The Original Gay Porn Community - Free Gay Movies and Photos, Gay Porn Site Reviews and Adult Gay Forums

  • Welcome To Just Us Boys - The World's Largest Gay Message Board Community

    In order to comply with recent US Supreme Court rulings regarding adult content, we will be making changes in the future to require that you log into your account to view adult content on the site.
    If you do not have an account, please register.
    REGISTER HERE - 100% FREE / We Will Never Sell Your Info

    PLEASE READ: To register, turn off your VPN (iPhone users- disable iCloud); you can re-enable the VPN after registration. You must maintain an active email address on your account: disposable email addresses cannot be used to register.

  • The Support & Advice forum is a no-flame zone.
    The members offering support and advice do so with the best intention. If you ask for advice, we don't require you to take the advice, but we do ask that you listen and give it consideration.

1st Attempt at Topping: I failed

C

crubbed

Slut
Joined
Feb 20, 2006
Posts
243
Reaction score
0
Points
0
So, there's this guy I slept with about a couple weeks ago. He took charge of the situation that time and he topped me.

We met up tonight again, and he was like "Would you return the favor?". OMG. I told him that I had never topped before. And lo and behold I couldn't keep on an erection. I managed to put on a condom but after that, nothing. He wanted to be penetrated while he was lying on one side. I thought it was so uncomfortable and difficult. My penis went soft and I couldn't find his anus for the life of me.

Before that, we had spent quite some time rubbing each other. He rubbed his ass against my cock while we were standing up. I liked it. But the moment he asked to move to the bed... and then he lied on his side... and then he asked me to turn off the lights, which prevented me from seeing anything... I got so anxious. I couldn't keep an erection going.

So, now I feel mortified. I feel like a loser. Will I ever top? Or will my anxiety always get the best on me? Do I have to resort to drugs? Really?! Should I try again? Or will I just make a fool out of myself again?

I know I should probably embrace my being a bottom. It's just that
A) I don't want to rely on my fucking hand my whole life.
B) I hate to be unable to satisfy the guy I'm with sexually.
Help.
 
It's not uncommon to experience performance anxiety when topping, particularly if you haven't done it in awhile or haven't had a long history of it. There's nothing wrong with you if you're so focused on the moment that you lose stimulation and go soft. Give yourself more time and opportunities. I think your situation would help if you topped someone you knew more intimately and personally than just a guy you hooked up with two weeks ago.
 
Hey.

It is way more common than you know.

And with some guys, I could never do it, because I could only picture them topping me.

My long term relationships have been the only settings where I was truly at ease fucking someone who had also fucked me.
 
Just 2 days ago .. a guy tried to top me .. but he kept getting soft.
totally normal!
 
Yep, had that happen to me before as well as to guys topping me. Not at all uncommon.
 
It's all in our wiring. Some guys just has the desire, stamina and boners that won't quit and other guys don't. I've had issues my entire sex life with both men and women (I was married to a woman for 14 years). Some people are sex machines and others are not. I'd say beware demanding bottoms. They can deflated an unsure top every time. Next time tell him to sit on it if he wants to get fucked. That way he controls the insertion. Once he opens up you'll be able to take him in any position without the tight penetration issue. It'll happen at the right time with the right guy.

If you're like my partner the best time is using his morning wood. That baby is rideable for a long time; other times he doesn't stay hard.
 
It might help you to be a passiv top for the first time.

Meaning that you lay on your back, your partner makes you hard, puts on the condom and rides you at first.

This might be easier for you, and after some fucking in this position your partner will be softer and penetration in other positions will be easier.

Do I have to resort to drugs?
Click to expand...
NEVER!

Should I try again?
Click to expand...
Of course, just relax. Sex is fun, not a sport, so no need to be anxious.
It is perfectly normal to be nervous, just don´t let it take over. Relax and have fun.
 
It happens to me all the time.

Sometimes I wonder if looking at too much porn has anything to do with it. You know, you get use to seeing it, so when the real thing comes it's just another naked guy that's probably not quiet as hot as the men you see in those porn pictures.

I also wonder if spicing it up some may help. You know, like try role playing or doing it outdoors or something.
 
Some masturbation-habits can impact on your sexual performance, but I think that needs a lot of it. For example you can get into the habit of jacking off quick which could affect the stamina of your erection.

But just by looking at porn...I doubt it. Sex happens on all levels of perception, and the physical experience is usualy way more important than the visual.


I had those problems sometimes when I was still doing hookups, but found out it was a problem with the condoms. When I rolled them down, I pressed the blood out of my penis. It helped to put them on differently and buying them in a bigger size.
 
You just need to be more relaxed and dont make this into a big deal as it will keep chasing you. But I would suggest that you try and fuck him in a postion that you are more comfortable in, then after go into other postions once your going good.
 
I am a bottom and the one time I got asked to top the same thing happened to me.....
As soon as I got the condom on and thought about what I was doing there was no way I can do it..... I just took it as a sign that I am a bottom only...
 
Practice makes perfect. You told him it was your first time. Unless he's a total jerk he'll understand. If not, find somebody else to practice with.
 
It's happened to me during a hook up - I was with a guy that I was REALLY attracted to, and once it came to topping him, I lost my erection. I was so embarrased and kept on making up all these excuses (i'm tired, the condom is tight, i recently broke up, etc etc). Once we started to jerk off, I got my erection again. Then I tried to top him, and again I lost it.

I left his house with my head down in total shame...it was a disaster.

Two days later he texted me saying he wants to have dinner! Who knew - he actually took a liking to me! I topped him a week later and was just fine.
 
fallinlove said:
It's happened to me during a hook up - I was with a guy that I was REALLY attracted to, and once it came to topping him, I lost my erection. I was so embarrased and kept on making up all these excuses (i'm tired, the condom is tight, i recently broke up, etc etc). Once we started to jerk off, I got my erection again. Then I tried to top him, and again I lost it.

I left his house with my head down in total shame...it was a disaster.

Two days later he texted me saying he wants to have dinner! Who knew - he actually took a liking to me! I topped him a week later and was just fine.
Click to expand...

Sounds like a really cool, understanding dude!

OP - I'm not very experienced, and I've lost my erection a few times before. It's only been a real problem for one dude. Don't let it freak you out. Once I get going, I can go at it like the best of 'em.
 
Aymotin said:
Some masturbation-habits can impact on your sexual performance, but I think that needs a lot of it. For example you can get into the habit of jacking off quick which could affect the stamina of your erection.
Click to expand...

This must be why I'm having these problems. I've jerked off to porn for 11 years now. And I've always tried to speed it up in case my mother walked in or something. Is there a solution to this apart from cutting off porn?

I've tried to cut off porn several times, but I always ended up watching it again. It's just that hook ups are not consistent. You can't be sure you'll have some every day. Unless you have a boyfriend. But with porn, it's there everyday, any moment you want. I guess my penis suffered from that. Is there any way I can solve my erection problems?


I had those problems sometimes when I was still doing hookups, but found out it was a problem with the condoms. When I rolled them down, I pressed the blood out of my penis. It helped to put them on differently and buying them in a bigger size.
Click to expand...


That was another issue for me, but I doubt I should buy bigger condoms - my cock is average, more or less. I think that's just how condom work.

BTW yesterday I bumped into the guy I couldn't top. He pretended he didn't see me. I played along. Wow. I hate it when these things happen. Sooo unnecessary and uncalled for.
 
^ You see, I think what your instincts were trying to tell you when you were trying to top the guy, is that the two of you didn't have the right connection.

His attitude after the fact only proves that the guy was a douche.

Move on.
 
rareboy said:
^ You see, I think what your instincts were trying to tell you when you were trying to top the guy, is that the two of you didn't have the right connection.

His attitude after the fact only proves that the guy was a douche.

Move on.
Click to expand...

Agreed. He clearly only cared about getting something shoved up his bum.
 
Wow, what an interesting perspective. Thank you guys. I hadn't thought of that.
 
crubbed said:
This must be why I'm having these problems. I've jerked off to porn for 11 years now. And I've always tried to speed it up in case my mother walked in or something. Is there a solution to this apart from cutting off porn?
Click to expand...

Change your method.

Use another technique to jerk off, do it slow, pause before cuming and wait a bit before going on etc. Just play around longer and don´t rush, that way the orgasm fells better too ;)


But your masturabtion habit is not necessarily the one and only reason. Most likely the biggest part was you being nervous.
 
I don't think doing it in the dark helped anything either. I know I'd have trouble if I were doing it in the dark.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top