Your views: in what universe is this behaviour acceptable?

[treanir]

I need to know if I'm a dull prude who should shut up and accept that this is quite normal, or if I'm dealing with a fucktard here.

Consider the following...

I meet a guy at a club. His name is Bob. We like each other and we flirt. Heavily. Nothing happens, because I'm too thick to read the signs right. But we meet again on the train a few weeks later and once again, we flirt. We can't follow up on it there, but we exchange numbers. Two texts and a voicemail message from me, but no reply from him. I figure he's gone off me for whatever reason and that's the end of it.

Forward to yesterday. Big party at a bar. I meet Bob again. I'm on an alcohol buzz and am having a lot of fun, so I'm not on the war path. He starts flirting with me from a distance, I so with him. He comes over, gives a reasonably plausable explanation for his being incommunicado. I decide he deserves a second chance. More flirting, bit of kissing. Then a German bloke comes in. They know each other, greet and Bob immediately starts flirting with him. Heavily. Didn't even *look* at me any more, let alone speak a word to me. All of a sudden, I was air. It was like he thought "oooh look, someone better than you. Kthxbye." Twenty minutes later they were playing tonsil-hockey. After about an hour of that, I suddenly catch Bob looking at me again, while he was still intimately entangled with Mr. German. And yes, once again he started flirting with me. Of course, by that time I had gone completely cold.


I don't understand how this can be acceptable behaviour. I feel that the boy has already caused more crap than he'll ever be worth. Does that make me a prude? Is he a fucktard? And what the fuck went on in his head to think he could start flirting with me while still in the German's arms? Enlighten me!

 

[Telstra]

sounds like he is a "bryan" character in queer as folks TV series ..

 

[rareboy]

He is just a pathological personality. All ego, no id.

He is only flirting to get the attention. He doesn't care about any of you. He probably flirts at the zoo with the animals too.

 

[alley]

And what the fuck went on in his head to think he could start flirting with me while still in the German's arms? Enlighten me!

Ummmm...sounds like the perfect set-up for a threesome---but I am not doing those...anymore.

 

[ashonfire]

Only acceptable on Planet Fuckstain!

 

[garion]

Yeah, sounds pretty crap to me. You're better off without him. At least you found out what kind of guy he was before things really got started.

 

[bankside]

Maybe on Planet Threesome, that would have been the start of a good night. But if you're into that kind of thing on this planet, the courteous thing is to say so.

"Hey, I want to date you, but not just you," goes a long way to clearing up any kind of trouble before it starts, because then you can say "ja" or "nein."

 

[Harke the Boeotarch]

Re: Your views: in what universe is this behaviour

Then a German bloke comes in.

Be glad it wasn't a German Shepherd.

[edit] Yes, this behavior is perfectly acceptable. That doesn't mean that you should actually settle for it.

 

[spencer]

meetings like that are to be expected in a meat market. that said, I agree, you shouldn't have to settle for that.

 

[treanir]

Cheers guys.
I quite liked telstra's comment - when I see him again ('cause I know I will), I'll definitely connect him to the illustrious Brian Kinney.

While on the train he did say he was only looking for a relationship, but I already figured that was crap - so many guys say it, while in reality they're just looking for a shag. And that's fine. I was up for a one-night stand. The thing that got to me was that he suddenly shifted all his attention to the German guy.

Yes, sounded like a threesome in the making, if the German guy had looked at me too. I'm rather sure this was just Bob, nothing more. Wasn't planning on a threesome anyway, but definitely not when Bob goes about it like that...

I get spencer and Harke's comments - yes, they're acceptable. To a (large) portion of the gay population, anyway. And indeed, I don't have to settle for it if I don't want to. And I'm not going to. I just wanted some fresh eyes on this, some new angles. (and more are welcome, of course )

 

[shea]

Treanir you were dealing with a fucktard. His behavior
unacceptable by any standards. You don't need or
deserve that kind of treatment.
Move on and forget about him, he doesn't deserve you.
shea

 

[G-Lexington]

It's totally appropriate. It's just up to you whether or not to accept it. If you don't mind being on this guy's radar so long as nobody else is around, cool - go for it. If you don't, tell him you'd rather deal with someone who's only interested in one person at a time.

Lex

 

[uflyguy]

I vote for Fucktard. If you're interested in just hooking up and can deal with it, there are plenty of guys out there like that. Most though, I would hope, would at least have the decency once they've started flirting with you to enjoy your one night stand before eyeing (that you can see at least) someone else. Thats what one night stands are for, but dont be eyeing your next one while you're trying to get one with me.

 

[M4P]

I won't condone his behaviour but you need to recognize him for what he is - a flirt and nothing more. You're obviously looking for someone stable so don't return his advances and someone else will come along

 

[KaraBulut]

Some guys just love the chase and they crave the attention.

In life, you meet a lot people like this. It's like they are a bucket with a hole in the bottom, so they're constantly using other people to fill up the bucket with the self-esteem that they lack.

And they don't have the balls to actually get into therapy to plug up that hole.

Just be glad that you got to see this guy's true colors before you got more involved with him.

 

[MorrisseyX]

I don't know why the OP is surprised he met the guy in a gay bar. Yes he also met the guy outside of the bar but that's the bar scene anywhere in this world. The guy was most likely looking for a hook up and that's all. Of course it was insensitive of the guy to make out with someone else right in front of you. But think about it at least you know what kind of an insensitive jerk he is.

However, this does indeed happen in the gay bar scene a lot. I think if the OP really wants to meet someone perhaps he should try a different venue or something. The bar scene is about sex that's all it's about. If you want to meet someone special where you have more control try online dating or something.

 

[BabiGayPimp]

I believe in the traditional "honor among thieves" mantra. Even if we're in a gay bar, looking for a hookup, courtesy is still expected. To just throw somebody down an instant like that for somebody else is going to far--into the gutter. I would have left the venue.

 

[Críostóir]

It's acceptable on Planet Fucktard, where everyone thinks this fucktard is the best thing since sliced bread, and also has "WELCOME" printed on their back.

In MY universe he's just a fucktard. Don't waste your time on him.

 

[duQman14]

The guy obviously is conceited. He thinks he's SO perfect that even after completly ignoring you to go flirt with another man, you still want him.