Absolutely disgusted

[luminum]

So I just drove to Toronto and I decided to grab a late dinner at a Chinese restaurant I frequent and a family friend was there eating with her other friend. She's a good friend of my aunt's and I've known her since I was a kid. She's a lawyer, smallish, and kind of weird, but I always thought she was kind of quirky and adorable.

So she had me sit down with them while I ate and we were just talking and whatever. She buys my dinner (just a courtesy/Chinese thing). Then she starts talking to her friend about how I'm such a good kid and says to her friend:

"Let me tell you what a good kid he is. His aunt said that he said that he'd never go see Brokeback Mountain." She turns to me. "Right?"

I was dumbstruck and said, "Uh...I saw Brokeback Mountain."

She's surprised and was like, "Oh?! I thought you were anti-gay."

At this point I was pretty miffed and said, "Uh, no. Quite the opposite in fact."

And she like turns away and stares at the wall and kind of airly says "Oh, my concept of you being a good boy has completely been blown away! I'm never buying dinner for you again!"

And I just shrug, but she waves it off saying that she's joking (about buying dinner, etc.) and we parted ways.

It's just that I felt so uncomfortable. It's that whole thing with a close family friend or something who you learn is really, really homophobic. It made me feel so uncomfortable that she had this awful side to her and that she actually thought I was anti-gay. Not to mention that the way she brought the subject matter up was so out of nowhere. I'm 'good' because I'm anti-gay? I mean, wtf?

It wasn't until I got to the car that I realized that I just felt so physically sick. I don't have anything invested in my relationship with her, so it's not like I'm worried about how she would accept my sexuality or anything. It was just that I totally didn't expect anything like that from her or in general.

I feel absolutely physically ill and disgusted. Just had to rant, what a downer. Thanks for listening.

/rant

 

[RicanDAB]

The way I handle these situations is by gracefully distancing myself. I've been around people who have made homophobic remarks and I simply excuse myself and cut myself off from them quietly. If they don't get the message, that's their problem. It's my way of saying that if you're going to be that way, I don't want to deal with you.

Don't feel bad about how you handled it, you did the best you could. Some people are ignorant and as long as you remember that, you will find it easier to dismiss these occurrences (still feeling ill sometimes, but much less ill).

 

[G-Lexington]

You should have offered to pay for your part of the meal.

Lex

 

[luminum]

Yeah, I mean, it's weird, because even though my aunt doesn't agree with my sexual orientation, I don't think she'd lie and say that I was anti-gay. On top of that, my aunt even asked me what I thought of the movie because she hadn't seen it yet and asked if I would recommend it.

And no, I don't play City of Heroes/Villains, but I've heard a lot about the two. I'm just not a big MMORPG type.

 

[WYSIWYG]

Not the exact same situation. My bf's whole family is devout Catholic or Mormans! Very homophobic! They all say they do not approve of the bf's sexual prefers etc. But when we meet his younger brothers and sisters, (he is the oldest), individually, they say well we still do not like your lifestyle but we see both of you are happy together......we are making plans to get married and one of the sisters asked when was I going to be the new brother in law!!! Some people surprise you at times in a good way or a bad way! My bf and I have decided that if any family members don't like that we are in love and are a couple that is their problem and not ours!

 

[backpacker]

Next time you see this woman, use the time to educate her. Also tell her point blank that you are gay. She could have taken your remark to just mean that you support gays, not that you were one of "them". Do it politely, but if it makes her uncomfortable so be it. Don't let her views upset you. If she doesn't like what you have to say, at least you know you tried and she is clear how you feel.

 

[Lube]

She probably thought you were gay or has heard other family members say that you might be gay and was just testing you. I'm sure she doesn't want you to be gay.

This was a prime opportunity for you to come out to her and, as others suggested, educate her.

As G-Lex said, I would've paid for my half of the meal, too. But would I have thought of that in the heat of the moment? Probably not?

I know how physically sickening it can be around people like that. Ugh. Sorry you had to experience that.

 

[luminum]

Well, I didn't really care enough about her to talk about it further. I think it was part of the shock that I really focused on just getting the fuck away. I was just really shocked and disgusted with the whole situation.

I think if it was someone like one of my family members, or a family friend I saw more often, I would have done more. But it was just like seeing a person in a completely different light. It freaked me out.

 

[spreadeagle]

That sort of thing can be so sickening, and the frustrating part is it's one of those situations where afterwards you can think of a thousand things you could have said but at the time you're just too flabbergasted.

Reading between the lines, though, it appears your aunt may be homophobic too - or at least aware of her friend's homophobia - and it was your aunt's failure to deal successfully with the issue that resulted in you finding yourself in an embarrassing situation.

 

[Soilwork]

Meh.

Maybe I'm getting softer in my old age.

Just forget about her and don't worry about it ever again. She's taken enough of your time.

 

[luminum]

Meh.

Maybe I'm getting softer in my old age.

Just forget about her and don't worry about it ever again. She's taken enough of your time.

Maybe you just have a soft spot for me.

 

[Soilwork]

no, that can't be it.

Must be a brain tumor.

 

[luminum]

no, that can't be it.

Must be a brain tumor.

A sexy Luminum-shaped brain tumor. XD

 

[Soilwork]

well of course.

 

[theblackajah]

You should've replied to her comment with "Oh, my concept of you being a smart, nice person was just completely blown away! You're a total bitch after all. By the way, I masturbated to Brokeback Mountain." Then lick your finger, twist your nipple, and tell her to enjoy the rest of her dinner.

 

[rareboy]

^ What he said. You might have also said that her being a lawyer had reduced your good opinion of her but that you had come to terms with it.

...but actually, I'd probably just make sure I never put myself in her way again.

I have to say that I've never had anyone in our family or any of their friends make an openly homophobic remark, so I don't know how I'd behave. I would note though, that the outward expression of hostility is not always about homophobia; it is about power and control.

She obviously was looking for something to wield over you; to make you feel awkward and uncomfortable.

She sounds like she's unstable, not quirky and adorable.

 

[Riverrick]

It wasn't until I got to the car that I realized that I just felt so physically sick. I don't have anything invested in my relationship with her, so it's not like I'm worried about how she would accept my sexuality or anything. It was just that I totally didn't expect anything like that from her or in general.

I feel absolutely physically ill and disgusted. Just had to rant, what a downer. Thanks for listening.

/rant

I feel this way after an episode like this because I realize I can never be close to that person again unless we have a knock down drag out fight where I can say everything I want to say about the incident. You know, get it all out. Because until they either apologize or we have the talk, there will always be a wall up between us.

 

[maxpowr9]

I have witnessed something very similar. A bunch of my friends and I were hanging out my friend's house who are mormon and one guy shows up with his boyfriend. They sat down on the couch together. The mother walked down into the den later and saw that they were holding hands and asked them to leave. Although I wished I had said something, I was a guest at someone's house and that would have been completely rude. After about 10 minutes, I decided to head home, sensing hostility. I feel really bad for them because its only the mother thats the homophobe. Her children/my friends are not at all.

 

[luminum]

I feel this way after an episode like this because I realize I can never be close to that person again unless we have a knock down drag out fight where I can say everything I want to say about the incident. You know, get it all out. Because until they either apologize or we have the talk, there will always be a wall up between us.

I feel the exact same way about this. But she's tiny. Punching her would probably kill her. *le sigh

I have witnessed something very similar. A bunch of my friends and I were hanging out my friend's house who are mormon and one guy shows up with his boyfriend. They sat down on the couch together. The mother walked down into the den later and saw that they were holding hands and asked them to leave. Although I wished I had said something, I was a guest at someone's house and that would have been completely rude. After about 10 minutes, I decided to head home, sensing hostility. I feel really bad for them because its only the mother thats the homophobe. Her children/my friends are not at all.

That's terrible! My dad did the same thing to my friend when he wanted to stay the night because it was way too late to drive home. My parents offered my friend Amy to stay in our guest room the night before, and when I asked if he could stay the night in the guest room, my dad flat out said no and that he felt he should leave. I was so embarrassed and after he left, my dad asked me why he wanted to stay so badly and who he was etc. etc. Awful.

 

[Eagle653]

She probably thought you were gay or has heard other family members say that you might be gay and was just testing you. I'm sure she doesn't want you to be gay.

This is exactly what I was thinking. It's really too weird that she would bring this up out of no where and be completely off-base. She had a motive, and probably an evil one at that.

She's taken enough of your time.

I couldn't agree more. Forget her.