About a boy.... and is an LDR worth it

[Riverrick]

That's MAJOR progress, Jockboy. Really!

So he knows now, huh? And he got to see you acting all confident and ok with being gay. He's going to think about that, you know. I think you're going to be a model for him if nothing else. Well, a friend also. So Congratulations on this giant leap in your relationship. I'm really proud of you.

I also like how healthy your attitude is about the future and moving on. I think you are right. You're light years ahead of him if he is gay and he has a lot of growing and adjusting to do before he's ready for a relationship. He's a special friend and those are rare. No sense in messing that up for a questionable outcome. Good luck!

 

[3nipples]

YESSS! Finally!

 

[jockboy01]

He's going to think about that, you know. I think you're going to be a model for him if nothing else. Well, a friend also. So Congratulations on this giant leap in your relationship. I'm really proud of you.

Thanks... and that's kind of my thought on the whole thing. I mean, I totally WISH things would be different... but alas, there are just some things in life you can't change so you learn to live with him... I mean, them LOL.

YESSS! Finally!

yes, finally... haha.

 

[Riverrick]

but alas, there are just some things in life you can't change so you learn to live with him... I mean, them LOL.

Oh man, is THAT a Freudian Slip!!!

 

[halubtsi]

Good to hear jockboy! I'm glad things have "worked out." You say you're not going to wait for him, and I think that's great. Unfortunately, I think that will be a little easier said than done. Now that he's available AND he's asking you questions about homosexuality, a variable has just gotten stronger: hope.
Right now, you can easily say that you've developed and that you're light years ahead of his development. However, as the days, weeks and months pass by, his questions may become deeper and more probing. You may think he's developed further than he actually has. This may give you hope and you may find yourself waiting for him without realizing it.
I'm a cautious optimist, so I see a positive outcome. I just don't want to see your development stunted because you inadvertently wait for your friend to catch up. Nevertheless, I'm glad it's finally out in the open.

 

[iosif2]

Well, I think you knew THIS was coming.

If he's got a Girlfriend, he isn't yours, and you need to back off.

Second, if he's got a girlfriend, he's not out (wether he's gay or not is immaterial) and therefore he's just a bundle of issues waiting to happen.

Third, If he's got a girlfriend, unless he'd be willing to break up with her for you and openly be your boyfriend, you would be delegated to "Dirty Little Secret" status, and I don't think you want that.

Fourth, if he's got a girlfriend, he may be bisexual and not out.. and although I'll get bi men jumping all over for me for saying this, he'll could very well end up breaking your heart because he decided that he's going to just stick with women or his "fluid" sexuality isn't attracted to men this month or he's afraid that people will think he's gay and he doesn't want that.

Finally... he lives a long way away from you and even if all of the above wasn't part of the equasion, you'd still be in a long distance relationship. And those never work.

And suck.

To Soilwork,
I hope your post was to play the Devil's advocate, but quite honestly, if Jockboy's friend is bi or gay, his relationship with his girlfriend was probably what needs to be ammended or dissolved before he made a fatal mistake. I'm a prime example of fatal mistakes. My unwillingness to face my gayness lead me to wreaking havoc in the life of my wife. Even though I've been out to her for years now, no amount of honesty can take away the devastaion I caused her by not being forthcoming from the start. So if this dude is in a situation like I was, he needs rescuing. Having someone there to help him anchor himself might be just what he needs to get a grip and make the right choices for himself, his girfriend and Jockboy. The dirty little secret is the most important thing to avoid. By not addressing the issue it will only surface later on when it's too late. Now that they are apart, and things are out in the open with Jockboy, the playing field is leveled a bit and the potential for disaster has been averted for now. I just hope that the friend takes advantage of this time to do some soul searching before entering into another relationship.

To Jockboy,
Nobody seems to notice that your friend's relationship with his girl was a LDR. If he was able to make it work, then why would'nt it between you guys? But congrats for your decision. I wish you both the best. You never know what will happen with time. Peace

 

[latinoguy19]

I just found this thread and I completely understand. It's great you were able to tell him and that he understood.

And yes, you are light years ahead of him in the 'out' stages ha, but it's great that the time and distance have allowed you to gain a good outlook and to move on.

For guys like these, I have been close to three. You just gotta let em go most of the time. They'll be great friends, but your feelings may never be at home with them. I have had a thread on JUB that chronicled what happened with a guy just like this, and like you, I moved on. Maybe in college things will turn out better for me, and for you in your future as well.

Good luck,

alex

 

[jockboy01]

This may give you hope and you may find yourself waiting for him without realizing it.

Thanks for the concern Halubtsi, but no worries. I of course still have some hope. But at the same time I know I can't wait for him to figure things out and fully intend to move on if/when I find a guy I like.

I just hope that the friend takes advantage of this time to do some soul searching before entering into another relationship.

That's exactly what my hope for him is. I don't know if he will or not, but that's up to him ultimately. I have faith that at some point he will... he's a smart and introspective guy.

If he was able to make it work, then why would'nt it between you guys?

Well, mainly it wouldn't work b/c we would not have had an official relatioship before it became an LDR. And so I just don't think things can start off as an LDR. It wouldn't work for me at least.

You just gotta let em go most of the time.

Yep, I think you're right ultimately. And he hasn't returned my phone call from over a week ago at this point and so I'm not sure where he is.... maybe he's decided to end all contact. That would make me sad, but probably makes it easier ultimately.