Will I ever enjoy geting anal?

[lostsoul]

Hi Guys,

That is the question: Will I ever enjoy getting anal sex.

I am a married mostly straight guy that is playing with some guys. Many years ago, I had a gf that did me with a strap on.. It was fun and pleasurable, as I remember it.''

I have had sex with a few guys this past year. I have always wanted to be a bottom, and have some anal obsession. The guys that fucked me, were mostly pretty good. They went slow and listened to what I said.

I know that I need to relax and use lots of lube. We did all that.

I can take it without much pain or difficulty. I have gotten it in a few different positions too.

I just cant seem to find the pleasure in getting fuck. I really want it to feel good, but it does not. So many guys say that they love it.

I can take it, but it does not feel good. I have read all about the prostate and all that stuff. But the bottom line is that it does not feel good. I really want to experience that pleasure that so many guys talk about.

How do I do this????

What does it feel tike to you???

please let me in on the secret!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[star-warrior]

Hi lostsoul, I've requested this thread be moved to a no-flame zone for advice which will be less critical of your lifestyle choice.

You're married and playing around with guys, if your partner doesn't know, perhaps your overall lack of pleasure for anal may stem from some guilt about doing anal on the side, even if it is with guys. This means it'll be in the mind rather than any physical thing that's preventing you from the pleasure you're seeking. From what you've said, you've approached actual bottoming in a sensible manner.

 

[mbamike]

I understand where you are coming from, but first, be prepared for the moral police to pounce upon you with a bunch of needless babble that has nothing to do with answering your question. Once they learn a married guy is fucking around, they go ape shit. Just a little fore warning for you.

Now, back to the question.

I only bottom and have been doing it for a few years. My level of pleasure changes with each partner. A great deal of your enjoyment has to do with the experience you have as a bottom and the experience of the top too!

So, practice makes perfect just as in most situations in life. Then you will meet that top which just sends you to moon when you two engage in sex. From my experience, the sex is fantastic when the top and I click. Keep practicing. You will enjoy anal.

 

[anchihiro]

Buy a normal size Dildo and practise all the time. Potentially pleasure may increase.

 

[lostsoul]

Thanks guys,

I am new, so I dont know if i can edit my post.

My wife said that it is ok for me to play with the guys. Yes this is a bit unique as I understand it. She is secure enough with me to know that I will play safe. We are not swingers by any stretch.

So that makes me bi, no problem. And I am not cheating on my wife. She has met a couple guys that I wanted to date, also. I dont tell her the details. It is just me hanging out with the boys, LOL. She trusts me to play safe. She goes out with her friends and I have mine. No problem.

I am definitely a very emotional person. It has been difficult for me to find a steady guy. I dont really feel comfortable with a guy on a first date. It takes a few dates, and that has not happened, so I do the best I can.

I may feel some guilt or confusion. It is like I want to be with a guy, but I am not sure how I feel about it. Guys dont really turn me on, but there is something there that I am trying to find out. Maybe i have not said that right, but whatever.

If the moral police have an issue, I am ready. I am not fooling around on my wife!! She Knows!

Star, thanks for the intervention.

Mike, thanks too!

 

[Rolyo85]

Well, I'm gonna be only semi-moral police. My guess would be that you have unresolved issues with your sexuality. I can''t know that for certain of course, but that's the impression I've gotten from your posts so far. There are many levels of sexuality, and who you are has EVERYTHING to do with how much you enjoy sex. You said "mostly straight", but then you said "bi". Can you say that you stand 100% behind that? Can you face yourself in the mirror and say "yes, I like both men and women equally, and there is no shame or confusion in that"? If yes, then just keep looking for the right partner, and you will find pleasure. If no, then you need to face your demons and decide who you really are first, or you'll never find it.

 

[Eagle653]

Sometimes it just doesn't feel good or isn't pleasurable. It doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong, it could just be that bottoming is not your thing and doesn't turn you on. Since you're doing all the safety stuff like lots of lube and patience, and you can accommodate a cock without much pain or difficulty--you're doing all the right things mechanically. Thus, doing it differently is not likely to make it pleasurable or satisfying.

If it's any consolation, there are a lot of gay and bi guys who just aren't into bottoming as much as they'd like to be. As a top, I never got into myself. Maybe that would give you more pleasure when being with a man, or maybe sticking with oral (personally, I'm much more into oral than I am anal anyway).

Good luck! The good thing is you're trying new and different things and giving all options a fair shot.You'll get the groove of what works best and feels best to you.

 

[lostsoul]

Roly, you may have a point.

I dont consider that a moral police issue, lol.
You have a valid non judgmental point.

It seems that I am a bit confused. Sometimes I think it is with the guys that I meet also. I would like to find someone that I am comfortable with, like a real date. when I get to know someone, then I can be more attracted. The guys I meet are through the dating sites. Mostly they are bi curious, or sort of bi guys. I dont know what labels to use.

I say mostly straight because i have not played with guys in 25 years. So I dont know what label to use.

I have no problem with "romantic" notions about a guy. I see being with guys as dating, just like with women. The guys that I meet, are mostly into the "just quick sex". I have found a couple that are more into romance"

thanks for the reply!!

 

[Rolyo85]

How long it's been has no relevance to your sexuality There are self-repressed guys who have never done anything with another guy and are still flaming faggots. It's what you want, what you like and what you need.

Personally, I have SERIOUS difficulty buying the "bi/bi curious" label on dating sites (I am not accusing YOU of anything, mind you). When I see a guy looking for dick, who goes out of his way to say he's "bi" or "curious", I call bullshit. Maybe in 20 years it will be easier to believe that, but in my experience 99% of the guys who say that are just homos in denial...

 

[lostsoul]

I get what you mean Rolyo. I really dont know what to say.

In a sense, I think that because I want to experience anal sex, I may be trying to more gay then I really am. That may make you crazy, but it feels like I am being pushed to do things that are not me.

Oh the other hand, maybe i am a flamer. I am exploring.

 

[Rolyo85]

A question with some relevance to the plot: how do you feel about homosexuality, and the possibility of you being gay? Speak honestly, nobody is going to get offended

 

[lostsoul]

I am a person that has been around gay people all my life. I am from NYC. Homosexuality is just fine with me. I understand it. When I was young I found the idea of it to be appealing. I thought that why not have sex with my friends. That was when I was full of hormones and needed to get off. I played with a few guys. We did oral on each other.

I found that women really were what turned me on. I was attracted to girls, not to guys. The thought of sex with a guy turned me on. I had romantic feeling for girls. I have been in love with a few girls. That was for me.

Gay sex has always been a fantasy of mine. This year I have acted on the fantasy. I am finding out that the reality and the fantasy are not the same thing. My play with the guys has been a big disappointment. The guys have been interested in just sex. I dont know exactly what I want, but I need a connection to have sex with someone.

i have noticed that some guys have this desire to suck cock. I never had that desire. I do suck cock to please my partner, not myself.

I have kissed some guys. It is not that good. They really have been bad kissers. I also have had a window into male sexuality that I never had before. I will say that i have been amazed. It seems that these guys are just interested in genital sex. I am a touchy feely guy. I need to have kissing, touching and body contact.

Sometimes I have wished that i was gay. women can be such a pain, lol.

So, I think that I am an advocate for gay rights and gay people. I work in health care, and have found that I am much more accepting about people's sexuality then most people.

Maybe I am just fascinated with homosexuality.

 

[Rolyo85]

Thanks for the clarification. I'd say you're probably bi.

Now to address some of the stereotypes here Guys aren't interested in just sex. People on dating/hook up sites are interested in just sex. You can still find decent ones there, but it's hard. I am using Grindr actively, and I'd say the ratio "actual people"/hook up meat market biorobots is about 1/20. Those 5% exist though, it's a matter of sifting through the trash to get to them. They won't mind dating, talking, getting to know you etc.

I am as gay as you can be without turning into a rainbow, and yet I have zero desire for sucking dick ^_^ It is what it is, some people find it more appealing than other.

Kissing is gender neutral. It's a skill, and some people are good at it while others aren't.

And my impression is that people whose sex life consists mainly of hook ups, aren't very good in bed haha. Not good with the romantic element of sex either.


Btw, I have also wished I was gay Women are a total pain. Looking at heterosexual college interaction, I cannot fathom how straight guys EVER manage to get laid...

 

[lostsoul]

Good exchange. I am just a guy trying to figure out what I want. I have no problem with who i am. i know that society does.

So, I guess i am bi, that is fine with me.

I agree that the sex sites are populated with people just looking for sex. At least the guys are.

Recently I found a gay guy. We have been together twice. I think that he might be a good match for me. We will see.

I will check out that site. thanks.

Sometimes I have been a bit of a voyeur. I have been to the popular gay vacation spots. Province town, hamptons, key west, greenwitch village.

I know that women can be a pain. They cant even stand each other. Men can be just as bad, from what i have seen.

if i was single, I would try to date guys and really find out how it all is. For now, I will just play a little.

My mom is convinced that if there were no gay people, there would be no art. I agree.

Thanks for your posts, I really appreciate it.

 

[ladude2011]

To answer your original question, (And I'm surprised no one has said this so far) I dont think you need to force yourself to like anal sex as a bottom. If you dont like it, then you dont like it, no problem. Not all men who enjoy sex with other men, enjoy bottoming, myself included. I definetely enjoy topping and not bottoming, which is why I dont do it. So if youre the same, just stay as a top.

 

[palemale]

I'm bi and vers. Tend to top more. Some guys want to skip most of the foreplay/making out and just fuck. Those experiences for me are always a let down, even if I have a huge orgasm. I always think after those times, "a Dildo would have been just as satisfying."

I have had a couple of fuckbuds, however, who love to kiss and make-out. We explore each others' bodies, caress, suck each other. The anal becomes the icing on the cake, after an hour or so of hot sex. These buds know what they are doing, love to kiss while they are fucking. A couple of times, I have cum first. We just wait ten minutes, and start fucking again and I'll have a second orgasm. Afterwards, we'll lay in bed for a bit and talk, kiss, caress. Those are the times when anal sex is great, because you are fully aware that the cock in your ass is attached to a guy with whom you share a connection based on friendship and affection. The emotional connection you started out with is consummated with the final, physical connection.

 

[KaraBulut]

We get a lot of posts in these forums from members who have a "straight" friend who likes to sleep in the same bed and cuddle with guys, or who is very touchy-feely or who gets a little too affectionate when they're drunk.

It's confusing to gay guys because they often fall into the trap of reducing homosexual behavior to a few sex acts.

That's the trap that you're in. There is something that you get from physical and emotional interaction with men. It's something that being with a woman doesn't satisfy. But you're falling into the stereotypes about same-sex relationships- that it's all about blowjobs and ass-fucking.

There are guys who are probably bisexual but what they want is just interaction with other guys, not necessarily sex.

Probably the first step for you is to back up and start over. You need to figure out what it is that you want from guys. Instead of trying to equate it to getting fucked or sucking a guy off, maybe you need to give some thought to what it is that you want here. It may be that cuddling with a guy is enough. It may be that getting naked together is enough. Maybe mutual massage is enough. Maybe jacking off together is enough. Maybe you just want to hold hands and watch a football game together.

Once you decide what you're looking for, it will be much easier to find guys who want the same thing. It may, however, be difficult to find gay guys who are willing to limit themselves to the things that you want to do and not take it any further, though.

 

[lostsoul]

Thank you all for the feedback.