Wishful thinking? is he... or isn't he???

[ebluue]

Hi guys, how are you all??

I have a small problem that i want to get to the bottom of it, it isn't really a problem per se or anything serious, i just want to get some answer because my curiosity is killing me. So it 'll be greatly appreciated if i could get some responses from "experienced Flirting/dating/love gurus" on here. It's a very long read!


Anyway, here is the story - There's this guy i recently became friends with. I have seen him around uni for over 3 years but we didn't really talk to each other until recently.
well, i have just started getting to know and talking him and maybe it's just my wishful thinking, but i think he might be interested in me... Because i don't really know how to describe it, i just got this really strange vibe from him, even back when i didn't hang around with him, every time i made eye contact with him from across the room, i just got this feeling that he is looking at me differently.

Even though i'm an extrovert person, but when people stares at me i get nervous and try to avoid eye contact with them. Like this morning, when i walked in class and say hi to my other close friends, I can feel him looking at me, when i turned around to face him, I was right, he was actually looking at me (for more than 5 seconds at least). There are also a few more times when i was next to him, and from the corner of my eyes, i can see that he was keeping his eyes on me (long staring).

Also when we were eating our lunch at the food court today (together with other friends). I made a mess and asked for tissues and nobody was carrying it, he said he will get it for me and went to the counter, i though he was joking around and so i walked over to the counter as well, he actually grabbed some tissues and said 'i got these tissues just for you' and so why am i getting some from the counter as well...

He seem like a really nice guy and all, and good looking too, but from my observation of him and his interactions with other guys or with anyone. He seem a bit arrogant, as in - I'm a leader and full of confidence (and not the i'm better than you type). Also, from what i'm seeing, he didn't look at other guys for more than 3 seconds. Also he raised his eyebrows when he talks to me, i didn't see him doing that with other people.

Also, at one time, while working together we came across an image of a man with a funny crotch shot (no nudity), he laughed and i pretended i didn't see that and kept my eye fixed on something else on the screen. From the corner of my eye i could see him looking at me to see what my reaction and response were, and i just kept quiet like nothing has happened.

Anyway, On our good bye today, he told me he is heading off to his girl friend's place. So i'm thinking to myself he is str8 after all, but in the back of my mind, something is telling me he is at least bi.... what do you guys think? Maybe he is just one Very Very nice str8 guy after all? if so his girl friend is one lucky bitch i can tell you that.

Oh by the way, we're in our early 20s.

On a side note - All the guy i came across so far treated me a bit differently, like when they talk to each other, they are sorta like aggressive, swearing at each other and putting each other down in a friendly manner (you know the macho guy talk). But when they talk to me, they don't use any of that, they are more polite to me for some unknown reason (str8 and gays).

I got hit on by quite a few guys (e.g ask to buy me chocolate and blowing kisses) in my uni. I usually just ignored it and pretended like nothing had happened, but this time, my curiosity gets the best of me and i want to know the answer... Is he interested in me??

 

[rareboy]

Ah the power of imagination.

Let him take the lead on this.

Maybe he just feels protective because he has a brother who's a homo too.

Just don't obsess over it.

 

[TX-Beau]

OK. A bag full of suppositions and moonbeams does no a gay boy make.

Gay men who are interested in you do not bring up their girlfriends.

So what you're really asking is if he's a closet case.

Does it really matter? Any guy who's so far in the closet that he has a girlfriend isn't going to be able to give you what you want.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>I got hit on by quite a few guys (e.g ask to buy me chocolate and blowing kisses) in my uni. I usually just ignored it and pretended like nothing had happened, but this time, my curiosity gets the best of me and i want to know the answer... Is he interested in me??

Does he know you're gay? Not in a "he may have heard something" sort of way - does he KNOW you're gay? If not, there's your first step. Let him know you're gay.

>>>Oh by the way, we're in our early 20s.

Start acting like it.

Lex

 

[spencer]

since you're interested in him, go be his friend. Come out to him and see if he puts the moves on you for real.

It is better however to just let him be. he didn't hit on you, he was just being friendly. The world needs more friendly people.

 

[Seasoned]

All this gets much easier once you are out. But do that at your own pace. In the meantime there is bound to be some missteps and frustration.

 

[Lube]

Are you out?

He probably left a thread on here a few days ago, saying: "OMG, I met this really cute guy but I'm afraid to come out to him. I think he's gay because people have whispered about him, but he's never told me directly. I was gonna try to ask him out, but I lost the nerve, and instead told him I have a girlfriend. Now what do I do??!!!".

This shit happens over and over and over again here. Two guys, dancing around the issue, but nobody wants to come out.

Somebody has to come out and he dropped the ball so it has to be you. Are you up to it?

(If, by chance, you are out, and you have specifically told him you're gay, he's either straight or in denial. In either case, don't bother with him.) http://www.justusboys.com/forum/view.php?blog=153515&id=18109&title=i-think-this-guy-is-gay

 

[jubalon]

Just to make one thing very clear. You said he seemed arrogant? Well, arrogance is very often insecurity in disguise. You might be insecure around him, right? He might very well perceive that as arrogance, himself. If that is the case, you could try to be more open and available with him around.

 

[ebluue]

Thanks everyone for the replies!
I think it's just my imagination playing with me. I will try to not think too much of it and keep everything cool (putting him in the just friends category)... All the good caring guy is taken

I'm not outed and i'm too afraid of telling people, i don't know, i just don't know how they would react to it. I think there are rumors going around that i might be bi/gay because i always dress very nicely/elegant and always make sure to look my best. people usually associated that with being gay right?

jubalon, you're right that i'm insecure about myself, i just can't help it.

When I was a kid, I rarely if at all got any compliments from anyone. When i was in my early teen year, i was told by the popular girls that i was ugly and my grades at school wasn't that good. And not to mention having a big sister who always got compliments on her appearance from strangers and relatives, so it didn't help my poor self esteem at all...

In my senior year like when i'm 17 and on ward, people started being much nicer to me and the girls starting to liking me. The 3 girls who used to calling me ugly all the time during childhood became nicer to me as well, at one point, i caught myself facing with them in the mirror, I realised that i actually look prettier than them, and i'm a guy. Over time i spent more and more time looking at myself in the mirror. (yeah i know shallow and vain, but i can't help it). I'm still being myself and nice to everyone but i'm paying more attention to my looks now! Which is the cause of my insecurity.

Shortly turning 18, i started meeting guys over the net. I lost count when the number of guys i met got over 40, rarely do i meet the same guy twice, the most is 3 times but that was only with 1 guy out of a few dozen. Before calling me a slut, I have only done stuff with 4 different men, like just oral and jerking off.
On my first meet up with all of the guys, they would compliment on my looks, saying things like i look good, sexy, cute, or hot. Not one of them say anything about me being a nice or kind heart a person. I help elderly people carried their grocery or heavy luggage quite often. My life long dream is to donate toys to children living in refugee camp every year (it's another long story).

Usually on the first date, the guys would offering me vacation trips, buying me things, giving me money, and a few actually told me they "LOVED' me after 10 mins,, Of course I can tell they lied about loving me and they just wanting sex, these are the ones that I stop seeing after the first time. Also, i didn't take up on any of the offers and gifts they offered me. I paid for my own share when going out with them no matter how cheap or expensive it might be. I knew they would expect sex from me in return if i were to take up their offers. I don't ever want to feel like i own them anything but sometime it's very tempting though.

Of course some of you might say if i care too much about my looks, i would only attract those who are only after good looks. Well, like i said earlier, people treated me nicely, more politely and friendlier when i look good, like when i had my wisdom teeth removed, my face was swollen like a pig and no one would look or paying any attention to me.

My online dating went on for a while and it didn't help with my self esteem at all, year sure it's nice hearing compliments from guys and all, but they made me feel like a cheap slut at the same time, you know, wanting to buy me with money and gifts. So i stopped meeting men from the net all together... The guys that hit on me at Uni are pretty much the same too, i can only see lust in their eyes.

The only one guy that i came across so far that actually made me feel good about myself wass one of my lecturer, everytime i talked to him, i can feel he is genuinely paying attention to me and listening to every word i say. Also he would give me a pat on the shoulder when i did a good job on my work, or whenever he say hi to me. He is very caring and is the the type of guy i would date , I feel at peace with myself when ever i'm around him, He is a very nice to everyone, very elegant and none judgemental.

And While with the other guys, when ever i wear something tight, they would just eyeing me up and down more. Yeah sure i like the attention and validation from them, but at the same time i feel the pressure of holding it up all the time. I constantly check my reflection to make sure i don't look bad. Strange as this might sound, I will feel ugly if i don't see my reflection for more than a few hours, it's like as if my mental state is returning back to my childhood at a time when i was un-attractive.

WHy am i so hung up on my look you ask? well, there are 2 reasons for that. Firstly, I want to look good for my potential future bf, i want to stand out and attract him (where/who ever he might be). I want to be hot for him physically and as well mentally. I want to have a fit body he want to touch and kiss while having a conversation together and as well staying healthy. I take my work very serously and always watching discovery/national geographic channel etc... to improve my knowledge of the world, My IQ is 136 (bet you think i'm stupid with my bad grammar), I'm just a visual person and dislike reading books.

The second reason is - I don't ever want to go back to my child hood when people teased me for being ugly, don't get me wrong, looking back at it now, it isn't so bad, at least I didn't have to starve for food and clean drinking water like so many other kids in third world countries
I just dislike the feeling of being unappreciated and ignored by people when i was a kid.


My main insecurity is my look, i guess those bitches from childhood actually did my head in. I'm calling them bitches is because they're still a faced bitches.
I know i'm kinda vain (i don't judge other people, i'm only being hard on myself), I know look will fade eventually and I'm slowly trying not to let myself tied to my look. Hopefully one day i can walk down the street without caring what other people may think.

Thank you all for the support

 

[Lube]

Thanks for revealing so much about yourself.

It's very, very unfortunate that those girls teased you the way you did. But you do need to get over your narcissism. You are beautiful now, but beauty is fleeting. And, unless you're a bear (which I doubt), youth is revered in society in general and gay society specifically.

What's good, though, is that you are looking for love. Just don't fool yourself that your bf has to be as beautiful as you. Beauty is only skin deep.

Find a bf based on personality and how you two 'click'; not on beauty.

Good luck.

 

[ebluue]

Thanks Lube!

I understand that beauty fades and nothing lasts for ever. Like i said earlier, i'm working on it, i try not to let myself getting too obsessed with my appearance.

I don't expect my future bf to look like a model, it'll be nice if that do happens.
ultimately i'm only attracted to guy with substance and someone who genuinely cares for me. Some one who is stable and intelligent that i can look up to. Like if i don't know something and asked him, he'll have the answer i need. And it's not very easy to find a guy like that.

So far i have only came across a guy that actually fit my Ideal guy's personality, He is so charming, sincere, so intelligent and super nice. And that person is my uni Lecturer, He is in his early 40s and isn't what society would called a Hunk. I don't mind that at all and I'm attracted to him because on his wonderful personality. And only if he were 10 or 15 years younger!
it's so difficult to find a nice guy, either they're st8 & married or is settled down with somebody....

Usually I'm a very self dependent but lately i've been feeling so blue and lost for no reason. I think this is the reason for me imagining that nice guy (on my first post) might be hitting on me lol...It'd be nice to have a nice bf to cuddled and share my thoughts with.
Do you guys think it's my age catching up to me? like most of my friend is currently dating someone. Like having a gf or a bf! I'm happy for them and all but i can't help myself from feeling down and envying them...

 

[MMMonsterBoy]

Reading this thread made me see how silly/imaginative my similiar thread was! Nice straight guys can be the worst, but the best at the same time. Would rather have that then some prick straight bud. I had to ask myself, would I think the nice guy I like was gay/bi if he was ugly to me? I answered truthfully, and to be honest I probably wouldn't. Then reality hit me when he had to call his girlfriend, I was barking up the wrong tree.

I know exactly how you feel with feeling the need for someone else to be there for you intimately and just not a friend. I notice that all the people in relationships found their other person because they weren't looking for a relationship. How backwards, but life has a horrible sense of humor.

 

[jubalon]

There's nothing wrong with a little vanity, in my opinion. But that again, I am a bit vain. I spend some extra time (and money) on my appearance, and I find that it makes me a lot more secure. In addition, it's quite nice to receive compliments from time to time. If I know that I'm having a day of bad looks, I will be a bit less confident. But there is a difference between pure narcissism, and making an extra effort.