I haven't been on Lexapro or any other medications for over a month now. I still haven't told my therapist. I'll probably tell him in our next session or start taking it again in February. I tried to avoid him touching me again like I mentioned before but right when I was about to leave his office, he started touching my neck and cheek since I mentioned earlier that I had the flu the week before. He said he wanted to make sure I no longer had a fever. I wasn't upset but I just keep wondering why he's been touching me the past three sessions.
Anyway, I feel like myself again without the medication. Sometimes it feels great, like when I have this sense of calm and good thoughts for a few hours. Other times I just get so depressed and my mind gets cloudy with so many different thoughts at the same time.
Last Saturday I met my friend from Japan who I met chatting on a Japanese app which I don't use much anymore but still have on my phone. He was visiting the country and had only two days in Manila before going to the beaches. It was our first time meeting after chatting for so long. We had dinner, drinks and went to his hotel. We ended up having sex and then I left around 2 in the morning. I guess he wanted me to sleep over but I just wanted to go home. It had nothing to do with him. He was really nice and I liked him and enjoyed having sex with him. Anyway, we're still chatting and he had a great time island hopping.
The next day I met this guy from Grindr who I've been chatting with for about a month. He's half German, half Filipino and grew up here. We met up at a cheap motel around midnight, had a few drinks and I fucked him. I didn't really enjoy it. I actually wasn't interested in chatting that month but he would always ask me how I was and other small talk. We had nothing in common but I admit he's very handsome, so I figured why not. Anyway, we both left the motel after 3 hours.
Last night I got a text from the guy I met last month who lived in a squatter's area or urban poor area, to be politically correct. I had a good time with him last month. I enjoyed the way he kissed and touched. He was alone last night and asked me to come over. I really do like him and I feel a certain connection to him when we talk, even though his English can be hard to understand sometimes. I told him I wasn't feeling very well but I just didn't want to go to his place. It's not a safe area and as much as I like him, I'm hesitant. It has to do with past experience and squatter's areas. Anyway, we just texted the whole night until his neighbors came over to his place and they all started drinking.
Now, I'm just thinking of sad things and trying to shake it off.
Anyway, I feel like myself again without the medication. Sometimes it feels great, like when I have this sense of calm and good thoughts for a few hours. Other times I just get so depressed and my mind gets cloudy with so many different thoughts at the same time.
Last Saturday I met my friend from Japan who I met chatting on a Japanese app which I don't use much anymore but still have on my phone. He was visiting the country and had only two days in Manila before going to the beaches. It was our first time meeting after chatting for so long. We had dinner, drinks and went to his hotel. We ended up having sex and then I left around 2 in the morning. I guess he wanted me to sleep over but I just wanted to go home. It had nothing to do with him. He was really nice and I liked him and enjoyed having sex with him. Anyway, we're still chatting and he had a great time island hopping.
The next day I met this guy from Grindr who I've been chatting with for about a month. He's half German, half Filipino and grew up here. We met up at a cheap motel around midnight, had a few drinks and I fucked him. I didn't really enjoy it. I actually wasn't interested in chatting that month but he would always ask me how I was and other small talk. We had nothing in common but I admit he's very handsome, so I figured why not. Anyway, we both left the motel after 3 hours.
Last night I got a text from the guy I met last month who lived in a squatter's area or urban poor area, to be politically correct. I had a good time with him last month. I enjoyed the way he kissed and touched. He was alone last night and asked me to come over. I really do like him and I feel a certain connection to him when we talk, even though his English can be hard to understand sometimes. I told him I wasn't feeling very well but I just didn't want to go to his place. It's not a safe area and as much as I like him, I'm hesitant. It has to do with past experience and squatter's areas. Anyway, we just texted the whole night until his neighbors came over to his place and they all started drinking.
Now, I'm just thinking of sad things and trying to shake it off.