A letter to my best friend:

[awesomevodka]

*i just felt like venting. feel free to comment and let me know what you guys think. i just want a listening ear. the post is really vague, and i could never possibly add all the details but feel free to ask. i want to continue to vent. i already know i'm young, immature, and stupid. i just needed a place to organize my thoughts. thank you.*

youre the most amazing person i know. i always make fun of your tendencies, but i only do it because im awed by your dedication to life. youve always said to me you want to do the best you can ever do. and you mean it. ive never met someone like that.

to be honest, i feel like i'm not even half the person you are. i guess i put on this facade, and act like i have everything set in the stone. but honestly, im the most lost among all of us. this thing called 'college' united us somehow. my life has drastically changed because of it. everything before i met you, it seems like its been a waste. i was never happy with my life. i threw everything away to move the farthest i could possibly move from home. nothing back there matters that much to me anymore. i found you, and for the first time in my life, i feel like its worth something. when i say 'you' i don't mean to say you are the only light in my life, although youve been a large part of it. this whole experience has been amazing, and i want to live each day like its my last. my childhood is ending and yours is to, let's make the best of it.

i wish i could be a better friend for you. over the past year, you've done things for me nobody else has. you probably don't even know, how the little things you've done for me have made such a big impression. i know i can be a bit of a lush, and you've always been a voice of reason. i remember that one night you came to my room unannounced, and told me with a quiver in your voice how i needed to stop. i also remember that time you yelled at me for being stupid, everybody could hear it; most importantly, i could hear it. i don't see these instances as a bad thing. rather, they pop in my mind as one of our best moments. because by the way i can make you emotional, i know you care.

but i'm beginning to realize... this is becoming an unequal relationship. i don't think this has to do with you, even though i'm interpreting you this way. it has to do with me. you're just a regular guy who plays soccer and poker with his friends. i'm the stupid closet case. i guess its cliche, but sometimes i can't help but think of you as a "stupid boy", because in some ways you are. I know you care about people, its just you don't show it enough. especially lately, youve been busy and so have i. when i call you, our conversations are beginning to get shorter and shorter. i feel like you aren't putting effort into us anymore. if i didn't call you, would i ever hear from you? will you miss me? i feel like i'd drop anything i'm doing at a moment's notice to be with you. we used to be closer than this. now there's a distance between us. i know you can't wait until you get home for winter to see your old friends, as i dread going back to the old staid life i come from.

the balls in your court now. as the semester dwindles down, i'm giving up on you. i will not call you in any way. you are going to be invisible to me, even though i'll be thinking of you all the time. we've grown apart recently, and you need to prove that we can still keep on going. because i've done enough of my share. i know you're better than this, we're better than this. i'm going to be right here, waiting it out.

please make a difference in my life again.

 

[rareboy]

Hopefully you weren't drinking when you wrote this.

This friend will only be the first of many who will drift away from you if you are an alcoholic. Or a mean drunk.

Anyone who thinks their friend is a stupid boy doesn't deserve the friendship of that person.

Come out of the closet. Stop boozing. Get comfortable and confident in your own skin.

 

[backpacker]

I wouldn't send that letter. I think it's the wrong approach and will probably just drive him further away. You sound way too clingy, which may be the underlying problem. Your alcohol use also appears to be an issue. Getting wasted every now and then is something that most college students do. Having your friends seriously tell you you have a drinking problem is very rare. You should think long and hard about that. Stop drinking for a month or two and see if that changes things. If you don't want to do that, at least don't drink when you are around him. Try to expand your circle of friends so you are not so focused on him. Good luck!

 

[chrisdobro]

You are looking for help.

You want your friend to help you again.

Your view of your friend is not the most favorable ("stupid boy"?)

You feel your friend is giving up on you.
This is probably because you need him now more than before. And perhaps your friend is indeed putting more distance betwen you and him.

Allow your friend the benefit of the innocence in his actions (benefit of the doubt). He may be busy, he may be seeing changes in you he does not like, I don't know.

I see that you are bringing yourself down compared to your friend. And maybe putting him on a piedestal. This may be a symptom of what is happening on the outside. While this idea may work in fantasy, real relationships work best when both people have about equal amount of pull (effort) in the relationship. Here effort may be active or passive. Doesn't have to be active in both cases.

I agree. Do not send the letter. Use the letter to get insight into your life and your relationship. This letter is for YOU.

 

[texan_slant]

Holy Smokes. If you have any value of this friendship, please don't send this letter.

Actions that seem merely innocent to some people don't realize the impact they have on others. You mentioned "starting college" and drifiting apart. As you become adults, there is less dedicated time as you had when you were youths. This is the natural progression of life.

It is also not another's responsibility to fill someone else's void. YOU, yourself, as an individual, bear the sole responsibility of being happy with what you have.

Also remember this. friendships are dynamic - they change, and you kind of have to change with it in order for that friendship to grow. Sometimes they don't last forever, even if it seems like they will. This isn't the fault of anyone's - just victims of circumstance and life.

Take a step back and appreciate what you have. You are stifling this friendship by not allowing it to grow and also giving your friend conditions. It has to be natural, and it can't seem like an effort on either part.

 

[thephoenix]

Wow, I kinda feel bad for your friend. Way, way too clingy dude! If your friend is drifting that is probably the reason. You sound like a needy girlfriend in this post.

I'm sure there is someone out there just dying to be in the kind of codependent relationship with you that you describe in your letter, but I can be certain that this guy is not the person (or anybody in their right mind for that matter).

Shape up and have a little pride in yourself. Take responsibilty for yourself and your own well being. I'm sure your friend has plenty on his plate without having to babysit too.

 

[chrisdobro]

Hey I think that clingy is okay !!

showing it though may not be socially appropriate.

now, is being clingy really okay ? For a short time yes, but on a regular or long term basis, probably not.

 

[thephoenix]

Clingy can be okay. But like with everything else only in moderation. Sounds like this guy isn't moderating anything right now and that's devestating to any kind of relationship or friendship.

 

[iosif2]

Your friend knows better than to try to change you. He loved you enough as a friend to to make the hard decision to confront you about your drinking. It seems too that he just got frustrated. Otherwise why would he call you stupid so loudly? You friend is not an enabler. Surely it bothers him to witness you inflict harm on yourself, so he's rightly going the way of tough love, by distancing himself. He doesn't need to be caught up in a downward spiral with you. Many of your brother Jubers are correct in saying that it's your job to make things right with yourself; to discover the innate worth you have as a human being. Your friend might well respond to seeing you come to grips with your inner demons and seek some help. You are young and can decide how to direct your life. There is so much potential happiness out there for you to experience. But you must be ready to take ownership of your life and be happy with yourself first. No other person can provide the solution for you. Trust me on this: No matter how dismal life seems right now, there really is a rainbow with a pot of gold that only you can find. Peace

 

[theblackajah]

Nothing is worse than a clingy fag friend who sends you a really, really emotional, unsolicited "let's talk about our feelings" letter.

Just don't do it- it's a car crash waiting to happen.

 

[silentalk]

Hey... I know how you feel!

It's okay. Even if you guys never become as close as you once were, time hopefully will make you feel better.

There's only one thing I should add: If you're an alcoholic, you sould re-evaluate your situation.

On the other hand, even if others disagree, and even though I, too, think you shouldn't send it, I think what you wrote was beautiful.

All the best