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Worst Christmas I Have Ever Had!

D

dr1994

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I need to get this off my chest right now, I am so upset over this.

Basically I have been in a secret relationship with my boyfriend for about a year and a half now because I am not out to any of my friend or family. I live 150miles away from him. (He is out and he is quite abit older than me)
Anyway a few weeks ago he mentioned me going to his for xmas and I said I would like to spend half my day with my family and half with him and he would do the same.
But when I set off driving to his today I got really upset because I wanted to be with my family on Christmas day. I rang him and told him and he was fine.
But tonight he has had a drink and he rang me up saying he was up at 3 o clock this morning making sure everything was perfect for me going and that he wished he'd told me sooner that I wasnt going because he could of spent more time with his family. This has all really really upset me. I am destroyed because Ive ruined his Christmas and I Love him so much he is the most caring person in the world !

I dont know what to do now. Im going to his tomorow now, but it isnt going to be the same.

Sorry Guys ! Just needed to get this off my chest !:cry::cry::cry:
 
So you first told him that you weren't going and then suddenly he tells you that he was expecting you at his? mmhh..weird.
If that's the case, I would expect him to be comprehensive. Good luck!
 
While both have a point to be upset, the main cuz of the issue was you cancelling at last minute and he have put time aside for you/your family. You call last minute and had he not set a side time for you he would have had much more time w/his.

I think someone was childish to a point, after having agreed to do a family meet N greet, I'd be a little upset to.

Think about it, your action allowed another reaction about the cause happen.

respectfully, I'd say you owe him a apology, but thats just me..

had you followed through with the agreed plan, none of this would have happened..
 
What you do is apologize for the last minute change. He'll understand. You need to be careful to not do that again because it will damage trust. In the future try to anticipate how you might feel so you don't agree to something that will leave you conflicted. There are times I need to remind myself that there are tough choices and saying yes to one alternative means saying no to all other alternatives.

Apologize, move on and enjoy your Christmas with him.
 
Beware of how others will react to you ractions at emotionally high-charged times such as Christmas. If there are to be dissapointments try to deal with them beforehand.

I would apologize and take this circumstance as a how-not-to-do-it lesson for the future.

Best of luck to you.
 
Yeah, last minute cancelations in times when people had high expectations for a celebration can be really hurtful. Of course, if he is caring and loves you, he will forgive you, but that doesn't mean he wasn't hurt. So just avoid this sort of stuff in the future.

Out of curiosity, how old are you both?
 
One of the things about being an adult is to live up to one's obligations and commitments. Even when they mean that you put aside your own desires to please someone else.

I can see why he'd be really upset.

You have made it clear that you chose your own needs over his. He may forgive you, but expect him to be really wary of your behaviour from here on. I know I would be.

And unfortunately, this isn't one of the kinds of things that you can just blow off with a simple apology. You guys can never get this Christmas back and next year will already have a bit of a cloud hanging over it.

I guess that for me, the questions that I would have would include whether or not this is the one and only time that you've ever flaked out on anyone. If this is something that you've done from childhood and have been allowed to get away with it, you need to correct this behaviour right now. If this is the one and only time in your life that you've pulled out of a social commitment, then my other questions would be about how old you are and whether you have actually had much experience at all with making social and personal commitments.

I think you need to be honest with him and yourself about why you pulled out including where you see this all heading.
 
Underlying all this is a lesson learned about honesty and communication.

You wanted to spend Christmas with your family but you agreed to shuttle between two families.

He was upset when you changed plans but he didn't say anything when you called to cancel.

If either of you had been honest from the beginning, it would have spared everyone the drama and bad feelings.

And speaking of honesty... there's a related problem with an important relationship that you have kept hidden from your family...
 
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