Yes. I know. I'm stupid. But now I need some advice.

[davylove]

Okay. So I'm a Freshmen college student in NYC, and about a week ago, I hung out with a really good friend from high school. She introduced to her friend Kevin, who happened to be gay and extremely attractive. We ran around the city, went to dinner, and kevin and i flirted a bit.

Later, my friend found out that I liked Kevin. So she arranged for me to head over to their dorms to hang out.

There was a group of about 12 of us, and we started drinking, and after some time, Kevin and I ended in the room alone. At this point... I was really drunk.

So we started to make out. Cool?

After a good twenty minutes, with bits of conversation, he starts to unbutton my pants and grope me.

This is where I stopped him and told him, that as a virgin, i really wanted to have sex for the first time with someone i really liked. He seemed cool with that. So we started kissing again, and then tried to go down on me again. And I stopped him... He said he really liked me, but didn't want a relationship.

We talked about it some... And he got kinda pissed that I wouldn't have sex with him.
So we went into the room where everyone else was and hung out with the group.

This was two nights ago, and i haven't heard from him since.
But I really like this guy.
So how should I handle this situation.

If anything...
I have no regrets.
I made out with a really hot guy.

But... I would like to go further....

 

[hyperion]

Good for you for sticking to what you believe. As for this guy, he seemed to be pretty clear on what he wants, which is no relationship. There was a 2 ½ year gap between my previous and current boyfriend. I was never big on one night stands, but I’m not made of wood either. After a few months of ‘celibacy’ I’d go out and, well, find someone. I always made it clear that I was not interested in a relationship. If the guy would call me up and ‘run’ after me (happened twice actually), one thing was for sure, I’d run the other way. I think you’re setting yourself up for some hurt if you go after him. If he could be interested, he’ll get in touch with you. Do not waste your time one someone who doe not want you. You’re worth more than that.

 

[Riverrick]

I think its great that you stuck by your feelings in this situation. You probably would have felt rotten the next morning if you gave in. And he still wouldn't have called you since he was only after some quick sex.

So in my book, you're ahead. And I agree. I wouldn't pursue him.

 

[bedbugy]

good on you stick to you r princibles your a winner

 

[billybob109]

you should of at least let him blown you i would of

 

[Eagle653]

I'd forget this one. In fact, trying to get something going with him will just lead him to shake his head in amazement at you, I'm afraid.

There's nothing wrong with not wanting to have sex with him. In fact, that's kind of admirable and sticking to your guns took guts and discipline. So, good for you! But, I think you also recognize that making out with him could have created in him a reasonable expectation that he had a chance to seduce you. Afterall, much sex occurs with making out as a prelude. So, if you're not into having sex until it's with someone who like better/know better, then be aware that doing certain things can be cues that you're interested. And, if you aren't, it's a mixture of disappointment to the other person. Or, they can think you're a cock-tease or whatever.

It's too bad there's not a manual on how to handle these tricky situations. It'd sure make life a lot easier! There'd also need to be a chapter on when you *do* want to have sex, but when you get naked, you suddenly don't for some reason. How do you get out of *that* one? LOL

 

[Soilwork]

you want one thing.

he wanted another.

both of you need to keep looking.

I don't think it's fair to say that Kevin has no principals. He was drunk and horny and just wanted a shag... you were there and he made a few attempts.

He never claimed that he wanted anything from you more than a shag... so really, although I woudln't call you "stupid", I would tell you that he's not the guy for you.

See, if your'e going to be the kind of guy who wants to wait to have sex with someone you really care about, you're going to have to find a guy who ALSO wants that.

OH, and give Kevin my number.

 

[Riverrick]

OH, and give Kevin my number.

You're shameless!


Here's another thing to think about. In fact, its so interesting I think I'll start a thread about it. Is kissing someone sex? It surely doesn't have to lead to an orgasm, but it does open the door pretty wide to getting naked and doing other things.

So I have to agree with Averageguy here. Be more discriminate about who you make out with.

 

[Soilwork]

You're shameless!

Hey man.. I've got no issue having a little roll in the hay with a hot college guy. Sure, sex is better when it's with someone you really love, but there's something to be said for a harmless shag with a hot guy if you feel that animal magnetism.

it's one of the reasons having is dick is so much fun.

 

[tallguy297]

Davylove...the last thing you are mate is stupid! Principled and honest...yes....stupid no. And dont let anyone ever tell you or make you feel otherwise because you dont conform to thier view of the world! Be proud mate...it takes courage to stand up for what you believe.

As for this guy...don't get love and lust mixed up. Your initial reactions were right for you...this wasnt someone that you cared deeply about...this was an opportunity...and thats how he saw you. Thats not to condemn him...thats all some guys want. But its not what you want and to know that is a powerful thing. Your first will be something that you always remember...and thats regardless of whether or not the world moves or if it ends up in uncontrollable fits of laughter...

You sound like you know you want to share that special part of your life with someone you care about - good for you! Take your time...stick to your guns...abide by your principles...and be proud that you can and will. It will make that time all the better for you!

 

[confusedboy23]

I think its great that you stuck by your feelings in this situation. You probably would have felt rotten the next morning if you gave in. And he still wouldn't have called you since he was only after some quick sex.

So in my book, you're ahead. And I agree. I wouldn't pursue him.

I'd say exactly what Riverrick has said!

 

[davylove]

Thanks everyone...
Really.
Cause I have no clue how to handle this situation.
And I really would like to just forget him,
but even though it was just a drunken hookup
i still kind of like him...
Should I give this up altogether?

 

[Soilwork]

Should I give this up altogether?

probably

he's not the guy you're looking for.

you want to wait and he doesn't.

but if you really like him, maybe you could call him up and invite him out for dinner..

Jsut know that he's probably going to tell you whatever you want to hear to get into your pants.

 

[davylove]

Well. It's not so much the idea of being a virgin, it's just more of being in a relationship.
I really don't care so much about staying a virgin.
I just think that if I had sex with him, we probably wouldn't be talking at all now.
And now, there's still a slight chance? I dunno.

 

[confusedboy23]

Well. It's not so much the idea of being a virgin, it's just more of being in a relationship.
I really don't care so much about staying a virgin.
I just think that if I had sex with him, we probably wouldn't be talking at all now.
And now, there's still a slight chance? I dunno.

It's a tough call. But I reckon it would be more important for you to carefully reflect on what is more important to you - having sex or being in love with someone? It doesn't sound like you will be getting both from this guy so please be careful. I would hate to see you be filled with regrets if you decided to hook up with him. However, if you think you don't mind a little fooling around, then maybe asking him out for dinner might not be such a bad idea afterall.

 

[DonDon]

Davylove,

It's easy to think we are attracted to someone just because they show us a little bit of affection. I would try to get him out of your head and move on. If he doesn't want a relationship then what is the use persuing him. Put yourself in his shoes. If you didn't want to date someone and a guy started hounding you to be his boyfriend, how would that make you feel?

And I have to agree with tallguy. You are not stupid. As gay men we often have self-depreciating humor, cutting ourselves down and making fun of ourselves. Well, that actually tends to affect us in ways we don't even realize. If you keep saying "I'm stupid", even jokingly, you will eventually start believing it. You did a brave and very smart thing by sticking to your morals. If you did have sex with him and he never called you back you would be feeling even worse now. As it were, you are saving yourself for someone you care about and it will mean so much more when you finally do have sex.

And take it from me, I had sex with some guy on the first date, we didn't even like each other, but he wanted to and I just wanted to lose my virginity, so we did it. Then, for weeks after I wanted to see him again. You sort of bond with the first person you have sex with. And even though logically I knew I wouldn't want to date him, I still wanted to keep seeing him. And when he washed his hands of me I was really crushed. So don't feel bad about this. What you did this time will make your first time amazing. Now, that's what I call a smart boy!

 

[luminum]

You want a relationship and sex to be with someone you love. He wants a quick fuck and no strings.

Forget him. You're better than that and find someone who respects you and wants what you want.