The Original Gay Porn Community - Free Gay Movies and Photos, Gay Porn Site Reviews and Adult Gay Forums

  • Welcome To Just Us Boys - The World's Largest Gay Message Board Community

    In order to comply with recent US Supreme Court rulings regarding adult content, we will be making changes in the future to require that you log into your account to view adult content on the site.
    If you do not have an account, please register.
    REGISTER HERE - 100% FREE / We Will Never Sell Your Info

    PLEASE READ: To register, turn off your VPN (iPhone users- disable iCloud); you can re-enable the VPN after registration. You must maintain an active email address on your account: disposable email addresses cannot be used to register.

  • The Support & Advice forum is a no-flame zone.
    The members offering support and advice do so with the best intention. If you ask for advice, we don't require you to take the advice, but we do ask that you listen and give it consideration.

43 today and alone

A

austinguy07

Joined
Mar 13, 2007
Posts
7
Reaction score
0
Points
0
Location
austin
OK.. this is gonna be hard but maybe with some help from someone here I can figure it out.

Today Im 43. I dont feel it, its just a number, but what I do feel lately is lost. Lost from the perspective of my personal life. I have a great job, good friends and family. Where my life is lacking is in the relationship dept. And yes, I know why but I dont know how to fix it. I have always been attracted to younger guys. Through my 20's and 30's I never had a problem having a friend (if you know what I mean). But at that time I did not see the need to come out. I never lacked in having what I was looking for at the time. Ive always been a one guy sorta guy, keeping my friendship on a person to person level. As relationships moved on I would meet someone new and enjoy our experiences together.

Where I find myself now is alone. I am not interested in hookups or one night things. The guys that I once could have been friends with are dating the guy I once was. I like to go out on the town but its only for socialization, not to find someone to get to know. Ive made that mistake before. So, with out sounding stupid, whats a guy like me to do?

Im just a normal guy, I dont fit the gay stereo type, and I dont mean that to offend anyone, Im just describing myself. I started coming out to friends and family about 5 years ago and I am comfortable with who I am. The problem I have is where do you find someone? I dont want to sound desperate or lonely because Im really not, its just life seems more fun with someone to share it with.

Or is this the dreaded midlife crisis Ive heard about for so long?
 
Midlife crisis is, in essence, looking at your life and finding out what you're dissatisfied with. Looks like you're doing pretty well everywhere but on the relationship front. Which, in toto, ain't bad at all.

So what to do? Depends. You can simply "go where the guys are". Join gay groups, go to coffee shops and bars and grocery stores in the "gay" section of town (Austin DOES have one, yes?). Remain open, start conversations, talk to people. Or, if you want to be more proactive about it, join a matchmaking/dating service. Take out a personal ad. Some people think that's "desperate", but I don't know about all that - I mean, you go to a restaurant when you're hungry, right? 'cause that's where the food is? If you want a boyfriend, go to the place where there are gay guys looking for boyfriends - dating sites and personals. :)

Lex
 
Lex took the words right out of my mouth, and I agree with him completely. :D

I've been to Austin a few times, and it is more vibrant and diverse than I imagined. Not only does it have a large gay population, but it has a larger population on men like you who aren't part of the visible "gay community" yet are, nevertheless, gay and looking to find someone special.

A lot of relationships start through friends meeting friends. One thing you might want to try is to broaden your network of acquaintances. Get invited to small dinner parties, and even larger pool parties. Your soul mate is probably out there doing that to, and it's just a matter of time before your paths cross.

Good luck! Let us know how you're doing and how it's going.
 
I've been a churchgoer most of my life and I have found that church is perhaps the best place to make friends. It's where I met my partner 10 years ago. With over 600 members, MCC Austin (www.mccaustin.com) is one of the largest congregations (possibly the largest) of Metropolitan Community Churches, a denomination that targets the GLBT community. I would suggest visiting a few times. I promise you will have a different experience of church and certainly a different experience of the gay community. Even if you are not interested in attending church regularly, churches are community hubs where you can usually find information about events and activities of interest to people (in this case, to gay people) that are about building community rather than looking to hook up.
 
I don't think you're describing the dreaded midlife crisis, just the natural human desire for someone to share your life with. I was almost exactly where you are now a little over a year ago, except I had just come out to my family two months after my 43rd birthday. I didn't know anyone else who was gay much less where any gay-friendly bars and clubs were. I think most of us believe we don't fit the gay stereotype. I was also never into one-night-stands.

A few people here on JUB helped me out with advice and suggestions. Pegasus pointed me to the Damron Guide (you can order it from Amazon), which lists bars, clubs, restaurants, hotels etc in every state and many foreign countries. If you're an introvert like I am, take some calculated risks and go to establishments and organized meetings you generally don't go to. There are over 10 gay/gay-friendly bars, clubs, and cafes listed for the Austin area. I imagine Austin probably has at least one gay and lesbian social group. Maybe someone here at JUB can point you in the right direction. You don't have to do one-night stands, but you do have to mingle to find that someone special.
 
You described work place and a circle of friends and family. Everyone knows someone gay. Why are you not asking them who they know, and ask they to arrange a social gathering where you might meet some of those people.

Or you could take a more impeersonal route, and go looking at places in the unknown. You do seem to know what you are looking for, and I remember when I was in the same place some years back.
So get yourself out there and take a chance.
Shep+
 
The bbest way to make quality people interested in you is to be a quality person.

I always recomed to my friends who are searching for a relationship that they embark on a path of self-improvement. Maybe it is a night class in basketweaving, or the gym, church-going, yoga, whatever it is...make it healthy and positive.

It will increase your self-esteem and make you more appealing...and you just might folks with common interests too!

This is all easy for me to say. I am celebrating seven years of happy couplehood. But the truth is as cheesy as it sounds, I found someone when I stopped looking.

Good Luck to you!
 
Thanks for everyones input. What Ive found to be true from my perspective in the gay world is that so far networking is non existent. When someone meets a nice cute guy, its like they want to keep him a secret for themselves for that time when they are single again or for their own late night encounters. Now having said that I know that cant be the case of everyone Im just speaking from my perspective. My straight friends dont have allot of gay friends and I actually dont either. So after reading over my post and your answers Ive decided to get out and make new friends, quality friends. A straight single girl friend and I have decided to take one day a week and do something social, coffee houses, bookstores, happy hours ect ect... Kind of the Will and Grace effect LOL. I will keep you posted on how it turns out and will keep reading any and all advice posted here.. Thanks again to you all
 
This is a really heartening & positive thread, & a great respose to a genuine enquiry, what doesn't seem right is the JUB-lable given to some of these great contributors in particular 'slut'! Do you guys choose these lables or are they automatic?
Isn't that term derogatory? If its there for humour surely there are funnier! But to me it implies sexual frivolity is a 'negative'!
Goog luck austinguy07! There are many younger guys who appreciate the maturer gentleman!
 
I have a different take on this -

You say that life seems like more fun with someone to share it with - does this mean that you don't share your life with family, friends and colleagues? I don't think so. The problem is that previously you've been a closeted, one-person guy keeping your intimate relationships on a personal level. This means that you've habituated yourself, over a lifetime, to separating and compartmentalising your intimate relationships from the rest of your life.

Now that you've begun to come out you're gaining a sense of integration in your life and you're increasingly aware that your sex-life is still sticking out like a sore thumb, not fitting in with your new open approach.

I don't think being 43 (or any age) has anything to do with it. It's simply that your expectations have changed but your modus operandi for finding a partner has not. If you want to experience different results you need to take a different approach.

I think, too, it might be useful to examine and challenge your belief that life is more fun when shared with a lover. There is ample evidence to suggest that for many people this is untrue. You see, another way to address your unhappiness is to change your expectations. And often our expectations are based on the myths of popular culture, advertising and family history and don't stand up to examination.
 
There is truth in what you say spreadeagle... makes sense to me. The only thing is Im not basing what I want on what popular culture thinks I should have. Its my own thought of waking up to somone, sharing those few minutes getting ready for the day, someone to call that understands me when Im feeling down or excited, coming home from work and someone being there that is happy to see me and Im happy to see them, finishing the day with someone by holding them in my arms ...... intimicy is probably the word for it. Thats what I want... not a no strings attached f*** buddy friendship that is only good when the blood is flowing.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top