Worth it or should I move on?

[DarthWufei]

A few weeks ago I met a guy at a club, we went out on a first date shortly thereafter, and it went really well, kiss, plans for a second date, etc.

However we had to postpone the second date cause we both got sick, him more so than me. When he got better I suggested getting together again, but he didn't feel up for it, as he was still feeling ill and said to wait till he's feeling better.

At this point I figured he wasn't interested and proceeded to continue dating other people and leaving my options open. He kept communicating with me however, so I tried a third time to get a date setup, he agreed, but when the time came he did something else.

Honestly, I Know when guys flake generally, and by now I would've moved on, but we did have a nice time on that first date and *HE* texts me even when I don't text him.

Should I just ask him outright if he's interested or not? Or just drop him entirely? I'm kinda stuck. Really, it feels like too much effort for a second date.

 

[Lube]

He could be insecure. It could be a misunderstanding. He could just be weird.

He could be playing hard to get. Some guys insist on doing that; some guys think they're supposed to do that.

Tell him you'd like to get together, but if he ditches you again, you consider it over.

And be prepared to be ditched one more time.

 

[Eagle653]

My general rule of thumb has always been: If he's interested, he makes time and moves heaven and earth to be with me. If someone flakes out on me, they're history. I don't have time for that nonsense, and neither should you. Move on to someone more interesting/mature/into you (take your pick).

Good luck.

 

[racer2438]

I'd giive it one more time and see what happens. If nothing or he makes excuses and or cancels at last moment, then-------->>>I would not even waste your time any more, and hit delete from your phone....

 

[elephunk]

I was in a similar situation. Right down to the 'he texts me even when I don't initiate, but he doesn't want to hang out!' My story gets a little more complicated, but I dropped him.

I'm all about playing the ~game~, but don't string me along. I eventually told myself he wasn't that into me. I told him to stop texting me and he did. So I guess I was right!

I say on to the next one.

 

[bankside]

Being sick is not flaking out. But standing you up when you had plans is a waste of your time. Did he explain why he couldn't be there? Mind you, "dating other people and keeping your options open" just because the guy was sick was a waste of his time.

It seems like neither of you are really serious about getting to know each other, and "I'll get to know you if it happens to work out" is not exactly the magic that relationships are built on.

 

[altlover85]

I generally agree with the majority of the posters here, but I have a few questions and comments.

However we had to postpone the second date cause we both got sick, him more so than me. When he got better I suggested getting together again, but he didn't feel up for it, as he was still feeling ill and said to wait till he's feeling better.

Did he tell you he was feeling better? How much better was he feeling?

At this point I figured he wasn't interested and proceeded to continue dating other people and leaving my options open. He kept communicating with me however, so I tried a third time to get a date setup, he agreed, but when the time came he did something else.

What made you feel he wasn't interested? Was it the fact that he wasn't as sick as you thought he was? If so, how did you know that what he said wasn't matching up with the reality of the situation?

Honestly, I Know when guys flake generally, and by now I would've moved on, but we did have a nice time on that first date and *HE* texts me even when I don't text him.

Should I just ask him outright if he's interested or not? Or just drop him entirely? I'm kinda stuck. Really, it feels like too much effort for a second date.

If I were you I would leave the ball in his court and pursue other men. If he comes back to you and you're still interested, proceed with caution. There are guys out there that won't flake out on you.

Being sick is not flaking out. But standing you up when you had plans is a waste of your time. Did he explain why he couldn't be there? Mind you, "dating other people and keeping your options open" just because the guy was sick was a waste of his time.

People can and do date more than one person at a time. If he felt this guy wasn't really sick then I can see why he would want to date others and keep his options open.

It seems like neither of you are really serious about getting to know each other, and "I'll get to know you if it happens to work out" is not exactly the magic that relationships are built on.

I don't think you really have enough information to make a comment about the level of seriousness of the OP or the other guy involved.

It's also worth noting that not every relationship starts out perfectly.

 

[DarthWufei]

I generally agree with the majority of the posters here, but I have a few questions and comments.



Did he tell you he was feeling better? How much better was he feeling?

He was genuinely sick and said we should play it by ear until he felt better, so I gave him his space and time to recover before bringing up the idea of redoing the date. He said sure, but when the day came he said he was to tired, plus he had work the next day and said he couldn't. I was cool with that, it's understandable.

What made you feel he wasn't interested? Was it the fact that he wasn't as sick as you thought he was? If so, how did you know that what he said wasn't matching up with the reality of the situation?

I should note that I think all of his excuses for cancelling are true. He has never seemed uninterested, it's just that he doesn't seem interested enough. The last date I asked him about he said he might go but he had plans with his family (again, understandable), but the thing is he never lets me know that he's going to cancel until well the date comes and I have to ask if he's still up for it.

Not asking him to move the world for me, just be a bit more considerate. I'm interested, he's busy, let's work something out. I basically told him after the last try that the ball was in his court, and to just let me know when he'd want to go out. Nothing so far, but he still texts me every day, even when I don't initiate.

And I didn't start meeting other people till the second cancellation. I do really like this guy, we had a great time on the first date, but I feel like I can't devote my full attention to something I'm entirely unsure about.

In any case, I asked him if he would even be up for a second date tonight. He hasn't gotten back to me yet, but we'll see what happens. I figure a straight answer is better than flip flopping. Putting him on the spot will probably fuck things over, but in the end, at least I know what's up right?

 

[Lube]

Yes! You almost seem afraid to get the real answer. But, really, knowing for sure will help you move on.

 

[MorrisseyX]

Hello OP sorry to hear about about your problem with the guy. I agree with the other posters nobody is every too busy to spend time with someone they like.

If someone likes you just know he does. He will respond to you in a timely manner. This guy sounds like a complete flake but this is just my opinion. Nobody is ever too busy for someone if they truly like the other person.

You have to judge a person by his actions and not by his words. This old saying is the truth. It sounds like the guy is just not that into you. But if you really want to play the waiting game on him you may be waiting for a while. I think you know the answer about what you should do. But ulitmately the choice is yours.

 

[KaraBulut]

When it feels like it's too much work, it's because it is too much work.

You would probably be better off at this point saying, "Well, I've given it a shot. When you want to go on a second date, call and ask me out. In the meantime, I'm moving on".

 

[anchihiro]

Don't ask him again, in fact dont bother texting him either unless he asks you for a date. If he does, say yes, if he cancels again, get rid.