A Thread For Those Who Have Cheated...

[Stoowii]

I confess, I've cheated before. But I didn't think I was going to pass the test, so I wrote me a cheat sheet and passed.

 

[DigitalFudge]

I confess, I've cheated before. But I didn't think I was going to pass the test, so I wrote me a cheat sheet and passed.

What a twist

 

[bi-4u2]

Please stop talking out of your ass about things you apparently don't have enough sense to understand. And my post had none of these so called "excuses". I admitted it. Am I worried about the 'ridicule' here? Fuck no. These people can't say anything to me that I haven't said to myself already.

get a clue.

i was following this thread since it was posted and was just waiting for someone honest to post about how and why they cheated. I'm not talking out of my ass, i just wanted a why and when i wasn't seeing any it brought back some unpleasant memories. I got a little angry and gave people an excuse, people on here seem to be anal retentive over anything, grammar, punctuation, lack of clarification, slightly offensive word choice, sarcasm. why would anyone give people here a reason to receive criticism. It sounds like you made a mistake and you felt guilty about it, you cheated but you are not a cheater.

I want to hear something from a cheater, someone who just keeps doing it and continues to lie about it. A "valid" reason from someone like that would be nice.

 

[HunterM]

^ I see. So, you're waiting for the serial cheater Jesse James to chime in...

 

[pat grimshaw]

...As I've mentioned elsewhere, before my last 2 relationships, I had always ask whoever I was dating first before doing it after I got their blessing. I don't consider that cheating, because if they ever said no I would not do it. I know I don't consider what I did cheating, but do you guys think that was cheating?

It depends if you were just sleeping together or really married.

Pretty soon you'll be able to get locked into a legally-binding contractual marriage with lots of consequences. Will you be doing that?

 

[pat grimshaw]

... He and I are getting very serious, serious enough for him to drop everything...

That's good (I think).

 

[backagain]

i was following this thread since it was posted and was just waiting for someone honest to post about how and why they cheated. I'm not talking out of my ass, i just wanted a why and when i wasn't seeing any it brought back some unpleasant memories. I got a little angry and gave people an excuse, people on here seem to be anal retentive over anything, grammar, punctuation, lack of clarification, slightly offensive word choice, sarcasm. why would anyone give people here a reason to receive criticism. It sounds like you made a mistake and you felt guilty about it, you cheated but you are not a cheater.

I want to hear something from a cheater, someone who just keeps doing it and continues to lie about it. A "valid" reason from someone like that would be nice.

Because I can and get away with it.

 

[dereperez]

I've never cheated (though been tempted to because I was thinking with the wrong head). I have been cheated on, however. The relationship ended because she decided she wanted to move on. She apologized and that was that. As for me...well...I forgive but I don't forget.

 

[eastofeden]

I really think that an honest discussion would be good but you will get the people who want to vent and preach about what things "should" be and shame anyone who is honest and (gasp) doesn't apologize. We want to see our villains get down on their knees and beg for forgiveness.

I could fill up the next ten pages with stories of people I personally knew...and tell you what they told me about infidelity and relationships. Alot of times people tell bartenders things in general but when they sense you aren't going to jump down their throat and you are "safe" they will tell you alot more. I talked to men one on one all night for many years...tens of thousands of them...and I have alot of examples and answers for all of your questions but my problem is that alot of the people were my friends...and they are dead...and I will probably turn into a fucking bitch if I hear people trashing them and since they aren't here to defend themselves I would be compelled to do it for them. It won't turn out well.

People used to be alot more open minded than they are now...alot more people used to understand that what other consenting adults do is none of their business. We are becoming increasingly puritanical...gay people used to be immune from it but now...not so much. The reason why it is important to talk about it is thanks in large part to Bill Clinton's BJ and our Neo Victorian Morals...we got stuck with GW Bush...so our attitudes about sex and relationships can have a devastating effect on the whole world.

It is important to note that so many of the people who bitched the loudest about Clinton and gave speeches about morality and the importance of fidelity and the sanctity of marriage and relationships were also cheating...(Newt Gingrich/Tom DeLay/Mark Sanford,ect ect)...and they are not unlike the homophobes who are gay and think bashing gay people keeps their true identity hidden.

 

[hylas]

^ ha, that reminds me of an old user here on jub, justlove? he made one of those ranting raging ALL CHEATERS ARE SHIT EATING SCUM HOW DARE THEY HOW CAN THEY LIVE WITH THEMSELVES threads, and at the same time, he made a different thread asking how he can steal his buddy from his wife and child.

 

[Sparky-Sparky-Boom-Boom]

I have to be honest and admit that I'm the one the partners usally cheat with.

 

[handyman76]

Try reading a novel to expand your experience. Anna Karenina, Madame Bovary, Doctor Zhivago, Lady Chatterly's Lover, and The Great Gatsby would be good starting places. Idylls of the King, if you're into poetry.

 

[Kahaih]

^I don't want "novels." I want real truths.

This puzzles me. Truly.

Why would anyone expect 'truth' or anything remotely honest from a confessed liar - a manipulator - a sneak?

If someone tells me that they lie to the person they claim to love most, I don't expect them to be truthful when talking to me. I consider their company a waste of time and move along.

 

[handyman76]

My mistake. I thought you wanted understanding.

 

[eastofeden]

^ ha, that reminds me of an old user here on jub, justlove? he made one of those ranting raging ALL CHEATERS ARE SHIT EATING SCUM HOW DARE THEY HOW CAN THEY LIVE WITH THEMSELVES threads, and at the same time, he made a different thread asking how he can steal his buddy from his wife and child.

Oh yeah...I know the type well. The funny thing for me...the statistics for cheating are staggering...yet wherever you are there is usally a supermajority of the "pure" people...the victims of cheaters...

 

[bankside]

Is this a thread for all of us to pass judgment on JUB cheaters?

Sure it is. Why not? Some people learn from situations they create, and it's possible to have a lot of respect for the fact that they learned something and tried to put it right. Like this:

Yes, I have. And it's not something I'm particularly proud of.

I was in a long distance relationship and had a very weak moment with a friend/former fuckbuddy of mine. My thoughts at the time? I had an urge and it drowned out everything else. I wasn't thinking--my penis was.

Anyway, on topic, I have not. There have been points in my relationship where i've lost perspective on it and wondered if we were wasting each other's time, sometimes over the dumbest of issues, looking back. I've been mad enough to feel like saying "fuck this" and maybe it was only the fact that I didn't have the opportunity in front of me. I'd like to believe though that it was actually my stubbornness to make things work and my loyalty that pushed me to deal with those issues better: just bit the bullet and talked about it. Figured it out until we were after a while both really good with whatever was bugging me or bugging him. It kind of gives you a rush to get over something with someone still by your side and makes you want to do it again when the next dumb issue comes up.

I go into a "How can I deal with this without causing drama?" mode and it feels kind of grown up to figure it out. I am definitely the one most likely to raise issues in our relationship. Mine, or his issues with me, if I can guess them. He's much more quiet. His approach is instinctively "How can I avoid dealing with this to avoid causing drama?" (which was one of the issues bugging me where he has shown improvement; he's much better at understanding I'm also accountable to him for the things he needs out of our relationship.)

There is one situation where I think cheating might be ethical. If I suffered a massive stroke or something and could no longer share in a sex life with him, I don't think I'd want him to do without human sexual contact. I don't know what that means for the future of a relationship that might still be happy in many ways, and might still have emotional intimacy going strong, but I can't rule out the possibility of his sex life moving on without me. I have no idea.

Anyway, the point is I don't see that as some special gift of freedom I'm giving him; I actually think it is my duty to think of his happiness in those conditions. His well-being should continue to matter to me even if I were incapacitated. And if someone else going through the same situation was not as understanding as I could be, I think it could be ethical for his guy to do it anyway.