19/45

[motodude87]

OK, I have a 19 year old interested in me. I'm 45, however, I do look darn good for my age. We met on a gay social site (not a Manhunt type site). I was very hesitant to physically meet him, but he kept on me, we started IMing and he seemed pretty cool. We moved over to text messages and I started to feel like he was a nice guy and decided to go on a date with him.

We went on a date, talked and saw a movie, and talked some more (maybe some other stuff, but not too much). I'm finding that I really like him even though my brain says the age difference is too much. We went out again for a little bit and again talked some more (no sex because I don't want to lead him on). I'm finding that my heart is saying one thing, and my brain is saying this will never work and end it before he gets too attached.

I know some people say "age is just a number." I also know that some of my friends are saying this is crazy while others say "good for you, go for it."

I'm curious to hear opinions from you guys.

 

[Rooster]

I have a similar experience.

I dated an 18 year old when I was 24. I couldn't stand it. He was attractive as hell, but the maturity difference was huge. I was finishing college and he was working at a fast food restaurant and spending most of his spare time playing video games. At first I thought I could overlook it but it became more and more apparent that we were at different places in our lives.

That was me though. You could have an entirely different relationship with this guy or be looking for something entirely different.

 

[texan_slant]

Yeah, age is really just a number; t's not a number's game. Youth is really in the heart. On the one hand, go for it, cuz age doesn't matter with regards to who you want to be with.

The burning question is though - do you know what you're both looking for in a relationship? If you're looking for something long-term, just remember the generational difference, and it's impact.

For example, are you at that point in your life in which you want that one person who's gonna be with you in your sunset years? When you retire, are you going to want someone to travel with (i.e. someone who has that kind of time)? Is he ready to care-take if needed?

I know it sounds silly, but these are the kinds of questions that you have to think about if/when the time comes. I'm not necessarily saying that it's a crazy notion, cuz on the one hand, the age itself doesn't matter, but on the other hand, you have got to be on the same page.

...or did you just want to have fun and hang out with no talk of commitment?

 

[aijalon18]

"Age is nothing but a number" is bullshit people say when pursuing someone of an inappropriate age. I do understand there can be attraction both ways. But as far as a serious relationship, a 19 year old and a 45 year old should be in different places in their lives to where a seriously relationship wouldnt really make sense.

What either happens is the young guy wastes his youth living a life of a much older person. Or the older person ends up pretending to be Peter Pan. To the older guy it doesnt make much difference. But the younger guy can't get that time back. And I think he'll regret it more than he'll realize.

You cant assume that every young guy who wants older guys has daddy issues but the truth is that is often the case. There's also the idea that guys around this age are so determined to prove how mature and grown up they are by being with someone older.

But for your own benefit you have to think about how secure you are. Dating someone so much younger obviously could make you insecure about where you stand. You start think "I'm so much older, why would this young guy want me instead of hot young guy?"

I just personally think people should stick to people their age for real relationships. But hooking seems just fine. That's just my opinion.

 

[KaraBulut]

If both parties are consenting adults and both are content, then who are we to judge?

The challenge with these relationships is that there's a lot that goes on in a young man's life between the years 18-25. And the biggest challenge is learning to be in a relationship and to deal with the disappointments and emotions that come with being in a relationship.

There's nothing wrong with hanging out and doing stuff together. But at someone you do need to sit him down and talk about the elephant in the room- where this is going and whether you both are in the same place in your lives... and how being in a relationship at 19 is not the same as being in a relationship at 45.

 

[hylas]

age is definitly not just a number.

i think its very unlikely that this will become a stable long-term relationship. but as long as you both keep that in mind, why not enjoy it while it lasts?

i imagine you will become tired of him first... hes probably still very immature, and you might not want to pass up dating opportunities that are more likely to lead to lasting relationships (if thats what youre looking for).

like with all relationships, you need to keep comunicating honestly. about what the age difference means to you both, and about where this relationship is going in the long run (probably nowhere).

but as i said, as long as you keep it fair and honest, why not enjoy the moment?

 

[Seasoned]

You'll both do what you're comfortable with. Plenty of couples have large age differences. What do you think of someone your age being with a 71 year old? That's how old you'll be when he is your age.

The important thing is to talk about the obvious issues. Try not to get too far ahead of yourselves. My age example was just for a reality check. You could potentially have weeks, months or years.

I think the main issues revolve around support and mentoring. There're complications that come about if one person takes on that "parenting" role. There's potential of resentment from both sides.

I'd advise you both to talk about all of life's major issues and major likes and dislikes. Becoming friends is a good thing; anymore will be up to passion and perhaps love. If both of you are approaching this with caution and opened eyes I'd say a fulfilling ltr relationship is possible. Good luck to both of you.

PS. School for him and no calling in lovesick at work for you!

 

[aijalon18]

I also wanted to comment that it says a lot that you have some reservations about it. It speaks volumes about your character. Many older guys who pursue younger guys have completely selfish, predatory attitude and care more about how hot it is to use this younger guy to get off than how it will affect the younger guy.

As far as talking to him, I dont think it will work. If you're gonna be realistic if you tell somebody, especially someone in rebellious gay teens-20s, that something isnt a good idea chances are they are gonna want it even more. You have decide for yourself it is a good idea and make the decision. And tell him this is what I decided and that's it.

 

[Lucas07]

As a 22 year old, i really don't get the whole age difference thing and why it has to be a huge issue in relationships. I mean, yeah, you can be at different point in your lives, but seriously, if we're going to over rationalize everything and be real about it, chances are we're ruining a good possibility.

Just don't lead him on if you're really apprehensive about it. Be an adult, and treat him like one as well. If you're having doubts, unsure about it, tell him and don't send him mixed signals caused by your uncertainty. Be friends sure, be a mentor, help him grow or something. Hey, you may grow and be nourished as well. I dunno.

Do what feels right. In the future you're gonna regret what you didn't do more than what you actually did.

But I guess what im talking about is the matter of love. If you love someone, and you just feel it, it's right and the universe agrees, then it's just gonna work. Magical? well it's love after all.

 

[racer2438]

I have a similar experience.

I dated an 18 year old when I was 24. I couldn't stand it. He was attractive as hell, but the maturity difference was huge. I was finishing college and he was working at a fast food restaurant and spending most of his spare time playing video games. At first I thought I could overlook it but it became more and more apparent that we were at different places in our lives.

That was me though. You could have an entirely different relationship with this guy or be looking for something entirely different.

But there not all like that, case in point not to pat my own back, but I was 18 and met a a guy who was 24 and we instantly had a connection. That grew and and grew.

I was actullay str8t w/a gf. But 1 night of hot man sex
and I we fell in love.

I never went back to girls ever again.

And we just celebrated our 26th yr together on Aug 6th.

I have only been with 1 guy ever-him and I was his 1st real bf but he had been with a few guys b4.

 

[backpacker]

There is not an across the board answer. It would never work with some guys, but would be a great success with others. It really comes down to how both of you interact in the relationship. I will say the odds are definitely not with you. If the guy was 23 or older, I would say the odds would be must better. At 19 so many things are new and interest him that no longer interest you. I dated a guy who had just turned 21. He was a great guy, but totally into his new found bar scene. I like going to bars, but not several times a week. At one time I was into that, but it doesn't interest me anymore. In the end, we were at different stages in life and things didn't work out. I would say you should talk to him upfront and let him know your concerns.

 

[altlover85]

When I was 18, I started a relationship with a guy who was 42. Things started out great and we got along well and had great sex. However, I was only in my second semester of college and my parents disapproved of the relationship. It caused a stress on the relationship that never really eased up. Beyond that, we quickly found that we were very different. He's a type A and I'm a type B. He's more emotional and I'm more stuck in my head.

We ended up going out off and on for 3 years. In the end we broke up (and we can't even agree on why) and are still friends. I learned a lot about relationships, but it really expended a lot of energy I should have been using in college.

I've always been attracted to older men, but it's difficult because a lot of the issues you all are talking about really do come up. When I was 18, I thought love would conquer all, but love can't support a relationship that's not grounded in communication and compatibility.

I would go for it with this guy, but have a serious talk about where things are going and what you both want.

 

[terry61_99]

I say you only live once and since it's mutual then just go with it. I wish you both all the best! Keep us posted!!!

 

[youngnihilist]

To summarize: Sex is the most plausible outcome. a relationship would be very hard to sustain due to numerous difficulties. Is it possible? Yes, but more unlikely than a similar age arrangement.

 

[Just_Believe18]

You can have a good time, but the relationship will never last.

 

[altlover85]

You can have a good time, but the relationship will never last.

You don't know that for certain.

 

[hotatlboi]

You don't know that for certain.

True, here I'll fix it.

"You can have a good time, but the relationship will likely never last."

 

[altlover85]

True, here I'll fix it.

"You can have a good time, but the relationship will likely never last."

Couldn't that be said about a lot of relationships though? How many of us thought we found someone compatible and then found out later that he or she was not the right fit even if everything seemed good on the surface?

 

[Just_Believe18]

You don't know that for certain.

Your own story proves the point.

My own story proves the point.

 

[KaraBulut]

Couldn't that be said about a lot of relationships though? How many of us thought we found someone compatible and then found out later that he or she was not the right fit even if everything seemed good on the surface?

Compatibility is only one component of a relationship, though.

A relationship, like a building, starts with a foundation. And like any building, chances are that if you start on an unstable foundation, you'll end up with an unstable (and temporary) relationship.

There's a lot of changes that go on in a guy's life between 18-25. This results it a lot of instability and change. And a lot of failed relationships.