A Question for you "older" guys...

[colemanshs]

I've missed you Jubbers! My new job doesn't leave me hardly any time for JUB anymore!

Anyway, there's this guy. He's amazing and I could really fall for him. We talked on the internet for a while and then started talking on the phone and he asked me out. This past Tuesday we went out to eat and wound up going to his apartment. We hung out there for a little while enjoying some wine and talking. He made me feel extremely comfortable (which says a lot since I'm usually very self-conscious and paranoid about everything).

So I wound up spending the night with him and the next morning we just laid in bed with each other and then he cooked me breakfast. He's an amazing guy with an amazing personality and is absolutely gorgeous.

Anyway, he's 34 and I'm 21. I'm not really that worried about the age difference; it's more the maturity difference. I'll be the first to say that I am very mature for my age, however, I still have a lot of growing up to do.

Now here's the question for you older guys in a relationship: Has the maturity difference ever been an issue for you in your relationships? And for you younger guys that have dated older men, have you ever had issues in your relationships because of age?

I really like this guy and I think he really likes me but I don't want to get my hopes up because I always fall for those that I shouldn't.

Thanks for your advice.

 

[WYSIWYG]

Everyone is different. And how each relationship works is different.

As for me, my bf is 30 and I am 62. We have no maturity differences.

 

[operafan]

17 years difference between us - it has never been an issue but then I was 36 when we met - so neither of us very new to the block.

 

[tallguy297]

Hey mate,

The reality is that every relationship survives and thrives on the desires of the guys involved - age like race and cultures are things that are overcome by love passion and dedication. It would be wrong to assume that an age difference will the reason that any relationship would fail if the guys involved didn't want that to be the case.

However as someone too like 02 who has seen it and felt it happen maybe I can offer up some advice.

Talk. And then talk some more. And when you are finished, talk again.

Coleman... the reality is you are at a stage in your life where things are fluid... career, gaols, desires, emotions, family, finance. And most of things are beyond your control.

You are a mature guy...more than that your a good guy and your intention will never be to hurt someone. The fact that you admit you still have some growing up to do is a great sign of the guy you are!!!!

You'll simply need to bear in mind that things will come and go in your life (more so than his if hes a typical 30 something and a little more settled) that can change your priorities and perspectives. Opportunities and challenges that are unseen arise everyday.

The great news is that most older guys have a level of experience that tells them that the world wont cave in at every minor change in their partners life so with communication and honesty theres nothing that cant be worked out.

And thats the key mate. Every relationship takes work. Theres no way yours would be doomed to fail because of the age difference. None whatsoever. And thinking that you've fallen for the wrong guy because of it is normal too...but just brush that away if you really have strong feelings for him, because thats whats important.

This can and will work if you guys want it to mate. Just be conscious of it but not scared of it. Talk things through - everything through, just as we should in every relationship. And don't give up when things seem tough. Thats the real test of any partnership.

Most of all mate... just relax and enjoy waking up beside someone who loves respects and cares for you. And if you feel the same then nothing else matters!

 

[bluedragon4]

I'm 34 and my bf is 27. We have a lot in common and get a long well. We have been dating for almost 5 years. But(always a but) at times I have felt the huge age difference. A lot of guys on here would say we don't have that much of an age difference but he still is in a bit of a superficial stage where I am past that now that I am older. I don't feel I need to keep up with the latest clothes/gadgets. He also likes to go out and I don't. I was a bar whore for 15 years and the last 3 years I lost total interest. I'm focused on the future and he's in the now. Don't get me wrong he's way better than he was when he was 22. And he's a good boyfriend. We have a lot of fun together and that spark is still there.But you at 21( in my opinion) should date someone your age. At 34 he is in a way different place. I would never date younger again if we ever broke up. I always dated older before my bf. There is always good and bad but older guys know how to be charming and get what they want. He may do for every trick what he did for you. I was like that. I unnecessarily broke some young hearts in my day. Sometimes us older guys forget how emotional younger guys can be. Which isn't a bad thing. You sound like a nice guy so just be cautious.

 

[Eagle653]

While I am 4 years older than my partner, he's had a lot of more real-life experiences (especially in the gay world) than I have, so I guess it evens out. Besides, I'm not sure 4 years is a big difference anyway.

The point is, maturity isn't measured in age as much as it is in experience and, to some extent, personality. So, having an age difference of less than a generation apart (less than 18-20 years) doesn't necessarily tell one much.

Just know that in the under 40 age groups, there are life-span developmental changes that he may have made that you may need to still make. Is that a problem? Who knows. For many, it is not. For some, the life styles and interests and "been there/done that's" are problematic and get on each others nerves.

It's great of you to recognize these possibilities, but I wouldn't dwell on them. Let the relationship develop naturally and deal with things as you need to or want to. If all other aspects are good and healthy, your age difference shouldn't be a big deal.

Good luck and keep us informed on how it's going!

 

[Soilwork]

I'm 10 years older than Troy. Age has never been an issue with us. There are times that he's a lot more mature than me.

OK, most of the time, to be fair.

EVery relationship has it's own dynamic with both parties bringing something that the other wants or needs.

 

[colemanshs]

Thanks everyone for your input. Most of this has kinda put my mind at ease but then there's still that "be cautious" the most everyone has said.

I hope to see him today (I'm about 90% sure that I will) so I guess we can have this talk. I'll be sure to let you guys know how it turns out.

 

[rareboy]

Of course you're not as seasoned in many areas as the 'older' guy you're seeing. That is part of the joy of having a catamite.

It is like having a kitten or a puppy. There is nothing as energizing as having a sweet young guy, who isn't as jaded and world weary, to help one see the world anew.

Have fun guys. He can probably teach you a few things about maturity and you can probably keep him from turning into an old fart.

 

[SilverRRCloud]

All the fellow JUBers can do for you is to recount their own, individual experience. Something that you may choose to call anecdotal evidence', if you will?. Obviously, your main problem is to decide to what extent such, always highly individual experience may or may not apply to your specific situation.

Frankly, there is no way that you can logically come to any valid conclusion here.

And most likely, you really do not need to do anything of the kind at all.

Relationships are neither found nor bought nor established in a single day. They are being built over a long period of time, ideally by both partners contributing all their resources, while trying to achieve the most harmonious construction possible.

You have no means of knowing your present friend and equally so, you have no means of knowing about your possibly common future, unless you start walking on that road, one step at the time.

m2m relationships are not pre-arranged marriages that cannot be dissolved, unless some very high authority decides to grant you such a dissolution.

Why not giving your thing the best chance you can? Spend time together. Have fun, work and enjoy your life. See, how you fit together. See, how much he really means to you and show him, how much you mean to him.

Take your time and enjoy the ride to the fullest.

In few weeks or even months, you'll know, where you stand with your man.

SC

 

[colemanshs]

I really appreciate everyone's input. I know that no one can tell me what's going to happen if anything at all, I just wanted to know what has happened in their pasts.

As I've said before, I really like this guy and I would really like for something to form between us but I don't want to get down the road and all of a sudden I get this talk about us being on different levels.

I guess I'm mainly just venting my fears to all of you because I don't really want to go to him about it since we just started seeing each other--even though this is probably the best time for it.

Anyway, we're going out tonight and I've given some thought to talking to him about it. If I can find the courage, I will. If not, at least I'll have a good time!

 

[tommyj]

Coleman - test it out..If u really like him age is nothing..

 

[Daximus]

There's a 10 year difference between me (30) and Ron (40). It's not really an issue for us. He's definitely more mature than I am. He’s also more giving and thoughtful. I find myself to be a bit selfish and self-centered. So we kind of balance each other out. He teaches me to think more of others and I teach him to not let people walk all over him and take advantage of his kindness.

Opposites really do attract. Sometimes. lol

 

[colemanshs]

So here's a long, rambling update for you guys:

So last night I went and met him in the village. We were going to go to a bar with his friend but his friend made other plans so we just headed to his apartment. We got there and had a drink and got into deep conversation about various things. So we talked for a long while and then the makeout session began and we took it to the bedroom. Just one word about that: AMAZING!

After that we were laying in bed kissing, feeling, etc and then he brought up something we had talked about on our first date. He's going to visit his family in another country on a total different continent, where he grew up, for a month leaving next month. He said, in no certain words, that he has strong feelings for me and he understands if I lose interest in him while he's gone but his only request is that I tell him instead of just "disappearing" one day.

In a way, his saying that made me happy because I could tell that he felt very strongly about me but in a way it made me sad because I could also tell that this had apparently happened to him before even though he didn't mention that it had--and I didn't ask.

He also told me that if I wanted to see other people while he was gone, I was free to do so but not to forget about him.

This man is absolutely amazing to me because he is letting me see his true self--I now know that he, also, is insecure but caring and just a vulnerable as I am.

My feelings for him are extremely strong and we've known each other for less than a week. We connect on so many levels and the sex (yeah, we got to that kind of quickly) is absolutely mindblowing! We came together lastnight--I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THAT HAPPENES IN REAL LIFE!

Right now I miss him terribly. He has gone off to work for the week (he works in another part of the state) and I don't work until Friday. So basically I have until Friday to sit in my apartment and think about this amazing person and how we're so far apart.

Right now, I'm going through so many emotions that I don't know how to process them all. I'm extremely happy that I have someone so wonderful in my life. I'm scared that this is too good to be true. I'm optimistic that it may actually work. I'm sad because we can't be together for a few weeks because of our work schedules.

Guys, thanks for reading and for your feedback. This is more for me to vent than anything else and without you guys, I'd probably go absolutely crazy.