a bit confused after the first date

[Nice Boy]

Hello guys!

Well, today it was my third date ever and the first date with this guy... And the date was a little bit extraordinary - it was a cycling date lol. We cycled about 15 km (about 10 miles), then stopped to talk by the river (I even had the first kiss of my life there and I'm pretty charmed by that ) and then we cycled back home.

The guy is quite handsome and seems to be very kind, nice and open. But even though in general I like him and was quite charmed by the date, I don't have totally that "wow" feeling about him. Another thing is that the conversation was overall fine although not as "deep" as e.g. with some of my friends (not that I would want to imply something by this but I'm a university graduate and he is a high school graduate so I don't know if we'll be on the "same wave"). Then there are 2 more things: he is a Christian and I'm (sorry to say) more like an atheist anti-religious person (though I respect it), so I hope these things won't clash too much in future. Then there might be an issue - he drinks rarely and I drink from time to time - let's say one/two glasses of wine once a two weeks, although I admit that sometimes, once in like one or two months I get a bit wasted (although not extremely and I don't do stupid things...) - BTW, we talked about this.

So now there is a bit of conflict in my head - on the one hand he is a very nice guy, on the other hand there are some little issues in the previous paragraph.

BUT still I would like to explore him more and see where it goes... The only thing I'm afraid of is how to end an relationship if ever it won't work well. He doesn't seem to be a drama queen but I'm simply afraid of the process of breaking up.

All this post is a bit silly but I've never been in a relationship with a guy and never got beyond the first date cause I was rejected. So I'm quite unexperienced.

Any comments, thoughts, questions would be VERY WELCOME, guys

 

[terry61_99]

After reading your post twice I come away with the feeling you are looking for Mr. Perfect. I learned along time ago that there is no such person as Mr. Perfect, we all have our flaws and differances....thats what makes us special! If I am right and you are looking for perfection you are doomed to always be going on "first dates" and never anything more. I think this guy seems like someone you should get to know better, give him a chance! Either way I wish you the best!

 

[silverbelt]

I agree with Terry, and I'd like to add that a lot of people I've met seem to dwell on things that go like "I do this, but he does this - how can that work?" Most of the time, I feel like they're looking to find carbon copies of themselves to date. A rich, endearing relationship can come from how two people complement each other (opposites attract, etc). So while you're not very religious, and he is, that may not be a total disaster: you both bring different things to the relationship.

As for the breakup anxiety, it can be stressful, but ultimately the best thing you can do is (if it were to happen) explain clearly what's bothering you and why you believe breaking up is the right idea. Breakups don't have to be the mess they portray in the movies. Simply make your case, listen to his and then make a final judgement on the situation. If you stay in a relationship because you're afraid to end it, I guarantee you'll feel worse than if you just broke up.

 

[KaraBulut]

I'm going to sing with the choir, too.

You're "unselling" this guy to yourself. And you're using what is one of the most common excuses: "I'm afraid of getting hurt".

Most people will tell you that there are no perfect guys and if you meet someone who is a decent guy, you owe it to yourself to find out.

 

[racer2438]

You are expecting to much of a person, you feel your on another level better than them by your standards.

Honey, you have some learning to do. Once you are more mature you will find that there is NO Mr. Perfect in this world.

We all have issue in one way or another. Just find as many qualities as you would in a person. You'll be an old man if you keep looking.

I met mine 27 yrs ago and he was/is my first love ever.

 

[paramour]

Nice Boy:

I'm glad you had a nice first date. So, you've figured out that you're not 100% alike... but don't like that be an obstacle! The great majority of guys you meet will have have lifestyles and make choices that are somewhat different than your own. If you're compatible overall and there's chemistry, that's really all that matters.

You're not being put on the spot and forced to make a decision about whether or not you want to spend the rest of your life with this guy. The only thing you need to decide at this point is whether or not to ask him on a second date. I'll tell you my strategy: If I'm unsure of whether there's relationship potential, I give the guy a second chance and then make a final decision. If you're not feeling it after date two, just let him know that you had a good time but didn't feel a "spark" between you two. Don't ignore his calls/texts; be honest about how you feel so that you don't hurt his feelings if he's into you.

And, if you decide to go on a second date, let us know how it goes!

 

[Seasoned]

Keep dating him and see where it goes. Interesting, we humans. We can talk ourselves into anything; we can talk ourselves out of everything.

 

[conrad]

It is possible that the two of you will become good friends but nothing more. That is alright. You must not expect there to be a sexual element in every friendship. As a mater of fact and this should be no surprise, even pressing the subject of sex too soon in some friendships will likely doom the prospects of that friendshipl


Two persons who meet are often far apart in their feeling of any sexual attraction for the other person. With some friendships that grows, but with others it never happens. Keep your serendipity sharp because you never do kow when it will happen for you. Be ready for it but don't make it the first orfer of business.

You do not have to agree on politics , religion , or anything else in order to become friends. Being open to serious friendship requires a willingness to accept the other person as he (or she) is. A partner in friendship who was a mirror image of yourself and your thinking whould, IMHO, be a very boring partner.

 

[Nice Boy]

Well, after reading all the posts, I agree with you all. I decided to keep dating and see where it leads us. Normally, I do not put too much weight on first impressions and I tend to take some time to form opinions etc...
So if it works out fine, good. If not, that's the life unfortunately :-(

And Conrad, it is interesting but this relationship has a potential to become more than a friendship since he likes me physically and I like him physically too. But you are right when you advice not to bring up the issue of sex too early because it may kill the relationship.

MOREOVER, I would like to explore him more so despite everything I wrote in previous posts, I wanna meet him again

In few hours, I should go cycle with him. Geez, this boy is gonna destroy me by cycling

 

[Nice Boy]

A little update here: The cycling date was called off because of the storm. If nothing changes, we should meet up on Wednesday.

But recently, a new thing came up: On one dating site, I found his ad in the category [Flirt, sex] from May where he wrote that he would like to meet someone for friendship OR cycling buddy OR someone for occasional FLIRT/SEX...

Hm, now I don't know what to think about it :-/ Nevertheless, I won't put too much weight on that but I will be definitely more cautious from now.

 

[TX-Beau]

Jesus.

OK pretend you're not freakishly overthinking everything about this.

Did you have a good time with him? Do you want to go have a good time again?

Yes? check. Make a date and stop with the OCD already.

You've gone on one date, one, 1, uno. Do you honestly think you're anywhere near needing to worry about anything other than having a good time?

No? check.

Stop trying to decide if you're going to marry him immediately or you are going to run HIM off.

 

[KaraBulut]

I found his ad in the category [Flirt, sex] from May where he wrote that he would like to meet someone for friendship OR cycling buddy OR someone for occasional FLIRT/SEX...

"We're going out and he's still on dating sites looking at ads?".

This works both ways.

 

[sportsguy22]

Jesus.

OK pretend you're not freakishly overthinking everything about this.

Did you have a good time with him? Do you want to go have a good time again?

Yes? check. Make a date and stop with the OCD already.

You've gone on one date, one, 1, uno. Do you honestly think you're anywhere near needing to worry about anything other than having a good time?

No? check.

Stop trying to decide if you're going to marry him immediately or you are going to run HIM off.

agreed. i know i can't offer much advice on the matter but do you really expect him to just delete his profile after one date?

 

[Nice Boy]

Can you direct us to this ad?

Well I could but it is in my native language (Slovak) so you wouldn't understand I guess

Now, a little update: The second date was quite fine as well but not as good as the first one

Now the main thing is that (as I said in the first post), emotionally it is very good... He kisses me, he touches me gently, he is kind to me and I really like it ;-)

But still I don't have the feeling of harmony as for talking with him... Like the conversation is not a lot of time as smooth as I would like it to be. Perhaps it will change but I don't know.

Anyway, now I have to sort out whether to continue or where I want this relationship to go...

Thank you for all the input

 

[TX-Beau]

Why do you have to immediately decide where you want this to go?

You don't have a relationship, you've been out twice.

 

[MoltenRock III]

Good Christ! You're not buying a house or getting married, you're spending a couple of hours together so dial down the expectations.

You're committing a common mistake of young people; you're living in your head. Life doesn't happen or get lived inside your head, it happens right in front of you. Also, this attitude is self-defeating, because you're always mind fucking yourself into misery about what next or taking it to the next level without just enjoying the process and enjoying the scenery as you cross the bridge.

I've seen this far too often. People think they'll finally be happy when ___________ happens; be it a first date, kiss, boyfriend, sex, living together, marriage, etc... The problem is they are never happy until they move the relationship to the next level, and then the next, and the next, and so on, all the while being miserable because you're always wanting more and more, when you're fundamentally always discontent no matter what.

 

[MoltenRock III]

Well I could but it is in my native language (Slovak) so you wouldn't understand I guess

Thank you for all the input

I lived in Prague for awhile. Central European guys are yummy! . The guy I was dating at the time showed me around Bratislava, his childhood hometown, and introduced me to his parents.

 

[chance1]

Sounds to me like things are going well

Date 3 is up next

I agree with many here about the "over thinking" thing

I've done that before - still do it but less - it doesnt help

Have fun and let us know about date 3

 

[Nice Boy]

Good Christ! You're not buying a house or getting married, you're spending a couple of hours together so dial down the expectations.

You're committing a common mistake of young people; you're living in your head. Life doesn't happen or get lived inside your head, it happens right in front of you. Also, this attitude is self-defeating, because you're always mind fucking yourself into misery about what next or taking it to the next level without just enjoying the process and enjoying the scenery as you cross the bridge.

I've seen this far too often. People think they'll finally be happy when ___________ happens; be it a first date, kiss, boyfriend, sex, living together, marriage, etc... The problem is they are never happy until they move the relationship to the next level, and then the next, and the next, and so on, all the while being miserable because you're always wanting more and more, when you're fundamentally always discontent no matter what.

I think you named it quite precisely. I should take it more easy

You know, I have yet to learn how to live in the PRESENT. It seems that for most of my life, I have lived either in past or in future, but not now!

 

[Nice Boy]

A little update!

Well, yesterday I had the cycling date No.3 and it was quite OK...

But the day before we chatted a bit and he told me he wanted me as a friend and not for a relationship. Then I (without thinking it thoroughly) responded him that well, that's ok but you can still kiss me if you want He responded that yeah, it wouldn't make me any problems. Moreover with time, if you want but ONLY IF YOU WANT, you can suck my cock Then he asked: Btw, I'm so horny when with you... Would you mind if I jacked off in front of you? And I responded: Well, I don't guarantee you anything. Then he add: Come on boy, I know you are nervous and so on but don't be afraid of me. I'm a normal guy and I will never do you bad.

Then yesterday when we were hanging out we sat down in something like a park on one place and were quite alone (although some people were like ten meters away but they couldn't see us). We kissed and cuddled a bit. Then I went to look at something and when I turned back, I saw him jacking off

I didn't freak out of course and he had to stop cause some people were coming near... So we went to other place where we just kissed and hugged (because we were constantly disturbed by some people passing by). Then we cycled home...

So my short analysis:
He probably wants something like "friends with benefits". Now the question is "Do I too?" And I'm quite splitted on that: The bigger part of me is quite nervous about it but the smaller one is like: What if I would try it?
BTW, I feel that there is not a potential for a long-term relationship nor that I would develop strong feelings for him so if I did FWB I don't think I would be hurt or someting. The only thing is to decide whether I wanna do it.

BTW, just some infos: I'm 23, he's 26, I'm a virgin (and he knows that), he's not and much more experienced.

As always, any comments, questions, ideas would be very welcome.
I hope you enjoy my real story