1gayguy - Archived Blog Posts

[1gayguy]

Wow I have a blog! Whatever the f--- a blog is.
So let me start with the present day and at some point I'll jump to Dan...The early years.

I never knew how stressful being unemployed can be and it's effects on one's psyche. Don't get me wrong, I've been laid off before but i always had a job within a month's time. I knew this time it would be different. One reason is I'm older. I'm 43 and most employers are looking for fresh meat, not some tough older bird that might be harder to train or have adult issues like kids or a home life to deal with.
Another area where being jobless has messed me up is my sleep paterns. I still get up with my partner Len every morning.I do my job search thing while he gets ready for his day. After he leaves I hit the couch and snooze for a while. Then when it comes time for bed I'm wired and stay up until the wee hours of the morning.
Yet another area is our sex life. Because of my worrying over being unemployed and all that it entails, it has been on my mind constantly. It's a bit difficult to get and maintain an erection when your mind is thinking "I hope I here from that company I submitted my resume to today" or " I wonder why I didn't here from that company I submited my resume to" or even still " what if I don't have a job when my unemployment runs out". See what I mean?
However there is a bright spot. That man of mine has been so supportive in so many ways I don't think I could ever repay him.
For instance, we had talked before about me getting into the real estate game before and decided that it was alot of time and work involved in untraditional hours. That would cut into "our"time and generally not be that much fun. However, this time after many discussions we decided that why not give it a try. At worst, I fall on my face and be no better off than I am now or at best I'm fairly sucessful and earning more that I ever have.
Another way Len has been there for me and helping me feel better is he re-arranged our home office to accomodate the two of us at the same time. Before we had this very large "L" shaped oak desk. Very roomy and sleek but only user friendly for one person at a time. Len found these smaller maple,chrome and glass desks that have plenty of workspace for one but are small enough to put back to back in our office space. Add two leather chairs and instant home office for two!
He also thought we should get two laptops. Knowing I would need one for my new career we thought it would be nice if he had one as well so we can be in the same room together but still doing our seperate things. And lastly, we added a wirelss network so we can be on line together in any room of our house!
At this point things are looking up more so than they have over the last three months. I'm a little more than half way through my R.E. course, I have one more job interview at a national company. The office that I'm interviewing for handles an area of moderately high to high priced executive homes that are still selling quite briskly.And mostly I have an incredibe life mate who without, I'd have been totally lost.
So that fills in the present. Next entry I'll start with my very early years as well as jumping to present when something interesting happens.

Ciao for now
Dan

 

[1gayguy]

As promised, here are some details of "Dan-The Early Years".
I grew up in a small north/centeral town in Massachusetts. Back then the town was very rural and mostly agricultural in it's make up.
My family lived in a 3 bedroom, 1 bath ranch style home in a neighborhood of similar homes with similar families.
My own family consisted of 2 sisters and 2 brothers with me being the youngest. The age span between oldest sibling and youngest sibling was 14 years with 6 years between me and the next sibling (one of my brothers) up the ladder.
My parents were fairly typical WW2 era parents. They both grew up in the Depression therefore they were financially conservative. Dad was a bus driver for the MBTA which back then was just the MTA. He commuted to Boston every day which was about 75 mile round trip. So you could say that Dad spent his whole day driving. Mum ( or as we called her, Ma) was a house wife and a good one at that. She made both of my sisters' First Communion dresses and one of their wedding dresses. Ma also did all the cooking and cleaning and laundry. She also did all the holiday prep work regardless of the holiday. In my early years, Dad would take us to Catholic Church on Sunday mornings for Mass ( back then it was said and chanted in Latin) then it was home for Sunday dinner.
Back when they got married in 1946, they had to get special dispensation from the Pope because of their different faiths. Dad was Catholic and Ma was a Baptist. Ma had to sign a declaration promising to raise any children born of the union Catholic.
While religion was an important part of my early years it gradually became less so.
As my bothers got more involved in sports, Dad didn't want to spend his Sundays driving all over.
When I was 4 my favorite and oldest sib got married. This was the wedding gown my mother made. It was a beautiful July day and we hosted the reception in our back yard. The day went grandly. Then after a month, my sister and my new brother-in-law moved to Selma Alabama where my brother-in-law was stationed in the Air Force. This proved to be my first major life disapointment. I honestly thought I would never see my sister again. This would prove untrue.
About 5 months later my sister gave birth to her first child, a daughter. I became an uncle at the age of 5.
At the age of 6 I lost my only surviving Grand Parent. Nana was 84 and had suffered numerous heart attacks within a short period of time. She had lived in the western part of the state and we were on our way to visit her when she passed away. This was my first exposure to death and it struck me rather hard.
At the age of 7 my second sister got married. This was very traumatic for me as I thought that she would be moving far away as well. This was not to be the case. This sister also married a service man. Her husband was in the Navy but shortly after they married he finished his tour of duty and was honorablely discharged.
Through out all of these major events there were the usual family events. My oldest sister graduated Highschool in 1965, The next sib, my other sister, graduated in 1966.She went on to college at a state school where home sickness and the stress of trying to be perfect made her drop out in her second year.
Around 1968 My oldest sister came back home with her family to start fresh after her husband got out of the Air Force. Shortly there after was when my second sister married. Also around this time my oldest sister found out she was pregnant with her second child.
Now with both of my sisters married and out of the house, I can turn my attention to me and my brothers.
That will start the next view.

 

[1gayguy]

Well so far I've covered my parents and my two sisters so now it's time to tell you about my brothers.
I have two brothers six and ten years older than me. When we were kids we each had our own circle of friends that we would hang around with. No surprise there. we all would gather in the kitchen for our supper and god forbid if you were late! One of my brothers ( the younger of the two) spent an entire summer grounded because he had such a wanderlust. Every time he'd finnish one grounding, he'd be late for the family meal (whether it was week days supper or Sunday dinner) and be grounded all over again.
They were both jocks and played everything from little league baseball to basketball and foot ball in High School. I remeber being 4 or 5 and sitting on my oldest brother's butt and giving him back rubs on the living room floor, fully clothed of course. Sometimes I would get a moan out him, him being 14 or 15 at the time.
When the oldest brother got to High School he made th J.V. foot ball team his Freshmen year. Durring a game he took a really solid hit and ended up breaking his collar bone. The funny thiing was that about a day or two before one of my friends was towing me behind his bike. I was in one of those red wagons. Well the rope broke and for ssome reason I decided to make u-turn with the wagon. Well the wagon tipped over and I tried to brake my fall using my elbow. It broke after hitting the street. So our mother put us in the same room and hung a sign on the door that said "Fracture Ward". Corny I know but it did take some of the sadness away for both of us.
Every summer we would go to my Aunt and Uncle's cottage(we called it "the camp") for two weeks. It was right on Lake Cobisiconti (sp) in a little town called Winthrope in Maine. It was hard to imangine anyplace being nore rural than where we were living but this place was.The camp was set behind a farm that it's primary crop was hay. We had to drive down a car path with the woods on one side and the hay field on the other to get to the place to park the car. Then we would lug all our stuff down a path through the woods to get to the actual cabin.
The cabin itself was modest. Made out of cedar logs on a feild stone foundation. It had a deep front porch over looking the lake, where we would sit and watch the loons swim by and the sun set. One of the neat features of the lake was that righ acroos form the cabin , in the cnter of the lake was a lighthouse.
One time we went up it was just my parents,my younger brother,one of his friends and me.Being as there were only two bedrooms, my parents took one and us boys had to share the other. Us guys had spent a day swimming and splashing around in the lake. When it came time for supper, Mum made us dry off and put on some dry clothes. It was the first time I had seen a dick other than my own. The three of us were changing and had all stripped down naked. The funny thing was I didn't care about looking at my brother but I was practically staring at his blonde friend. His friend was built really well for mid teen and if memory serves me well he was hung quite nicely too. I do remember standing on my bed to look at my body in the mirror and saying something like " I really like my body". My brother just told me to put some clothes on.
Wel as it always does time marched on. My older brother graduated High School without any more sports related injuries. He then went on to college. I remember it being durring the time of the Viet Nam conflict. He was close to graduating and he had a low draft number. I remember my parents and him sitting around the kitchen table trying to figure out whether he should go if his number got called or send him to Canada. If memory serves me right he and my Dad had decided on the Canada option. Dad had served in WWII and was not aout to put his name sake in something he didn't blieve in. As it turned out the draft got cancelled just before my brother graduated so Uncle Sam spared him.
Durring his colleg years he met a very nice girl and of course they got married leaving me, my other brother and Mum and Dad in the house.
My younger brother was a big jock in High School. He lettered in both Football and Basketball.As a lot of jocks at the time were , he was into partying, not so much into acedemics. At one point my folks hired a tutor to help him with Algebra, to no avail. I rememeber there being a lot of arguments and tears because that meant he couldn't continue with the college coursework and had to take business instead. Mum and Dad were a little disapointed but my brother was relieved. He continued with his sports and his partying and everyone was happy. He graduated from High School and entered the job market.
Well this concludes the family's early history except for me. The next instalment will be about me and my friends and what we would do for fun. Trust me, this is were it will start to get interesting.

 

[1gayguy]

The neighborhhod I grew up in was a great place to be. There were tons of other kids to hang around and do the typical childhood things with. There were six of us guys and six girls too.
During the warmer months we would play the typical kid games like tag, hide-n-seek,go swimming at the lake, ride bikes and stuff. The colder months we would go sledding on any of the numerous hills that were in walking distance, skating on the numerous small bodies of water, build snow men and snow forts and the ever popular throw snowballs at cars (ok I didn't say we were angles).
My house was kind of behind my friends' houses just by design of the neighborhood. So let me give you a quick run down on who was who and where they lived.
Ricky S. - He was the youngest of two children, the older being a sister who was many years older than him. He was quiet, often a loner, probably more due to an overprotective mother than any part of his own. We won't see much of him here because he really wasn't part of the "group".
Next door to Rick S was:
Darlene and Robin S- The youngest two of the group with Robin being the youngest of all. They were half sisters. Darlene's father had a tragic death in one of the are stone quarries. Darlene's mother remarried and that marriage produced her sister Robin. Nice girls who seemed to have everything and ultimately grew up into snobs.
Rick F- My best friend from birth to my early 20's. Only 11 months seperated us and because he was the only son out of 6 kds and the youngest and there being 6 years between me and my next sib we were really more like brothers than friends.We hung out just about every day, sometimes alone ,more often than not with others from the neighborhood. There will be much more with Rick later.
Judy F- Rick F's sister. She was 1 year older than he. She was a bit on the wild side and often instigated a lot of what went on in the neighborhood.
Bev H- An only child of working class parents. Dad was very quiet and Mom was very domineering. Bev was the neighborhood hottie and best friends with Judy. Also an instigator of neighborhood mischief.
The G's- A family of three, 2 boys and a girl in that order. They only hung out with the rest of us sporadically. Kind of odd. The oldest, I remember took potshots at us from across two yards with a B.B gun. He also practised his golf swing at Bev's house. Driving golf balls into the side of the house. Bev's house had alluminum siding. There were a lot of dings in the house when he was through that day.
Lori L.- A little whisper of a girl who played with us on occasion. The youngest of three with her seniors being brothers. My dad used to call her Piper Laurie.
Rick and Debbie M- Older brother and younger sister who's dad owned one of the local home heating oil companies. They hung out with the core group occasionally.
And lastly
Gary B- A mischevious guy. The yougest of three whose mother had suffered a stroke very early in her life. Gary was a great help to his parents but when he let loose, fun was sure to follow.
So that's the background on the neighborhood gang. Typical middle class kids of parents, with dads that had served in either WWII or Korea. We all knew the value of a dollar and always made the best of what we had.
I could go into more detail of these families after all I had spent the better part of 20 years with most of them.And there were always additions and subtractions to our group for whatever reason.
Rick and Judy F's house was the neighbor hood hang out because it was the most centerally located (location, location, location...lol). Us other kids could hear our parents' calls for supper from there. And their parent's were nice folk. Their dad Rit didn't mind us boys hanging around as he tinkered with the family car and their mom Hope always had kool aid pops for us in the summer.
Not much has changed in the old neighborhood. When I drive through now, I notice that alot of the same families are still there although some have moved or passed on, the memories remain. The houses may have had an addtion added on but you can tell by looking which house is still owned by the original family.
Funny, looking back on it all now, it all seems so Rockwellian some how. The sleep outs and sleep overs, the Fourth of July cook outs, the houses decorated for Christmas and the pets. Ahh youth.

Next installment: The teen years or When the fun really begins.

 

[1gayguy]

Me and my best friend started out 11 months apart in age, we were also both the youngest in our families. His family had 5 girls and mine had 2 girls and 2 boys in that order. So it was only natural that we became fast friends.
We did all the usual boyhood things, play with our Matchbox and Hot Wheels and our larger Tonka trucks in the sand box. We rode our bikes everywhere. We went sledding and attempted ice skating during the winter months. We did the camp outs and sleep overs all year long.
When were about 7 or 8, his Dad built him a a very cool 12' by 12' tree house,or as we used to call it, "The Fort". It had a smallish sun deck on the front and a really good sized room towards the back. It had a rope ladder that led to a trap door in the floor of the sun deck and that was the only way in or out. A lot of us kids would go up and play card and board games out the prying eyes of the parents. The parents liked it because they knew where we were and they thought we weren't getting into trouble.
One of my brothers had recived a VW Bug from one of our brother-in-laws and my brother set about making it better. He took the old seats out and replaced them with better seats and donated the old seats to s kids for use in the fort.Now we had furniture!
About the same time, my friend and his dad put electricity and a phone line in the fort so now we all had a really cool place to hang out! For heat in the winter, we used a couple of hot plates that kept us toasty warm, so it was a year round place for us.
About this same time we started getting curious about our bodies. It started with the usual "I'll show you mine if you show me yours" kind of thing. Then at some point one of us, I forget who started first, we started to get "stiffies". Of course they couldn't do anything, it was just a new developement. One day he said something along the lines of "look it what I can do". and he proceeded to jerk off in front of me until he shot a load! I was amazed and it wasn't long before I could do the same. It seemed like every day after school we would head for the fort and play with ourselves until we shot our respective loads, seperately of course.
Then I had found one of my brother's stashes of straight porn. He had a whole drawer full of Playboys, Penthouse, Hustler and such. what a find for a young teen boy!
So I did what any other little brother would have done and liberated a good mix of the magaines and brought them to the fort. We now had jack off material for months! Back then Penthouse would run pictorals of men and women together and I always found those pictorals far more interesting. I think it was something to do with looking at these hunky men all hot and hard. Hmm could be!
So after looking at the pics for a while, they started to get a little familiar, so we took to reading the stories and letters.The best letters were found in Penthouse's Forum section, where people would write in and tell their tales of their sexual exploits.
Well one day there must have been a letter about a guy and his best friend who would jerk each other off. We decided to give it a try for ourselves! It was heaven! Picture two mid teen age boys, him about 5'8", about 150 muscular pounds, dirty blonde hair , blue eyes and lightly hairy, and me about 5"9", about 155 muscular pounds, light brown hair, brown eyes, also lightly hairy. His dick was about 5.5" with a nice upward curve and a nicely textured ball sack and me with about a 6" straight dick with a smooth ball sack.
So a new ritual began. We'd run home from school, say hi to our moms and hit the fort, to get hard and jerk each other off. I loved it while he was just using it for release, which was ok with me.
So the camp outs were a lot more fun after that. Not only did we have our porn but we would sneak a few beers from our dads, get a little buzz going and then jerk each other. It was so hot, sitting cross legged in front of each other with our hands in each others crotches, stroking our dicks and fondling our balls. I can still feel his sock covered feet and hairy legs rubbing against mine.
Another Penthouse Forum letter brought us to the next level when we read about one guy giving his best friend a blow job. So the next time we slept out in the fort, we had a beer or two each and had already jerked off when my friend asked if I would oblige him with a blow job. I hesitated at first but then said what the hell. He got himself hard and I went to town. Never having done it before there were a few scrapes of the teeth but nothing stopped us. While I was bobbing up and down on his dick he was jerking mine. For the first time I came before he did and he shot right in my mouth shortly there after. Not knowing what else to do with his load I swallowed. From then on I was hooked.
We would still jerk each other but every once in a while I'd surprise him by just going down on him.
One time my friend surprised me by asking to try a little 69. We were camping out that night and the Late show with Johnny Carson had come on. We were already naked so we just grabed each others' dick and started stroking to get hard. I layed down on my back and he climbed on top. I still remember seeing his furry butt cheeks illuminated by the glow of the tv and his head working up and down on my dick. Needless to say it didn't take long for both of us to start shooting. He did swallow my load but he wasn't too keen on it and he only did it that once.
I continued to go down on him every chance I got. I think the best time was when were about 17. He was dropping me off at home after coming from a party. We were both really buzzed and sat there smoking another joint and talking. I just reached over and started rubbing his crotch through his jeans. Mind you, we were out front of my parents house, half way around the circular drive and could be easily seen from either the house or the street. I undid his belt and snapped open his jeans and continued to rub his dick through is tighty whities. After a while I couldn't contain myself and hooked the waist band of his underwear under his balls and started stroking him. That wasn't enough for me so I leaned in and took his knob in my mouth. At this point he reached over and started rubbing my hard on through my jeans. That wasn't enough for him and he undid my jeans and took my hard on in his hand and started jerking away.So there we were two teen age guys having sex in a car in plain view. We both had mind blowing orgasms.
Needless to say all good things must come to an end and my friend had discovered girls. It was kind of hard for me but I got over it. I even tried the girl thing myself for a few years, to the point of even getting married and fathering a child.
Sometime after my divorce, my friend and I lost touch with each other. He's still married to his first wife and they have four kids the oldest being about 21 now.
I still think about him, not in a sexual way but as friend that has been lost. I try to contact him and his family every once in a while and get no reply to the Christmas cards I send but I still send them anyway. Perhaps some day he will call or write but if not that's ok.


Next installment.......Life after coming of age.

 

[1gayguy]

This part may be tough to write as it was so long ago and I may get some events not quite right in order.
After graduating from a technical high school with a certificate in auto body, I landed a job at high tech company ( Computervision) that made cad/cam design equipment when cad/cam was in it's infancy. I worked second shift which was filled with a lot of people my own age (late teens - early twenties). There were lots of after work parties at local bars that continued after last call back at the company parking lot.
It was here I met a nice guy from Vermont who had just moved down to live with his sister and brother-in-law so he could find work.
For whatever reason we hit it off and became fast friends. We'd hang out at the local bar after work with our other co-workers and sometimes venture off on our own. I'm not quite sure how it came to pass or what the triggering event was but at some point we became more than just friends. He was my first official boyfriend.
He was tall, well over six feet and slim almost to the point of being skinny. He was also very well endowed. We'd find ways to get together to release our raging hormones that all men in their late teen early twenties have. We shared some very erotic moments. We also shared a fair bit of drama.His bother-in-law was a bit of psycho with quite the temper and a love of guns. We were at a parking lot after party one night when someone who was not part of group decided to crash it. This guy asked if anyone had any weed and someone from our crowd said yes.
The guy took out his stash and started to roll one up. The crasher asked to see the stash to "check out the quality". Once in his hands he said thanks allot and started to walk away. A couple of people stopped him and things started to get heated. That was when my friend's brother-in-law pulled out one of his guns and threatened the crasher. The crasher ended up surrendering the bag and leaving, as did most everyone after that.
My friend shortly thereafter got his own place and wanted us to go to the next level of living together. I absolutely panicked! See I still hadn't admitted to myself my true sexual identity. I knew on some level that I was gay, hell me and this guy were sucking each other off and humping one another every chance we got. To carry it to that next level was just too much for me to handle.
I panicked to the point of going in the completely opposite direction!At 20 years old I met a woman from work and with in a year we were engaged!

Next chapter...My short life as a straight married man.

 

[1gayguy]

So, at the age of 20 I became engaged...to a woman!What was I thinking. I was thinking a lot of things actually. I was thinking that this is how I'm supposed to be. I was thinking that this is not just what society expects but also my family and friends. I was thinking that I'm too afraid to be gay. That a gay life would be too complicated. That I'll grow old and die alone.
So this woman, she was a year younger than me and fairly attractive with very long legs and a good sized chest. She liked to party and had a good sense of humor. She was even a bit tom boyish.
The sex was......ok. Not earth shattering, just a release with someone I cared about.Cared about not loved.
The funny thing was I never really "popped" the question. We just started talking about what our ideal wedding would be like and the next thing I knew I was buying a ring, setting a date and picking things out. The momentum just kind of carried me along and I let it.
The wedding was nice. It was held in the church that I had attended since I was a kid. The reception was held in one of the better VFW clubs in the area.
There were over 150 invited guests.
The rehearsal dinner was very casual, pizza and beer at the apartment the newly weds would share. One of the ushers got so drunk he had to spend the night. As he passed out on my couch, I was thisclose to finding out what he had in his pants. Then I chickened out. I never mentioned it to him, there was nothing to mention. It should have been a sign though. Here I was the night before my wedding thinking about doing one of my ushers. Never mind that the limo driver was the guy I had had a relationship with two years prior. What was I thinking (see above).
The day came and we did the deed. It really was a beautiful wedding. A sunny warm day in mid September. The music we picked out for the church was, unbeknownst to us, the same music that Prince Charles and Princess Dianna had played at their wedding.
At the altar, my knees were knocking, I was sweating bullets but I got through it.
The reception was a great party! everyone had a great time! The food was great. The booze flowed!
Even the after parties were great. My new father-in-law held one at his house where another male in law mistakenly walked in on me in the bathroom. Talk about embarrassing!
We went on to my parents' house (my childhood home) for the next party. My parents' had got us a room at a local Sheraton for the night where we went after.Both the bride and the groom were so drunk and stoned that the wedding night was spent counting the gifts and falling asleep. It should have been another clue for me.
The next day we left for our honeymoon. Nothing extravagant. A weeks stay touring the Berkshires of Massachusetts heading for Niagara Falls. Very Original I know.
The bride took a fall hitting her knee on a curb. The knee badly bruised began to swell by the time we reached the Falls. Once at the Falls, the groom cam down with a whopper of a head cold. We took our time getting there but once there, we decided we felt like shit and would drive straight through to get home. It wasn't too bad, only six hours. It must of been another sign.
The newly Weds settled into married life. Setting up house, hosting parties going to family gatherings. Oh yeah and having sex.
The following February we found out that there was a bun in the oven. I vaguely remember the bride telling me that seeing as how we were married she was going to stop taking the pill.
So here I was still questioning my own sexuality, adjusting to being a husband and now having to figure out what it means to be a parent, a Dad.
On October 5 1985 a wonderful new human being was brought into the world. A very happy, very beautiful baby girl named Correy. My world rocked!
During the pregnancy we spent a lot of time reading. One day I went to the corner store to pick up a couple of days worth of light reading material. I was going through the magazine rack and saw one called Stud. Thinking it was a raunchier version of Playgirl I bought it for the little woman. I brought it home and handed it over to her. She read the first few pages and threw it back at me saying some thing like You bought me a gay magazine!?. I honestly didn't know.
Rather than do the sensible thing and throw it out, I hid it and read it. Talk about intense jerk off sessions! I hadn't cum that hard in ages! And all those feelings I had put aside flooded back. I was amazing in my fight for hiding who I really was. I never ever physically cheated on my wife but mentally was different a story.
So along with the baby came a move. Our landlords didn't want the liability of having a baby around so they politely asked us to move. Which was actually all right because now we needed a bigger apartment. We rented a condo along side a river with nice views and an easy commute to work for the both of us. Life was ok,except for those nagging gay thoughts that kept popping into my head.
The marriage was heading into trouble. The wife had a severe shopping addiction. I had an addiction to pot. I spent 25.00 a week on a 1/4 ounce a week. She'd spend a hundred or more a week on knick knacks. She'd hit me on my pot use and hit back on her shopping sprees. she would spend hours literally on the phone with her mother. Her mother lived two mile away. One day after a 3 hour phone call, I spoke to her about it. It was a knock down drag out. Over phone use.
Some time after, I mean weeks, We were told we had to move again. Our landlords were going to buy a business and the bank wouldn't loan them the money until they liquidated their assets. So let's add some more stress to an already strained marriage.
We moved into a rented townhouse. I was working second shift the wife was working first. It was an ideal arrangement for our daughter but not for us (well not for the wife). I came home from work one evening and she told me that if I didn't get transferred to first shift then we would be done fairly quick. Luckily for me a guy on first shift want to go second so we traded jobs. Shortly there after the wife got laid off. Great more stress.
She decided to start selling plastic product through home parties. It was huge up front cost to buy your samples then you had to set up your parties which were held primarily at night.
I started find more of those "gay" magazines and hiding them in a dead TV in the basement. I had to have something to occupy my nights after my daughter went to bed.
Well once again I came home from work to find the wife in tears.When Asked what was wrong, she threw my stash of gay porn at me. A whopping 4 or 5 magazines. Another knock down drag out ensued. That was the end of my marriage. She drove me to my folks house ( back to the child hood home) and we never looked back.
The divorce could have been messy but my cooler head prevailed. My daughter came every weekend which my parents loved.
And life moved on.

Next installment:
Life with aging parents

 

[1gayguy]

Well it's time for another installment of this boy's life.

After separating from wife at the ripe old age of 24 and having half of my paycheck going to child support, I had no choice but to move back in with Mum and Dad.

It was a good move for all of us. I was there to help around the house with the things they couldn't do any more like mowing the lawn and taking care of the car and I had a roof over my head and safe place for my weekend visits with my daughter. A side benefit was the bond my daughter was able to form with her grand parents.

A couple of years after my split, my ex wife went and fell head long into a bottle. I found out while I was at work one day and I got a phone call from her day care provider telling me that my daughter had spent the night because my ex hadn't shown up to pick her up. After scrambling to get my daughter and finding clothes for her we settled into finding out where her mommy was.
We found her mommy at a detox center not far from where we lived. I told her mother that she needed to be sober , have a the same job and the same home for two years before she could even think about our daughter coming back to live with her. To her credit she did it in three years.

So now we have three generations living under one roof. Most of the time it was great. Mum and Dad got to spend time with one of their Grand children and I got to have some time off when I needed it.

Shortly after my daughter went back to live with her mother my dad's throat cancer took a turn for the worse. To his credit, despite how awful he must have felt from the chemo and radiation he drove himself back and forth to the hospital. To my mother's credit, she was right there beside her man day and night, taking care of him.
Me, I was working two sometimes three jobs to keep supporting my daughter and still have a little money for me to have a little social life with my long time friends. I also continued to help out around the house doing even more including mum and dad's laundry, some shopping and cooking and all the house work. Despite dad's illness,life for the three of us was still good.
Oh you may be asking where my Sib's were during all this. Well they would come by once or twice a month to visit or if dad had spend a night or two or three in the hospital, they would stop by.
As dad's condition slowly progressed to the inevitable. that was when my Sib's came into help. We set up a hospital room at home for dad. He came home for the last time three weeks before he passed. He passed quietly one evening with my mother, one of my sisters and me at his bedside. My three other Sib's gathered after he had passed. Dad did manage to let Mum know that he loved her just before he left us. It was a scene that came to be played over again with different people through out my life.
Dad's life was celebrated with the usual two day wake and a funeral that anyone would be proud of. I cried, but not a lot, see dad and I weren't that close and didn't have a lot in common. He was still a great man who loved his family.
My mother, of course was devastated. She and I went home to greet the throng after the internment. She stood proud and strong until the last person left. It was only then that she let go. Dad's passing signalled the start of the end for her. Her reason for living had gone and her spirit for her life left with him.
Of course the Sib's wanted mum to sell the house and move into an assisted living facility but mum would have none of it. She and dad had bought the house brand new and raised their family there.Not to mention her love of her life died there, so there was no way mum was going anywhere.
Mum and I settled into our routine. Me off at work during the day and her doing her needle work or crossword puzzles and napping. She would have dinner waiting for me when I got home.
We'd do the shopping and errands together. Sit around at night and watch the tube and have discussions on stuff in general.
Her health started to fail when she began having frequent angina attacks. Usually at night after going to bed she would call to me that she was having chest pain and to call the paramedics. We'd spend the night at the hospital and after they found that everything was under control they'd release her.
At one point I thought she needed something else to care for other than me. One afternoon with nothing else to do I went to the area's animal shelter. We'd always had dogs growing up and I thought that would help mum as well as give a some companionship during the day. I saw a cute beagle that I thought would be just the thing. I drove back home and picked mum up and told her we were going for a ride. She protested when we pulled into the parking lot but when she saw Buster she agreed that he might be just the thing.
A year or so had passed and the Holidays were approaching. Mum was doing her usual baking and sending Christmas cards. I noticed that her color had changed and her stamina had decreased. I passed it off as holiday stress. Shortly after Christmas that year, mum called me to her room again with chest pain.911 was called again and another trip to the hospital was underway. The usual chest x-ray was done but this time there was a difference. They found a spot on a lung.
Mum put up a brave front but she didn't have the fight that dad had. Plus she missed her love terribly. She started chemo and radiation, but it didn't last long. She came down with pneumonia. We admitted her to the hospital thinking that a week's stay with antibiotics and she'd be ready to continue with her treatment. She threw us for a shock. She told us that when she got out of the hospital there would be no more chemo or radiation. She would go home and wait for her end of days like her husband. She never left the hospital alive.

Iwent to see mum an a Saturday before going to pick up my daughter for the weekend. She looked great and sounded great. The doctors told her that if she continued to improve she'd be going home that Monday. Monday didn't come for mum. Sunday morning I got a call from the hospital say that she had taken a turn for the worse and that I should get there as soon as I could.
I got there and mum really wasn't doing well. Her breathing was labored and her color poor. I called my Sib's to rally around her bedside. My sister made it from Rhode Island to Lowell Mass in a little over and hour and a half.
My other sister was at a convention on the west coast. Someone reached her and she and her husband caught the next plane for Logan. Unfortunately we got hit by a late winter snow storm. Her plane made it to Logan by mid afternoon but the snow was so thick that the plane had to circle the airport.
Back in mum's room, we kids were deciding to whether or not to tell mum about our sister stuck in the air. After a short discussion, we thought it best to let mum know. We decided that our sister who was there be the one to tell mum.
after being told, mum took off her oxygen mask and said I can't wait. 45 minutes later she was gone on a beautiful snowy day.
Her funeral wasn't as large as dad's but for me it was more heartfelt. I cried...a lot. But every time it snows, I think of my mum.

 

[1gayguy]

It's been a while since I've written anyhting here. Life has been going at warp speed with stuff happening. So now it's time to revisit my life.
My family changed after Mum passed. I stayed in the house I was raised in for a while. I was going to nursing school nights and working full time days. My daughter came to visit every other weekend. It was exhausting. My eldest brother would come around every once in a while to check on me and make sure I was all right. What a really wanted was time alone. Oh well.
The battles were on as to who would run the family. It seemed the oldest (my sister) thought it should be her, The oldest son (4 years younger than her) thought it should be him. The youngest ( that would be me with a ripe old of age of 32 during this time) spoke and said something along the lines of I think we're all adults here and can take care of ourselves and each other. It was as if Moses had spoke God's word from the mountain top. Common sense reigned supreme. Such wisdom from some one so young.
But the estate had to be settled. Including the house, the home I was living in. See I didn't think to ask to see the will or ask if there was going to be a reading of it. Mistake number one.
Things were getting a little tight and I had no way of getting a second job with the full schedule I had. So I came up with the idea of inviting my brother to live with me. Mistake number two.
See this was my oldest brother. Ten years older than me. Very set in his ways at 42. The world is black and white, no shades of gray. Recently divorced.
There was big difference in life philosophies. I was frantic at the time due to everything already stated. Add to that the passing of my mother. Add to this, I smoke.
I proposed to my brother, that the house was big enough for me and my daughter and him and his son and daughter.
I would move my stuff into the family room at one end of the house and he could use the other end with the bedrooms and living room. We'd share the bathroom and the kitchen. Now this isn't to say that we were banned from each others spaces we weren't. However we were too different to spend every evening together.
The first battle occured when I hadn't had my stuff moved when I said I would. I had finals that week and studying was more important. Besides he had his condo he could stay in for another week.
I got home from class one night and there was this rude and nasty note for me from him. Telling me that real men stand by their word and do things when they say they will. I should have disinvited him then.
Next came the heated phone calls. there were a couple. Lots of name calling. Yet I still didn't disinvite him.
He moved in and we kept our distance. Our daughters shared a bedroom, his son took another bedroom and he took the last bedroom. I got my familyroom. The funny thing is when all 5 of us were in the house at the same time, all the kids were hanging out in my room with me.
So a few months go by and we peacefully exist. Then he calls a family meeting to "discuss" settling the estate. Come to find out, he already had a plan.
He wanted to buy the house from the estate. He would get an appraisal done and we would get on fifth of the appraised value. Sounds like a good plan.
Oh , did I mention that we had taken the kids on a picnic shortly after he moved in. he and i were sitting there shooting the breeze while the kids were off playing when asks me what my plans were.
So being the honest idiot that I am, I told him. I want to finish nursing school, get a job and by the house off the estate. He asked me if I thought that it was fair to ask our sibs to wait that long. I told him I'd be out of school by the beginning of October and expected to working full time as a nurse around the first of the year so were, only talking six months or less. I'm sure my sibs won't mind.
Three months later was when he had his family meeting.
None of sibs minded his proposal so he moved forward with his plan.
So I was faced with having to move shortly after graduating. Great, how many life changing events can a person go through in a year.
So I start packing while finnishing school. One day I'm packing some of the kitchen stuff my brother doesn't want and i come across my parents' fireproof box with their important papers in it. Lo and behold what's in the but the forgotten will.
According to the forgotten will Daniel (that's me) can stay in they house as long as he needs to or wants to provided he can afford to pay the real estate taxes. The estate will pay for the heating fuel and Daniel will pay the remaining utilities. Mum had changed the will after Dad's passing. My brother was the executor of the will so he had to know about it. He swindled me.
I was so upset I just wanted my share of the low balled apraised value and get on with my life.
I finally got it after graduating and bought my first property. I bought a condex in Derry NH, about thirty miles from where I was living. Thirty miles away from my brother.
Time marches on and I guess from reading this as I write, I really haven't quite gotten over it. Maybe someday. I do talk with my brother and the rest of my family. we do manage to have a good time when we do get together. and Life goes on.

 

[1gayguy]

A year ago this month, my partner's Mum entered the hospital for difficulty breathing. This was the start of a year that has been filled with deep sorrow, fits of laughter and rivers of tears.
We all thought Mum was strong enough to handle a serious health event and so did her doctor. We were all wrong.
She did come home for a week or two, I forget exactly how long, then she went in for what was a minor to moderate procedure.She didn't survive.
It was as nice an event as a passing could be, surrounded by the whole family, including nieces and nephews and great nieces and nephews. The wakes and funeral were a cellebration of an incredible woman's life.
Life started to get back to an even keal. By this past Spring, Dad decided to put the house on the market. So there were the get togethers to do the prep work. It was show ready and on the market by early May. A month later in early June, the family was rocked by the news of Dad suffering his second stroke. While the initial damage seemed to be healing, after a few days he started his decline. When he passed, his children were present. It was a grueling ten day vigil. Watching this active, alert and vibrant man succomb to an enitable outcome.
Again, as we had done a scant 8 months earlier, put together the final events of a parent's life.
A month later, on July 4th my own brother called to inform me that his Mother-in law had passed that morning. I didn't even know she was ill. Another great woman of a great generation, gone.
While still in the first week of July, I started a new job in a field I only knew from a consumer side. I became the Assistan Office Manager for a NH furniture chain. A steep and fast learning curve combined with dealing with the public, induces an increase in stress for a number of somewhat foolish reasons.
On July 11 th, my former wife called to inform me what the outocme of latest visit to her oncologist. The news wasn't good.Our 23 year old Daughter happened too be visiting with me when the call came through. My daughter and I talked about the discovery of a metastisized cancer tumor just to the right of her mother's brain stem.We had a good cry and talked about some of the issues facing usover what we thought would be atleast months. once again we were wrong.
At my daughter's and her step dad's request I went over for a visit to try to get the three of them talking about the issues that would be coming soon. The next day she was admitted to the hospital. A week later brought about a transfer to a wonderful hospice that really was less clinical and more a home.
On a warm late July afternoon, my former wife lost her incredible fight against melanoma. Our 23 year old Daughter lost her 44 year old Mom and I lost an unspoken friend.
If you had asked me a 13 months ago what I thought the next twelve months would bring,I most liklely would have answered something like, A contunuing strong real estate market, good health and good fortune for those in my life. Life and time are really other words for uncertainty and unknown.
So here I sit, two more months have passed. I'm still employed. No one else has passed.We're all doing ok, including and surprisingly my daughter. Life has continued, I won't say carried on because things are still too fresh but getting better. Yes, life has contiued and for that I am truly blessed.

 

[1gayguy]

So maybe it's been a little more than a year, at this stage in life it all kind of blends. Welcome to middle age.

More changes as change is the constant in life. The job at the Furniture chain ended when the chain closed it's doors. We decided to beat the rush and leave before the doors closed. Given all that had transpried the previous year, we decided that we needed some down time. So we ( yes the both of us) decided to take an extended vacation, a sabbatical if you will.

We left the work force two weeks before Christmas which also gave us time to get ready for our hosting duties. Of course being gay men, we pulled it off in great style with nary a hitch.Both families loaded on the accolades and a great time was had by all.

New Years found us sitting at home chatting about what we'd like to do with this time off. We decided that a true vacation was in order. Not a weekend or a week in P-town a mere 3 hours away. No the kind of vacation where the climate changes from cold to warm, where it's fashionable to wear less clothing in January than is customary at home.

The other half found a resort in Key West that he wanted to go to. A little place called Island House. He sent me the link. After the first viewing I was a little shocked. An all male, including staff, clothing optional resort. SO despite my size (then 5'10" weighing in at 250lbs) I said " Sure why not let's go.

He set about making our reservation which were made for February 1st and then he started his quest for cheap airfair. He found out quickly that to get cheap airfare there would a 3 hour lay over here or the biggest, 12 hour lay over there. After seeing his frustration mount, I suggested a road trip.We had the time off, no deadline to comeback to. The call was made to AAA for the good old TripTik Pak with the route from Mid New Hampshire to sunny, southern Key West in all it's glorylaid out for us.
We decided that since this was a road trip we could also stop along the way down and back for side trips including a 3 day stop in Miami to visit not just the city but his brother as well.
On the way down we drove through Atlantic City to see the sights and the neon. We stayed that first night on the far outskirts of the city, it felt safer.
The next morning it was off to some small New Jersey town that had a glass museum. The glass museum was a blast. We saw some great orignal Tiffany works and a very cool glass coffin. A well worth side trip! There happened to be a very nice, inexpensive hotel chain nearby so we found a place to eat and crashed there for the night.
The next day was off to Washington DC for the day. we got down there about 1:00 only to find ourselves in the middle of an anti war protest! That was exciting. We watched the marchers and listened to their chants for a bit then walked off to the Capitol Building where we took some great shots. We looked out over the Mall towards the Washington Monument and took off walking for it. We didn't know it was two miles away. More photos taken with all of the landmarks that we saw on the way. Being as this was January and it was nearing 3:00 the light was fading fast. We got to the Monument and started snapping some more great shots. Then it was hoof back to the car if we could find it.
Back on the road again we boogied down the road stopping for food at one of those quaint southern Diners where everyone is called Hon and the food is either greasy or covered in gravy. After we found another of the same inexpensive hotels ( Comfort Inn Suites) somewhere south of DC, we called it a night. Tomorrow would be the quest for Miami.
Suffice to say, we didn't realize that it would take us the better part of the day to cross over two and half states before we even got to Florida never mind the trek to Miami once crossing the FLA line. Oh and did I mention this was the week before Super Bowl. Yeah, real fun.
We consulted the AAA Travel Guide to find lodging for 3 days in Miami. We found this place that had great pictures in the guide book. Nice looking rooms and grounds, looking well cared for.
We pulled in the parking lot and it was very nice on the outside. Nice roses around a gazebo and other flowers in bloom around the place. We walked into the lobby and found it to be clean and the staff friendly. Hop the elevator to get to our room on the fourth floor. Neat view, we could see the stadium with the Goodyear Blimp off in the distance, we also had a good view of the parking lot below. After watching for a while I realized that this place was a "high traffic" area. Cars would pull in and leave 5 minutes later. We went out for cig ( we were smokers then) and stood in the gazebo watching the cars come and go. Young men in very very expensive cars coming and going fairly quickly. We brought the rest of our belongings up to our room. Time for showers then out to find something to eat. We find out that the tub doesn't drain quickly. By the time the shower is done you're standing in nearly calf deep water. Well between the "high traffic", the bad shower and the large screen tv with the split in the screen we decided to find other accomodations for the remaining time in Miami. We were in luck in that across town there was one of our new found home away from home hotels that had a room. We booked it and booked out.

On a tip from his brother we went to Viscaya Mansion in Miami. Built in the early part of the last century to be a fully self contained "village", it was simply breathtaking.
The mansion itself was very grand. The first floor had large rooms with incredible artwork and mouldings all original to the home.There was a large open center courtyard with various tropical plants and exquisite tile work. the private rooms were equally ornate and grand making it very easy to imagine the kind of lifestyle led by the bachelor owner during the era of the Great Gatsby. As we walked through the house and along the incredible grounds filled with orchids and other tropical flowers, we noticed that there was one thing missing in both the house and on the grounds. No female art. All the artwork whether painting or sculture, were all of the male form. Interesting!
On our last day in Miami it was a drive to Biscayne Bay during the day and then an late afternoon trip South Beach to meet people for supper. Stolling around South Beach was quite the experience. There were bikini clad women walking together being videoed, ESPN had taken up a section to do live feeds for pre-Super Bowl hype and some folks taping for Jay Leno segment. All this glitz and glamour. There were more expensive vehicles cruising the main drag with all types of beautiful people driving and riding in them. We did see an older gent in true South beach style, driving his Rolls Royce with his little poodle perched on his lap! Very cute.
We took in the Art Deco architecture that was trying to compete for attention. Graceful curves and clean lines reflecting the people on the street. At night the neon adds to the carnival like atmosphere.
We had a supper then headed back to the room as we had an early check out to head for ultimate destination - Key West.
We hit the road early the next day and before too long we were skipping over the bridges that were connecting the stepping stone like islands, each one getting us a little closer to our ultimate destination.
Going over the causeways offered some spectacular sights from the beautiful blue hues of the water to birds that seemed to literally hang on the breeze.
As we started to see signs informing us of the closing proximity of Key West our excitement starts to build. After over 1500 miles, we are getting to our sanctuary for a week.
We arrive at our destination. A fairly non-descript Victorian set about a mile off of Duval Street. As soon as you walk into Island House, you now this is someplace special. Since having stayed there, we have seen artiles calling it a bath house. To say that, is to short change the entire place. We get the grand tour to acclimate ourselves to this enviroment.
We go throught the gym and shower area that is not being utilized at the moment. The indoor jacuzzi is like wise empty as is the video room that is also empty. we snake down dechways and corridors and come to an unexpected oasis of lush vegitation and a sparkling pool. At one end of the pool area is a large area with tables that serves as the cafe' .
We check into our room and find it as stunning as the rest of the resort. Beautifully decorated in muted tones with high quality male nude prints adorning the walls. Luxurious, high thread count linens cover the bed. The bath is a little small but we son find that we can both squeeze in. So after freshening up we decide it's time for mingling and refreshment.
We stroll on down to the pool area with not much on other that t-shirts and srrongs wrapped around oour waists. It's approaching late afternoon but things are active in a slow social kind of way. Men are lounging and floating in the pool, some scattered around in the poolside loungers. Most of them are nude but not all. Some are dressed to head into town some are dressed to have a light bite by the pool.
We look at the menu and order a couple of drinks to start. Rum Runners are the order of the day. We decide to stay in for the evening and decompress for the drive down. we'll head out exploring tomorrow.
After we enjoy a great meal and another rum runner we strip down and hit the pool for a bit.We swim a bit and float aroundenjoying the feel of the water on our skin. When we climb out, we realize that despite being in Florida it is the first week of February so it tad chilly.We warmed up with another drink sipped while lounging in the pool. No one bothered us, no one cruised us, that we noticed anyway.
We had one more drink and then decided to call it a night after a quick trip to the outdoor jacuzzi. Nice and warm with steam actually coming of it.
Then back to the room for a quick rinse and then another roll in the sheets before being over taken by sleep.
The next day starts with a great breakfast at the cafe' next to the pool, followed by nude sun bathing on the sundeck. Next it's back to the roomtorinse and play then down to the pool.
The nice thing is there are all types of naked men walking around, some cruise, some do not but everybody looks. There are buff young studs, chubby middle aged men like me and old wrinkled by the sun men all strolling along or lounging around naked.
Now this isn't to say that there were no hook ups going on because there certainly was. we did stumble on the occasional couple going at it in the hot tub or in the gazebo. Guys must have sensed that we were a couple and let us be.
On the second day we strolled down to Duval Street during the day to check out what was down there.
During the day we found it to be touristy with the cruise ship crowd and all the shops.
At night the club crowd comes out and it's a blast.
We found a clubwe liked ( Burbon St) that had this Drag Queen, Porche was her name, that did her own singing and not lip synched who was fabulous. We caught her show a few times over the week. When she finished her set, the go go boys came out and dance on the bar tops. We did get propostioned by one of them. He wanted us to pay him to tag team him. We kind of laughed at him, told him that he should be paying us and he left us in a huff. We had a good laugh at his expense.
So after 9 days of drinking, eating, sun and water, it was time to say good bye to our little Island House.
We headed back up the Keyes and swung up the west coast of FLA until we got to Tampa, then cut over to Orlando.
We did two days of Theme parks and had a blast riding the coasters at Univeral Studios. We did the Tower of Terror and the Rock and Roll Coaster at Disney MGM. We even managed to catch a local car show that happened to be going on across the street from our hotel.
We placed a call home wheere we found out that there was a blizzard heading our way,expected to hit twoday away going all up the east coast. So the decision was made to leave the next day and do the race for home.
The first day we made it a little over halfway and didn't hit any weather. The seond day started overcast and we hit snow in MD all the way through NJ into CT. After that it was clear sailing. We pulled into our garage at about Midnight just as the first snowflakes started to fall. So 3969 mile later our 3+ week road trip came to an end.
What a blast!