3-way?

[floridaboy]

Call me selfish or prude, but i dont like the idea of sharing my bf while we're dating.

A week ago i found on his phone he was still using grindr(the app we used to meet eachother) and i went through his messages. Now i know the first person is going to say "dont go looking for what you dont want to know". I trust him enough not to cheat on me, but i've been cheated on before, and i told him that i cant stand cheaters. He was talking to this one dude and was talking about having a 3-way with him and "his bf" which is me(it better be)

I havent told him i know about it, but i can tell he has something on his mind and wants to tell me.

Should i be ok with it? It's obviously something he wants, but i dont like anything like that when it comes to sex. I prefer more passion and intimacy when it comes to sex, and that i have told him

 

[floridaboy]

he's not one to really say what's on his mind, so he's very unlikely to come out and say he wants a threeway and has been talking to someone else about it and has someone lined up already. I always have to get him to do it, because he get's really frustrated when he wants to say something but cant. Something im trying to work on with him, opening up and saying what's on his mind with me.

if we do talk about it, i'll end up being the one to blame because i wont really be okay with it, but he still wants to.

 

[G-Lexington]

Dump him. It's over.

Lex

 

[floridaboy]

Having a hookup app on your phone is a great reason for suspicion.

Talk about overreacting to the OP.

Anyway, OP, you need to talk to your bf about this. How long have you been together? Why should you be the one to blame if it's something you're not okay with?

You need to have a serious discussion about how this will affect your relationship. I'm not into 3ways with a bf either.

We just had out 6 month anniversary a few days ago, and i tried today, he completely denied it. So i got pissed and now im giving him the silent treatment. Also cutting off sex with him till he talks to me about this.

After i cut him off of sex, it'll be 3-4 days till he breaks down and talks about things, that's when a guy starts thinking with his dick. And he wont cheat on me, because he's seen me fight, with friends and with someone who tried to car jack us. I'm a blackbelt in Muay Thai. So he'll talk to me about it eventually

 

[floridaboy]

Dump him. It's over.

Lex

Where were you with this advice with my last bf ?!? Would've saved me alot of wasted time

But with this one, im trying harder to make it work vs just dumping him over his shyness

 

[swerve]

Sex with your partner should NEVER be used as a weapon...

You have a LOT going on in a BAD way on BOTH sides...

You guys REALLY NEED to talk with each other OPENLY without hostility...

Best of luck...

 

[Latimer]

No fucking way did you have any right to check on his messages.

 

[loveguys72]

Oh boy! This is fast moving into Maury material. First up, trust and honesty are the basics of any stable relationship. If you don't have those, there is no relationship, whether you've been fucking each other for six months or six years. You obviously don't trust him, or you wouldn't have been spying on him. And, there's no honesty here, since he's pursuing something he knows you don't want, and you're willing to perhaps go along with it even though you don't want it. And using sex as a weapon or means of control? Really? Not healthy.

I mean, it's your life and all, but from what I'm reading, you two aren't boyfriends; you're fuck buddies. If you're OK with that, cool. If it's a real relationship you're looking for, please move quickly and quietly to the nearest exit.

Oh, and IMO, 3-ways are one of those things that sound super hot in the abstract but are almost never a good idea in reality.

Just my $0.02.

 

[Just_Believe18]

There are clearly trust issues from both sides. With you, for snooping on his phone. With him, for obviously having something worth snooping about. I don't think this is going to work out.

Let me try to give you the answer you want here. So your boyfriend has Grindr. Okay, that's fine. A lot of committed couples do just to see the sights but never cheat on each other. However, you have clearly found a conversation where he sexting with a guy with the pretense of wanting to have sex with him (with you included). This means one of two things:

1. Your boyfriend is fantasizing and leading guys on to do something he would never do. He clearly hasn't spoken to you about threesomes, and therefore, has no intention to have a threesome with this guy. He has also taken the time to mention that he does have a boyfriend, and that he's not single and available. If your boyfriend intended to cheat, he would be saying he was single and ready to mingle. (Note: Unless he feels obligated to put "partnered" or "in a relationship" on his profile status because he's afraid of what your Grindr profile will see! Oh, snap! Is that a detail we haven't mentioned? Do *you* still have Grindr, and how are you chatting on there?)

2. Your boyfriend intends to ask you about threesomes soon. Obviously, if he likes this guy sexually, he can't lead him on for much longer before the guy loses interest.

You are right about threesomes in general. They are overrated, complicated, and rarely of any lasting fun. I would consider threesomes on a regular basis with a couple, but never for my relationship at this point in my life.

 

[bankside]

Okay a few things:

• If you are sleeping with someone whose name you know, it's not too soon to have a discussion about monogamy.
• Monogamy is the default unless people indicate otherwise.
• Other arrangements can be delightful if it works for both people and they are able to discuss it openly. It may not be your thing but it could be an idea he sincerely hopes would make you happy and have a good time. Even then, it still may not be your thing.
• Once you have your penis anywhere in someone else's body, you've kind of already blown through all the walls of privacy with his consent, and vice versa. All of this "How dare you look at my cell phone - that's way too personal!" while his cum is still dripping out of your ass is the most laughable attitude of modern life.
• If you think that withholding sex or a black belt has anything to do with a good relationship, leave it now, for his sake.

 

[buffxqui]

Dump him. It's over.

Lex

+1

Sounds like neither one of you are mature enough to be in a "relationship".

 

[rareboy]

We just had out 6 month anniversary a few days ago, and i tried today, he completely denied it. So i got pissed and now im giving him the silent treatment. Also cutting off sex with him till he talks to me about this.

After i cut him off of sex, it'll be 3-4 days till he breaks down and talks about things, that's when a guy starts thinking with his dick. And he wont cheat on me, because he's seen me fight, with friends and with someone who tried to car jack us. I'm a blackbelt in Muay Thai. So he'll talk to me about it eventually

If you are looking backward someday to figure out the moment your relationship ended...this was it.

Seriously.

Your relationship failed here.

 

[G-Lexington]

I take it back. Don't break up with him - stay with him as long as possible. As one JUBber once pointed out, "sometimes a dysfunctional relationship serves a purpose by taking two dysfunctional people out of the dating pool".

Lex