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18 and confused

T

Txgoodoldboy

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There's a simple test: When you look at a guy, do you get turned on? Yes. When you look at a girl, do you get turned on? No.

Then, you are gay.

Society and family can be a bitch.
 
The first thing I would recommend is not to stress out over the situation. Technically you don't ever have to label yourself as straight, gay or bi and nobody will ever force you to do that and If they try to tell em to F-Off!

So my advice, go label less for the next couple of years and give yourself time to come to terms with your feelings, eventually you'll stop feeling the guilt of enjoying something that others say you shouldn't.

The bad news though, there is no magic Alice in Wonderland pill that'll stop you from being attracted to men and it's also something that never goes away on its own. For that reason I'd steer clear of getting married as you're liable to break someones heart!
 
It sounds like you are gay but, you shouldn't worry about it so much.Like how others have said if you get turned on by men and not women you are probably gay. For me I get turned on by looking at women but, I am open minded enough to do some things with guys therefore why I labeled myself bi on this site. As far as the social things like having a wife and kids don't worry about fitting into what society tells you to do you can still have a fulfilling life without those things.
 
bicoolbeans said:
right now i am confused about my sexuality.

i have been watching mostly gay porn for about 3 years, and straight porn every now and then. i consider myself curious about messing around with a guy, but i always love women. i even think about having sex with a man, but i wouldn't follow through with it cause i think its wrong for me to do; i would regret it.

i want to get married to a woman, and have kids. but right now i don't really get hard off women stripping or whatnot. i don't even get hard unless a guy comes in a porno. i get hard just seeing a guy naked or reading a story of guys have sex, but when i see a woman nude in a picture, i stay soft.

i don't want to be gay, because its not accepted in my family. but at the same time i want to be sexually attracted to women whether on the internet or real life.

idk i just need answers.
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OMG that was me at 17 just before I came out (granted as bi which lasted like a month before I came out as gay). I always thought that I wanted to get married and have kids (I still do, just with a man). I just thought I was more sensitive and respectful of women and not a sex maniac which was why I couldn't be attracted to them.

There was this girl that I liked and I told her: "I love you so much that I can't even think of having sex with you." I laugh at myself now. I also thought that I could only ever love women, until I let myself love a man. I remember the first time I let another guy hold me in his arms, and I just felt so safe and needed and at the same time strong that I knew I was where I belonged.

Following through with your feelings for men is not wrong for you to do. Whoever told you this is misguided. You wouldn't regret it (just so long as it was with the right guy - someone you care for, not just someone random). If you aren't accepted in your family, try to teach them to accept you. If they truly reject you, that's their loss most of all.

I promise you that if you come to accept yourself, you will be happy. One thing that helped me was to start reading gay romantic stories and watching gay romantic movies which helped me understand that I could still get the emotional fulfillment I needed from being gay. If one's main source of information about being gay is porn and one's family, one is bound to have a bad image of it.

I know exactly how your feeling and I wish you the best. (*8*)
 
That sounds a lot like me... 3-6 years ago. I would mostly watch gay porn and sometimes straight porn and there always had to be a guy involved, otherwise I would stay soft. I didn't want to be gay either but I also didn't want to worry about the whole thing, so I just lived my everyday life quite happily for all those years... and a little over a year ago I was finally ready to admit that I'm gay.

So after my own (somewhat painless) self-discovery on this subject I would probably recommend the same thing that others have already said: don't worry about it too much. To me it sounds like you're gay, but just give yourself time and you'll come in terms with your feelings.
 
I'm sure you are seeing a common thread in all the responses. You are struggling with the same feelings that most of us have had. Essentially you still haven't come out to yourself. In your heart of hearts, you know what you are attracted to. My advice would be to not fight it. This forum is loaded with stories of guys who stayed in denial for years. Many even married women, had kids, but were very unhappy. Many will tell you that it was a very selfish thing to do and very unfair to their wives. There have even been posts from the wives trying to figure out what they did wrong and why their husband turned gay. It's simply a receipt for disaster.

With all that said, there is no reason why you can't find a life partner and have kids. Hopefully it won't be too long before everyone can marry.

As far as your family being non-accepting, it's really hard to predict how some people will react and adjust. People often say anti-gay things in the abstract, but when it's their own family their attitudes change. Many go through a process of acceptance that includes various stages like denial and anger, but eventually come to acceptance. Of course there are some who are die hard and will never accept it. For those, I say it's their loss and you really don't need people who won't love you for who you are.

I wish you all the best as you work through your sexuality.
 
You got some really great advice in this thread.

In addition to all that great advice, I'd like to highlight this:
LoveIsNow said:
One thing that helped me was to start reading gay romantic stories and watching gay romantic movies which helped me understand that I could still get the emotional fulfillment I needed from being gay. If one's main source of information about being gay is porn and one's family, one is bound to have a bad image of it.
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This is very true, and a lot of "bi" guys say they're "sexually attracted to men but emotionally attracted to women". Hogwash. They've been brainwashed to think 2 men can't have a deep emotional connection.

Once you hug and cuddle a guy, you'll know that it's perfectly natural and feels great!
 
bicoolbeans said:
i want to get married to a woman, and have kids.
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You may marry and have kids but, given the current situation, it probably won't be with a woman.

Many others have been through this. You will get through it too.

And you will someday look back and wonder why you thought that you wanted to be straight.
 
bicoolbeans said:
thanks for all the comments and advice.

i do think i have been thinking about it too much, and scared to admit that i "may" be gay.

i will just pray and hope to be steered in the right direction.
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You're welcome.

I hated the thought of being gay at first. I even hated the word gay. Two years later, I totally embrace it: it is who I am.

Please don't "just pray and hope to be steered"! That is so passive. Please take a more active role in where your life is going. You are the only one in control.

Good luck! And come back and ask more questions whenever you'd like. We're here for you. (*8*)
 
I was stressed about coming out at age 19. That was years ago. Since then I've mostly hung out with gay men and socialized in gay environments. I have some straight co-workers who know I'm gay and they accept me as well as I accept them. They all have gay family members and other friends. As young as you are you may not want to come out to your immediate family if you are financially dependant on them. There are plenty of years ahead to come out to them. In the meantime, still socialize with gay men and see where things go.
 
Sometimes I am too sentimental for my own good. Reading all these messages of support and understanding... I grew up in a small town and will be 62 shortly, but I still remember those feelings of fear and self loathing. I think the worst was the feeling of aloneness. Sure would have been great to read all these fine messages of support back then when I was 17-18. Gay teens had next to nothing in the way of help. We were pretty much on our own and vulnerable in many ways. Peace to all in the coming new year of 2009
 
I think many guys were where you are now. I know I was. I, too, wanted to be straight more than anything and have a wife, kids, and the "normalcy" that goes along with being like the mainstream.

But, alas, it was not to be. It took me a long time, and many mistakes, to admit that and figure it out. The hardest coming out is the one you do to yourself. After that step, you'll find it easier.

Hang in there. You will figure this out. Keep in touch with us and hopefully we can make it easier for you.
(*8*)
 
bicoolbeans said:
thanks for all the comments and advice.

i do think i have been thinking about it too much, and scared to admit that i "may" be gay.

i will just pray and hope to be steered in the right direction.
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Check out this website: http://whosoever.org/index.shtml

Make sure you have .org not .com

There used to have a resource page, but I couldn't find it. Maybe later.
 
You CAN get married to a woman. But when life later eases things for you, you'll realize you're unhappy. She will be unhappy. And you will realize you are not who you want to be.

Some will say 'welcome to life'. I personally think you need to think about your happiness. What makes you happy?
 
i know exactly where you are, since i feel similarly...but i think ultimately you have to experiment...real life experience will help point you in the right direction, but make sure you are careful and be safe
 
well heres my advice to you, you are letting societal and religious idealism to control your thought set. I was the same way up till a couple of months ago when i finnaly came a grips with being gay. You don't need to keep up with the Jone's, just don't be afraid to be yourself because the whole feeling that being gay is wrong thiing is just letting others influnce your mindset. Overall, you have to get to a point were you wont care about predijudge and just live your life because things will be much better then
 
YAY your gay :D even if your parents dont like it!

Its better to be yourself that who other people think you should be.
 
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