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A Hairy Gnome Companion: Lawn Decorum And Vacuum Tales

Thank you gentlemen, you're enjoyment is the nectar that nourishes this madness you know.

So you like the Lawn Order pilot? That's terrific, I'll bring it back for a full season then! lol.

I was kicking around a sitcom idea too, it's gonna be called Tuna Half Men :lol:
 
Sounds like a song sung by Great Big Sea - a New Foundland "Irish Country Rock Ballad" group. They have a song about a man and a mermaid - and her sister.

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jXPzMXN3hAg[/ame]
 
LAWN ORDER

dong dong!

In Long Island there's an elite unit of gardeners that are brought in to care for the most difficult flowers and plants. These specialists keep their tools in hand and are ready at a moments notice. An unfettered willingness to bend over backwards [and forwards] for their clients specific needs make these landscape architects highly sought after.

The dirt in these high end cul de sacs is rich with manure and these are the mowers and shapers to fill it with loads of seed.

These are their stories.

dong dong!

LAWN ORDER: FLORAL INTENT



the estate of Perry and Elizabeth Weisscarver
27473 Jasper Lane, Long Island, NY
1:27 p.m.

Beth Weisscarver is preparing to go into the city for an appointment at Reuben Herr Spa and Nail Salon.

"I left a check for the pool cleaner on my desk, but make sure he gets all the leaves cleaned out this time before you pay him." she told her husband as he watched the Yankee/Red Sox game in the media room overlooking the backyard. "Did you even hear a word I just said?" she asked sarcastically with her hand on her hip glaring through her stylish Diane Von Furstenberg sunglasses.

"Yeah yeah, I heard you! You said pay the pool guy before he leaves to get cleaned up. I'll take care of him, you just go relax and have fun," he chattered, eyes still glued to the game on the huge flat screen television mounted on the wall near a staircase where Beth stood.

"You're an idiot!" she exclaimed then turned towards the garage exit and stormed out.

Oblivious to his wife's mild tantrum, Perry watched intently as the final Red Sox batter swung at an off speed three-two pitch and missed--resulting in a Yankee's win. Perry jumped to his feet with his arms raised in excitement. The final score ended up at 5 to 2, but Boston had had the bases loaded, and very well could have pulled out a win, so the tension was grueling. Perry loved to hate the Boston Red Sox. A trait instilled in him at an early age by his father and uncles growing up in Brooklyn. It was a family tradition to carry on a deep loathing of his beloved Yankee's bitter rivals.

"Yes!" he yelled, then looked around expecting to share his enthusiasm with the wife. When he realize he was alone, he quickly hurried through the house, tiptoed across the ornate marble floor of the foyer and leaned to peek out the sheer curtains beside the front doors. He was just in time to watch ole-sour-puss' maroon Jaguar driving out the front gate, heading into Manhattan for the evening.

He does a spontaneous combination--fist clutch/elbow tuck gesture to express his overwhelming happiness, then turns with a juvenile look of relief on his face and heads up the elegant staircase taking two steps at a time so he can sit on the balcony off the master suite and get drunk. Plus he wanted to check out the new crew of carpenters his wife had hired to build her a Japanese foot bridge in the gardens beyond the patio and pool. Perry stopped at the wet bar just inside their bedroom door to fix himself a scotch and soda. Once he had his drink in hand he reached under the bar and grabbed the set of binoculars he keeps handy.

Out on the deck he sat discreetly under the umbrella over his favorite mid-day retreat sipping his single malt and peering out onto his enormous domain. This is the voyeuristic perch where Weisscarver can watch in private as all his young muscular employees toil and sweat for his enjoyment.

Out by the pool Robbie is taking a break to get a soda from the refrigerator near the BBQ grill. He's wearing flip flops and light blue swim trunks, hardly looking like a worker, but that's his uniform since he has to sometimes jump in the water to do his job.

He twists the cap off his icy cold 20 ounce Dr. Pepper and takes a long sloppy gulp of it, dripping a few drops down his chest--catching Perry's eye, who just returned from refilling his scotch. "Damn, that's sweet," he mumbled while looking down Robbie's smooth hairless belly to his crotch with those powerful spy-ware glasses.

A few moments later he sees his gardener Landon walking towards the outdoor kitchen area as well, greeting Robbie with a smile, then reaching in the cooler for something refreshing to drink. The binoculars drift slowly down Landon's bare back to the back pockets of his tight Levis.

As the men began exchanging casual conversation, Perry watched and pretended to hear them saying sexually charged things back and forth. On the edge of his chair by now, he started speaking for each of them as his eyes remained glued to the binoculars.

He said as Robbie's lips moved, "I want to suck your cock right here by the pool."

Then he spoke for Landon's reply, "Do you spit or swallow?"

With a sly smile he watched Robbie's mouth and said, "I swallow, unless it's a gusher, then I might leak a little bit down my chin."

Perry's dick began to show signs of life as he switched back to Landon, saying, "I'll lick it off your chin if you let me dig my tongue in your asshole afterward."

Perry laid his eye-ware down to slam the rest of his liquor and unzip his khaki cargo shorts to let his now chubby cock breathe. With his tennis shoes still on and his white golf shirt enhancing the contrast of his hairy, tanned crotch and legs, Perry hurried into the wet bar to grab the whole bottle of fifteen year old Scotch he had been nursing. Already feeling the effects of his first three glasses he quickly returned to his roost to milk a tasty cum shot off before the men went back to work.


With one hand lifting his binoculars back up and the other lifting the booze to his lips for a straight shot, Perry looked around to find the guys and eventually discovered them partially hidden under a cherry tree in the Japanese garden - kissing each other with Robbie's swim trucks around his flip flops and pressing his pumping groin into the front of Landon's button fly jeans.


Perry felt his penis immediately expand and lift off his lap for some attention. He sat the bottle on the table thinking he was probably drunk enough. Then spit in his palm and started lubing up his swelling knob with a grin across his face and a sparkle in his... binocular's eye.






Executive Producer
Dick Woof













cast of characters

Ellen Barking as Beth
Bruce Willus as Perry

with special guest
Colan Ferrel as Robbie

and introducing
Ben Assfleck as Landon
 
Shih Tzu,
This is definitely going to be an interesting series, lol.

Perry should invite the boys up for a little "discussion", lol.

:=D:
 
^Perry should scold them! No doubt!^
Maybe blister their bare asses or something!


ON ANOTHER NOTE

They say 91% of men masturbate in the shower.*|*

I can't masturbate in the shower--my legs give out and I rip down the shower curtain. Then my mom gets pissed. And I don't get dinner. The bitch.

Anyways, guys! You don't have to masturbate in the shower! Just call me [555-4169], I'll give you a hand.

..|I don't mind helping out, cause that's how I am--I was raised right.
 
First, "or something".
Second, We have a neo-angle shower stall w/ glass all around - I just sit down and get comfortable.
 
First, "or something".
Second, We have a neo-angle shower stall w/ glass all around - I just sit down and get comfortable.

When they invent a shower proof monitor screen, I reckon you will sit there all day Don.

You're not alone when it comes to fancy showers - the problem I find is that showers produce so much lubrication that all sensation is forfeit. One has to thank ShihTzuTylenol as his wonderful stories provide so much enjoyable stimulation!

Next time his mom complains about his bathroom disasters, he is welcome to use my facilities!
 
My shower is actually pretty basic. "Neo-Angle" means they took a square shower, cut a corner wide enough for the door, and you wind up sort of turning a little in the stall so you have an illusion of more space, when you actually have a little less. That way they can tuck it next to the platform tub. A modestly priced town home - cookie cutter layout. Some illusions of pseudo-grandeur, but nothing real fancy.
Looks sort of like this.
Basic one piece back sides

http://www.nextag.com/P21-2117P-Med...rices-html?nxtg=ace60a280501-7DEEC7136AED8151
------------
! o !
! !
! /
! /
----------

As for our young Mr. Tylenol, "dong dong"
:rolleyes:
 
I found the shower I want!


04c3ed6f97c30c230f8c6348bdbd6f84.jpg


ain't she a real bute?
I don't want to see the price tag just yet, I wanna dream for a bit longer ; )
 
Me, too.
Just gotta find me a Sugar Daddy - or maybe a Sugar Baby? to adopt me so we can afford it and enjoy it.
:rolleyes:
 
Awwww good thinking! I doubt I could swing the water bill on that multi-head unit. Maybe your sugarbabe will have a brother with a trust fund too? If so, keep me in mind!

Meanwhile: I'm working on a new episode of LAWN ORDER:STD (Special Terrace Designers).

The scenarios are flooding in like pee at a keg party!
 
LAWN ORDER
STD

(Special Terrace Designers)

**dong dong**

In the landscape architecture system there's an elite group of gardeners that specialize in multilevel terrain. When a yard is situated on a hill, they call in the STD (Special Terrace Designers).

These are their stories.


**dong dong**

The Waterhouse Estate
56381 Lamplight Rd.
Grayson Heights, New York


**dong dong**

This was Frank's third week on the Waterhouse job, and he was about to wrap it up. Most of his crew had moved on to the next job and only Vic and Winston were there helping him take care of the final details.

They rarely seen their patrons on this job, but occasionally they would see people playing tennis or swimming in the pool. That afternoon Mrs. Waterhouse's son, Chadwick, called Frank to one side to tell him how pleased his mother was with her new gardens.

Chad was in his late twenties, average build, nice haircut and wore an expensive suit.

"Mother loves everything you guys have done, and its usually hard to please her, so you know when she likes something it must be great,” Chad said as he discreetly gave Frank a think envelope.

"Oh, your mother paid me already,” Frank told him.

"I know, but that's for you; a little something extra you don't have to claim on your taxes,” He said with a sly grin.

"Well thank you," Frank said as he peeked inside and saw the thick stack of brand new, crisp one hundred dollar bills. His eyes opened wide in shock. "Wow, are you sure? This is a lot of…”

Chad quickly cut in, "Yes, I'm positive, and you earned every penny, so I don't want to hear another word about it,” he said firmly.

"Well, thank you very much, and if there's ever anything you need, just call me,”

"As a matter of fact, there might be something you could do for me when you finish up. Do you mind?"

"Anything. Name it.”

"Ooooo, anything?" Chad said teasing Frank with an elbow in jest,”

"Almost anything then,” Frank corrected himself.

"Alright then, have your men cool off in the pool while you come see me in the guest house behind the tennis courts,” Chad told him while watching his abs tighten as Frank pulled his shirt up to wipe the sweat off his brow.

"Sure. No problem,” Frank replied, sensing Chad was flirting and letting him have a good look at his belly--just to torment.

"Only one stipulation though, have them both shower off well before getting in the water, please,” Chad added.

"Oh, yeah, you got it. I'll see you in half an hour or so,” Frank said politely then walked back to where his crew was rounding up tools and sweeping the path.

When he saw that Chad had given him a thousand dollar bonus, he took out two hundreds and gave Victor and Winston each a hundred bucks then told them to take a shower in the pool house and have a swim until he got finished. They were all smiles as Frank headed down the path toward the tennis courts.

As he hurried along, Frank could see the roof of the guest cottage, and began to get curious as to what he would be doing once he got there, still wondering if he was reading Chad's body language right. He was certain his boss was looking at him in a seductive way, but he wasn't about to make the first move and find out he was wrong.

On the door was a note that read: "Frank; come on up and mix yourself a drink--be with you shortly. Chad W.”

Frank opened the door and climbed the stairs to the second floor. It was a huge room with open rafters. He made his way to the bar at the other end of the room and took a moment to see all the different liquors there was to choose from. He finally settled on a shot of Seagram's Seven and a Heineken to chase it with. After pouring himself a second shot he heard the bathroom door open at the other end of the loft.

He looked up as Chad came strolling out stark naked, drying his hair with a dark blue towel. That put to rest Frank's concerns about the flirting, and he smiled at his employer.

"You're welcome to clean up if you like. Make yourself at home,” Chad said walking toward the bar with his dick swaying back and forth beneath a well groomed patch of brown pubes.

"You look clean as a whistle,” Frank told him with a chuckle. "Can I fix you a drink while I'm back here?"

Chad tossed his towel over the back of a bar stool and slid his bare ass into the one next to it. "Sure, I'll take a screwdriver, thank you. You have a sexy smile, and you don't seem too surprised,”

"Oh, I am. But I must say, it's a pleasant surprise,” He replied as he put ice in a glass then reached for some vodka.

Just then there was a noise from the bathroom. Frank glanced up with a curious look on his face.

"That's Jared, he won't bite. Unless you like that sort of thing.”

Jared walked out into the loft wearing his towel around his waist and trying to tuck it in perfectly. He was tall with a muscular build, short brown hair and a line of dark fur from his navel down. He walked toward the bar, stood behind Chad and leaned down to nibble on his neck.

Frank watched in awe as Jared made a growling noise like a wild cat, uncertain what to say or do. Then he broke the ice by asking Jared if he wanted a drink too.

"Yes, thank you. And you must be Franky--Chad has done nothing but talk about your sexy ass for the last week,” Jared said bluntly, slightly embarrassing them both.

"Well, I think I'll jump into the shower and get cleaned up,” Frank suddenly called out, then took his beer and began walking that way. "Someone else play bartender until I get back.”

Half way across the room he heard Jared cooing, "Oh yeah, that really is a nice ass,”

Frank blurted out, "You ain't seen nothing yet tiger--I'll be back in a minute.”


{to be continued}




executive producer
Dick Woof







cast


Jonathan Rhys Mayors as Frank
Sam Worthingten as Chadwick
Shia Labeuff as Winston
Paul Rubd as Victor
Dane Cock as Jared





 
Shih Tzu,
A very intriguing start ? to the episode.

I wonder what all manner of "land"scaping does Frank handle? lol

Some "shrubbery" need some planting and tending to?
Install a temporary pump to fill in the cracks around the mounds?

:p
 
Yeah, it's a cliff hanger (although it has all the suspense of a wire hanger!oops!). Arr arr arr!

anywho

Did you notice how Chadwick keeps his pubes well groomed?..|
That's called crotchiary; very similar to topiary but done on the groin area instead of a hedge or shrub.

I found some visual aids to illustrate.

47f2988170387dd28469cbda556383f1.jpg



2b6d8aa8bab48d3ee7f7f22eb5240181.jpg
 

My perverse mind, while understanding the ego of "G" keeps screaming that the letter most appropriate to that bodyscape is a "V"

And, speaking of perverse - that IS taking "branding" and trademarks just a bit
too personal - Now, if he could manage to wrap the boy's toy with the "G", . . .

:rotflmao: (*S*) :didisay: :mrgreen: :lol:

USA :bday:
 
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