A bad experience I had

[Love_chair]

Ok this is something that happened to me yesterday. I was up at my brothers house. And he had some guests over there was me my brother and 3 other guys so all together 5 people. Well anyways all 4 of them (except me because I don't drink or do anything) they was all drinking got really wasted all of them. And I knew everybody that was there. but this involves this one guy named(John) who I have known for about 1 year.(And on a side note I am not close with (John) or any of my brothers friends I know who most of them are and have talked to them many times but there more of my brothers friends then mine).

Anyways this whole time my brother and his friends was getting drunk in the living room. I decided I did not want to be a part of that. So I went into a bedroom and stuck one of my favorite movies in(Death becomes her LOL) and started watching it. And about in the middle of the movie I had to go to the bathroom. So I paused it and left the room and walked down the hallway. And went into the bathroom. And I did my thing LOL and then I was washing my hands. And about at that time I heard someone knocking at the bathroom door. And this is where it got interesting for me.

Me:Who is it

John:It's me John can I come in

Me: Do you mind using the other bathroom am kinda busy(Laughing)

John:Oh I don't need to piss or anything I just need to talk to you if you don't mind?

Me: Ok sure let me unlock the door(I go let him in)

John:Whats up how have you been?

Me:I have been grate thank you. And your self?

John:Am grate just a little drunk right now(Laughing)

Me:Yeah I can see that(Laughing)

John:So (MiLes my name) how come you don't have a boyfriend. I mean you are 20 figured you would have someone by now

Me:Well I kinda have some trust issues. And I just have a hard time trusting and giving myself to someone. You can say am complicated I guess(Laughing)

John:Well you are a nice guy you should have no problem finding someone

Me:Yeah well maybe one day. But am in no hurry I got plenty of time

John:I understand that. Hey can I tell you something

Me:Yeah sure you can tell me whatever you want

John: Did you know am bisexual

Me:No I did not know that I thought you was straight(big shock to me)

John:Oh well most people think I am. But am not. But just don't tell anyone am bi don't want anyone to know

Me:Ok I promise I will not. Your secret is safe with me

John:Thanks. And I am gonna tell you something else. I don't wanna freak you out but I like you

Me:You like me? as a friend or something else

John:Oh I like you more then a friend(gets closer to me almost face 2 face I can smell the beer on his breath)

Me: (at this time am getting nervous). I said oh well am blown away by that(now am backed in a corner. his face to face with me)I just want him to leave at this point. But I don't wanna be rude.

John:Oh don't be blown away by it.( he leaned in and tryed to kiss me. But I turned my head and he kissed me on the cheek)he said can't I kiss you on the mouth

Me:No John am sorry but I don't want you to(it was very intense for me LOL)

John:That's ok. Maybe I should talk to you when am sober

Me: (very awkward for me)I said yeah we can. But am actually talking to this guy Chris. We are not a couple yet he's just some guy I meet and am talking to on the phone.(which is true)

John:Ok that's all good. Maybe if things don't work out we can hit it up

Me: (Laughing) yeah maybe so

Then he finally opened the door and left. and it was a big relief for me I was wanting him to leave along time ago LOL. then I went back to the bedroom still in shock about what just took place. could not even finish my movie. And this guy (John) he's not my type he drinks(which I hate) and he's not that attractive. And he's got 2 children. he's divorced from his wife. He's alot older then me. He's 35 am 20. And so I don't like him in that way at all I never have.

And so I have some concerns & questions. what should I do if I see him again anytime and he tries to come on to me again. I guess I should tell him the truth that I don't like him in that way right. It's just hard because I don't wanna hurt his feelings. And besides am talking to this other guy (Chris) and I really like him but we are not a couple yet. Am just interested in him. So how do you think I should handle this other guy. If I find myself in another situation like that with him(which I hope not). Am just wondering what you guys think.

Thanks everyone I appreciate everything and everyone.

MiLes

 

[G-Lexington]

If I had to guess - and that's all this is - John may have wanted to make a play for you for a while, but decided to wait until he was drunk to do so. Why? Because if you turned him down - which you did - he could pass it all off by saying "Dude, sorry, I was just totally shitfaced that night." It's a face-saving maneuver that goes back, oh, since we started fermenting fruits and grains.

If my hunch is right, he probably won't be bringing it up again. He made a move, you rejected it, and life goes on. In fact, he'd probably like to forget it ever happened. If for some reason he does try again, just repeat the rejection, but firmer and (preferably) louder. "Dude, I told you - I'm not interested in you." If you say it loud enough that his friends in the other room might hear, he'll realize that you're not interested in keeping this quiet, and will most likely back off.

Lex

 

[sixthson]

Hi Miles! You sound like a thoughtful guy who knows his own mind. If he does approach you again, tell him honestly and clearly that you are not interested. You don't need to explain anything to him unless you want to.
From reading your post, I can see you'll handle it fine.
All you need is a divorced, closeted bisexual with two kids in your life, anyway. Ha! That's a lot of baggage.

Good luck, you sound like a great guy.

 

[TygreBryte]

Lex may very well be right. If he does bring it up sober, you ought to tell him you're NOT IN to him, thank you very much.

You also can practice ways to move around people without hurting them so you don't get literally backed into a corner. That's a really uncomfortable place to be, and to me, it's a clear sign that this guy was being an ass -- blocking your routes of escape.

that sounds pretty uncomfortable. hope things go well with the guy you're talking with on the phone.

 

[KaraBulut]

Well, Love_Chair... you handled the situation very well.

You have good instincts. Continue to follow them and you will be fine.

 

[billybob109]

wow kids stay away unless you want it to get messy that is way too much bagage. But nice choice in movie!!

 

[spreadeagle]

Think ahead about situations you're putting yourself in and likely outcomes. For example, if one of your brother's fun leisure activities is drinking and you don't like drinking then why would you go there?

If he won't take 'no' for an answer you should be prepared to hurt his feelings - or do you rate his feelings higher than your own?

 

[tallguy297]

Hey Miles,

Yet another of your posts confirms whats been pretty obvious for a while and I can see why when you post to others you offer such good advice... and even though I'm repeating some of this stuff to you again I'm still going to say it...

Mate... the way you handled that situation truly reflects the sort of person that you are. Even in a situation that made you feel awkward and uncomfortable you were able to show respect and decency to the guy making you feel that way. It says a lot about you Miles... and the way you value others, the way you think and the way you care. I hope you are proud of those qualities for they are some of the things that make you who you really are.

And its those same things that attract 35 year old divorced guys with kids. None of those things are important mind you... whats important in that you simply dont feel anything for him. And thats all that matters.

To answer the question you asked though mate I would simply say this... handle it the way Miles would. Handle it the way it naturally comes to you. I have nothing but certainty that you'll do it with sincerity, honesty and truth. I also know that it will come with compassion and understanding. Those are the things you do so well mate...and those are the things that will stand by you both now and through the rest of your life.

And those are the things that will also bring joy and happiness to you. Chances are those are the things that Chris is drawn to as well.

 

[rareboy]

Gee whiz.

This stuff always seems to be happening to you.

Ignore the drunks. (I was going to say blow them off, but was afraid you might take it the wrong way.)

Try to get laid soon by some guy you like and you won't need our advice on how to handle these come-ons.

Oh. And stop hanging out with the people your brother knows. They all sound really creepy.

 

[chrisdobro]

concur: move on, don't bring it up. If it ever happens again, tell him directly without giving any false hopes that you are not interested. It will hurt for him for the next 15-20 minutes, but it's much better than to leave lingering uncertainty or false hopes for him.

First time you can be nice and hint I suppose, but 2nd time be directness pays off muchly. Otherwise there could be 3rd, 4th and 5th times and you don't want them.

 

[Love_chair]

Hey hope everybody is doing grate.

Thanks for everyones kind words. I really appreciate it. And I am going to stop going to my brothers house, when he's having these parties, I need to make sure theres nothing going on first before I pay my Brother a visit. And to answer your question (spreadeagle). No my feelings go higher then his. It's my feelings that matter.
And Lex could be right he might not even bring it up again. But if he does. I will be make my case very clear to him. And tell him exactly how I feel. And thanks to you (tallguy297) for all your words. It means alot. And yeah (rareboy) your right LOL. It seems like everytime I go up to my Brothers house. And he's having guests over that something happens to me.

But am hoping that this guy am talking with (Chris). Will be my first. Because I been talking to him for about 2 weeks now on the phone. We have not meet in person yet. But we are meeting for the first time soon. But I like him alot and I will see what happens. But am not getting my hopes up. Am taking this slow. Am a strong person and I know I can handle it. If things don't work out.

Well once again thanks. To all the grate people here at JUB. You guys are wonderful.