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A few questions

A

anubis19ak

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I'm a married guy and I love my wife to death. However, I look at a lot of gay porn, am a member on several gay hook up sites, and fantasize a lot about being with men. I have been with a couple men over the last 10 years, and have always enjoyed the experience.

My question is this: Whenever I have had sex with a guy, I have always felt great afterwards for a while. Then I start to feel ashamed and sometimes repulsed by what I just did. The same thing happens when I masturbate to gay porn. Can anyone shed some light on this for me?

I don't really feel gay as I love women way too much, but I don't really feel bi either. I love the look and feel of a hard penis, and enjoy playing with them from time to time, but why am I ashamed/repulsed by it after I'm done?

Something that much fun shouldn't make you feel that way.

I'm really hoping someone will be able to help me find some answers here.

Thanks for reading!
 
those feelings of shame are pretty common. i think it means you haven't totally accepted yourself which can be difficult. or you are feeling bad because you love a woman and feel you are betraying a different part of yourself.
 
Post-orgasmic remorse isn't limited to same-sex attraction. There are a lot of guys who have feelings of doubt or regret after coming.

But it will be difficult for you to move past this until you accept that you have these attractions. Don't get caught up in the "gay", "straight" or "bi" label. You have attractions to men, you enjoy sex with men and even if you chose to live an otherwise convention heterosexual life, this will always be part of who you are.
 
You probably need to look back in your childhood to find the answers. Did your parents think homosexuality is bad/sin whatever. Are they religions, are you? There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a sexual intercourse with a member of the same sex and you should not feel ashamed by it... it's the way you are, the way you were born. It's not immoral and it's not a sin. However, cheating on your wife, no matter men or women, is not a thing to praise. Think about her, think about how she will feel if she finds out. Is that why you feel ashamed? Guilty that you cheated, or you are ashamed that you had intercourse with a man... you need to figure those up yourself... Sorry if I misunderstood your post, it's not exactly clear if you had sex with a man before marriage or not.
 
anubis19ak

I feel your pain. I was, at one time the same way, but I'm a whole lot better now. I think the main thing is ridding oneself of guilt, which is difficult.

I have had a radical alteration in my world view over the last several years. I don't recommend this for everyone but it worked for me.

One aspect of my new outlook is the elimination of labels. I don't think you can call a human being a homosexual, or a heterosexual. We humans become sexual at a certain age and after that the world gets grey as does attraction.

I would suggest working on accepting yourself as you are. A little therapy might help here, but again, that is all up to you. I think you need to see yourself as a human and what you feel is normal.
 
Wow! I wish these guys with their insightful reflections were around when I was struggling with your same question back in '04. I'm actually jealous!

In my case I feel it was pent up religious phobia. I only found satisfaction and enjoyment from three long term relationships - two with a woman and one with a man. All other sexual encounters were met with that sickening "morning after" or "week after" guilty feeling when I realized nothing was going to progress any further in the relationship.

A majority of my friends seem perfectly happy with "play time". I have this need for emotional sex - which I think comes with friendship and mutual respect.

Bottom line: Eight years of therapy and I still can't give you a rational answer other than "you're not alone"
 
Labels, no labels, guilt, remorse, justification and rationalization can run though all of us. Some of us even add a bit of alcohol or weed to help figure out we're ok. When I was married I decided I was two sexual people, the one who was married and the other who was justified having sex with men.

There are reasons we feel guilty and sometimes it's not because we have a warped sense of right and wrong. You are married to a woman and unless she knows of your hard penis escapades you are breaking a promise to her each time. I was doing the same thing and didn't feel better about myself until I told her I was gay and wanted a divorce.

It's ok to be attracted to men but it's not ok to cheat on someone you made a promise to.
 
First of all, wow! I wasn't expecting this amount of responses. Thank you guys so much! Also, I have never cheated on my wife. Anything I did with a man was before we were even together. I see I have a lot to figure out. Thanks so much!
 
Sorry I made that assumption. Just because I was a whore doesn't mean everyone else is. Please forgive me.

I know how difficult it is and want you to know you may pm me anytime. I wish you all the best.
 
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