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chillideath

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I have no clue what to do i really need help or advice. To start out I'm Bi/party Gay. I have known my best friend J for a few years now and over the years we grew closer and closer to each other and we have slept in the same bed and such multiple times and i have always enjoyed it, we've never messed around at all but I always wanted too because i think its obvious J is gay and i think hes mad hot and because i'm good at reading people and just the way he is, plus we are 18 and hes never had a GF (neither have I.)

Anyway the other night i was kind of drunk and i came out to J via texting (ya bad idea i knew it) and he was all fine and cool with it and promised me he wouldn't tell anyone. So this weekend he comes down from college and slowly as the weekend progressed (like i said before im good at reading people) i found out he fucking told basically everyone because all our buddies were looking at me all weird and my friend Ben who i have known since we were 5 is being huge dick to me and shit and im stuck with him at my apartment until he goes back down to florida october 20th. and when me and J were alone i was asking and/or telling him that i knew he told everyone by the way everyone was acting.

THEN earlier today my father leaves me a pissed off/depressed voice message saying "call me sometime soon" and that was when i completely lost it in front of him i started punching walls and shit because my life is so fucked now its horrible. My dad, well my WHOLE FAMILY is mad religious and is completely against homosexuality and bisexuality and always talks about how its an abomination to the Bible and da da da da da. basically i know he knows now and i havent called him yet but i dont know what to do because this is why i am fucked; because asshole doug(dad) didnt send me to college and now i work with him at a very small manufacturing company and he is probably going to fire me and take away my car now that i am afraid he disowned me, in fact- i know he will. I am so screwed and i hope tomorrow never comes. no family no more. probably no job. maybe no friends? who knows.
 
One thing at a time.

Talk to J. As calmly as you can. Ask him who he told. Explain the predicament you're in (again, as calmly as you can), and see if he can help you with some damage control.

Next, call Ben and your other friends. Come out to them, even though J presumably did this already. Explain how YOU feel, how difficult this has been for you to tell them, etc. They should hear it from you.

Finally, your dad. Do some research before you begin. Swing by PFLAG.com and get some information on "telling your parents". Read that over thoroughly before you begin. Then call your dad, and deal with what he says. The info should help somewhat.

If he DOES disown you - which I don't think is that much of a certainty - then it's time to find out what you're made of. You give the car back, you leave the job, you find another one, and you start living like an adult a bit quicker than you were hoping to. It sucks, but you can do it.

Good luck.

Lex
 
Well, first of all, I want to say that I feel very sorry for you that your friend J didn't turn out to be the good friend he pretended to be.
The best advice I can give you for now: just pull yourself together, brace yourself and talk to your parents. There's no point in trying to predict what might happen, you'll just have to go on and maybe things will turn out better than you expect them to. Tackle problems as you face them.

About the 'no more friends' stuff: rest assured, you'll find friends that'll support you.
 
Lex and veryhot hit it exactly! All good advise! Your 18 and legally an adult! Take an adult attitude about the 'potential' situation and 'potential' problems and tackle them one at a time.

Who knows, it may end up being not as bad as your thinking.
 
im trying but i think if J is just a real gay acting straight dude i might just please my parents but we will see i guess he left my place to go back to college and texted me saying he felt horrible and was going to call me tonight so ill see what happens
 
Tell dad not to worry. You are only curious and It's natural for guys to be curious sometimes. Tell him it's not a big deal. that you confided in a friend and didn't expect him to blow it out of proportion. Tell dad your sorry if he's worried. Act as if nothing is wrong. Later, when the time is right, you can really come out on your own terms.
 
Lex is dead on- one thing at a time, one day at a time...

When all of this has blown over, it's time to seek out some friends who will accept you for who you are, not in spite of it.

Begin with replacing your "best friend". Best friends don't do what J did.
 
My parents found out my gay porn stash when I was 15, 16 and freaked out. They practically sat me down and had this very serious conversation. It's all up to you. Like G-lexington said, you're an adult, back then it was different from me. I told them it was a phase I needed to work through (that's the truth for me) and that I needed time to think it through.

I really don't know about this J guy so I can't say, if you read my thread here

http://www.justusboys.com/forum/showthread.php?t=234813

my friend stumbled upon some porn on my computer and told my friends about it. He, I believed, did it vindictively.

Anyway, hope it all works out for you. Keep us updated.
 
I have a different take, a course that I would not suggest except that you seem freaked and your dad is kinda wacko about gays. The strategy is simple: Lie and Deny. If you thought J was gay well so did everyone else. So tell everyone J is the gay one, you were trying to be a friend to him and he "misinterpreted" your friendship. The reason this will work is because your father doesn't want to believe it so giving him a reason is all he wants/needs.

Sadly, J is not your friend.
 
Listen to Lex.

I don't always understand the fear that young guys have about their families disowning them. It always seems to be about material comfort and security.

Grow a pair of balls. Move out. Dump the friends who don't like you because you're gay. Start to live like an out and proud gay adult.
 
I wouldn't go for the lie and deny thing. It'll make everything far more difficult when you decide to come out for the second time. No reason to go through the same stuff again you're going through right now..
 
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