A Hairy Gnome Companion: Lawn Decorum And Vacuum Tales

[DonQuixote]

Hi, Guys!

Is it party time?

We had a night out with the family - just got home a short while ago.

Lots to do - here and some chapter proof reading and such.

 

[Lefty]

One for the clank
two for the crank
three for the wank
four for the spank
five drains the tank

 

[DonQuixote]

Perversely Profound, Pony!

 

[Lefty]

you want off the hook

read the start of the book.

 

[Lefty]

I'm looking,

is TZU hooking?

Or should I get miffed

at being stiffed?

 

[ShihTzuTylenol]

I just spent a crap load of time trying to figure all that tech shit out...I got 14 of my 15 buds showing...I'm not gonna say who the lone friend is in the dungeon all by him's lonesome...


So mom wanted ice cream right? My friend Sage and I took the baby and the girls (mom and Storee) stayed home while we made a Wal-Mart run for some Ben & Jerry's Cherry Lewis Flavor Day Marshmallowathon ice cream and some bananas/the only two things she specifically asked for right...

Well I had to grab the kids some pudding and jellos and a gallon of 2% and a loaf of Sara Lee honey wheat bread____________yup, I cashed out and got home unloading the 4 bags of shit I bought before I realized I forgot the fucking ICE CREAM! lol

oh god I was so pissed at myself... I swear if I don't have a list to check off/I'll forget what I needed...I remember strolling right by the freezer isle too like a dog watching the trees go by, because it did not click hehehe

anyways...thought you'd get a kick outta my competency lol

 

[ShihTzuTylenol]

One for the clank
two for the crank
three for the wank
four for the spank
five drains the tank

that's like:

One tequila
twooo tequillas
tree, I mean (giggles) three (holds up 3 fingers) dequila...s...
floor

 

[Lefty]

I just spent a crap load of time trying to figure all that tech shit out...I got 14 of my 15 buds showing...I'm not gonna say who the lone friend is in the dungeon all by him's lonesome...


So mom wanted ice cream right? My friend Sage and I took the baby and the girls (mom and Storee) stayed home while we made a Wal-Mart run for some Ben & Jerry's Cherry Lewis Flavor Day Marshmallowathon ice cream and some bananas/the only two things she specifically asked for right...

Well I had to grab the kids some pudding and jellos and a gallon of 2% and a loaf of Sara Lee honey wheat bread____________yup, I cashed out and got home unloading the 4 bags of shit I bought before I realized I forgot the fucking ICE CREAM! lol

oh god I was so pissed at myself... I swear if I don't have a list to check off/I'll forget what I needed...I remember strolling right by the freezer isle too like a dog watching the trees go by, because it did not click hehehe

anyways...thought you'd get a kick outta my competency lol

Don't feel bad. memory recall lapse is a mark of genius like some forms of
ADD. I went to the flicks with a 'close' friend once. Bad movie, had to pee.
Bathroom more interesting than movie...started back into screen and decided
to go home..as movie really sucked....oops, I forgot I took a friend and he
is still pissed...had to cab himself home. It happens..Mark of the Artist.
BTW, did you finally buy the Ice Cream Store or what?

 

[DonQuixote]

The Gnome Express didn't deliver for you, huh?

 

[ShihTzuTylenol]

Alright, I smell teen spirit! ...everybody, check the bottom of your shoes

 

[Lefty]

thats not teen spirit...thats my lbong testing

of my new all natural botanicals.

Want a hit....erum..would you like a sample?

 

[DonQuixote]

These just in from Twitterland

ShihTzuTylenol Gusty Warhola
funny how subliminal advertising effects the body--like when my sphincter flinched a little as I read the sign for Big Dick's Halfway Inn

they should rename the Orlando Magic basketball team to, the Orlando Bloom ___hell, I'd go see an Orlando Bloom game

in retrospect, I shoulda named my Blog "Twig & Berries" then I could tweet "COME CHECK OUT MY TWIG AND BERRIES TODAY!"

http://shihtzutylenolstudio.blogspot.com/2011/08/oh-to-be-fly-on-that-wall.html?spref=tw

 

[EJMichaels]

Cool stuff on Tzu's blog. Thanks for the link, Blizz.

 

[DonQuixote]

OK, Gus asked us to post our funny haha's here.
This one comes to me via Sheep - whether he wants credit for it or not!

May have been around before, but it arrived on my door step today, and I have some time to play, so . . .

DISS - Claimer - WE love everyone, regardless of Race, Creed, Color, Sex, National Origin, etc. and so forth. This is presented in the spirit that the best ethnic jokes we've ever gotten started with the ethnicities, themselves, not to be derogatory to any one.

LETS OFFEND EVERYONE!


I've just come out of the shop with a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and said 'I've not eaten for two days.' I told him 'I wish I had your will power.'


I took my Biology exam last Friday.

I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells.

Apparently "Blacks" and "Mexicans" were not the correct answers.
A fat girl served me in McDonald's at lunch time. She said 'sorry about the wait.' I said don't worry fatty, you're bound to lose it eventually.


Snow in the forecast! The TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches tonight.

I thought to myself, fat chance with a face like that!
An Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road.A man asks What is wrong??
The boy says Me ma is dead. Oh bejaysus the man says Do you want me to call

Father O'Riley for you? The boy replies No tanks mister, sex is the last ting on my mind at the moment.
Years ago it was suggested that an apple a day kept the doctor away.But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich works best!


Japanese scientists have now created a camera with such an immense shutter speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth closed.
I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to yourself I'm going to take that.
Man in a hot air balloon is lost over Ireland . He looks down and sees a farmer in the fields and shouts to him Where am I? The Irish farmer looks back up and shouts back.

Youre in that feckin' basket.
I had a Trivia competition shot to pieces until the last question which I got wrong.

The question was Where do women have the curliest hair??
The answer I should have given was Fiji .

 

[Lefty]

well

if we are going to horse around here I won't be a spoil sort...

Subject: Fwd: Non-Alcoholic Drinks



Non-Alcoholic Drinks
Please, take care of yourself. A recent joint study conducted by the Department of Health and the Department of Motor Vehicles indicates that 23% of traffic accidents are alcohol related.









This means that the remaining 77% are caused by assholes who just drink coffee, carbonated drinks, juices, yogurts, and crap like that. Therefore, beware of those who do not drink alcohol. They cause three times as many accidents.






This message is sent by someone who worries about your well being.

 

[DonQuixote]

A little political humour - compliments of @WestWingWeek on Twitter

A Recap of the week on Wall Street:

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yltlSuWqvzc[/ame]


And, a newspaper editorial cartoon in Holland, MI, today, where the president visited:

http://twitpic.com/64iagx

 

[DonQuixote]

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/08/11/opinion/rachels-last-fund-raiser.html?_r=2&ref=nicholasdkristof

 

[Lefty]

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/08/11/opinion/rachels-last-fund-raiser.html?_r=2&ref=nicholasdkristof

at risk of being further despised I am compelled to say Rachel had a big
heart...too bad the charity, the relief and that of many others could not have
been directed to this their native land. We have starvation, unwanted
babies all that stuff here.

my belief is physician heal thy self...then you can help to heal others. a bit
narrow minded...well, them other places have been in existence for a few
more years than America the melting pot that has already taken in the poor
tired and huddled masses of the world....a world that seems to hate America
except when it comes to the aid she spreads to all. JMHO is all.

 

[ShihTzuTylenol]

HAHAHAHAHA! Excellent!!...and I got this from a good friend today, come forth and take a bow if you will Sir,...hehe

To Pee, or Not to Pee...

I have a job.

I work, they pay me.

I pay my taxes & the government
distributes my taxes as it sees fit.

In order to get that paycheck, in my case,
I am required to pass a random urine test
(with which I have no problem).

What I do have a problem with is the distribution of my taxes
to people who don't have to pass a urine test.

So, here is my question:
Shouldn't one have to pass a urine test to get a welfare check
because I have to pass one to earn it for them?

Please understand, I have no problem with helping people get back on their feet.
I do, on the other hand, have a problem with helping someone sitting on their BUTT
----doing drugs while I work.

Can you imagine how much money each state would save
if people had to pass a urine test to get a public assistance check?

I guess we could call the program "URINE OR YOU'RE OUT"!


Pass this along if you agree or simply delete if you don't.
Hope you all will pass it along, though.
Something has to change in this country - AND SOON!

P.S. Just a thought, all politicians should have to pass a urine test too!

 

[DonQuixote]

Hey, Gus - you've got more patience with the links than I - it gave you the origination links, I usually have to copy/save then upload.

And, I got this from Sheep, so he gets the credit in my book.