A decision I am glad I didn't have to make

[wastedtime]

I have a nephew who was born with Epispadias. You can google it, but you may not want to look at the pictures. Basically it is a condition where the penis does not develop properly. The urethera does not fuse, most times the testes do not descend, and in some cases the bladder is exposed. In my nephews case the bladder was not exposed however, they could not determine his gender from his genaitals at birth, basically it was a mass of unformed tissue.

30-40 or more years ago doctors who were dealing with a child with this condition would often just "make them a girl" as it was easier to do.

In my nephews case they did genetic testing and verified his gender, and gave the parents the choice of doing surgery to construct a penis, or leave it. Here is the decision I am glad I did not have to make. Condemn you child to a lifetime of repeated surgeries, to construct genitals that conform to normal. (My nephew is 7 and has had 12 surgeries and will continue to need them through puberty.) Or condemn your child to live with malformed (basically missing) genitals.

This is been discussed many times within my family, and I cannot fault my brother and sister in law for thier decision. It is also what every doctor and the psycologists recommended.

But I am wondering on a hypothetical level if their recommendations come from an area of the same societial norms that lead many to many peoples fear and loathing of homosexuals. Meaning that many of these people would try and "fix" me too if they could.

I would like to see others opinions and discussion on this but please -- this is my nephew and his parents who are trying to do what is best for thier child so please do not attack them.

 

[medic1]

Dear Wastedtime.
Firstly i am so sorry for all your family.even though this horrific condition is
fairly rare that is no comfort to you and your family.
I have seen this condition close up and personal at work when i was doing
my Obs/Gyn rotation.
The only bit of good news if you can call it that is the fact that your nephews
bladder was not showing,which makes the surgery needed a little less hazardous
as in infections ect.
There are some Tottaly amazing Re-Constructive Surgeons about and quite a few
who specialise in this terrible Syndrome.
Your nephew and indeed all your family have a long road ahead of you all.
Though please when things just seem insurmountable please remember that compared to even 5 years ago what the Surgeons can achieve nowadays is truly
remarkable. Also the benefits of good Psychological help for you all cannot be
praised enough.
Again i am so sorry for your nephew,also i am not a surgeon but one of my
prescriptions would be for tons of love,encouragement and all being there
for each other.
You and your family will be in my thoughts. Take care my friend.

 

[Corny]

As cruel as it might be for the child now - I do believe they made the right decision. I have heard about people whose genitals were not constructed and who hate themselves now as some kind of "none-gender-being". I have talked to a man who was "made" into a woman and raised as such, until later in life "she" got herself tested - only to learn that she has always been a man, lived and suffered in the wrong body, just because his parents considered this to be the easier way.

 

[Knucklehead]

I didn't know what that was and googled it...Pretty tough spot for everyone involved to be in.Sad situation.

I don't know what I would do.I would probably end up taking the advise of the doctors..

 

[blackbeltninja]

I think they made the right decision.Still a between a rock and a hard place, but I think better in the long run.

Poor kid.

-d-

 

[Nomenclature]

I wouldn't be able to condemn my son to live without proper genitals; Being able to pee and hump things is something all men take for granted, so why shouldn't he be able to do it, too?

 

[BearBoi]

They made the right choice IMO.

As cruel as it might be for the child now - I do believe they made the right decision. I have heard about people whose genitals were not constructed and who hate themselves now as some kind of "none-gender-being".

That's true. I remember a documentary about a guy (David Reimer) who had a botched circumcision and his parents decided to raise him as a girl. When he learned of what had been done to him, he started trying to live as a man at age 15. But it, along with other life issues, was too much and in the end he killed himself.

What's ironic is that the documentary ends with him saying to the camera (something to the effect of), "What is it going to take to make people stop doing this? Someone shooting themself in the head?"

He shot himself in the head.

Read more about his story here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Reimer