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A game of "Coming out chicken"

Y

yourson

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So I'm 24, visiting home for a few days and I'm convinced him and his fiancee know. Partially because they use gender neutral pronouns when discussing my future relationships, their gay best friend took us to a gay bar, and that same friend "gayified" my wardrobe over the weekend.

So talking to that gay friend of his, he says, "Dude, they're 95% of the way there, I'm sure they're just waiting for you to say it."

Problem is, I kinda want to play "Coming out chicken" where I don't really feel like coming out or at least not this trip so it's the elephant in the room of him waiting for me to say it and I'm waiting for him to say it.

Anyone go through this?
 
yourson said:
I'm convinced him and his fiancee know...the elephant in the room of him waiting for me to say it and I'm waiting for him to say it...
Click to expand...

The "him" in your post is....?
 
I'm confused why you are trying to drag this out. Are you nervous about telling him, or is this some kind of game you're playing?
 
hi yourson,

It seems to me that your family is already aware that you are gay guy and it seems to be that they are very supportive. That's great and it implies that you don't need to worry that they will disown you (or something like that).

I fail to understand why you just don't tell your dad right now the truth about yourself (which you even don't need to tell him, as he is already aware).

Yeah, just say to your dad that 'your gay son wants to tell you something which is already obvious'. I am sure your dad will respond in a very supportive way, and I am sure that you don't need to hide something which you cannot hide.

Good luck and keep us informed.
 
I was confused at your age and just told my relatives not to expect children from me and would never get married unless they 'changed the law'. If they weren't in denial it was very obvious.

Then I insisted on watching Brokeback Mountain with my mom to crack her denial (it's very powerful). That didn't work, even when i blurted out 'thats hot' during the tent scene. I even brought a guy home to meet them and she basically ignored him, so meh, I tried. My dad doesn't care either way, he knows (WASP side of family).

Most of the time I just dropped it into a conversation when feeling comfortable and relatively germane.

It's just not an interesting topic after you let people you care about know.
 
Here's an UPDATE:

As we were packing my car he asked point blank if I was gay and he wanted an honest answer. So I told him I bi. He was supportive said he wanted me to find a loving relationship because that was the most important thing.

He then went on to give me a talk on protection, STDs, and promiscuity (don't do anything until you really know someone). And he also added, "Maybe its something you just need to get out of your system.

This was an awkward drive. But hey, he was really the only person I needed to tell, so yeah.... Guess I'm out now.
 
hi yourson,

Thanks alot for the update and good to hear that is no problem at all for your dad that you will bring home, sooner or later, a nice boyfriend. I am really glad for you that you are indeed right now out to your dad (and also to his fiancée). I assume you have told your dad that its not a secret that you are bi/gay, which implies that you also do not need to bother who is aware that you are bi/gay.

Best wishes & good luck!
 
Ganoderma said:
I assume you have told your dad that its not a secret that you are bi/gay, which implies that you also do not need to bother who is aware that you are bi/gay.

Best wishes & good luck!
Click to expand...

I totally forgot, but earlier I decided that once he knows I'm considering myself out in terms of how I act and all the rest since really I'd I have his support, I'm sure the rest of the family (excluding my grandma) will have my back. And that's what counts. Now I see myself as being able to do, dress, and act how I wanted to when I was that 14 year old gay kid realizing things and being jealous of the gay guys I saw...
 
yourson said:
.................I was that 14 year old gay kid realizing things and being jealous of the gay guys I saw...
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So in reality that is 10 yrs of your life that you have been hiding who you really are. I so understand why and how difficult it is for young people to "come out" but at the same time I am so angry about the waste of lives that this causes.
 
You're so obsessed with time as a loss - time as a 'taker'.
why call it failure?
have a sense of gratitude that you're able to do as much as you did.
you're able to love as much
and think as much
and play as much
why think you need the whole thing?
.....this notion that we had it all or will have it all needs to go. push it to the side.
Click to expand...
Cornel West
 
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