I imagine because it's so rare. There are plenty of reasons people deny their gayness, to the point that they can fool themselves. And since there are very few incentives to deny one's straightness, very few people have that problem.
The Original Gay Porn Community - Free Gay Movies and Photos, Gay Porn Site Reviews and Adult Gay Forums
-
Welcome To Just Us Boys - The World's Largest Gay Message Board Community
In order to comply with recent US Supreme Court rulings regarding adult content, we will be making changes in the future to require that you log into your account to view adult content on the site.
If you do not have an account, please register.
REGISTER HERE - 100% FREE / We Will Never Sell Your InfoPLEASE READ: To register, turn off your VPN (iPhone users- disable iCloud); you can re-enable the VPN after registration. You must maintain an active email address on your account: disposable email addresses cannot be used to register.
Accidentally choosing a sexuality
- Thread starter Treborf
- Start date
hummer7979
Slut
Yeah, it's totally due to social environment. If you think about it, the whole idea of sexuality, never mind "sexual identity" requires the context of other people.
Most guys who are capable of being attracted to women will probably choose women because society is currently structured such that they generally have a much easier life. Also, we are all exposed to heterosexuality as the norm via our parents, so being gay also requires the recognition and understanding of the possible lifestyles that go along with homosexual relations. I think to be gay, you must come to the stark realization that the only way to be happy and be yourself is to undermine this norm, which can sometimes require a lot of emotional courage.
Most guys who are capable of being attracted to women will probably choose women because society is currently structured such that they generally have a much easier life. Also, we are all exposed to heterosexuality as the norm via our parents, so being gay also requires the recognition and understanding of the possible lifestyles that go along with homosexual relations. I think to be gay, you must come to the stark realization that the only way to be happy and be yourself is to undermine this norm, which can sometimes require a lot of emotional courage.
G-Lexington
Lex. Icon. Devil.
Yeah, since "straight" is the assumptive, it's far more likely that someone will asssume he's straight and then later come to realize he's actually gay. But it can work the other way, too. Forget David Bowie, who always claimed bisexuality - how about Tom Robinson? He was out-and-proud-of-it, and even singing about it on Top of the Pops, back when most people wouldn't even mention the word. Now he's happily married...to a woman.
Lex
Lex
hummer7979
Slut
That depends. Are you bi if you never recognize the possibility of homosexual attraction? What if you were raised to think that being gay is wrong and being straight is right, and so it never crossed your mind to even consider sex with men, especially if you were capable of finding sexual satisfaction with women and in fact were in a loving relationship with one? Are you still bi if it's latent? Not everyone takes a hard look at themselves and thinks about their sexuality and all the possibilities when they are satisfied with being in the norm.
This may be why some people feel that "bi doesn't exist." Because people who realize their bisexuality are likely ones who felt a need to question it in the first place, something they'd likely not need to do living in a world where they could be satisfied by just living on the "straight side."
Then again, one might also argue that the existence of bisexuality as a result of introspection is a sign that everyone is some shade of bisexual, and the people who claim otherwise are just too deeply rooted in their upbringing and understanding (that you are either one or the other), or are too close to being 100% straight or gay for them to ever feel compelled to question their sexuality further..
uhg.. who knows..
What about emotions?
I mean, what if you find guys attractive, but can't get your emotions straight to "LOVE" someone?
I was like that for a while...
Girls didn't appeal to me at all, and guys was just sex/porn.
I could never get myself to fall in love with a boy no matter what personality he has.
That has changed now, which is weird.
No I can both fuck and love someone ^_^.
I mean, what if you find guys attractive, but can't get your emotions straight to "LOVE" someone?
I was like that for a while...
Girls didn't appeal to me at all, and guys was just sex/porn.
I could never get myself to fall in love with a boy no matter what personality he has.
That has changed now, which is weird.
No I can both fuck and love someone ^_^.
You are on the right track, young man. Make sure that you are in touch with the fullness of your sexuality and do not be hasty in putting a label on yourself. You will be a more tolerant person if you have experienced a loving relationship with a man and have also had a loving relationship with a woman. I was fortunate in having both early in my life. Life presents us with choices.
andy12
Sex God
Yes, that's denial and repression.
I don't know if I'd go that far since studies on this matter are few and far between.
Yeah, I think my main point is that bisexuality is often ignored since people want to see things black and white.
hummer7979
Slut
I don't think that's necessarily the case. For example, I have never explored the idea of eating artichokes, even though I could potentially love them, because generally, I have become content enjoying other foods. Am I in denial and repression?
The question is, am I an artichoke lover by practice or by potential? Am I [insert-sexual-orientation] only if I am actively attracted to [insert sex], or is it possible to classify me merely by my potential for being attracted. Obviously, you can't easily define someone's potential attraction, so it's kind of a philosophical question.
Anyway, sorry if I'm being confusing. I'm not always good at explaining things. And I don't want to go any further lest I actively suggest that everyone is in fact bisexual (I have opened up this can of worms too many times.. and people, particularly gay men, have generally not been happy when it's brought up..
)hummer7979
Slut
A lot of what I ponder about has not been scientifically tested, and probably can't be with current methods/technologies. I don't offer them as a scientifically proven explanation, but as hypotheses that (at least in my mind) describe a developmental path that accommodates both people who are attracted to only one sex and people who are bisexual. It's like the grand unified theory of the development of sexual identity (I'm a physics nerd..).
As far as I'm concerned, if bisexuality really does exist (and I'm partial to believe it does), then it seems to me that it puts into question the idea that we are necessarily hard wired to be attracted to people with certain sexual organs, because people, particularly straight people, don't need to explore their sexuality outside of their straightness, and so it's impossible to really distinguish straight and gay with latent bisexuality. So either no one is bisexual (which goes against people who claim to be bisexual) or everyone is some shade of bisexual (which, at least to certain gay people, implies choice, which is also a no-no). That's sort of why it's a lose-lose situation to discuss it.
Anyway, apologies to the OP. I'm going off topic and probably being boring anyway
evil_danger
Innocent whore
This is really just the nature v nurture argument with the added factor of bisexuality, the fact is sexuality is a grey area that doesn't just deal with gay/bi/straight but also transsexuals, cross dressing and a whole heap of other stuff that isn't really legal.
To answer the question, I guess it is possible for gay people to realise they arn't gay but its rare, I've never even thought about it before but it probably does happen, but probably due to confusion and feelings where as straight people coming to terms with their homosexuality later in life is more about conforming to social ideals of normality.
If your confused all you really can do is allow yourself to be in all situations and to experience every side of your sexuality, then you'll have a better idea of what feels right to you. As my boss says "suck it and see".
To answer the question, I guess it is possible for gay people to realise they arn't gay but its rare, I've never even thought about it before but it probably does happen, but probably due to confusion and feelings where as straight people coming to terms with their homosexuality later in life is more about conforming to social ideals of normality.
If your confused all you really can do is allow yourself to be in all situations and to experience every side of your sexuality, then you'll have a better idea of what feels right to you. As my boss says "suck it and see".
hummer7979
Slut
hi tilgrieog
That would be cool if we think alike. Most people think I'm being ridiculous when I talk about these things
. In the few threads I've started, particularly my first one, called "Sociology of Being Gay" (or something like that), I had such a hard time explaining my ideas. They've evolved a bit since then, though.
Anyway, I've been in a sort-of similar situation as you. I went to a boy's Catholic high school, so I guess since I was also developing my sexuality at that time, I had to figure out a separation between people I was friends with and people who I was sexually attracted to, especially since just about all my friends were straight guys. Having a brother helps, I guess, because I'm definitely not attracted to him sexually and so I used that relationship as a model for how to be friends with straight guys. This can end up in unnecessary repression of sexual attraction, though.
One thing that has always helped me figure things out is to view sexual attraction separate from personal attraction. In my mind, really wanting to have sex with a person is completely separate from having a crush on that person, even if both things exist simultaneously. My anecdotal evidence for this separation is that I've known that I've had crushes on guys far before I had any desire to have sex. Since I was able to have a crush on a guy before I was sexually mature, I concluded that my crushes must be separate from my sexual attraction. That's not to say they aren't linked, or even derived from one another, but I think it's pretty clear that there's a difference between having sex with a boyfriend and having sex with a random person.
Here's some food for thought. Figure out the kinds of people who you tend to have crushes on (like your straight friend). Then figure out the kind of people who you feel (at least potentially) sexually attracted to. The intersection of these two groups is the kind of people you probably want to meet. You can disregard sex (i.e., male/female) from this grouping if that's applicable. I guess the real problem is finding those people. Unfortunately, "gay," "straight," and "bi" are not always good enough descriptors to figure out if the person is right for you. You've just got to experiment.
That would be cool if we think alike. Most people think I'm being ridiculous when I talk about these things
. In the few threads I've started, particularly my first one, called "Sociology of Being Gay" (or something like that), I had such a hard time explaining my ideas. They've evolved a bit since then, though.Anyway, I've been in a sort-of similar situation as you. I went to a boy's Catholic high school, so I guess since I was also developing my sexuality at that time, I had to figure out a separation between people I was friends with and people who I was sexually attracted to, especially since just about all my friends were straight guys. Having a brother helps, I guess, because I'm definitely not attracted to him sexually and so I used that relationship as a model for how to be friends with straight guys. This can end up in unnecessary repression of sexual attraction, though.
One thing that has always helped me figure things out is to view sexual attraction separate from personal attraction. In my mind, really wanting to have sex with a person is completely separate from having a crush on that person, even if both things exist simultaneously. My anecdotal evidence for this separation is that I've known that I've had crushes on guys far before I had any desire to have sex. Since I was able to have a crush on a guy before I was sexually mature, I concluded that my crushes must be separate from my sexual attraction. That's not to say they aren't linked, or even derived from one another, but I think it's pretty clear that there's a difference between having sex with a boyfriend and having sex with a random person.
Here's some food for thought. Figure out the kinds of people who you tend to have crushes on (like your straight friend). Then figure out the kind of people who you feel (at least potentially) sexually attracted to. The intersection of these two groups is the kind of people you probably want to meet. You can disregard sex (i.e., male/female) from this grouping if that's applicable. I guess the real problem is finding those people. Unfortunately, "gay," "straight," and "bi" are not always good enough descriptors to figure out if the person is right for you. You've just got to experiment.
Another thing to add is the thought process of someone who has come out. Think about it, coming out takes a lot of strength and courage for most of us. Think of having to do that twice. If a gay man suddenly realizes he's straight, a lot of gay people cling to the belief that he's just hiding those sexual urges. On the other side of the coin, a lot of straight people won't believe he's actually straight, because he has already come out as gay.
Then again, you could always make the argument about moving, create a whole new identity for yourself, but what happens if someone from your old life makes their way into your new life somehow?
I knew for about 8 years that I was gay, then I came out at 18. I don't think someone should just jump to conclusions about their own sexuality, I never experimented with girls, but I didn't have to, I knew I was gay. Some people struggle with it a bit more and are confused about what they are. People, especially guys shouldn't label themselves as until they're sure what they are. Girls tend to have an easier time with jumping back and forth, from society's standard of what is ok, that is.
Then again, you could always make the argument about moving, create a whole new identity for yourself, but what happens if someone from your old life makes their way into your new life somehow?
I knew for about 8 years that I was gay, then I came out at 18. I don't think someone should just jump to conclusions about their own sexuality, I never experimented with girls, but I didn't have to, I knew I was gay. Some people struggle with it a bit more and are confused about what they are. People, especially guys shouldn't label themselves as until they're sure what they are. Girls tend to have an easier time with jumping back and forth, from society's standard of what is ok, that is.