7 days post breakup

[Saybrooke]

Re: My ex stopped by last night

Good job! I'd have gone ham too!!

You'll find someone much better

 

[backagain]

Re: What should I do?

Go out for dinner and try to salvage a friendship.
The hurt may be there, but try to put that aside if you want a friendship.

 

[The White Stripe]

Re: What should I do?

and btw, rareboy ... you maybe JUB VIP and think you are doing what you need to keep JUB run as smooth as possible, but from day #1 of my story, all you have done so far is accusing me of being a troll!!! I am embarassed to have you here on JUB!!!

Stop trying to start things, Indudela. Most people here are just trying to help other along in the correct way to post threads. You could have simply posted a reply in one of your existing threads with any update. It would have been easier for others to follow your story and better understand your situation that way anyhow. I expect a MOD will probably merge them anyways. Maybe you two should just stop talking. lol

 

[Georgiadude]

I think you're making a mistake by staying in contact with him. Of course he feels bad NOW THAT HES BEEN BUSTED. Had you not caught him he wouldn't have thought a thing about cheating on you again and again. He played you for a fool, treated you like garbage and couldn't understand why you were upset. Do you really want to be friends with someone that treats you like that? You gave him the boot and now he's slowly worming his way back in. Remember how he made you feel. Remember what it felt like when he told you you needed to leave because his "ex" (which he isn't) didn't want you around. Remember how devastated you were when you found the condoms.

I've been there. I was cheated on by the person I loved more than anyone I've ever loved. I know the pain. I know I would have probably taken him back in the days after we brook up had I let him back in my life. Don't let him weasel his way back. He's only going to hurt you again.

Steven.

 

[Georgiadude]

My God. This guy is the biggest jackass I've ever heard of. How you kept from punching him dead in the face I'll never know. Please tell me you told him to NEVER contact you again. Block his number and emails. If he knocked on my door I'd throw a bucket of water on him and shut it without saying a word. He must have balls the size of oranges. Unbelievable. It was the "ex's" fault and he wants a fb. I think I would have dumped my dinner on top of his head and walked out, leaving him to pay the bill.

Well now you know the scum that he truly is. Good riddance to this horses ass.

Steven.

 

[rareboy]

Well at least you hopefully have the closure that you need to end any kind of relationship with your ex.

He must be pretty stupid to think that it would be a smart thing to just be friends with benefits. From the sound of things, he is way too immature to be involved in a committed relationship with anyone yet and he will only hurt anyone who tries it with him.

Well now at least you can move on and find someone who appreciates you.

 

[Georgiadude]

That's good to hear. Any time you have contact with him you're just re opening those wounds. You've barely started the heal and these are deep cuts. It's going to take a lot of time to get over this. cut all ties. Tell him to never contact you again and if at all possible see a therapist. I did and it really helped. It's very helpful to sit down with someone that can help you sort out these feelings. In the meantime stop all contact. Your very vulnerable right now and he knows it. My guess is he's still in contact with his bf and they're relationship hasn't changed a bit. how many other guys does he have on the side that you dont know about? Make a clean and total break. I know it hurts but your better off without him. He'll be onto his next victim in no time.

Steven.

 

[AlmondMilk]

First of all, I'm glad you broke things off and gained a bit of closure. It takes a lot to speak to someone you just broke up with. And to even send that email to his ex without cursing. That shows a huge amount of restraint. I think the majority of people, if given the chance would curse their asses off Now, you went to dinner with him and chatted with him for a couple of hours. Others have said it, you know it... stop remaining in contact with him. If he wants a friend with benefits, he can go on grindr or whatever. Memories can be nice, but definitely don't let it sway you back to him. And also, I'm glad you're seeing a counselor.

Keep us updated and stay strong!

 

[looseliam]

For the love everything holy, stop talking to him.

Now, follow Liam's post break-up guide:

1) go get your hair done, and eyebrows (I'd recommend Robert Jeffrey on Halsted)
2) go buy yourself a new outfit - one in which you look fabulous
3) hit Berlin for a couple drinks
4) dance with random guys
5) go home with random guy and shag your brains out

Repeat as often as needed

 

[Georgiadude]

sorry. I forgot you said you are seeing someone. I hurt my back yesterday and the lortab affects my memory. lol

When I broke up with Igor it tore me to pieces. My therapist told me about the seven stages of grieving and that Im going to have to go through them before I should start dating again. I haven't dated anyone since and I know I'm going to have trust issues. It takes time. A lot of time to heal and every time you have contact with him the clock starts all over again. Don't let him keep doing that to you. Be sad. Be angry. It's ok. Just don't let him in your life any more. He doesn't deserve you as a friend or anything else. He screwed that up.

He didn't tell his bf about you because he isn't an ex. He's his bf and he was too stupid to think you'd call him on his bullshit. He probably told his bf you were a "friend or ex bf." The more I hear about this guy the bigger ass hat I think he is. Regardless cut off all contact. No more dinners, emails, texts etc. Rid yourself of this scum.

Steven.

 

[Georgiadude]

read about the stages of grief. you didn't fall in love with him in 2 weeks. It's going to take longer than that to get him out of your mind. The old saying "time heals all wounds". is partly true. In time it will affect you less. You will never forget him but you will learn to accept that he is no longer a part of your life. It will get better. time, time and time. keep yourself busy with friends, family, work, anything to keep your mind off of him.

Steven.

 

[Seasoned]

I think your hurt comes more from his ongoing relationship with his "ex" rather than the fact he had sex. What would have hurt me was the fact I was led to believe it was over when it wasn't.

Block him and until you do delete any messages before reading them.

 

[rareboy]

I already defriended him on facebook, but not sure how to do that on email or text though. I responded "Don't leave any used condoms in the bathroom trashcan like you did at home. His bf might find out." ... or maybe I shouldn't have responded at all.

To be blunt. No. You shouldn't have responded. But I think that you want to leave the wound open.

Counsellor says not to contact him. You do.

People said stay away form him. You have dinner.

Even though you could easily find out how to block him on test and email, you don't.

Even though you know it is childish and shows how hurt and vulnerable you are, you send a message about condoms.

You just want to relive the pain again and again it seems.

The way to heal is to recognize that you are stronger than your anger and depression. Not to keep letting your ex have complete control over your every minute every hour of every day.

You need to get to the point of indifference and the faster you do this, the better.

Until you get there, you counsellor is going to have an uphill battle trying to help you through this.

 

[rareboy]

I don't want anything from you.

This is a no flame zone and I'm giving you advice. Good advice. I've been there and had to deal with it. Also with emotions. And with support of friends.

And the best advice I always got was to get to a state that is the opposite of love and hate...indifference. To not let the other person still have control over me by giving them that opportunity and that power. By constantly remaining in touch you allow him the opportunity to hurt you again and again and to nurse each wound afresh.

By engaging in the back and forth, you don't give yourself the opportunity to actually move on.

The only way to win this game is to not play.

And that is good advice from someone who has been in your place.

 

[rareboy]

Well there now.

You are already on the road to recovery if you are no longer crying or moping about. Once you have talked yourself out about him and have nothing left to say to your friends about what a disgusting piece of shit he is....you will find that he doesn't occupy that much space in your brain any more.

Can't imagine why you'd still be missing a low life douche nozzle like him....he must have been good in bed....but for the rest of it....he probably lied to you from the first day to the last day you spent together. You can't miss that?

Enjoy your family for the holidays. Then turn around and this time, on the way back...set yourself some adventures. Look up places or attractions you've never visited. Learn new things. Meet some new people along the way. Start replacing the brooding time thinking about what an anal wart he is with experiences that now belong only to you. And push yourself a bit. No one is expecting you to arrive back home and feel totally healed, but hey you'll be well along the way.

BTW. Have you had a bonfire and burned all his stuff yet? While you are at it, take anything (that is cheap) that is yours, but reminds you of him and throw it on the pyre. If there still are items that cause you particular pain...pack them away for 6 months or so.

 

[bankside]

Well, it's been a month now since I caught my bf cheating on me. After my last post on Dec 12th, I cashed in all of my vacation days, I grabbed my car keys, and I left town to get some fresh air. I was driving for no particular destination, visiting some friends along the way. Somehow I landed in my parents home out in the west coast, and that's where I am now for the past few days. I have not contacted my ex or attempted to contact him, nor him contacting me. I don't want to be associated with him anymore.

Do I miss him? Yes ... Am I still thinking about him? Yes ... Have I recovered from this? No ... There are times where I would think about how he cheated on me, and that would pull me down into pockets of grieve. Do I feel better? Not really ... but I am no longer crying or moping around, and more importantly, I stopped talking about him to any of my friends.

I have a few more days before I have to start a long trip home and go back to work again.

Anyone capable of caring for another human being would still be thinking about everything weeks and months later. One day in the future, he will pop into your head and you'll realise you haven't thought about him at all, for a whole week.

Not because you're stronger, or because you don't think it is worth caring about any more. But because you will have done all the thinking you have to do, and you will know it like the back of your hand. It takes time to work it all through. But as you have already discovered, that doesn't have to stop you from getting on with the rest of your life while that happens.

I hope you have a good holiday and a good year in 2013.

 

[ruivinho]

So right after your therapist said not to contact him...you do anyway.

well, the therapist is supposed to help, not to command your life
and to me it seems as if he was ready, and needed, to confront him

OP: Congratulations and best of luck

Hmm ok congratulations might sound weird, i'm just happy you are better, and you seemed (mostly) mature about it. and after all, it is better to find out now than later..

Anyway, stay well!!

 

[justanothershyguy]

My ex just texted me asking how my christmas went and that he missed me. I just deleted his texts without reply but UGH!!! Now I am upset again.

Is there any way you can change his name to "Ignore" or something so you don't even read the text?

 

[slowshow]

My ex just texted me asking how my christmas went and that he missed me. I just deleted his texts without reply but UGH!!! Now I am upset again.

Don't be so hard on yourself, that's perfectly normal. Take positives from this. Instead of replying to him with (truthfully) asinine comments, you deleted it and didn't bother responding. You've come a long way and you should recognise it and encourage yourself to keep it up. The feelings of hurt and betrayal will continue to pop up every now and then, and I doubt you'll ever COMPLETELY forget about it, but the frequency you think about it will be less and less until it's pretty much just a forgotten memory.

Keep up the good work. Doesn't it feel good to recognise you really don't need cunts like that in your life?

 

[bankside]

is there no way to block his number?