why would he do this?

[test123]

I'm at a loss of words guys. I was dating this guy for almost two months. We were all over each other. hung out almost every night for hours. texted each other. We were both our first relationship. There were the "im so glad i met you" "you make me so happy". really he was such a sweet guy. would surprise me at work (40min drive) all the time.

then i came across some adam4adam and re:craigslist emails. no problem thats how we met. probably some old emails he had (had no way of seeing the date, nor able to read the actual message). then he'd go a day without texting here and there. Our visits were cut short to an hour or 2 because his mom wanted him home or he had to go to the gym. other things werent adding up

So i couldn't help but search around on A4A. sure enough he created a profile 2-3 weeks ago. I already told him everything and called it off. The thing is that this whole time we were getting so close. there were still the "im so glad i have you" etc..

I'm new at relationships and never though someone could seem so genuinely interested, yet go behind my back like this. Am i missing something??

 

[nautiboyjeff]

Hey guy - young guys are very promiscuous and you are going to have to hone your ability to discern between genuine people and guys who are still trying to figure themselves out.

Don't get to jaded or upset, just learn from this guy and give yourself plenty of time to understand the next guy. When someone tells you all that, you may want a little YELLOW flag to go up. Not red, but yellow, just take it under advisement, especially within the first few weeks.

Hang in there, this is like dating in Jr. High. Remember how the girls used to bounce from one guy to the next? Well, you just got bounced.

Good luck and just be the person you want to be with!

 

[hotb0d]

I'm sorry to hear that. I guess all you can do now is learn from your first relationship and be more cautious next time with guys on a4a. Similar thing happened to me. We weren't boyfriends but this guy and I were hitting off pretty well. I thought eventually we will get to the boyfriend status. We also had the 'I'm glad I met you' 'You make me smile' and then all of the sudden, he got flaky and doesn't want to go out with me anymore. I moved on and you will too.

 

[8tomtoms8]

I really feel for you. Welcome to the reality of "the gay lifestyle". I think it sucks bigtime!!! I've had it happen to me and I'm sure I've done it to other guys. I found at least for me that it is very difficult to have a serious relationship until you're in your thirties if you want a guy around your own age. The other thing I found is often the guys who are the most attractive are also the most likely to "play the field" behind your back. If you are more emotionally mature for your age you're pretty much out of luck unless you find a guy who is a fair bit older.

I think the thing that bothers me the most is it seems to be totally acceptable for gay sex to be so casual. I guess it just isn't me. I could never have any fun doing the random hookup thing. I'm glad I don't have to anymore. I'd venture to say one day you won't either. Good luck

 

[Seasoned]

There are all kinds of guys with all kinds of issues and a limited number of ways for couples to meet. Some guys don't want to partner up, or will jump from relationship to relationship. We all know how powerful sex is and for guys that find sexual hook ups easy their incentive to settle down isn't great. Keep trying and keep trying different ways and places to meet guys. Remember too that some people are sex addicts and hooks ups can't stop until help is gotten.

 

[CudDULL]

Isn't that a bitch how oh so common this scenario is with us in the gay community (im sure straight too just to be fair).

I was basically in the same boat as you except we never set up boundaries since we were never officially going out. It sucks but I was part to blame in my situation.

But a word of maybe helpful advice, IF A MAN LIKES YOU ENOUGH, HE WILL SHOW IT TO YOU.

Also an excuse is an excuse regardless. So when you sense something is wrong and he starts getting flakey and splews all these excuses its time to move on.

 

[spencer]

Welcome to the reality of "the gay lifestyle".

Try welcome to the world of dating men. Girls go through this shit too. Men suck

 

[KaraBulut]

Compatibility is a complex thing. You may find someone that you are physically and emotionally compatible with but you end up have a very different set of values. That's what happened here, it seems.

Don't fall into the "All men are scum" trap because of one relationship. It's like riding a bike- you're gonna get a few skinned knees when you're learning. Next time, be a little clearer on your expectations about fidelity and that this is important to you. And maybe pick a way to meet people that allows a little more opportunity to get to know them.

 

[TX-Beau]

Some guys are flaky, some are not. Figure out what you want out of a guy before you start dating anyone else. If you know exactly what you want, you'll stand a better chance of filtering out the ones you don't want, or just want to have a little fun with. A lot of guys jump into relationships based on infatuation or lust, or mistaking wanting to have a boyfriend for wanting the boyfriend they have, but none of that is enough, you need commitment and compatibility for a relationship to work.

Don't expect too much in the way of commitment from really young guys.

There's nothing wrong with the infatuation or the hook-up, just make sure you don't confuse that for the relationship. The guys who are pretty good for the previous two, are not necessarily any good for the last.

Sounds like the two of you had a nice infatuation, it ran its course, so take your fun memories and move on.