Working out/talking to my crush, but he's being flakey...thoughts?

[thegentleman]

I had a crush on this guy who co-owned a local food place near my home for a while. It was nothing more than that, just a crush. I never thought I'd actually talk to him or anything would come of it, I simply just knew him from going in there to get food every now and then. He has a very muscular physique, and several of my friends and I have questioned whether he is gay (closeted) or not.

Anyway, I ended up finding him on Facebook sometime last year and added him and followed him on Instagram. He accepted the requests. I was out of work for a while and home bored and alone, and really wanted to start going to the gym. I noticed that he is always posting videos/pics of himself in the gym with people and thought he might be a personal trainer. I decided to message him and ask if he does personal training, since I really need a trainer and figured having my crush as my trainer would be a little extra motivation to go to the gym lol.

He responded and told me yes, and gave me his number to text him (this was a little over a month ago). We started discussing working out. We talked about my goals and my availability/schedule and his. He told me he is here to help and is very flexible with pricing and could work with my budget, which is a HUGE plus for me since I don't make that much at the moment and have student loan debt, etc. I knew that he no longer co-owned the food place and apparently he now has his own construction business, so he told me his schedule is pretty flexible this time of year.

Anyway, I expressed to him that I wanted to start working out sometime after I started my new job (I started a couple weeks ago) and he said that was fine. He ended up following me back on Instagram and before I knew it, he was sending me funny memes/videos, etc and we were chatting like buddies. Seemed like a really cool/nice guy. One day while I was home, I posted on my Instagram story "anyone wanna grab lunch?" and he replied "yes". I asked him when and he told me he'd call me when he got out of the gym. He never called, and a few hours later he finally messaged me on Instagram and told me "sorry, I had to run and do something for a project I'm working on". I told him no big deal.

We continued to chat via text/Instagram DM. A couple weeks ago, one of my friends (who knows him casually) ran into him when he was out to eat. This kid (my crush) mentioned to my friend that he has been talking to me, and that I seem like a really nice guy and he probably won't even charge me for training since he really just loves the gym and isn't certified or anything.

Eventually, we set a day/time to start training which was toward the end of February. Well I texted him on that day and he didn't respond, so I went to the gym on my own. He texted me back while I was at the gym "sorry I just saw this" (hours later) and was messaging me on Instagram as well asking if I got his text. We then scheduled to work out the next day. The next day he actually followed through. He seemed really nice and we were joking around with each other, talking about work, etc. He told me he wants to do 3 days a week at the gym with him, and then 2 days on my own doing cardio. He told me that he wouldn't charge me for now, because he just wants to see where I'm at and then eventually if I want to continue we can work something out, but that training isn't his primary source of income. During our chat he told me that he sometimes is at the gym twice a day for hours at a time, and it's his "happy place" and he jokingly said "I got problems". After we did some lower body exercises, he told me to do some cardio while he worked out, and then to come and see him before I left, which I did.

To make a long story short, he has been really flakey. Not responding to texts when we planned to work out, but then he will randomly text me asking me "what's up buddy" and this and that. Earlier this week, I ran into him at the gym and he told me he's just been really busy with work and his schedule is really messed up. He told me to do the workout that he previously showed me on my own, and that we'd workout the following night. When I got home from the gym, he texted me a shirtless pic of himself and told me he was at his peak weight and wrote "haha". Then he asked me for "starting pics" of myself with or without a shirt on so that he could track my progress.

I thought to myself that he might actually be getting serious about training/working out with me. Anyway, the next day came and I texted him to make sure we were still on for that workout that we discussed at the gym. He didn't respond to my texts or my call. We then ended up talking via text a couple days later, and he texted me last night asking what's up. I told him I was going to the movies, and today he texted me asking how the movie was.

Now here's the interesting part: Apparently, his former business partner told my friend that he stopped doing business with this kid (that I have a crush on) because he had a drug problem, and told all of his friends that he had cancer, and they were giving him money that he was apparently using for drugs.

I'm not sure I believe the story though. When I met him at the gym and we discussed work, he told me he let the other kid buy him out of the business because there was stealing going on...anyway, I guess there's 2 sides to every story and I hope it isn't true.

I just thought it was really nice of him to offer to train me (basically a stranger) for free, and he really does seem intent on helping me out but just doesn't follow through for some reason. He texts me pretty frequently, so he must be thinking of me in some capacity. I just don't know what to make of his flakiness, and how to express to him that I want to get serious about working out without him flaking out on me.

If he isn't serious about being friends or training me or whatever it may be, why bother talking to me at all then?

 

[eastofeden]

Now here's the interesting part: Apparently, his former business partner told my friend that he stopped doing business with this kid (that I have a crush on) because he had a drug problem, and told all of his friends that he had cancer, and they were giving him money that he was apparently using for drugs.

In order to better understand the flakiness...look for clues...like the one above....

In my experience with hearing stories like the excerpt above...they are often true or partly true...rarely completely false though it certainly can be...just not likely...

It does explain the flakiness though....

If he is a drug addict to the point of telling people he has cancer to get money.....he may be grooming you for some $$$$ in the future. He may also know you have a crush on him and is working it.

Best advice I can give...hope for the best...expect the worst. Keep your eyes open...and if he approaches you for money....remember what I said. Addicts are cunning when they have to get their fix.

 

[KaraBulut]

Bottom line: if you're serious about working out, hire a real trainer- someone certified who is a gym friend but is not friendly enough that he would worry about pushing you to work out harder.

This other guy is a flake. Stop wasting time with him.

 

[thegentleman]

Bottom line: if you're serious about working out, hire a real trainer- someone certified who is a gym friend but is not friendly enough that he would worry about pushing you to work out harder.

This other guy is a flake. Stop wasting time with him.

I do have a crush on him though, so I guess I just keep wondering to myself why does he text me and stuff if he isn't interested in some type of friendship or whatever at the very least? For example, he texted me on Thursday night out of nowhere and was asking what's up. I told him I was going to the movies, and the following day he messaged me asking how it was. I mean, do people really take that type of interest in what complete strangers are doing?

I don't know what his social life is like. It does seem like he has quite a few gym buddies, but I'm not sure how many people he really hangs out with outside of the gym...

 

[mcbrion]

Yes, some people are actually just nice. Jeez, stop looking for reasons he might be nice to you other than "he wants me." Can't you conceive of niceness without ulterior motive?
Have you thought of asking him - the next time he reaches out to you - if he wants to go see The Black Panther, or Shape of Water, or some current movie, with you? Maybe he's flakey as a trainer (he's clearly not a pro: a pro trainer would never forget his appointments), but not flakey as a hangout buddy.

 

[thegentleman]

Yes, some people are actually just nice. Jeez, stop looking for reasons he might be nice to you other than "he wants me." Can't you conceive of niceness without ulterior motive?
Have you thought of asking him - the next time he reaches out to you - if he wants to go see The Black Panther, or Shape of Water, or some current movie, with you? Maybe he's flakey as a trainer (he's clearly not a pro: a pro trainer would never forget his appointments), but not flakey as a hangout buddy.

Ummm i don’t ever think i said “he wants me”. I made this thread because I’ve just been trying to figure out his flakiness...

Anyway, he texted me yesterday asking what’s up and then asked if I’m “ready to start killing it” at the gym. I told him yes and that once I’m done with this class i am taking for work next week, i want to get serious. He said good, and that he is settling back into a normal schedule with a full staff again. I guess we will see what happens.

 

[Seasoned]

If he bows out of the next appointment, give up on him.

 

[jktoooo]

Sounds like he is on something. Ppl on something are really flakey and wont commit to anything other than their addiction. Last year had my heart broken when I fell for a guy who is an addict. Long story short he was a tennis hitting partner, we got super close as friends and I eventually ended up developing feelings for him but he is straight and I knew he would never come to my team but even had he decided he wanted to experiment there are a whole bunch of other issues that were of concern and trusting him and his flakiness was a huge one.

I am not saying all flakiness is a result of drugs but if others are saying it is it probably is.

 

[thegentleman]

So he now has a separate Instagram page (that is public) for "fitness" stuff. I follow both his personal and fitness pages and he follows me back on his personal page only. I saw on my phone that I had a notification that he requested to follow me from his fitness page too. When I went to the app, the request wasn't there (meaning he deleted it). Since I'm petty, I unfollowed his fitness page. I woke up in the middle of the night to a text from him saying "you ok?" and a new request from his fitness page to follow me. It was an awkward situation and I didn't know what to say, so I just kind of played dumb and said "yeah, just had a long day". He replied and said "I saw you took down your insta page so just making sure all was ok lol" and then said "well I thought you did". Meanwhile he had to have known it wasn't taken down, since he sent me a new request (which I accepted and then followed his page back). I just BSed and said I was having trouble with my account. I have been thinking to myself though "why does he care so much?".

Then, yesterday he replied to my instagram story of my food and said "gym" (basically telling me to go to the gym). I told him I was going and he asked what time, so I told him probably around 3-4 and he said "kk". When I got to the gym, I posted a pic and he replied to me (via DM again) and said "shoulda started with me today". I told him "I wish you would've told me that earlier or I would have lol" and then said "maybe we can start next weekend" and he said "ok" and then asked me how the gym was.

I think he's just really bad a communicating, but I am hoping he will follow through next weekend. I won't hold my breath though.

 

[jktoooo]

^^dont hold ur breath. Theres something more going on here. Perhaps he is in another relationship, has drug issues and therefore cant commit to much other than his priorities which obvi, not to be rude, u r not.

 

[thegentleman]

^^dont hold ur breath. Theres something more going on here. Perhaps he is in another relationship, has drug issues and therefore cant commit to much other than his priorities which obvi, not to be rude, u r not.

I understand what you are saying. It's just that a majority of the time, he is the one who will text/DM me first. Since I started realizing how flakey he is, I rarely reach out to him first. If he has no interest in working out with me or being friends, or whatever it may be, why bother talking to me in the first place? Why does he care then?

 

[jktoooo]

^^yeah, thats very odd he initiates the txtng or communication. Just be straight up with him and ask him whats going on. Why r u a flake or unreliable? See what he says and explain ur POV so he understands why u r asking him.

 

[thegentleman]

So, a little update.

He DMed me through Instagram on Thursday asking what's up. It was just small talk. I decided to bring up working out, so I asked him when we could start. He asked me when did I want to and how many days per week, so I asked if we could do 2-3 days a week (weightlifting) and then I could go on my own and do cardio for another 2 days a week or so, and that I'd like to start Saturday (yesterday). He read the message and didn't reply. A few hours later I messaged him again asking if that day was no good for him and he responded saying "yea that's fine calling y driving". I'm assumed he was driving and that was a typo of some sort, but I thought that he said he was going to try and call me because he was driving? Yet I had no call from him. I replied and said "sorry, what? lol" and read it and didn't respond.

The next day (Friday), he replied to a picture of my lunch that I had put on my Instagram story and wrote "yessss". I decided to just ignore him and move on. A few hours later, after I got out of work, he texted me saying "hi". He asked me how my day was, I told him it was good and I was just on my way home. I asked him how his day was, and he started talking about "doing trades for people" (as in stocks). Right away, I got a sketchy feeling that he would try and ask me for money or something so I just kind of replied and said "cool, good for you man". This was definitely a turn off and I wasn't going to entertain him any further. But then he brought up the gym and said "we're starting tomorrow?" and I told him that I would like to. He said that's fine and asked me a time. He then said "did we ever discuss pricing?" and I was honest and told him that he said he wasn't going to charge me in the beginning, but that I didn't mind paying him for his time of course.

As we discussed the plans for Saturday, I asked him if I should call or text him in the morning to confirm where we were meeting and the time. As I was on the train home, he called my phone and I picked up. He said "hi, I'm calling to confirm the time and place for tomorrow" (joking around with me). So we had a time set.

Yesterday, I went to the gym and got there 10 minutes early to warm up on the treadmill. I texted him to let him know I was there, and about a half hour went by and there was no sign of him. Finally, he texts me back and says "you going?" and I was confused because I had just told him I was already there...I told him I was there and he said "on my way, sorry!" and then said he forgot to set his alarm and that he never sleeps this late. He also asked me if I wanted anything from the store.

Anyway, he showed up (about 50 minutes late) yesterday and went through a back/shoulder routine with me. He seemed pretty cool and chill, and said that he liked that I was sticking to form and seemed serious about everything. At the end, I asked him how much and he told me not to worry about it and again was saying that "he just wants to see where I'm at". I told him I felt bad not paying him, and he told me not to feel bad and that he's sure I probably spent a good amount of money at the food place when he was part owner, so I thought that was nice of him.

I got home and an hour or so later he texted me saying that I did a good job. I replied and thanked him again for his help. A couple hours later, I get a text from him of a pricing chart and he said that that's what he normally charges and to let him know if I can't afford it, because he could work something out with me. I told him it was a little out my budget so he was basically asking me how much I could afford to pay him. I told him an amount and he didn't reply, at first. But I woke up this morning to a text that from him that said "whatever you feel good with", so I guess he's okay with my budget...

I guess I will see what happens. I am kind of turned off by some of his behavior, so I think my "crush" thing is fading. But he does seem to know what he's doing in the gym and we had a good workout, and he was nice and friendly with me. He seems to tell a lot of stories (including his girlfriend being pregnant), and I don't know which things are true, and which aren't lol. He's a strange one to figure out, but I don't think I'm going to bother trying anymore. I'll just be happy if he sticks to the gym routine with me.

 

[MoDo88]

This guy seems sketchy AF. Normally I don't believe in rumors and/or 'he-said, she-said' type bullshit - but, given what you've shared with us, I can't say that I dis-believe what the former business partner said about his drug use and how he accepts money from other people so he can go get his fix. Lying, really poor follow through, yet keeping you in his back pocket because he knows you'll always at least humor him... these are all huuuuuuge signs of someone who is in the thralls of addiction. They use other people so they can use. And they can't stop themselves.

Don't get distracted by how hot he is. He knows you think he's hot, and he'll use that to his advantage. Look after yourself.

 

[thegentleman]

So I've been working out with this guy on and off, as he's still flakey. He actually seems like a decent guy when we work out, and we get along well when we do. It's just everything in between that is...well, off.

We were supposed to work out last Wednesday and then he texted me later on saying he was tired, and that we should work out in the morning but then asked if I wanted to grab a drink. I said yeah, and he told me he was going to wash up and then call me. An hour went by, no call. He didn't respond to my texts or when I tried to call him. Yet, as I was going to bed, I get a snapchat from him of him and his friend in the car together (he also posted it to his story). I replied to it and said "real nice". He wrote back and said "Hey" and then "I'm at *insert name of place here*". I didn't answer.

The next morning, I was sending screenshots of our convo to my friends to tell them what happened, and I accidentally sent them to him (shit!!). I played it off like I did it on purpose, so when he responded with a question mark, I just said "nothing, was just gonna say thanks for the call". He said "I just went to the diner, been having a rough time mentally". I started to feel bad for him, because I struggle with mental issues myself (OCD, depression, and anxiety). I told him I was sorry to hear that, and if he ever wanted to talk or just hang out, to let me know. He thanked me and said it means a lot.

The next day I texted him to see how he was doing. He said he was doing okay "until this morning". I asked what was wrong and he said he would tell me in person. Then asked if I wanted to work out the next morning, but of course that never happened. Not sure what his deal is, if it's truly "mental" stuff or drugs, maybe both. But I kind of feel bad for him in a way...

 

[KaraBulut]

Same thoughts.

 

[thegentleman]

Well here is an interesting update...

I was on Grindr this morning at 4am and I saw a profile pic of just a torso/shorts that looked familiar. I realized it was a pic he had texted me a couple months ago to show me his "progress" and he also posted it to his Instagram page. I went to his Instagram and the pictures matched up 100%. I made a fake account to message him and see what he'd say. He basically said he was horny and asked to see cock pics. I thought maybe someone stole his pic off Instagram, but he was typing the way he normally texts and when I asked "where are you from?" he answered with the town he grew up in, which is local.

I logged back into my actual account that has my face as the profile pic and I had a message from him that simply said "hi". I didn't reply at first, as I saw he had signed off. About an hour and a half later I wrote back and said "hey" so he would see it the next time he signs on. He hasn't signed back on yet...I am really curious as to why he'd message me on Grindr...