A question for you all

[Krakenbwool]

What I've noticed is that in heterosexual relationships, it's usually the guy who has to fawn over, please, and compliment the girl, while gay couples tend to pay attention to each other more mutually. Women tend to judge men based on how he makes her feel, as opposed to just his own merits in general. Do some men seek the company of other men because they want to be appreciated more?

(BTW, as a woman, I totally understand that men should be appreciated more in relationships. So, go get it y'all. )

 

[bankside]

What I've noticed is that in heterosexual relationships, it's usually the guy who has to fawn over, please, and compliment the girl, while gay couples tend to pay attention to each other more mutually. Women tend to judge men based on how he makes her feel, as opposed to just his own merits in general. Do some men seek the company of other men because they want to be appreciated more?

(BTW, as a woman, I totally understand that men should be appreciated more in relationships. So, go get it y'all. )

I have noticed the same thing about heterosexual relationships, and to be honest that is the biggest turn-off. I'm not convinced that my homosexuality is entirely biological or physical - I think it has a lot to do with the way men and women are expected to relate to each other in many heterosexual relationships and I find it entirely unappealing, and demeaning to both men and women.

Too many women are needy princesses who expect to be the centre of attention, and too many men are desperate to pander to them and cling to every hope of affection, only to have that pathetic grovelling morph into a feeling of entitlement.

It's all icky.

In a gay relationship, there is a lot of common ground with straight relationships, but because it isn't automatically clear who is supposed to be the "Pleaser" and the "please-ee" they have a natural opportunity to be healthier relationships.

However, there are plenty of gays who only know those kinds of lopsided relationships, and they try to emulate it in their same-sex relationships. "Top" and "bottom" are not just physical preferences in a particular sex act, they carry a whole bunch of hetero bullshit baggage for the most part that I find even more unappealing in gay men probably because it hits closer to home. I can't relate and it creeps me out.

And of course there are great straight couples who really value each other's humanity and challenge each other as equals. They're great!

 

[EJMichaels]

I think bankside expressed it well. After being involved with women for many years before dating men, I found it difficult to adjust to some of the str8 dynamics. I got involved with men because of my interest in BDSM, and those relationships are often more explicit about roles and expectations, so that helped. Reading/learning more about what str8 men need was also helpful - things I wouldn't have guessed on my own, and the guys certainly weren't going to tell me directly.

 

[MatttheBruinsfan]

I don't think that fawning type behavior occurs in healthy heterosexual relationships - those are more equal partnerships. But yeah, there is a lot of it and there are whole industries devoted to promoting the double standards.

When women have asked me what nominally "straight" guys get out of experimenting with other men, I've replied that one thing is being found attractive for themselves rather than their earning power or status. Even being objectified as a piece of meat can look pretty appealing if you're used to people finding you attractive or not based solely on the contents of your wallet.

 

[Krakenbwool]

Thanks for answering, guys. And to clarify, I know that gay and bisexual men are naturally occurring as well, but in this case I was wondering what drives some men to consider experimenting..

But I can see why a "straight" guy would want to hit up a gay bar once in a while--to be chased rather than have to chase. And when it comes to the actual sex, gay men seem to be a lot more enthusiastic and willing to pleasure the guy, instead of lying there and waiting for the guy to "put it on" them.

 

[clicker]

Men are attracted to males because males are attractive-there is no cause,nor need their be a reason.
The dynamics in a hetero couple are naturally imbalanced due to the rather extreme differences between the sexes. The eternal "war of the sexes" testify to this, Despite the attraction between the sexes for most people, the two have little in common, hence always conflict. Two males or females are equal, therefore much of the gender imbalance conflict is not there.

 

[MisterMajestic]

Do some men seek the company of other men because they want to be appreciated more?

(BTW, as a woman, I totally understand that men should be appreciated more in relationships. So, go get it y'all. )

I'm Sorta Off Topic a bit but it still relates to Male/Female VS Male/Male company:

Dating women 99% of the time I pick up the check....I'm your traditional Guy and don't think twice about paying for the entire evening of entertainment with a woman.......

Dating Dudes you need to discuss who is paying what or you'll both be in for a surprise...If I say I'm going to pay for the evening then it's all good...Some Bi/Gay Dudes will WAIT for you to suggest going out to dinner so you'll be the one paying for it...

I admit that I look at Guys differently on dates...If a Guy NEVER volunteers to pick up the check then I begin to wonder if he's a "user"...But I NEVER look at a woman that way..

I hate having to say to a Guy "So you're gonna pay for the Movie Tickets?"....You would think the Dude would offer if I've picked up the check @ other places.....I'm thinking to myself I just paid for Dinner why the Fuck should I pay for the Movies?

It's hard to appreciate the Guy you're seeing if he's coming across as a cheapskate....

 

[Nomenclature]

What I've noticed is that in heterosexual relationships, it's usually the guy who has to fawn over, please, and compliment the girl, while gay couples tend to pay attention to each other more mutually.

In theory, it would seem that way. . .but honestly, gay relationships generally consist of a masculine/feminine, or top/bottom element. A feminine bottom can definitely have his insecurities and drama moments. . .some worse than women.


While it's true that a gay relationship doesn't have clearly-defined "gender roles" the way a straight relationship does, It's still rare to find a gay relationship that's truly masculine/masculine, or 100% equal.

Women tend to judge men based on how he makes her feel, as opposed to just his own merits in general. Do some men seek the company of other men because they want to be appreciated more?

Personally, I would want to be in a serious relationship with a man for not only his support and love, but because I want someone to offer my affection, love and support to.


I love the way men have that sense of camaraderie and team-work together. When we view something as a project, we can work incredibly well together to get it done, and to reach the goal. I would love to have a partnership like this with someone.