So this is my coming out story to my friends and to my family which the latter didn't really work. I'm pretty sure I didn't post this anywhere else. Oh and if your wondering, my name was two years ago wheen I thought I was Bi and I think I should really see if they can change it...
So for my school thing what happened was in Grade 10 (I'm now in what use to be known as Grade 13/OAC) I started realising I had feelings for boys but because of how my town is I tried to deny it, that I didn't want people to know because I'd be discriminated against. But in Grade 11 I decided to start telling people, slowly with my closest friends then branching out. However, one of the friends I told took the conversation we had on MSN and pasted it into an email that she sent to half the school, and of course it just went from half the school to one person sending it to their friends who sent it to their friends, etc etc. But because of this I basically was outed. Then I also made a Yahoo personals profile in which a girl at my school found and printed off copies of it and passed it around the school. After this pretty much everyone knew. If anyone didn't I just told them because at the time I finally realized I liked boys and only boys. So that is my story with school, and as of now no one hates me or beats me up because of my being gay, the only reason they maybe dislike me is because I tend to flaunt it or be so in your face with it. But I am trying to mend fences by taking it down a notch or two.
Now onto the family....
I tried coming out to them five years ago, of course I had just recently come out to myself at the time so it was harder to defend myself, but it didn't go as planned. I wrote a letter to them and they confronted me about it. When paving the driveway an hour later my mom asked me if I could see myself kissing a boy and I told her "I don't know". She began to almost cry and told me she couldn't have me in the house ruining her reputation in the city as the gay son and told me she'd take me wherever just as long as it was out of the house. I packed my bags and thought I was about to leave but she stopped me as she was talking to her parents (my grandparents). I stayed but had to talk to my aunt who asked me questions like what do you get an erection to a boy or a girl and such, and I answered the opposite of what I wanted to. Eventually the day ended with me telling her I wanted the toned body structure of a guy not to actually be with guys. I'm sure she still realizes I'm gay but just can't confront me about it. She will make references to the gay thing but never actually ask if I'm gay. But I'm pretty sure that if she thought I wasn't gay she wouldn't still be talking about the topic. I'm going to be coming out in June and have contacts with the closest PFLAG chapter who has offered to come and talk when I need help with Mom and Dad. But all I can do is hope and pray. I know that I'm not going to be truly happy until I come out. My second relationship actually ended with me breaking up with him because I was going through a depression that I think partially came from my constant lying to my parents about where I was going. (Of course I eventually also didn't really feel that special feeling with him, it was more just kissing but no passion from me.) I've had three more boyfriends since then since I got to university so it's a lot easier since I'm not always at home.
My family (excluding my parents who are still completely in denial, and my grandparents who are just really old now so no point in telling them) all accept me. Brothers, Sisters, Aunts, Uncles don't really know but I don't really care if they do or not (not really super close to the uncles nor do i see them like ever), and my aunt has even said she'll help me tell my mom again because she believes Gramps himself wouldn't like that Mom treated me that way about my being gay. He always said it doesn't matter who the child is, the child is still the parent's child.
Do you think I'll ever be able to tell them? Do you have any advice? I just feel like every time I want to say it, I just can't. What's more I mean I can even mouth "I'm gay" when I'm in the car to the back of their chairs...but I just can never say it in real life....and it's just so frustrating because the longer I keep it...the more it could hurt...and what's more is I have SUCH a huge relationship with my mother....I know I'm going to be so hurt when it happens because our friendship won't be the same for so long and I just don't know if I can even handle that....
So for my school thing what happened was in Grade 10 (I'm now in what use to be known as Grade 13/OAC) I started realising I had feelings for boys but because of how my town is I tried to deny it, that I didn't want people to know because I'd be discriminated against. But in Grade 11 I decided to start telling people, slowly with my closest friends then branching out. However, one of the friends I told took the conversation we had on MSN and pasted it into an email that she sent to half the school, and of course it just went from half the school to one person sending it to their friends who sent it to their friends, etc etc. But because of this I basically was outed. Then I also made a Yahoo personals profile in which a girl at my school found and printed off copies of it and passed it around the school. After this pretty much everyone knew. If anyone didn't I just told them because at the time I finally realized I liked boys and only boys. So that is my story with school, and as of now no one hates me or beats me up because of my being gay, the only reason they maybe dislike me is because I tend to flaunt it or be so in your face with it. But I am trying to mend fences by taking it down a notch or two.
Now onto the family....
I tried coming out to them five years ago, of course I had just recently come out to myself at the time so it was harder to defend myself, but it didn't go as planned. I wrote a letter to them and they confronted me about it. When paving the driveway an hour later my mom asked me if I could see myself kissing a boy and I told her "I don't know". She began to almost cry and told me she couldn't have me in the house ruining her reputation in the city as the gay son and told me she'd take me wherever just as long as it was out of the house. I packed my bags and thought I was about to leave but she stopped me as she was talking to her parents (my grandparents). I stayed but had to talk to my aunt who asked me questions like what do you get an erection to a boy or a girl and such, and I answered the opposite of what I wanted to. Eventually the day ended with me telling her I wanted the toned body structure of a guy not to actually be with guys. I'm sure she still realizes I'm gay but just can't confront me about it. She will make references to the gay thing but never actually ask if I'm gay. But I'm pretty sure that if she thought I wasn't gay she wouldn't still be talking about the topic. I'm going to be coming out in June and have contacts with the closest PFLAG chapter who has offered to come and talk when I need help with Mom and Dad. But all I can do is hope and pray. I know that I'm not going to be truly happy until I come out. My second relationship actually ended with me breaking up with him because I was going through a depression that I think partially came from my constant lying to my parents about where I was going. (Of course I eventually also didn't really feel that special feeling with him, it was more just kissing but no passion from me.) I've had three more boyfriends since then since I got to university so it's a lot easier since I'm not always at home.
My family (excluding my parents who are still completely in denial, and my grandparents who are just really old now so no point in telling them) all accept me. Brothers, Sisters, Aunts, Uncles don't really know but I don't really care if they do or not (not really super close to the uncles nor do i see them like ever), and my aunt has even said she'll help me tell my mom again because she believes Gramps himself wouldn't like that Mom treated me that way about my being gay. He always said it doesn't matter who the child is, the child is still the parent's child.
Do you think I'll ever be able to tell them? Do you have any advice? I just feel like every time I want to say it, I just can't. What's more I mean I can even mouth "I'm gay" when I'm in the car to the back of their chairs...but I just can never say it in real life....and it's just so frustrating because the longer I keep it...the more it could hurt...and what's more is I have SUCH a huge relationship with my mother....I know I'm going to be so hurt when it happens because our friendship won't be the same for so long and I just don't know if I can even handle that....
