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A Relationship Question

C

cmb21686

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So I've been dating someone now for about a month and a half and things are going pretty well for the most part. We're not super serious, but on track to maybe have a healthy stable relationship in our future.

So my question is (and I think I already know the answer, but need some reassurance) is whether or not it is ok to still have a buddy that I jack off with on the side. Now I haven't done it at all since I started dating this guy. And there is no touching involved or anything like that. Just a friend who puts in some porn, pulls out his dick, and jerks off. That's all there is to it. Is that an issue?

And I've been nervous about asking anyone because I don't want everyone judging me. I just have a lot of sexual energy and end up jerking off alone even if I've had sex with my boyfriend the same day.

Thoughts?
 
As long as you both have not committed to each other exclusively, you both are still casually dating. If you are not exclusively dating, then it is OK for you to jack off with another guy. It is OK for him to jack off with another guy or have sex with another guy.

What is OK and not OK in a committed relationship has to be defined by you two. Do not assume.
 
You should be asking your bf that question. If you are going to have a healthy, stable relationship in the future, you need to start now with honest, open communication. Good luck.
 
HunterM said:
As long as you both have not committed to each other exclusively, you both are still casually dating. If you are not exclusively dating, then it is OK for you to jack off with another guy. It is OK for him to jack off with another guy or have sex with another guy.

What is OK and not OK in a committed relationship has to be defined by you two. Do not assume.
Click to expand...

I would be completely ok with him doing the same if he saw fit, so long as he isn't having sex with anyone. We've already discussed exclusivity in terms of sex. I don't want to open our relationship up to the point where we are sleeping with whomever we want whenever we want, but I need this little bit of wiggle room. And I would NEVER cross the line and sleep with anyone else. That I can promise. So I expect that of him too.
 
Then you two need to talk in defining boundary for your own relationship. Don't expect him to automatically know what you're thinking.
 
cmb21686 said:
And I would NEVER cross the line and sleep with anyone else. That I can promise. So I expect that of him too.
Click to expand...

I doubt you can make that promise with absolute certainty. You are acting out sexually with another person, even if you are only jerking off. When you put yourself in such a position, you cannot be absolutely sure that temptation won't take you further. First you are just jerking to porn, then you jerk each other, then oral sex seems rather innocent and on and on. And what makes you think you will be able to stop this extra curricular activity once you decide to take your relationship to the next level?

But as you said, you are not super serious.
 
^The caution that I'd have for you is part of the above reply. Stopping jacking off with a buddy won't happen by magic. Perhaps it's time to have a discussion with the guy with whom you hope to have an on-going relationship, discussing what each of you are now doing in terms of sex outside the relationship.
 
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