About the gay scene...

[drhladnjak]

My experiences don't match the above at all, but apparently the two of us haven't been going to the same clubs. I don't find gay bars or clubs to be al that amazing, but I haven't found many of them to be filled with drugs, sex or scantily clad men.

If you don't like the clubs, don't go. There are plenty of others who don't like them either. They're just one of many options.

 

[gdude30]

I guess I'll have to learn more about the gay scene. I keep getting different answers. Mostly negative or positive. Never gotten one that isn't biased. Or maybe I should just check out the gay scene for myself. Maybe a pride event or going to a gay bar.

 

[jspk]

that's what i observed from hanging out with my close friend. clubbing, bar often. shopping expensive clothes, accesories for these activities.
now, i'm at distance with my friend as i can't afford that or into those.

 

[sibersan]

Here's a quick review on me: I dont club much, and i only have one real gay friend that i hang out with. I mainly hang out with st8 people. I like to wear dark/black color clothes, i dont wear anything small or tight. I dont wear anything expensive, i shop for clothes MAYBE once a year, and it's on sale, i refuse to spend over $20 on a shirt, and over $30 on pants. I buy shoes once every 3 years. I havent touch drugs since middle school, i drink no more then 4 times a year, and i only get drunk/tipsy if i'm in a safe environment with people i can trust. I dont sleep around, even if i'm tempted.

I go to a gay stripjoint maybe once or twice a year. And a gay club in the city a few times a year. Believe it or not, when i go out to these places, i go with my st8 friends, both males and females. They do enjoy themself at the club, they treat it as any other club. It might werid them out a bit when they see a male kissing a male, but they dont make a fuss at it, nor do they seem disgusted, it's just something they have to get use to, and they knew what they were getting into when they agree to go. They actually do them self, and want to go to the gay club, like sometime they'll say "We haven't been to Scorpio (gay club) in awhile, when are we going again?". Even tho one of them almost cussed out a gay male at the club cuz he made a comment on how st8 people dont need to be at gay clubs.

As far as boyfriends, i have next to no luck in that field. I have been on dates, but stuff just dont work out. It gets tough sometime, but i just hang in there and keep living my life.

 

[rareboy]

I don't know which clubs you're hanging out in, but they don't describe 90% of the 'gay' scene I am familiar with.

Try coffeehouses, church or some other organization that is likely to be appealing to gay gays with your interests.

 

[Rali_hates_Mondays]

Have you tried looking into gay groups that are non-scene? Gay youth groups, sports, walking, reading groups. Even if you don't like them, it helps to keep an open mind.

 

[G-Lexington]

There is no "gay scene". Going to a sex club and deciding "the gay scene is disgusting" is like going to a wife-swapping meeting and deciding "straight people are perverted".

The "gay scene" is whatever gays choose to do. Yes, that includes bathhouses and sex clubs, but it also includes bowling leagues, gardening groups and community outreach programs.

Lex

 

[maxpowr9]

Not to sound like an ass, but people go to clubs/bars to have a good time. People are not necessarily looking for a relationship at a bar. If you go into a bar/club with the mindset I'm looking for a LTR, you will be severely disappointed. Obviously, there is the possibility you will find a guy at a bar you connect with, but I wouldn't get my hopes up about it.

I do agree with you that people at gay bars and clubs tend to be a bit shallow but it is something you have to deal with.

Adding to one more point, you are only 18 and still very young. You have a long life ahead of you. So you are single now. Enjoy it!

 

[thewiz]

About the gay scene, and why I am so done with it.

First off, let me say something about gay bars/pubs.
Most of them, not all of them, are disgusting; between the sex, the drug use, and the eyes that automatically undress you right when you walk through the doors.
I cannot stand most of the men that go there, mainly because all they want is a piece of ass.
Secondly, most of the clubs/pubs are like highschool, with just one clique. Now if you're not apart of that clique, you have no gay friends what so ever. I'm tired of it. I don't go clubbing, I don't go to pubs, bath houses, etc, and I am singled out.
I feel as if I don't go to a club and wear skimpy little booty shorts, I won't be accepted at all. And lets face it, that's the truth.
Finally, I've realized if there is no socializing going on within the gay community, your chances of finding a boyfriend are slim. I've been single for a year and some months. I met my exboyfriend off the internet, as well as the rest of my exboyfriends.
Basically, I know most of the young gay guys down here. And the ones I don't know, are being pumped into the clubs.
What a screw over.
Does anyone feel the same as I do?
Any feedback is welcomed.
(p.s. - if you are going to leave hate responses, please keep it mellow.)

Maybe because I've only been out less than three years but my experiences are in some ways like yours but in many ways are not like yours.

I am bothered when I go to the clubs and see guys spaced out on drugs. It bothers me when I'm standing outside the bathroom waiting for my date and am approached on whether I "party." I bothers me when I go into the bathroom and see two sets of feet in the stall only to see people I really like come out rubbing the white off their noses.

However, I go to the clubs to have fun. I love to dance; I love to meet new guys; I love to talk to people. I have certainly had my share of hook-ups and I find that many at the club scene can't rise above that level. For me, I love to dance and club but I also love to go to a symphony or a broadway show (will be going to one tonight as a matter of fact and then going to take my shirt off and drink free at a popular club!)

The biggest change that I found which made a difference was when I joined "Flaming Football on the Mall" -- a gay (although straights are welcomed too) touch football group that plays football on Sunday's on the National Mall. I have met more than 100 guys and, yes, I've hooked up with a couple. At the same time I have made a lot of friends that are pretty much everywhere. I see them at the clubs, I see them at the sports bar, I see them at movies, one works at the Kennedy Center so I get to go there a lot. I also am a sub in a gay kickball league and have become friends with the gay rugby team (through a friend I met at a party hosted by one of the gay footballers!)

When I first came out and moved to DC from Michigan, I was scared, very unsure of myself, had a low self-esteem, and I think it communicated to people at clubs and other places. It's taken time but now I feel good about myself. Hell, I'll even take my shirt off and dance!

Yes, there are guys that go to clubs just to make a bedding for the night. For me, I am still looking for the guy that isn't just looking to have sex with me (or me him) for a night; rather, someone that I can hold, cuddle, and share everything that is me or that I have. Perhaps I am a little picky but I am looking for "that" guy and won't settle for less.

I tried to meet guys on the net and, for the most part, found guys that just wanted to fuck and run. I actually did meet a couple that have become good friends but I'm not sure about a boyfriend on the net.

I also dated two guys that worked at the bathhouse here and got a chance to see many of the guys that go there. I was surprised by some; not surprised by others. I don't know if you can find a long-term relationship in a bathhouse; at least I didn't. You can find relief and maybe make a friend. I didn't talk to many guys that were going to the bathhouse to find a boyfriend or LTR!

I'm not sure where you are at, but I do encourage you to get into alternate activities. I know there is a gay men's chorus and dance here; several of my friends are members and urge me to come. I enjoy going out with them after practice and my voice isn't sore!

I guess the bottom line is balance. I still haven't got it in my life and I still haven't found the guy that will cuddle on the couch with me and watch a movie, go out to dinner, dance, or sit in the hot tub with a glass of wine and watch the moon and stars come out at night. I've found special guys but not "the" special guy.

Try not to be bitter; don't give up; but don't lower your standards either! Be true to yourself!