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A Let Down

LatinCoffee

LatinCoffee

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I met this guy and got to know him--started seeing him exclusively for almost three weeks then yesterday while I was at his place-he's like would you like to go with me to visit my sis and her family for Mother's day--I said fine because I enjoy his company. Coming back from our 3 hour drive from his sisters...he asks me if I will be his boyfriend and I said yes. I stay over and we have a great night and all.

Today-I get home and as Im about to write him a message on his Facebook wall...I noticed he's adding all these random guys on his page which is a red flag for me. I texted him and told him wassup with that? I have been respecting him all along and all and on top of that he tells me that the guy he added was there before me...I'm like 'No--You just added him this weekend cause fb tells me'. So I got a bit upset and all. I texted him saying -'it's better we stay friends'. (Another red flag--he told me about this guy he was with for years and how he broke up with the guy due to not spicing up in the bedroom and left him and met someone else and dated them right away.)

It's hard for me to trust guys because of the experiences I've been through with people lying :^o and saying what you wanna hear to just have sex at their convenience then be out and about meeting other guys...which is mostly what the gay lifestyle is all about. So sad! :(:grrr:
 
Well, I'll just say I added ten people to facebook today - one of them a former lover. I actually added him about a year ago, but he apparently deleted his account (or something), created a new one, and sent me a new friend request. I actually haven't seen that guy (physically) in over two years now, but I'll just have to hope that my partner understands, and doesn't kick me out in the street.

Lex
 
what a weird story. it is kinda strange that he would lie about something as trivial as adding people on facebook, but its stranger even that you would get upset about facebook additions (and some pretty harmless sounding dating history), and even break up over it. whatever is going on here, its good that you broke up, you two clearly dont belong together. you need to find someone you can trust a little more than this, and if you are this suspicious towards all guys, you are not mature enough for relationships.
 
Yeah, that looks like massive over-reaction to not much issue.

Oh the drama the facebook creates.

For me the red flag would be about your behavior.
 
Yeah, that looks like massive over-reaction to not much issue.

Oh the drama the facebook creates.

For me the red flag would be about your behavior.
Click to expand...

Yeah, that looks like massive over-reaction to not much issue.

Oh the drama the facebook creates.

For me the red flag would be about your behavior.
Click to expand...

Bears repeating more than once.
 
I second what everyone else has been saying.

the "gay lifestyle" (I hate that term btw but thats another issue) is not all about sleeping around and seeing who's pants you can get into. Unfortunately there are guys out there doing that. The same way there are straight people doing it. You can't throw everyone into that category. Sounds like you've been hurt in the past and have some major trust issues to work on. I'd suggest you do that before you try to have a serious relationship. Until you learn to trust someone your going to sabotage any potential relationship before it even gets started.

Steven.
 
LatinCoffee said:
It's hard for me to trust guys because of the experiences I've been through with people lying :^o and saying what you wanna hear to just have sex at their convenience then be out and about meeting other guys...which is mostly what the gay lifestyle is all about. So sad! :(:grrr:
Click to expand...

Well... not sure if you just wanted to vent or if you're seeking advice?

While it's true that one of the big goals for young guys (gay or straight) is to meet other people and get their weanie wet, it's a bit unfair to impose your standards on someone else unless that's what they've signed up for.

You're imposing your past on a new guy and generalizing about the gay lifestyle and the dating habits of gay men. He's probably sitting there generalizing about gay men and the baggage that they all carry around. Neither is very productive.

So, the question now is whether you want to try to salvage this mess?

If you do, then:
  1. Apologize for over-reacting.
  2. Spend time with this guy, date and get to know him. If after dating a while, you decide that he's a nice guy, then talk about being boyfriends.
  3. When you talk about being boyfriends, be clear about what that means. If- in your mind- that means that he's not going to be seeing other guys and meeting guys on social networking sites (i.e. you're both going to be monogamous) then talk about that up front.
  4. Tell him about your past bad dating experiences, apologize for dragging your baggage into the relationship with him and then ditch the bags. Nobody wants to deal with someone else's baggage when they're in a new relationship and it's very unfair to this guy for you to judge him on anything other than his own merits and short-comings.
  5. Go have make-up sex and come back and tell us all about it. :)
 
x-cess said:
what a weird story. it is kinda strange that he would lie about something as trivial as adding people on facebook
Click to expand...


Maybe this is the reason why he felt the need to lie:


LatinCoffee said:
It's hard for me to trust guys because of the experiences I've been through with people lying
Click to expand...


He knew that the OP would have issues, so he didn't want him to get upset over something as silly as adding people on Facebook. . .but the OP still got upset and dumped him anyway.


Sounds like it was just never destined to be. Here's to hoping you find someone you can trust; you deserve to be happy.
 
Sorry this shit happened. Just keep ya head up and the person who is right for you will come along.
 
Thanks Mexidude and Fudebako! I met this other guy and we are going on date #2 soon...just taking it easy lol
 
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