A Hairy Gnome Companion: Lawn Decorum And Vacuum Tales

[Lefty]

HECKLES ......SELKCEH
HECKLES ......SELKCEH
HECKLES ......SELKCEH
HECKLES ......SELKCEH
______________________________
AND THAT WOULD HAVE TO BE THE BOTTOM LINE !!!


!!!ENIL MOTTOB EHT EB OT EVAH DLUOW TAHT DNAENIL

 

[ShihTzuTylenol]

**smacks Lefty 'round a couple times**

How's that Mr. Heckler?

**shakes him like a baby**

Still feel like being cute?

**clips battery cables to his scrotum**

CLEAR!

...how about now? Still think writing backwards is funny?!

**pours him a Samuel Adams Carmel Walnut Stout and drops a shot of Johnny Walker Red in it with one of those date rape pills**

How's that? You gonna relax now??

**opens a can of whoop-ass and drains the juice off**

....................

 

[Lefty]

Typical quasi-literate sock puppet. Unable to read the message integrated

within the context of the message. Did Mr. 50%nylon/50%orlon acrylic note

that the heckle was in a RAINBOW of colours both coming and going? Did

the odor of the year notice the summations size outbound and the diminished

return?

Back to the sock drawer and close it tight. Ruminate or the context of "Meanings

within Meanings" then, when the light comes on pick-up my latest self help book

"S.B. is Just B.S. Coming Back"

Discussion and Oral Pop up Quiz will be held in Cummings Hall on Tuesday.

This event is from 6 to 9pm and open to the pubic.



Lefticus Heckle-Srowkus
Head Receiver
Randy Andy Division
Sipswallow and Gullup LLB
n

 

[ShihTzuTylenol]

Typical quasi-literate sock puppet. Unable to read the message integrated

within the context of the message. Did Mr. 50%nylon/50%orlon acrylic note

that the heckle was in a RAINBOW of colours both coming and going? Did

the odor of the year notice the summations size outbound and the diminished

return?

ummmmm yeah[?]....

Back to the sock drawer and close it tight. Ruminate or the context of "Meanings

within Meanings" then, when the light comes on pick-up my latest self help book

"S.B. is Just B.S. Coming Back"

Discussion and Oral Pop up Quiz will be held in Cummings Hall on Tuesday.

College would have been so much more fun if you were one of my professors. Haha!

This event is from 6 to 9pm and open to the pubic.



Professor Lefticus Heckle-Srowkus
Head Receiver
Randy Andy Division
Sipswallow and Gullup LLB
n

May I set up a private tutorial Professor Heckle-Strowkus?
I'm still a little flaccid about the material from chapter 69, and some of the cavity search techniques you went into depth on.

 

[Lefty]

Orbviously you will need some visuals of insertion and probing techniques

in the art of defecation elimination and obfuscationism in a private orifice.

You are indeed fortunate in that I am holding a post graduate refresher update

in Flushing N.Y. on 31 October. The class has been designated as

"HOLLOWEINIE.......TRICK OR TREAT" Bring some balm and a seat cushion. the

seating will be limited and everyone will be an active intensive participant.

Thus, the cush and balm may help during the dry lecture after.

Regards

Le Prof

 

[DonQuixote]

However will Shih Tzu manage to get to Flushings, with all of his obligations to service the farm animals on a (twice) daily basis?

I, on the other hand, and just several hours away on teh Gov. Thos. E. Dewey Thruway - not to be confused with Huey and Louie.

 

[Lefty]

Sorry Donny,

This is adults only and your pony just isn't up to horsing around with the BIG

BOYS yet. "Tze" is in France for gods sake, you know quite well that any dude

over there would give his right nut for an unrestricted and unsupervised week

at the farm in the pig pen and doing his best for a flock of sheep. Especially

when "Tze tells him he can bring an ASSistant and he will leave the keys to

the wine cellar out.

 

[Lefty]

I think if you look real close at the pic of the gucci bag.

thats a hag in the rag

with the gee

in her vee

females the views

in those high heel shoes

shes not missing a dick

or that photos sick.

 

[DonQuixote]

Lefty O'Foole,
You think my pony not big enough to horse around with the "big" boys, yet, eh?

Well, I can inform you that you are sadly mistaken.
For I don't ride a "pony" you see, my steed is much larger than that.

And as for Tze, I think you are looking the wrong direction from me to find he, for there are more Parises than the one in France, you see.

 

[Lefty]

Actually Donny lad...

re the pony, simply

(a) drop the rag...don't brag or (b) show..don't blow or (c) snap a pic...show the stick.

Otherwise...its all talk and sqwak. you balk...you walk. (PDG for off the cuff eh?)

Re "Tzu" thats fairly obvious. his manipulation of the English language and his
inate skill with the vernacular gave him away....but hell, its his fantasy...like I
pretend to be a comic and a poet....as long as it is fun and no one dies.

Saddle up boy, we might maybe could use an extra hand.....no bareback though.




Think anyone will understand a word of this...better yet, do I?

 

[DonQuixote]

Happy Trails, to you, until we meet again.
Time for me to mosey on up to bed.

 

[Lefty]

Come on people.

I have not been on here long enough
to kill the thread.

Have I?

 

[ShihTzuTylenol]

^Stand BACK!^ It's not your fault Left, it's had a bad ticker for some time now.

**music swells**
I took Board CPR while posting on the Bennifer Lopez thread during their massive train wreck.

**shines penlight in both eyeball discussion posts**
Fixed and dilated, DAMN IT! We have a code blue!

I'll need a defibrillator, fiddyfive cc's of adrenaline, a nude photo of Betty White and some of your and Quixote's dirty shorts, STAT!
And put on a mask, cause I'ma have to crack this thread's chest open AND GO IN!

What's that?
Sure she has--as a matter of fact, aorta have pics of all the Golden Girls naked, go look online.....wait.
I can't believe we're having this discussion...DAMN IT BONES, I'M A HOMOSEXUAL--NOT A DOCTOR!

 

[DonQuixote]

What a way to start the day.
You been up since dawn's early light - or haven't you been to bed, yet?

I just e-mailed my dirty shorts to you, gotta save the thread.
And as for the Golden Girls Naked Pics and being Gay - I'm not so sure you're too far off base w/ Bea Arthur - damned large-boned "woman", if you ask me.

 

[ShihTzuTylenol]

Already got the Bea Arthur spread *gag*...wait, timeout!

I just vomited in my throat a little bit. What made me think I could start a joke with the words spread and Bea Arthur*gag*
...SHIT! I did it again! Pardon me, I needa go brush my teeth for reals.

Uno momento

 

[Lefty]

Here I come scythe in hand

This was thread

Now its dead

Here I go across the land

To the forums you must keep

Or your hearts they are mine

And on your souls I shall dine

To late now prepare to weep

If you want this blade to stay (stop)

To one another you must be

Wild wacky loving and free

That will save you and your day.

 

[DonQuixote]

Now I have a quandary - I'm standing here, nekked as a jay bird, about to go into the Shower, and her comes Left Guillotine with his scythe.

is it just me, or does it feel like Hitchcock is in the area, back from the beyond?

Well, I gots to chance it, I smell like Hell!

 

[Lefty]

When the black shroud has had his way

You won' t even smell or look like hell this day

Its a miracle is what the people will have to say

Nuts cut off and doesn't even look like he was gay

Your grim reaper was here and he did his best to play

That romp was your last roll in the hay


my advice...wash, rinse, DELETE.

 

[ShihTzuTylenol]

STORY UPDATES

****
​

I wanted to let you all know the new episode of Douche Man is in the final production stages now. It has more depth than last seasons shows, so I predict DM will see a rise in popularity this Fall.

Plus I'm toying with the idea of a merchandising campaign as well. A full line of Douche Man action figures in the vein of G.I. Joe with Kung Fu Grip or Malibu Barbie with Topless Thong Bikini.

How's this sound? Douche Man with Feng Shui Knowledge. Yeah, he has an uncanny ability to arrange a room's furnishings that drives the bad guys insane and yet allows the average Joe to relax and get laid more easily.

All the classic Douche Man villains will have their own action figure too as well as some new faces, including silent killer the Mime and his Clowns of Chaos. The twisted and deformed Elephant Titus. The soft spoken yet ruthless bearded tranny Osama Bin Rotten[who's actually a man w/a vag and uterus]. A big hairy brute named Steven Colbear who tries to control the world by manipulating Congressmen and Senators in public toilets with an army of rogue right wing outcasts called the Tea Bagger Party. Then there's the evil latex fetish queen Scatwoman with fecal behavior so vile her gold fish tries to run away. She'll make her debut appearance towards the end of the season when Douche Man gets trapped in her smelly litter box where he begins to sink like quicksand. But that will be sometime in late December.

Now I've probably said too much.

****
​

I'm also working on an autobiographical think piece about my personal experiences the night I ended up at an orgy, and before the sun came up the next morning, we had solved a double homicide, helped put flower petals on a float for the Rose Parade and invented a new form of super-plastic using only puff pastry, KY Jelly and strawberry Ovaltine.

So I hope this gives everyone something to look forward to in the coming days and weeks up to Christmas and the New year. That's all for now. Thanks for your wonderful participation and support with the Hairy Gnome Companion Project.


Yours Truly,
Tzulenol








I just made chocolate chip cookies, and I said to myself, ♫♪what a wonderful world♫♪....

 

[Lefty]

So,

Like what are you puffing dude

and where did you get all the little

green buds in with the chocolate chips

Mint maybe or some other organic flavoring?