Oh come now, living in Australia is just like living in the UK.
You just have to make sure to shake out your clothes and bedsheets before use. White tails find it incredibly comfortable to rest between two sheets of cotton, particularly during summer.
Also, always bash your shoes before you put them on. This is more of a redback's place to hide than a white tail, though they are almost equally venomous.
Always carry a long, metal object (preferably a rake) on the commute from your front door to your car. You should always be armed and ready for when a funnel web or a brown snake decides to challenge you.
When you get to your car, don't blindly open the doors. Check under the handles, it's one of the huntsman spider's favourite spots. The last thing you want is to feel one of those furry bastards between your fingers. Once inside, be sure to give your car a once-over for more huntsman spiders. Always check underneath the visor and on the back of your seat; you don't want one dropping from above you (or crawling onto your face from behind) when you're going 100km/h on the freeway surrounded by other vehicles.
If you ever decide to leave suburbia, don't be fooled by the apparent harmlessness of a kangaroo. If it decides to be aggressive, it can rip you apart like a rabid wolf.
If you go swimming, beware of the platypus. It may look like a cute, miniature duck/beaver hybrid, but the males have spurs on their hind limbs, the venom from which causes excruciating pain that can last for days, or even weeks. Morphine doesn't help.
If you're swimming and you spot a croc, you can take your chances by attempting to swim back to dry land, but you probably wont make it, and it'll probably take you between its jaws, drag you under, and maybe do a few death rolls until you're nothing but shredded meat.
If you're swimming and you
don't spot a croc, then it's probably already sneaking up behind you and you're as good as dead.
If you go ankle deep in the ocean, you're pretty much asking to be stung by a box jellyfish. And if you go waist deep, you may as well cut yourself and dive into the shark tank at Seaworld.
On the plus side, if you've lived in Australia and decide to travel abroad, telling stories of all the deadly creatures you've been face-to-face with (and acting like it's no big deal) will make people think you're a badass and want to have sex with you.
"Australia; if you come here, you're probably going to die, but if you survive, the stories will get you laid" - Tourism Australia™
(You may not recognise this slogan, but that is because it roughly translates to "where the bloody hell are ya?" in Australian.)
& will back off from them. If i find a wasp-nest it gets sprayed with bug killer (late at night when they're in it) then the next night it gets burned to kill the eggs.
).
