A guy likes me, what do I do?

[Blacksheep]

I don’t have anyone to discuss this with in the real world and I’m doing my head in trying to figure out the best course of action. I was at the mall the other day and minus getting his willy out, a shop assistant couldn’t have made it any more obvious that he was interested in me (I’ve been back since with similar results). He’s sort of cute but not really my type: he’s skinny, young looking, only about 5’6’ (smaller than my ex girlfriend) and not really that attractive. Having said that his hair is well cut, he seems nice, he has designer stubble so he’s definitely making an effort and seems self-confident and self-assured (he also wears a pink arm-band and if his reaction to me is any indication is out). So all up I could sleep with him happily but I can’t imagine dating him.

I haven’t been with a guy since my early teenage years so I definitely need/wouldn’t mind getting in some practise before moving on to someone more my type. He seems like the kind of guy who it would be safe to do it with as it doesn’t matter if it kills the vibe or whatever. Beyond that I wouldn’t mind having a gay friend (well any friend really) who I can discuss this sort of shit with and I’m figuring that at the very least he could fill that role.

The negatives are that he may want more and I generally really suck at breaking people’s hearts. Chances are I’d either be a major prick or would stay with him well beyond a point that would make me happy. It might also make shopping at the mall uncomfortable if he decided I’d wronged him or whatever. Beyond that I still live with my ex fiancée and I’m not really sure if this is worth rocking that boat over (she knows I’m bi and we split up mid this year over something totally unrelated but she still seems fairly raw).

I’ve never been in this situation before. With girls I only want to be with them because I can see myself married to them, as such I’m never interested in a casual type thing. The same thing with guys, normally I only notice the ones that are my type and are in my league or better then I want to date them etc.

The questions are I guess: Do I pursue this? And how do I handle it? Do I go into the shop and ask him if he wants to grab a drink when he finishes then lay it all out? Do I pretend I want to date him (I'd feel fairly uncomfortable doing this though)? Or do I just forget the whole thing and wait for the right guy?

 

[G-Lexington]

Why make a decision beforehand? Why not ask him out for a drink or coffee afterwards, chat with him some, and THEN decide what you want to do?

You might decide that you actually find him more attractive after getting to know him a bit better, in which case you can pursue it fully.

Or you might decide your original feeling was correct, in which case you can tell him you're interested in fooling around with a guy, but not getting into a relationship.

Or you might decide you aren't really attracted to him physically, but you think he'd make an OK friend, in which case you can keep him as one.

Or you might decided he's not even friend material, in which case you can just walk away.

Lex

 

[Blacksheep]

I know that's the sensible thing to do. But I'm far from sensible . Plus I'm trying to work out if it's worth bothering to do at all. I guess there is no harm in talking to him though.

 

[backpacker]

You sound confused about what you really want. The first thing you should do is spend a little time figuring that out.

While we all have our types, personality is the most important factor in a successful relationship. When you first meet someone, you shouldn't be thinking of a long term relationship immediately. You need to get to know someone first. Keep an open mind and you never know where it will lead. If you decide you're not interested in someone, just tell them. You don't need to be a jerk to drive someone away. You also need to drop this whole "my league" type of thinking.

If you decide to pursue something with the clerk, I definitely like the idea of asking him to grab a drink and then lay it all out. Obviously he is enough of your type to repeatedly visit the store and consider sleeping with. He may just be looking for a little fun or he may want a boyfriend. Even if you are not looking for the same thing, I bet he will appreciate your honesty. You could end up with a friend or a boyfriend.

 

[Blacksheep]

I must have phrased it wrong, it isn't that I think I'm better than him, it's more that he's average on my scale of what I find attractive plus the height difference is fairly huge (nearly a foot in difference). Plus I'm fairly base and incredibly shallow when it comes to guys (possibly due to a lack of experience) in that for me it's at least 80% looks. In reality he's probably a much better catch than me (he manages the store for one, can easily deal with people etc. etc.) it's just that I can tell he isn't the right one for me.

My trepidation is largely due to my unsuccessful history with guys. Basically the two guys I've liked in the past were fairly abusive in that they both decided they were straight and made me feel like shit emotionally because I somehow tricked/manipulated them (both of them were actually the initiators of all contact). In reality I loved both of them deeply so it hurt a lot as not only did we split but I was left feeling as if I'd fucked with them on a fundamental level.

I'm only just at the point where I could date guys again, I really don't want to fuck this guy over the way I have been, but at the same time I don't want to miss out on a friendship/some fun out of fear. Plus I really don't want to find the right guy and have no idea what to do sexually.

 

[Telstra]

i don't have any advice.

You are your own boss. Do what ever you feel is right for you.

 

[benlemieux2003]

If I were you I'd spent a lot of time thinking on what I want instead of projecting my own insecurities on someone else that doesn't derserve it.

 

[GL]

you know you are putting way too much on your plate. you have issues and you have concerns, nothing wrong with that. but you are setting this thing up to fail before you've even sat down and said 'hey.'

at some level you find this guy attractive for the simple matter that you're curious and you're here asking for advice. if you didn't you would have just brushed his advances off and went on to orange julius.

do yourself a favor and just talk to the guy. ask him out for a coffee and just see where it takes you. my guess is that you will both size each other up and make your own determinations as to where your relationship will go, if it does.

 

[Blacksheep]

I know what I want. I also know what I don't want. From this guy I would want either a friendship or just a bit of fun. What I don't want is to end up hurting him or being in a relationship with him.

I've never been with someone and not been in a proper relationship with them. As such I have no idea how to organise such a thing. Nor would I want him to get the wrong idea and think things could develop further. That's my concern. I don't really care about me as I'd be instigating it all. I just don't want to fuck him over.

I'm thinking it's probably best to give it a miss. Upon reflection I'm thinking the risk/reward is skewed fairly heavily. I'm not going to gain that much except a bit of fun or a friend whereas I could end up hurting him.

 

[WYSIWYG]

1. Don't base this experience with this guy on your other 2 bad ones. Prejudging isn't fair to him or you.

2. I heard that size matters, but now height differences are an issue? Damn....

3. You broke up with your fiancee and your still living with her? Whats up with that dude?

4. If you decide to not go out with this guy, don't go into the store again. Or go in and if you see him leave! How big a mall is this? Two stores? Just because you might not date him will not prevent you from going to the mall mate!

Go out with him for coffee in a public place and get to know one another. Then decide if there is more there or not! If your hung up on the physical looks etc., you might not find ANY man that will satisfy your 'ideal man'!

 

[mustangman43]

You want to practise with him? Dude he's not a sex toy. If he's not your type walk away!

 

[Blacksheep]

1.) I know but it's sort of hard not to. I know I shouldn't but I still have my hang ups.

2.) The height thing is more an annoyance than anything. If he was the right guy or his build was different it wouldn't be such an issue but he would look like my younger brother from behind as well as if you gave us a quick glance or he shaved (I have a feeling he might actually be older than me).

3.) I still live with my ex because we're still good friends. The house is large enough that we have privacy and our relationship transitioned into a friendship well before we split up. Neither of us have friends or family in the local area we could easily move in with and neither of us could afford to rent in a decent safe area by ourselves (1bdrs cost nearly as much as 2+bdrs) Dating could be an issue for her though.

4.) I meant if we hung out and split up/whatever not just if I decided not to do anything. It's more that the store is really central (right near the main escalators). I guess it would only feel awkward the first few times though.

The looks thing is hard to explain. I find loads of guys attractive it's just that he's no-where near what I'd normally go for or see as being attractive.

Edit. Practise probably wasn't the right choice of phrase, well it is but isn't particularly pleasant sounding. I meant more that: I'd like to have gay sex, he's gay, he seems to like me. I haven't had sex with a guy, nor have I given a blow job in ten years, I'd like to do both, if he's gay I'd imagine he might like to do both. Whilst I wouldn't want to spend the rest of my life with him I could happily perform/do the aforementioned acts with him. I would therefore be interested in seeing him in this capacity but am unsure about how to initiate such a thing.

 

[Telstra]

hey Blacksheep,

practice on me when i go to Melbourne.

 

[backpacker]

I must have phrased it wrong, it isn't that I think I'm better than him, it's more that he's average on my scale of what I find attractive plus the height difference is fairly huge (nearly a foot in difference). Plus I'm fairly base and incredibly shallow when it comes to guys (possibly due to a lack of experience) in that for me it's at least 80% looks. In reality he's probably a much better catch than me (he manages the store for one, can easily deal with people etc. etc.) it's just that I can tell he isn't the right one for me.

My trepidation is largely due to my unsuccessful history with guys. Basically the two guys I've liked in the past were fairly abusive in that they both decided they were straight and made me feel like shit emotionally because I somehow tricked/manipulated them (both of them were actually the initiators of all contact). In reality I loved both of them deeply so it hurt a lot as not only did we split but I was left feeling as if I'd fucked with them on a fundamental level.

I'm only just at the point where I could date guys again, I really don't want to fuck this guy over the way I have been, but at the same time I don't want to miss out on a friendship/some fun out of fear. Plus I really don't want to find the right guy and have no idea what to do sexually.

I see your first experience was much like mine. I know how much that sucks. I have found that when you start out with guys who already know what they are, the results are far better.

If you are honest from the start with the guy, I don't think you would fuck him over. Ask him for a drink and discuss your feelings. Let him know you are just coming off a break up with your girlfriend and definitely don't want a relationship right now. As I said before, he may just be looking to play as well. If not, you just may make a friend.

I really think you are worried about stealing home before you ever get to first base. Stop thinking so much and go out and enjoy life.

 

[SilverRRCloud]

You have never really said that you know for sure that the store dude is really looking for a LTR with you. Frankly, from what you have written so far, it seems that he is interested alright but that certainly does not go on to say that he wants anything more than just a casual shag to start with.

If you took the trouble and talked with him, you can also truthfully tell him that you are not looking for any kind of a serious relationship at this time. He'll catch the drift and draw his own conclusions.

All the good things in life start with a clear decision in your own head...

SC

 

[rareboy]

The negatives are that he may want more and I generally really suck at breaking people’s hearts. Chances are I’d either be a major prick or would stay with him well beyond a point that would make me happy. It might also make shopping at the mall uncomfortable if he decided I’d wronged him or whatever. Beyond that I still live with my ex fiancée and I’m not really sure if this is worth rocking that boat over (she knows I’m bi and we split up mid this year over something totally unrelated but she still seems fairly raw).

You seem to see yourself as the one in control here. Who knows, maybe he'll piss all over your heart. I suspect that you are not going into this with the right attitude and so in order to not rock the boat, allow yourself continued trouble free shopping, avoiding being a prick, staying in a relationship beyond your Limit or generally sucking at breaking hearts, I'd let this poor shop assistant enjoy the rest of his life without you in it.