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21 Year Old Virgin

mtnboy

mtnboy

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Like the topic says, I am a 21 year old virgin. I've never had a real bf/gf either. I've gone on a few dates, and at least one of them I know wanted to have sex. Though I was attracted to him, we only went out twice, and I wasn't ready. He was understanding and didn't push it, and if I had stayed in the city longer, we probably would be dating now.

Anyhow, everywhere I see makes it seem like I'm a loser for not having been in a significant relationship by now, much less for still being a virgin. Is this really how the world is? Is it really that big a deal that I haven't done anything? Don't get me wrong - I want to, but I want to wait for the right person, and I just haven't found him/her yet.
 
mtnboy said:
Like the topic says, I am a 21 year old virgin. I've never had a real bf/gf either. I've gone on a few dates, and at least one of them I know wanted to have sex. Though I was attracted to him, we only went out twice, and I wasn't ready. He was understanding and didn't push it, and if I had stayed in the city longer, we probably would be dating now.

Anyhow, everywhere I see makes it seem like I'm a loser for not having been in a significant relationship by now, much less for still being a virgin. Is this really how the world is? Is it really that big a deal that I haven't done anything? Don't get me wrong - I want to, but I want to wait for the right person, and I just haven't found him/her yet.
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I was a virgin until I was 23, largely due to being in denial of the fact that I was gay. So I was trying to live the straight life but dating girls was lest just say "difficult" until I finally lost it to a girl one night when I was drunk. And it was ok... Well kinda fun actually, and once no longer a virgin, the pressure certainly lifted.

Depending on hard your stance on it being with the right person is, if I were to go through it all again knowing what I know now, I would hook up with the first random guy I was attracted to and get it out of the way. I'm not sure that anyone's first time is actually their best, due to nervousness, but once done once, the pressure definitely eases a lot.

Disclaimer: that may be the worst advice ever. YMMV!!
 
I'm 20 and just kissed a dude for the first time last week. Needless to say Im still a virgin as well. I say just take your time and let it happen naturally.
 
If you've been raised to strongly believe that your first sexual encounter should be with someone you love, then by all means follow that belief--you're young. However, if you don't meet the right person by the time you're in your mid 20's, I would seriously consider the advice of Stevielgw.
 
The glorification of the first time is bullshit. Your first time is never (or let's say very rarely) the magical moment of magical magic movies portray it as. You'll be nervous, all the expectations, fears, insecurity, hopes, etc. coming to the surface, with the added pressure of feelings for the other person.

Which is not to say you should go to the back room of a bar, and just bend over either. But hooking up with someone you are attracted to and feel comfortable enough with, even if you don't have "feelings" for them, is not in any way degrading or stealing anything from you. And life certainly changes in your head once you are no longer a virgin. Not because being a virgin is bad, but because you realize how little it matters.
 
Here's one of the adages by which I try to live. As long as there is no deliberate harm involved, do what you want to do and don't do what you don't want to do.

As for me, I'd be quite happy if the word virgin reverted to its original meaning and only referred to broken hymen.
 
At your age your sex drive is stronger than it will be in the future, and you equipment works the best. Don't waste it waiting for someone extra special. The first time will probably not be the best anyway, simply because you will likely be nervous, worried about knowing what to, will you seem foolish, can you perform etc etc. You later sex will be much better as all that encertainty fades away. For the first time i suggest you step and hug and kiss. You will feel a big surge of hormones and your fears and uncertainties will fade.
 
There's nothing wrong with being a virgin contrary to what society's morals give off. Waiting for the right person is admirable and I recommend it. As others have stated first times involve lots of nerves and by having someone you are comfortable with and who will stay with you after makes a difference. Ignore what people think, it's not a big deal if you havn't done anything.The right people will find it as a turn on.
 
To be fair, the people who find virgins a turn on are mostly predators and players though. I mean, it is kinda hot, but not really something that makes a guy sexy. And I agree that comfort is an absolute essential for your first time. However, contrary to popular belief, you are not likely to be comfortable with someone you have invested a lot of feelings and hopes in. A friend, someone you like physically and on a personal level, but not necessarily romantically, can often provide a much more fulfilling first time. That was my experience both for my first time having sex, and my first time bottoming, and I don't regret it one bit.

And this is coming from a very relationship-oriented person btw. I'm not a hook up guy at all.
 
OP: I feel you man, in the same boat. I get close with girls but they play me out because i look 3+ years younger than i actually am. With guys can never figure out if they swing that way so no luck there....so at the moment i'm SOL
 
Im sort of in a similar boat... I'm 24 too... sometimes I just feel an urge to just hook up with a random guy but I just know I will regret it. I thinking making love is a special thing and should be with at least someone you love or have feelings for. But hey.... look where my advice has gotten me? Haha 24 and virgin :p
 
Don't waste you best sexual years witing for something perfect.
 
I'm only 18 and sometimes I get down on myself because I'm a virgin, I've never been on a date, I've never had a first kiss, etc. but I know that it'll happen eventually. We have a lot of time for that stuff to happen. Until then, I try to forget about it and just enjoy life.
 
Don't feel pressured by anyone to have sex. It's the same as coming out. Do it when your ready. It's your life and you should live it the way YOU want. Your not a loser for waiting for the right time/person. There are many, many, many guys; some older than you that are inexperienced. It may feel like your the only person but your not. Hell, look at how many guys have replied to this thread stating they are in the same situation. Yes, physically you are in your sexual prime but if your not ready emotionally for it then don't do it.

Hollywood and some people like to make it look like the V card is something to be ashamed of or losing it is this super amazing thing. The reality is it's rather anti climactic (pardon the pun) When your ready go ahead and do it. Just don't let anyone push you into doing it or feel guilty because you choose to wait. It's not their life. It's yours.

Steven.
 
Sex isn't even the half of it.

21 and he hasn't has his "V" Card punched?

My advice?

mtnboy, you need to relax. :)

If you find a dude attractive, and he want's to get into your pants, then let him.

BOOM!

You got that out of the way.

The next more crucial step is realizing that "sex" does not define a "relationship."

Though many of us have confused the two.

You're 21! Have some FUN! You should be enjoying this, not worrying about whether you and this "other" are compatible for a long term relationship. Because that's where the real soul searching begins, and the first step to finding yourself.

:)
 
AngolaZee, why don't you try calming down? I am the last person here who could be called a fan of Benvolio (I actually have him on ignore), but we aren't in the habit of attacking each other on this board, and you've been fairly aggressive in all of your responses today. Just tone it down a bit ;)
 
I'm 21, a virgin, never kissed a guy, never had a serious girlfriend when I was "straight", and now that I am out, I want to look around, find a guy, experiment a bit... but I'm so nervous. The idea of being so new, and so insecure about it, its frightening.

I'm not waiting for the right person, I'm not trying to save myself... But I wanna find somebody who isn't gonna use me. I want it to mean something, not just a one night stand.

It kinda scares me thinking I might never get over the fear, or the hesitation...
 
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