty provisions in our healthy relationship.

My thought: When considering whether or not a committed couple can have emotionally charged sexual encounters with other men and still have a genuine relationship with their long time companion, I believe this is entirely possible. This is a judgement that can only be made between the two men involved. Disqaulifications from outside parties carry no credit here in my opinion.

More specifically, to Bayern20, you can judge my relationship and advise against it as much as you like - but it will not have an effect on my relationship or make me feel like my relationship is any less substantial or worthy of being admired. I did say I understood your way of thinking - but you have to understand that can only apply to you and your relationship - everything else to me is seen as your disagreeing/unapproving about they way another couple could chose to live their lives together.

I hope you don't consider this as a big toe stomping. I've said about all I want to say on this matter. I am now finding it taxing to defend my way of thinking.

I like ur well thought out analysis. We are 6 years and counting....hope to reach 20 like ya'll going just the way we are.

 

[bayern20]

Hey..if it works for you, all the power to you. I'm not judging, just stating my view.

I'm just saying, PERSONALLY, I cant imagine my bf fucking or getting fucked by another guy. It makes me physically ill.