A Horrible Year, and now THIS!!!

[Oral Fixation]

Hi guys

Sorry for the damper so close to the 'festive' season, but I've had such a horrible year thus far, and it just got worse, and I just need to let it out...

The year started with my grandfather dying (3rd day in January).

In March my bf's brother was the victim of a car accident (he was the pedestrian) and ended up in a coma in hospital.

My older sister got married in April, but her 'new' husband is turning out to be quite a piece of work. He is very tactless and cold (he said some really nasty things to my parents before the wedding that was very out-of-line and just made me want to cry for them), but that is another story.

Then in April, 2 days before my b-day, my bf's mother dies.

2 weeks after my sister's wedding, my father dies! This was a complete shock to everyone - he was fit and healthy and there was just no sign at all.

A month later my sister loses her baby (she was 6 months pregnant)!

A month later my bf's brother dies!

A week ago, my mum died!!! The last time I saw her was a month ago (I live in a different city) for my father's six-month memorial service, and I felt so bad for her cos she had such a horrible year (she broke her leg, twice! and her hand), her health was deteriorating and she was so lonely after my father - they were married for 30 years this year!

I just don't know what to do anymore - I feel so lost! And I feel worse for my younger sister cos she is now all alone here (at least the older one has her husband for support), and I live and work in another city. She is devastated and even more alone than I am!

My bf is not even here for support (he is hard at work, I know), but I haven't even really spoken to him on the phone cos he works such long hours! Is it selfish of me to want him to be with me, even if just for a few days, even though I know he's got this huge project going?

Anyway, I just wanted to get that out cos I don't know what else to really do and this is so much harder than I could have ever imagined. Not to mention all the administration that has to be sorted out!

Anyway, thanks for listening...

 

[looseliam]

I don't know what to say, hun. I feel your sorrow and am sorry for your losses.

I pray that next year will hold good things for you.

 

[herenthere]

This is one of those posts..that is hard to think of anything that can be said that would make you feel better.
Your plate is running over, and it sounds like you have reached the point that you need to take some time to deal with all of your emotional issues.
Maybe you need to be honest with your boyfriend and let him know how badly you need him at this time. It is so easy to get caught up in our lives, and shaking the nickle bush that we often can't see our loved ones needs. Talk to him honestly..

Please do not deny yourself the need to grieve...take your time and go thru the entire process..
You know we are here for you..stay strong my friend..and the very best of luck to you

 

[BrandonSBCA]

There isn't much to do with a thread like this but say I'm sorry to hear that you've had a bad year, and give you a . I've had my bad years before, like last year.

 

[Swellegant]

HRH has nothing on you... talk about an annis horribilis! But think about it this way: next year can't help but be better!

You know, people you love dying and/or getting hurt is a terrible wrench and takes a lot of adjustment, but it's the price you pay for having people to love. It's like I keep telling my Grandmother, who lost her last sibling this year and has no more friends or family of her youth left: that's what happens when you live a long time. It sucks, but it's better than the alternatives (dying young, or being alone to begin with).

 

[Oral Fixation]

Hi

Thanks for the support. I do know there is not much one can say to someone in my position, but it helps just knowing there is some support out there.

I will (try to) go through the grieving process, but at the moment there is just a lot of administration and ceremonial/customary stuff to do. It's difficult also cos I have to try to get as much done in the 2 weeks that I am 'home' before I get back, and then I have to go straight back to work.

Also, the days are even lonelier cos my sisters go to work during the day and I have to stick it out at the house alone. My younger sister was supposed to start her new job on the day my mom died, so she kinda has to go in now!

Anyway, thanks for the rant-time...it helps a little just getting it out of my head.

 

[luminum]

Just keep your chin up and keep looking at what's worth it.

 

[unclaimedblessing]

You must feel terribly overwhelmed.
One or two losses in a year is enough to bring strong people down, but yours is inconceiveable. You might consider seeing a professional grief counselor, there's no shame in asking for help and it might alleviate some of the pain you're carrying.
Would it be workable to have your single sister come visit (or even live with you)? At least you could help each other work through your sorrow.
Just reading about your losses hurt my heart, I cannot imagine how they hurt yours.
Try to be strong and get past this, making yourself sick over it won't help you, your bf or your family.

 

[ZERO_Akira]

I'm so sorry to hear that *hugs*
Why is it that bad things always happen to good people?

 

[operafan]

Hi guys
My bf is not even here for support (he is hard at work, I know), but I haven't even really spoken to him on the phone cos he works such long hours! Is it selfish of me to want him to be with me, even if just for a few days, even though I know he's got this huge project going?

You have to be pretty strong to still be standing after all of this. My god, how horrible.

I can't imagine that your BF wouldn't want to be with you - no matter how busy he is. Surely now is the time for some comfort from the person you love.

 

[Oral Fixation]

Thanks guys, just getting this little bit off my chest is helping me more than you know. It's just that sometimes, when one is so overwhelmed things start to crack a little...

What I did want to know though is: would it be too selfish of me to ask the bf to just drop everything and be here with me? (he has a lot going on at the moment and is flying around the country for work mainly, and I do understand that some things just can't be postphoned). I mean, practically, it would serve no purpose except for me to have some company and comfort when he could really use the time on this major work project of his. And it is quite a busy period cos everyone's trying to wrap up before they start their vacations etc. I not too big on imposing myself on others, even though we have been together for quite a long time now.

 

[looseliam]

In a time like this you have to be selfish. You're the one who needs a shoulder to cry on.

I wouldn't necessarily ask him to drop everything, rather ask him if when he can make some free time to stop by and cuddle.

 

[backpacker]

I truly feel for you. I can't even start to comprehend what you have been through.

Have you thought about spending some time with your little sister? Even if it is just a quick weekend trip, it may do both of you a lot of good. Can you travel with BF, maybe meet him somewhere over a weekend? The important thing is that you get to spend some time with people you love.

Best wishes.

 

[Kurn]

My bf is not even here for support (he is hard at work, I know), but I haven't even really spoken to him on the phone cos he works such long hours! Is it selfish of me to want him to be with me, even if just for a few days, even though I know he's got this huge project going?

It's not selfish at all. But you want your bf to be with you full-strength so help him do his job by encouraging him. If it is at all appropriate, include him in your decision making--I mean ask him "does this sound good?" if you have any uncertainties; then make your decisions; if there aren't any uncertainties to discuss just keep him informed over the phone in a general way.

If he seems uninterested it could be that the whole situation makes him uncomfortable. Just a very common feeling in such situations. But making the effort to communicate will pay dividends if the relationship continues.

 

[cocktales]

OF:

What a BAD year it has been for you!

Next year has to be better......for sure...

I know you feel like there's this BIG black cloud over you causing ALL those horrible things to happen to you; but if you look around you can always find someone who's suffering just a bit more than you...

You're doing the right thing, you are grieving and letting ALL those feelings out of your system.

I am certain your BF will be there with you just as soon as he gets his work done!

Just remember that on JUB we share each others hurts and dis-appointments .......and you are NEVER alone for we are here always to help you keep your head up and your thoughts of better things.

Hang in there, 2007 is a new and better year!!!

 

[metta]

Oy! I'm really sorry for all the pain and suffering you have gone through.

If your bf is not able to be there for you, do you have any other friends that can be there to support you right now? Can your sister go to your place to live for a little while?

How is your brother doing? Is he out of the coma?

I'm sorry to say that I have no idea how to deal with going through so much in such a short period. It is just so overwhelming. Hopefully, you can find a good counselor that can help you.

 

[trawler69]

I feel for you and for your b/f he has lost his brother and his mother. I understand your need for him at this time and there would be no harm in your telling him that you miss him and to call in if he gets a chance. I wouldn't pressure him into dropping everything. Some people are better at dealing with another persons grief than others are. I would just feel useless in the situation. I lost my father earlier this year and told my best mate, but I made light of it because I could see that he was awkward about how to react.

If your younger sister could stay with you for a bit that might help both of you.
It will get better and I will refrain from putting my siggie under this post out of respect for your feelings.