Abrupt end of life planning

[TickTockMan]

My brother has got some bad news.

I earlier thought of something I figured he and his wife would not think about. I let them know and they were glad.

What kinds of things should be thought about and planned for? What are easy to forget loose ends?

Anyone have experience with this kind of thing? They are starting at zero as my brother has always refused to talk about anything death related.

 

[Thad1527]

Although death is certainly part of life, I'm still sorry to hear this.

My experience is limited, but I would advise to have as much as possible in writing. If you don't want to stay on life support for years, or if you do, write it down and be sure someone knows about it.

 

[NotHardUp1]

Yes. Many life insurance policies allow for some end-of-life use by the insured rather than only after death.

It depends on how much time one may have. If you live a few weeks, it is one thing. If you have months or years, another.

How long is his prognosis?

I'm also sorry to hear of it. At my age, it's always a question when I see relatives if it will be the last time. My brother had heart catherization today, and severeal of my siblings are chain smokers, so it's a certainty we will not all be here in a decade.

 

[TickTockMan]

How long is his prognosis?

They are sending him to Portland for a second opinion if he can survive surgery. Without surgery he has been given 2 to 6 weeks.

 

[NotHardUp1]

Sorry to hear it.

Other than the obvious account names and financial matters, he may have family photos that may need names, have any heirlooms with stories, or have any significant items loaned that may need recalling.

If he creates a will, may need to specifically disclaim any unknown progeny or heirs.

He may want to vote absentee if he feels strongly about civil matters.

If he has an online social media life, he may want to share his passwords so that they can be wrapped up.

If he does have time and health to travel, there are financial helps, sometimes from airlines.

He may want to address whether to die at home or not. Some people can't bear to live where their loved one died, so if his familiy is that way, he may choose to die in hospice elsewhere. It's very dependent on the family and individuals. Could mean his spouse isn't compelled to sell and move.

 

[NotHardUp1]

If he has combination locks on anything, or keys to padlocks, he may need to share those now.

If he gets digital invoices for things like storage units, may need to update those.

 

[TickTockMan]

If he does have time and health to travel, there are financial helps, sometimes from airlines.

He may want to address whether to die at home or not. Some people can't bear to live where their loved one died, so if his familiy is that way, he may choose to die in hospice elsewhere. It's very dependent on the family and individuals. Could mean his spouse isn't compelled to sell and move.

Thanks

 

[unloadonme]

Has he written a Will? Has he made a list of assets? When my father died, there was a basic Will, but I discovered offshore bank accounts of which neither my mother or I were previously aware. If I hadn't followed a paper trail, I might never have discovered them. After his estate was wound up, a further account came to light. Even now, years later, I wonder whether I found everything.

 

[TickTockMan]

Has he written a Will? Has he made a list of assets? When my father died, there was a basic Will, but I discovered offshore bank accounts of which neither my mother or I were previously aware. If I hadn't followed a paper trail, I might never have discovered them. After his estate was wound up, a further account came to light. Even now, years later, I wonder whether I found everything.

He will be working on it.

 

[LeicsDom]

My ex has just died this week
He knew he was dying several years ago and planned accordingly
The biggest thing he wanted to do was to make things for his partner as easy as possible. To that end they got married 3 weeks ago (just in time)
He thought, hoped he would have few more months left as he had a wedding reception planned. Sadly it was not to be
My only advice would be to underestimate how long you have left and plan accordingly

 

[rareboy]

Sorry to hear of anyone with such a grim prognosis, but the above covers all the essentials.

I assume he has made a living will about end of life interventions?

I would make sure that all the assets are transferred to the spouse or children prior to death to simplify settling his estate.

 

[KaraBulut]

Has he written a Will? Has he made a list of assets? When my father died, there was a basic Will, but I discovered offshore bank accounts of which neither my mother or I were previously aware. If I hadn't followed a paper trail, I might never have discovered them. After his estate was wound up, a further account came to light. Even now, years later, I wonder whether I found everything.

A detailed list of bank accounts, creditors and assets, along with their disposition should be included in the will. Executors need a roadmap to make sure that everything in the estate is settled.

Since he mentioned a wife, it would also be a good time to talk to an estate attorney about a living trust for the surviving spouse. It will simplify settling of the estate when she passes away.

...I would make sure that all the assets are transferred to the spouse or children prior to death to simplify settling his estate.

^This.

And give away as many physical objects as possible, in advance. Any items that remain should be tagged with the name of the person that he wants to receive it. It will avoid petty battles after he passes.

 

[smokeshadow]

All online accounts with passwords need to be noted somewhere for the estate to have access to and cancel accounts.

 

[TickTockMan]

I will talk to my SiL. She is coming by later to borrow my car so she can go to Portland, their car won't make it and I didn't want her to spend money on renting a car that will mostly sit there.


You all have brought up good things they should think about. Thank you.

 

[TickTockMan]

I talked to my SiL and they are working on everything you all mentioned. Thank you.


Also the second opinion is to try the surgery so it is planned for Monday morning. A triple bypass. They figure without the surgery he is dead anyway.

 

[Thad1527]

I'm not much for "miracles." But I am amazed at advances in health care. I hope for a good outcome.

 

[rareboy]

^ I am all about this as well.

But I do know the rich have a better prognosis than the financially stressed in the US.

I saw this with my partner's father years ago when we really couldn't intervene the way we could when his mother fell ill.

I will hope for the system in the US to do their best.

 

[NotHardUp1]

But I do know the rich have a better prognosis than the financially stressed in the US.

The rich enjoy better care the world over. But you go ahead and share your politics here rather than encourage, because slamming America is first on the list.

Enemies foreign and domestic.

 

[BiBtm64]

My brother has got some bad news.

I earlier thought of something I figured he and his wife would not think about. I let them know and they were glad.

What kinds of things should be thought about and planned for? What are easy to forget loose ends?

Anyone have experience with this kind of thing? They are starting at zero as my brother has always refused to talk about anything death related.

I'm sorry to hear this.

As others have said, he should make a will if he hasn't already done so, and specify (as part of that, so it's legally binding) who he would like to have any particular personal items. It's not a happy time after someone passes away to have everyone fighting over belongings.

It would be worthwhile if he appoints an executor to his will and ensures his affairs are in order and transparent, to make it as easy and seamless as possible.

He may want to plan his funeral and pre-pay for it. My mother did this and it was a huge weight off our shoulders when she passed.

If he can clean up personal items and not leave boxes of junk, or a shed / garage full of junk, only the items worth keeping, that will make it easier for you and his wife and others who need to sort things out afterward.

Has he thought about hospice care or home care? How his remaining time can be best spent when he needs palliative care?

Hopefully he can put to rest any personal grievances and make peace with himself and others. It's hard to accept but it's inevitable for all of us. It's a small comfort but he can let go on his own terms. Best wishes to you all.

 

[TickTockMan]

I'm sorry to hear this.

As others have said, he should make a will if he hasn't already done so, and specify (as part of that, so it's legally binding) who he would like to have any particular personal items. It's not a happy time after someone passes away to have everyone fighting over belongings.

It would be worthwhile if he appoints an executor to his will and ensures his affairs are in order and transparent, to make it as easy and seamless as possible.

He may want to plan his funeral and pre-pay for it. My mother did this and it was a huge weight off our shoulders when she passed.

If he can clean up personal items and not leave boxes of junk, or a shed / garage full of junk, only the items worth keeping, that will make it easier for you and his wife and others who need to sort things out afterward.

Has he thought about hospice care or home care? How his remaining time can be best spent when he needs palliative care?

Hopefully he can put to rest any personal grievances and make peace with himself and others. It's hard to accept but it's inevitable for all of us. It's a small comfort but he can let go on his own terms. Best wishes to you all.

They are working on a will and other things like it. His surgery is Monday morning so not much time to plan since he refused before he knew he was sick.

There is not time or money to pre pay for a funeral if needed. Maybe if he makes it thru I will talk to him about it, but years ago he bit my head off when I brought it up. I was pre paying for certain family member's funerals and his and SiL's were ones I was willing to pay for. I think he felt if you talk about death it happens. We had a falling out over the other people's plans I paid for. Maybe this has change his mind on the subject.

As for cleaning; as of a couple days ago he is hospital bound. I doubt he will leave the hospital alive unless the surgery is a success. However the Portland doctors are far more positive than the local doctors were. They just said he was dead. The Portland doctors think there is a good chance he will be fine after getting a triple bybass.

I don't think he would go home to die as they live way out in the country, but if needed my SiL's father did just spend his last day in a hospice, so he may be willing to go there, though he may not get a choice.


Thanks