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A little rant on dating.

L

landers

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I've met a guy. He's cute and sweet and wonderful. We've only been on a few dates but he seems like the kind of guy that I thought I'd have to spend half my life searching for. The problem is that I hate dating. I like going on dates and spending time with him but I hate everything else about dating. I don't know if he sees us going in the friends direction or toward a relationship. I want to ask but I don't want to seem like I'm trying to rush things. I want to spend time with him but I don't want to seem possessive. I wish we could both lay everything out and see what's what and go from there. Why does dating have to be so complicated?
 
Don't rush it. You just need to see where it goes. Give it time.
 
What do you mean "you hate dating"? I don't understand that. You enjoy this guy right? So why don't you like going out on dates with him? I'm missing something.
 
He wants certainty. Dating is uncertainty. He wants a wedding ring today.
 
Lube said:
He wants certainty. Dating is uncertainty. He wants a wedding ring today.
Click to expand...

Ah. Sounds like a few of my straight female friends. Only interested in their agenda, and finding a male to plug into their agenda. And they wonder why they are struggling to find someone compatible.
 
Why not tell him? Don't necessarily hand him the ring just yet, but let him know you've really enjoyed your dates, and really enjoyed getting to know him, and would he like to take it to the next level? And that level can be whatever you want it to be - spending more time together, getting more physical if you haven't already, what have you.

Lex
 
Lube said:
He wants certainty. Dating is uncertainty. He wants a wedding ring today.
Click to expand...

I don't want the ring but, I do want certainty. If this is heading toward friendship fine, if this is heading toward a relationship fine. Either way I just want to know.

G-Lexington said:
Why not tell him? Don't necessarily hand him the ring just yet, but let him know you've really enjoyed your dates, and really enjoyed getting to know him, and would he like to take it to the next level? And that level can be whatever you want it to be - spending more time together, getting more physical if you haven't already, what have you.

Lex
Click to expand...

I'd like to tell him but I don't want to seem like I'm trying to rush things. Any thoughts on how I can do this?
 
Landers, how long have you been together for now? Or how long has it been since your first date? If it's been a couple of weeks, maybe you should go ahead and ask him where you're both heading, and what you both want. That's only if you feel comfortable in doing so. Good luck!!
 
>>>I'd like to tell him but I don't want to seem like I'm trying to rush things.

"I don't want to rush things if you're not ready, but..."

Lex
 
He's right, though. Going too quickly is a huge turnoff.
 
Yeah, I see so many "relationships" blow up because people's current relationship doesn't fit with their preconceived notions on what / where they want a relationship to be. It seems people are always rushing to take it to the next level.

I've watched endless couples get into this bizarre flow. It becomes this endless march towards preset goals. If those goals aren't met the relationship breakup card is played by one of the partners (usually women in str8 relationships). So it's a situation of "we either need to move in together or break up". Then, "get married, or break-up". Or "have a child or get divorced".
 
If you want to rush thing and he doesn't, it's best to find out. Only you can decide whether your values are less important than your fondness for his personality.
 
G-Lexington said:
>>>I'd like to tell him but I don't want to seem like I'm trying to rush things.

"I don't want to rush things if you're not ready, but..."

Lex
Click to expand...

The direct approach. Touche.

I think I'll see how the next date goes then broach the subject.

EvilForce said:
Yeah, I see so many "relationships" blow up because people's current relationship doesn't fit with their preconceived notions on what / where they want a relationship to be. It seems people are always rushing to take it to the next level.
Click to expand...

I'm fine with whatever the current stage of our relationship is, I just don't know what it is. I'm not in a rush to take this relationship anywhere, I want to go slow but I'm afraid that he'll think I'm rushing things if I ask him where he thinks we are.
 
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