Hey, so I'm new and I've been lurking around but I finally set up an account. So I have a few problems I need help with. For one I've been out to my close friends and some other people who I haven't told but clearly already know, and I've been trying to have relationships with girls so I could get married and have children etc. But it hasn't worked at all so i'm just going straight to the I'm gay thing. But the problem is telling my family. My cousin knows but that's it, my sister came out to my mother and she was devastated and things weren't so great. My sister ended up moving out. I'm 20 years old now and I'm not sure if I should even tell her anymore. A part of me thinks it's none of her business. I mean we dont talk about relationships and such anyway so what's the point of telling her you know? Idk does it make a difference if you tell your parents and you don't even talk to them about that anyway?! That's my first dilemma. My second one is that I was on my iPhone on grindr trying to find a relationship, which isn't such a good idea, and ive never had any type of sexual contact with anyone, and this guy wants to help me with that, I really want to but I'm kind of scared, my friend just found out about a possible STD which put me of completely, but I still wan to experience a guy. So i have no idea what to do. And lastly I met the most amazing waiter the other night at a restaurant. He was really cute, gave me extra of everything and even a smiley face in my ketchup and had everyone come do a dance for us.he said he'd come to my job and I diet want to think much of it but my friends say there was definitely a connection. Sadly I wasn't able to ge any info from him aside from his name. So should I go back and try to see him or would hat be too stalkerish?! Or should I just chalk it up to him wanting a tip, I mean what if he's actually straight and was just working hard for one?! Sorry for the long post, thanks for reading and getting through all of this! Any advice would be appreciated.
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A bit of help and advice needed
- Thread starter Jitrel
- Start date
Sorry about the misspelling and such. I'm typing on my iPhone so some things may be out of place. Oh as for the guy I met on grindr, I was actually going to meet up with him but before I left he wasn't on to talk to me, he ended up going to the movies and that kind of turned me off towards him.
racer2438
JUB Addict
Orientation: Gay
Status: Single
Location: Miami
Posts: 3
A bit of help and advice needed
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For one I've been out to my close friends and some other people who I haven't told but clearly already know, and I've been trying to have relationships with girls so I could get married and have children etc.
^^^^^^^^^^^
I don't think you really know if you out or not with a statement like this above. Everyone has there version of what OUT is to them and what OUT really is. But you sound much more confused with what you are looking for out of your life and who you really feel you are. The above statement you wrote clearly shows you are trying just to fit in with society standards of what it tells us things we are supposed to do ie: wife/kids/ little house on the prairie thing just to fit in with everyone else's standards.
You just need to be comfortable with who you are inside, don't put labels, to try just to fit in. It's your life and you need to take care of #1 always--you.
You need to find some friends that you are comfortable with and experiment with some safe sex to have fun and being to understand that there are other joy's there are in life.
But first you need to think clearly as to what you really wnat out of life most --guys/girls or it may be both. But you will have to experiment and find out, you are young enough that you have time to do this, nothing wrong with being Bi either, but unless you are willing to have a "beard" for cover just to be fitting in with the rest of the people, but that's up to you..
Status: Single
Location: Miami
Posts: 3
A bit of help and advice needed
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For one I've been out to my close friends and some other people who I haven't told but clearly already know, and I've been trying to have relationships with girls so I could get married and have children etc.
^^^^^^^^^^^
I don't think you really know if you out or not with a statement like this above. Everyone has there version of what OUT is to them and what OUT really is. But you sound much more confused with what you are looking for out of your life and who you really feel you are. The above statement you wrote clearly shows you are trying just to fit in with society standards of what it tells us things we are supposed to do ie: wife/kids/ little house on the prairie thing just to fit in with everyone else's standards.
You just need to be comfortable with who you are inside, don't put labels, to try just to fit in. It's your life and you need to take care of #1 always--you.
You need to find some friends that you are comfortable with and experiment with some safe sex to have fun and being to understand that there are other joy's there are in life.
But first you need to think clearly as to what you really wnat out of life most --guys/girls or it may be both. But you will have to experiment and find out, you are young enough that you have time to do this, nothing wrong with being Bi either, but unless you are willing to have a "beard" for cover just to be fitting in with the rest of the people, but that's up to you..
Hey Racer, thanks for the reply. I really hadn't even thought of it that way but I do understand what you're saying. That's probably what I'll do the whole experimenting thing. I just want a nice future is all, but thank you for your response.
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Well, it might be a better idea for you to stop looking for a relationship at least until you learn a bit more about gay men. By the way, Grindr isn't a relationship-finding tool, it's more like a geiger counter for finding hookups.
Gay guys are just like their straight counterparts- some are nice guys, some are real assholes, some are looking relationships but some are just looking for a hole to put their dick in, some are nice guys who will be your friend for life but others are users who will break your heart.
The best way to meet other gay guys- either for friendship or to date or to fuck- is to develop a circle of gay friends. And it sounds like you could use some gay friends to look out for your best interests while you figure out some things about yourself.
And one more correction- STDs aren't a guy-guy thing. Women have STDs as much as men and you're just as likely to get an STD from sex with a woman as you are from sex with a man. You should be using protection with everyone.
Gay guys are just like their straight counterparts- some are nice guys, some are real assholes, some are looking relationships but some are just looking for a hole to put their dick in, some are nice guys who will be your friend for life but others are users who will break your heart.
The best way to meet other gay guys- either for friendship or to date or to fuck- is to develop a circle of gay friends. And it sounds like you could use some gay friends to look out for your best interests while you figure out some things about yourself.
And one more correction- STDs aren't a guy-guy thing. Women have STDs as much as men and you're just as likely to get an STD from sex with a woman as you are from sex with a man. You should be using protection with everyone.
Thanks for the responses. I'll definitely look into it. Didn't think I was so ignorant toward so much lol. Oh and my friend is a girl so I know all about the STD thing going both ways. Guess I just have to get some new friends now. Doesn't help that all my best friends are girls...
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Jitrel,
Have your girlfriends find a good guy for you. They might like the challenge. Being 20 and being in Miami, you should be able to get into trouble with ease. i hope you don't. I do hope you find some gay friends and just let it happen in a safe manner.
take care,
celebrate your life,
Rand
Have your girlfriends find a good guy for you. They might like the challenge. Being 20 and being in Miami, you should be able to get into trouble with ease. i hope you don't. I do hope you find some gay friends and just let it happen in a safe manner.
take care,
celebrate your life,
Rand
Supervert
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I've, personally, decided not to come out until I'm self-sufficient and living on my own. It will disappoint families, no matter what people may say about everyone being supportive, loving you for who you are, etc. And I've never really felt the need to announce it, but I digress...
The internet is usually the worst place to find a "relationship", although the hottest couples you'll see at a bar or club, tend to have met online. If you live in a major city, meeting guys really shouldn't be a problem.
I would casually go back to the restaurant one day (when it's not busy) and order something small ("an appetizer, for now") He's bound to come back a few more times, and if he wasn't simply trying to get a bigger tip the first time around, there will be more communication.
I've been in the same boat, don't worry; they're called temporary restraining orders for a reason.
The internet is usually the worst place to find a "relationship", although the hottest couples you'll see at a bar or club, tend to have met online. If you live in a major city, meeting guys really shouldn't be a problem.
I would casually go back to the restaurant one day (when it's not busy) and order something small ("an appetizer, for now") He's bound to come back a few more times, and if he wasn't simply trying to get a bigger tip the first time around, there will be more communication.
I've been in the same boat, don't worry; they're called temporary restraining orders for a reason.
Ha, the perfect challenge. I'm sure they'll love it. They'd love for me to be more involved with a boyfriend, and one of them is already on the lookout. Why didn't I think of that sooner. Thanks for your response Rand.
Hey BR320525, the first post that actually made me laugh out loud. That's what I was thinking of doing, just going back and ordering something small. Of course now i've just got to get over myself and go back. Oh, and that's exactly what I meant about coming out. Not sure I have to tell her, or even if I should. As I said it's not like we discuss it anyway, so I think that's the best bet for me as well. Just waiting until i'm completely gone, and sure of myself and off on my own.